Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Wednesday Shorts...Kimye, Paula Deen and Yeezus

Guess who's back?! Finally feeling better from my neuralgia and an emergency root canal, now it's time for me to do what I do best...make fun of stupid people.

Fame Whores
In case anyone missed it or were remotely interested, Kim Kartrashian and Kanye West induced their baby 5 weeks early in order for Kanye to promote that tragedy that is Yeezus. Apparently they have been offered and turned down the $3 Million offer for pics of the child named after a point on a map. Why would you name a person a coordinate? When you Kanye fan boys keep calling Kanye a genius, remember, he named his child an unbelievably stupid name. Plus, they are calling her Nori for short. Yeah...guess they don't know that Nori means seaweed. (Slams head on desk). Little seaweed West...cute. Kanye doesn't want his kid out there like that and for the time being, Kim is allowing him to call the shots, otherwise she will look stupid. Even though being legally married and knocked up from a man that is not her legal husband isn't really dainty. So we will have to see "Kim's Struggles with Motherhood" stories and the quest to get her body back, i.e. continual bouts of plastic surgery, for years to come. Every magazine sold should come with a complimentary sickness bag and pack of condoms.  Since they both wear women's clothes, who is the actual girl in this relationship I wonder?

“North West” will be what is written in the coroner’s report describing the position the body was facing after she cut her wrists when she realized what absolute, self-absorbed douche bags for parents she had.

   Kanye West's Yeezus rubbished by fans
Minstrel
Speaking of Kanye, he released his album, more like EP, of "music" that is quite unpleasing to the ear.  This album should've been titled, "Got Money, Stopped Trying." The album is best described by Kanye himself, "I have this new strategy. It’s called no strategy. ‘This album is all about giving. This whole process is all about giving no f***s at all." Well buddy, it's obvious no phucks were given. Different, artistic, and a unique perspective is fine, but the musical content has to be bearable. Imagine industrial noises at a construction site, a jackhammer, rock music turned all the way up to the highest decibel, Euro trash techno and Yeezus screaming "God, God, God, God, I am a God, bring me my damn croissants". The lyrics are beyond stupid and make "Chain hang to my dang a lang", sound almost poetic in comparison. Posted a few songs for you...





Kanye hasn't had much to say since Graduation and the only thing that was really good on Twisted Fantasy were the beats and the bromance spawned from fellow rapper that has nothing to say, Jay Z and Nicki Minaj's one good verse in a song, ever, and not the blatant hedonism with misogynistic overtones.


This album tries too hard to be different when all he is doing is recycling the same tired lines he has been for two albums. Ego and creativity has gotten in the way of an artist that put out decent songs or a quality product. Just because its different, ambitious or bold, doesn't make it good. And this album is about 100 leagues from good.  The album sucks ass, but the world will give him a pass, just because he is Kanye. Yeezus is the farthest thing from divine inspiration, it's more like it was designed in hell as a method of torture.

Paula Deen is a racist and she has been publicly disrobed and outed for being a grand dragon country time Betty Crocker of the KKK instead of just being a money grubbing hypocrite having diabetes and frying a stick of butter and calling it "fine dining".She actually talked about having plantation parties, mourning the end of slavery and a liberal use of the n-word. Plus, she loves to make fun of Jews, gays and other groups. Why is Ms. Deen having such a mental brain fart? She was born in the south. Wow...so let's just confirm to the rest of the country that everyone here is either a thug, a fat ass, a redneck with no teeth, or a raging racist still holding on the confederate flag and re-imagining the outcome of the Civil War. While she shouldn't be locked up or even fired, a public shaming is necessary, otherwise these other southern dumb asses will keep talking and bring about more humiliation that we suffer each time a Republican speaks. As a result of her gross stupidity, she has lost her show and most endorsements and the stores are pulling her products off the shelves. Next time, when you have a racist comment, tell it to your peers that share in those biased beliefs, not the objects of the jokes and mockery and create a hostile work environment. You know what happens when you do that, you get sued! Also, don't give a half assed apology that has to be edited and re-edited for the entire 46 seconds of time because she couldn't articulate what she was apologizing for.



 She has also been offered 6 figures to do porn from puremature.com. They sent a letter, "Full figured or thin, arthritic or diabetic -- you embody our perfect spokesperson," the company wrote to Deen, adding that she's a "MILF." (Eyes glazing over while I try to not vomit the contents of my stomach), if she accepts, we know how easy it was to butter up a turkey.

paula deen porn

If she does porn, the whole world will be crying too.


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