Bachmann Wins "Smoking Hay" Poll

Puff Puff Give

This weekend, Iowans came far and wide to the town fair and declared with a loud yodel, while clutching their Bibles, that Jesus can and must take wheel from the hands of the secret communist terrorist and with the most curious course of action, they voted for her in overwhelming numbers over Romney, Huntsman and knocked Pawlenty out of the Race. Her major achievement is her failure to repeal lightbulb legislation. This is a person that believes that conservation is unneccessary because Jesus came and by dying on the cross, somehow saved the planet as well. She thinks carbon dioxide and carbon monixde are the same things and she doesn't understand how one negatively effects the atmosphere and how one is just a harmless gas. This bubblehead stated that she wouldn't have compromised under any circumstances with the debt ceiling vote without more in spending cuts, even if there had been a default, and she had hoped there was a default, so America could get our fiscal house in order. This is who these people think is qualified to be President? Someone who is willing  to burn the country down for principle, if she in fact has any, or can spell the word.

Yeah, it's just a poll, not a primary or a caucus, but this is a segment of a group of stupid that is America. Look who else is in this field of Americas Saviors:

1) a candidate who belongs to a church that believes that an angel delivered new scriptures to a new prophet in upstate New York in the 1800's and who believes that corporatio­ns are people

2) a candidate who believes that businesses should be allowed to deny service to black people

3) a candidate who touts as major Read More... accomplish­ments her failure to repeal light bulb legislatio­n and her failure to force the U.S. to default on its national debt

4) a candidate who thinks that his state has a right to secede from the United States, then run for President of the same country he wanted to secede from.

5) a candidate who is most famous for a remark about relations between humans and canines

6) a candidate who thinks that towns should be allowed to ban the building of places of worship for certain religious groups

7) a candidate who claimed that the President has a Kenyan anti-colon­ial mindset

8) a candidate who accuses the EPA of a reign of terror but who was happy to be an ambassador to one of the most oppressive nations on earth

9) a candidate whom only Lawrence O’Donnell views as a viable candidate

Iowa is known for it's production of corn, and this is a "straw" poll, but I really believe this was conducted in a barn while people were sniffing fumes from grain alcohol, meth, and weed. People can't be this stupid to vote for Michelle Bachmann no matter how evangelical they are. I refuse to believe that out of all the people on earth and in the GOP, that she is the best that God could come up with. Then, Rick, seccesionist Perry, is coming in behind her. He's basically George Bush. He's Bush! Why go back down that road? Why fall for the folksy, have a beer, go to church, Jesus is my homeboy b.s. again? This should be called absurd ideolouges gone wild. This Republican field is a sad and frightening step to a theocracy, even if we can pick our on light bulbs...

Obama is pissing me off, but Perry was a D and F student in college. He didn't even go to Harvard. The last governor of Texas that became President that was a C student didn't do that great of a job, can you imagine what a D and F student will do? But he wears cowboy boots, so it's okay. Crazy eyes Bachmann went to Oral Roberts Law School...so that's a big whatever...I would take the law degree from Joe and Ernie's Law School over her fly by night law school.

Perry said a Bush told him to run for President. What I want to know is,
1. Was it a Burning Bush like Moses saw that's described in the Book of Exodus?
2. Was it Bush Sr.?
3. Was it Bush Jr?
I'd like him to clarify that statement.           

I think it was the dog in the Bush baked beans commercial, or it was Reggie Bush he was giving Kim K's phone number, since we know when she hooks up with someone, they seem to win stuff....Maybe it was Busch beer instead of Bush...I still think he meant weed. 

This can only happen in baggerville...         

Rick Perry- The New George W Bush Only Smarter?

Republican flavor of the month Rick Perry may answer my prayers and get in the race for President and I pray that he does. For those who don't know who this gem is, let me refresh your memories. He wears cowboy boots with suits, jogs with a gun, and when Obama won was so angry threatened to secede from the union. Now, he wants to run for president, but not really comprehending the "United States" concept. Oh..his boots say, "come and take it", which are making people question his hetero status, for obvious reasons.

 Rick Perry announced that he rented out a 70,000 seat football stadium in Houston, for something called the response, which sounds like a home pregnancy test, but actually is to quote the governor “a Christian prayer service to provide spiritual solutions to the many challenges we face as a nation.” I guess the idea is to get together in a big group and pray all at once. That way the signal is stronger and god doesn't lose you when he's going through a canyon. But here on planet reality, may I point out that there is no such thing as spiritual solutions to national problems. If that's where we are as a country, if our official government policy is “yee haw... Jesus take the wheel!” then we're dead already.

On Perry's Jesus exploitation site, Perry writes, "there is hope for America. "It lies in heaven and we will find it on our knees." (I'm pretty sure many a hooker and pimp has uttered those words.) He also says "some problems are beyond our power to solve." Really?! What happened to American Exceptionalism? What happened to "pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps?" What happened to being the greatest nation on earth? The "only superpower"? And if Perry thinks only god can solve our problems, why is he even in government? Isn't he in the wrong line of work? Well...pimping out people in the name of the lord does count as politics and preaching, so it does go both ways. Why doesn't he just stay at home and light a bunch of candles like Sissy Spacek's mom in Carrie?

Here's a novel approach: Not only are our problems NOT beyond our power to solve, they're actually fairly easy to solve. You have a giant budget deficit, like Perry has in Texas, raise taxes. Everyone that hasn't been in a coma know that taxes have been at the lowest rate since the 1950's. That coupled with 2 wars, a recession, are the reasons that we have a huge deficit. Not because God was angry that Lady Gaga wore penis shoes on American Idol even though J.Lo's voice could start the Apocalypse at any given time.

Sometimes it doesn't require prayer to solve solutions, sometimes it only takes a calculator.