Open Letter to Bobby Brown

Dear broke down pimp still trying to reclaim your 80's glory or should I say ex- Mr. Houston,

If you see a real lame whose a shame to the game, point him out

Are you trying to make us hate you now that we are done laughing at you? Are you trying to make us blame you once again for Whitney's demise? You have to be one of the dumbest people on earth to get charged with not one, but two DUI's and a suspended license in a single incident. You are supposed to be touring with the best thing that you ever walked away from, "New Edition", so why you are running around drunk is confusing.

I was sexy about 20 years ago

Bobby, you aren't young, handsome, charming or talented and the only person that wanted to be around you died a month ago. You got outed by a video hoe/ porn star as being homeless pathetic and passed out on her couch. You played second fiddle to Whitney for the entire time you were married in your dysfunctional, bizarro 1980's Bonnie and Clyde except she had the nuts. Are there no more platforms for your inflated ego, daytime drinking habits, and delusions of continuing pop-cultural relevance? Have you run out of ways to embarrass yourself or more importantly your daughter and the other illegitimates running around? Then you claimed that you wanted to get clean and Whitney didn't, what sparked the interest to get clean, Whitney's bank account getting cleaned by you and your stable of bastard children? Oh, but you voluntarily wanted to be Whitney's beard right? You are going to put out a trash book and talk about none other than Whitney, because you know no one cares about you.

Paging Mr. & Mrs. Houston

Here is an excerpt:

[Their marriage] was doomed from the very beginning… "I think we got married for all the wrong reasons. Now, I realize Whitney had a different agenda than I did when we got married . . . I believe her agenda was to clean up her image, while mine was to be loved and have children."

"The media was accusing her of having a bisexual relationship with her assistant, Robin Crawford. Since she was the American Sweetheart and all, that didn’t go too well with her image . . . In Whitney’s situation, the only solution was to get married and have kids. That would kill all speculation, whether it was true or not.”

I need hip boots to read this...What won't you say to try and recapture that lost fame from the 80's and early 90's outside of making good music? If you wanted to make a family, you could've paid for the 12 kids you already had, so I can't suspend my disbelief this far. If she were a lesbian, Bobby, you would need only one conversation to confirm, Eddie Murphy wouldn't have smashed or you for that matter on the first or the second date. In case you didn't know, gay women don't like men at all and gay men don't like women at all and faking being straight for 15 years is mighty good acting. If Whitney were that good, I would've liked Waiting to Exhale or Bodyguard more. If she wanted to make a family, she could've gone the Michael Jackson route and just rented someone and their sperm. However, if I had a choice between you and a chick, I would go for the sushi platter, because you are and will always be a loser.

Crack is Whack

Good job on your enduring legacy as the "original king of R&B" which must mean rocks and blunts.