Nick Minaj Won't Win a Grammy Here's Why

Psychotic Barbie

Despite having a big year in music, Nicki Minaj didn't receive any Grammy nominations. Not a problem, she says. "I've gotten tons of awards and I believe when it's my time to get a Grammy, I'll get a Grammy," she said with a laugh. What personality spoke no one knows, was it Roman, Harajuku Barbie? Who cares really...

The 30-year-old had one of last year's biggest hits with the multiplatinum dance-pop anthem "Starships,"  which sound no different than "Pound the Alarm" or "Va Va Voom" or any other sacharrine song that puts the listener in a blissful diabetic coma. Her music is goofy, it's ridiculous, it's "fun", until it's not. It's so not.

Her sophomore album, "Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded," has reached gold status and launched other hits on the rap and R&B charts. Wait...it's just Gold status, wow...if that's not the definition of epic failure, I don't know what is. 

But Minaj, who received three Grammy nominations last year, including best new artist and best rap album for her platinum debut, "Pink Friday," was shut out when this year's nominations were announced.

"I think that the Grammys had a different reason, that I do not want to discuss ... and that's just between me and them," she said in a recent interview. "But I respect their organization and I'll get a Grammy eventually. I'm not worried about it." 

Oh really Nicki? Let's play victim again...the stores are selling your candy coated recording of psychological breakdowns with annoying screeches, whoops, auto tune and bad accents thrown in to make us forget the sheer lack of talent and mediocrity coming from that bell pepper nose and dragged out pink wig. What you are talking about Nicki is hocus pocus, just like your talent.

Here are 3 reasons Ms. Minaj why you weren't even nominated...Rihanna, who literally phones her vocals in over Skype was nominated numerous times in between instagramming naked photos of herself, photos of herself rolling a blunt on a bodyguards head, and telling us repeatedly that her slobbing Chris is nobodies business but theirs while simultaneously posting detailed accounts of their bodily fluids on twitter, instagram, and in every interview, song, album and in every video. 

Reason #1: The Grammy organizers are still mad about the weird performance that Nicki Minaj put on last year.

Remember what Nicki did last year? She showed up on the red carpet with "the Pope" and then performed an exorcism of her alter ego/ alternative personality Roman while she performed a new song called "Roman's Holiday." That was ghastly...

It was, er, interesting, to say the least. The Grammy organizers haven't forgotten it, either. On a night where they were scrambling to celebrate the life of Whitney Houston on super short notice, Nicki put on one of the most ridiculous performances in Grammy history. So, they must have decided to make her pay for it this year by snubbing her. And, let's face it: After last year's performance, she probably deserved it.

Reason #2: The Grammy organizers weren't sure what category to put Nicki Minaj's music into this year.

Nicki's sophomore album, Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded, was a commercial success. But, one of the problems that a lot of rap fans, if she really had any in the first place, had with it was that it was so geared to the pop charts. Sure, it included songs like "Come On A Cone," "Beez In The Trap," and "Roman Reloaded." (The Mental Breakdown),  But, the songs that really made an impact in 2012 were tracks like "Starships" and "Pound The Alarm." So, the Grammy organizers were understandably confused. Were they supposed to nominate her in the rap categories or the pop categories? They had no idea. So, they just left her off the ballot altogether. If there was a category for turgid overplayed crap that leaves the listener feeling lifeless and joyless, then she could win hands down. Sadly, there is no category for fake muppet babbling unintelligibly about nothing.

Put Us Out Of Our Misery Dog

Reason #3: The Grammy organizers are all part of #TeamMariah.

Mariah Carey has won five Grammy Awards over the course of her career. She's also performed at the Grammys numerous times in the past. So, when word got out that Mariah and Nicki Minaj were beefing on the set of American Idol late last year, of course the Grammy organizers sided with Mariah! Hey, it's a pretty ridiculous reason to leave someone off the ballot. If Rihanna who basically does nothing but show up high, in a bathing suit and stocking cap on her head with recycled tracks from the producer of  Bandz a Make Her Dance can make the cut, with the exact same beat, literally... 

But, it makes just as much sense as any other reasons that we've presented here, right? I know I am team Mimoo, even if she still dresses like she is 18, and reeks of desperation. Remember when she was on a treadmill on Cribs with 6 inch heels? Real is real, she can judge talent because she has talent, Nicki has only contributed "loving strippers, keys to the benz, keys to the benz, let me get that, let me get that, let me get that, pussy on your side sideburns, you a stupid hoe", and other un notable quotes that make these quotes seem smart. 

Minaj said she would probably be upset if she doesn't earn Grammy respect later in her career.

"You do feel good when you get awards and accolades. Maybe if I had been doing this for 10 years and I thought like, `Oh my god, I've put out 10 albums' – maybe it would have hurt my feelings. But I still feel so new that it's like, `Charge it to the game,'" she said. "It's part of the game."

The Gimmick is Getting Tired

Baby, let me tell you something that maybe you haven't realized, you will never have 10 years or 10 albums because THE WORLD IS ALMOST OVER YOU.