Madonna's Nigger Pass is Revoked

At least she believed that she had one just because she at one time slept with rappers and basketball players. 

I Made People Remember you...

The decrepit Queen dropped the N-bomb on an instagram caption. Although, we should be happy that her arthritic grapefruit smashers can use 21st Century tech, someone needs to censor her and tell her she hasn't been cool since the 90's and Gaga's shameless copying is why her name continues to be mentioned. Let's face it, she is no longer relevant and she had her time and it has long since passed. 

She decided to post a photo of her 13 year old son boxing and captioned it: "No one messes with Dirty Soap! Mama said knock you out! #disni--a." Her coterie of drag queen fans who still think this old lioness still has originality past her 10 year ago expiration date, responded and let her know she was out of order and she took the photo down. Not long after, she re posted the photo with a more combative, albeit comical caption, "OK let me start this again. #get off of my dick haters!" Yeah...somehow I believe that you actually have that aforementioned anatomical feature, just keep on that drag makeup.

Now she did the celebrity formal bigotry apology saying,  "I am sorry if I offended anyone with my use of the N-word on Instagram. It was not meant as a racial slur ... I am not a racist." We know, we know...you adopted a black child, slept with black men, stole black people's dance music and have black friends come over to your house all the time. 

She added: "There's no way to defend the use of the word. It was all about intention ... It was used as a term of endearment toward my son who is white. I appreciate that it's a provocative word and I apologize if it gave people the wrong impression. Forgive me." This from the person that loves the gays and dressed up like a boy scout to protest their stance on gay troupe leaders and embraced them to her sagging bosom. This saint of love and acceptance uses *gasp* racial slurs. She did hitch hike cross country naked and we saw her entire birth canal for over a decade. So "taste" isn't a strength for her. 

What she is saying is that if you are white and you use the term to another white person as a term of endearment, then no harm, no foul. She's definitely up for mom of the year. 

Please understand Madonna, that imaginary honorary black card that you think you possess only exist in private and it only works among those that bestowed it upon you and led you to believe it actually exists. Take it from a black person, use that pretend card sparingly. Her career can't be damaged anymore than the last album of auto tuned robotic "music", that sounded like someone exorcised a ghost and set it to daft punk. The argument that black people can use the word, so should anyone and everyone is tired. It's another level of psychotic to rationalize and yearn for the privilege to use a word that is offensive to an entire group of people. People need to soul search as to why they are offended they can't use the word. 

Where is My Airbrushing?

There is a life lesson here: When you are the 55 year old mother of a teenage boy, attempting to be "hip", you are more likely to turn out "lame" and even most importantly ignorant for gramming it, even if you are were a pop star. Please boo, stop trying to out Miley, Miley and showing the world that you are desperately seeking attention.

My Top 20 Worst Songs of 2012...So Far

God, Make It Stop!

It's Only September, but music seriously churns out the most wretched garbage. Rihanna and Taylor Swift are defecating another album of auto tuned nothing with 5 chord progressions this fall, so let me go ahead and provide my list of crap music thus far:

20.  Call Me Maybe- Carly Rae Jepson
I truly don't understand why this girl is around, or what she's doing, but she needs to go back to Canada and try again. She's just awful, maybe just a step above Rebecca Black and I mean barely.

19. What Makes You Beautiful- One Direction
This group makes the Jonas Brothers seem straight. They don't sing, dance, they just go to the hamper, put on flannel shirts, skinny jeans, green pants, and cardigans and stand on stage. Not to mention, all of them have those mod douche bag hair cuts where one side is swept to one side of their head. They have no stage presence, it's like the cast of American Pie, set to music, minus the funny little monkey or the pie rape. But, there is plenty of ear rape.

18.  Laserlight- Jessie J featuring David Guetta
Anything with David Guetta is pretty much the mark of death. Jessie J is a great pop artist with a beautiful and great style. She is one of the few singers that can actually sing without assistance of a computer. But this song is heavy synth beats, boring lyrics, and long periods of music to fill the bars. David Guetta is the Uwe Boll of music.Yeah, I said it UWE BOLL.

17. Whistle- Flo Rida
How clever...can I blow his whistle? He says he will show me how to do it? Where have I heard this before?  Whistle while you twerk back in the 90's? Is that what he is talking about? Yeah, he does even say "whistle while you twerking" in the lyrics, so that's really what we doing now? Ripping off the Ying Yang Twins? That was a far superior song to this. In the video, this fool is wearing a sweater on a beach, in addition to wearing sunglasses at night. There were girls dancing in 90's era striped dresses plus cheesy pinatas set up Mexican theme. Did I mention we were on the beach?! Come on...

16. Turn Out The Lights- Future
What happens when you cross a retarded person with auto-tune and give him a record deal? You get this song. It has a weird reverb and he yells "LIGHTS" for some reason. It's quite odd and terrible.

Truly Suffering

15. Payphone- Maroon 5
Pedestrian lyrics, pedestrian beat and they threw in some profanity to be avant garde but the song is tragically dull. Pretty much like all Maroon 5 songs, which should be marooned on Saturn 5. They even decided to animate the video, which is so fresh and new. Well...it was 30 years ago, when Aha! did it with "Take On Me."

14.  Turn Me On- David Guetta featuring Nicki Minaj
Why? This song makes no sense. Who told Nicki to sing? She isn't really...I listened to this song in the salon for months before I realized that this was Nicki Minaj, I seriously thought this was some non descript pop singer. If the intent was to sound like everyone else and sing about nothing in particular, then Nicki, you succeeded. This song was dreadful, stupid, boring and just eh...

13.  Girl Gone Wild- Madonna
I have to admit that video with the guys in the heels and all the other images were cool, indeed something the new school pop copycats like Gaga and Rihanna will inspire to imitate in a few years when they think we have forgotten. (Well Gaga, because Rihanna is running on fumes). But the lyrics are terrible, we expect so much more from Madge, not "hey-ey-ey-ey, girls gone wild, girls gone wild." She did better when she bleated Like A Virgin twirling around in a cropped top with rubber bracelets.

12. Turn Up the Music- Chris Brown
Oh God...turn this down...it's terrible. I know that he thinks he is MJ reincarnated, but this is ridiculous. The chorus, the tribal "whoa, oh, oh," it's cringe inducing or gag reflex inducing, I think some of my egg's dried up. Explain to me, how Mr. Brown is always auto-tuned to death, even when he's singing in the studio? It's like listening to Robo Cop sing.

11. Right By My Side- Nicki Minaj (Chris Brown)
So this is the "No Air" 2.0. Except instead of a real singer, we have 2 auto tune crooners who can't do anything live. 2 monkeys for the price of none. Again, who told Nicki she could sing? She looks like Kahn from Star Trek, You know the Wrath of Kahn. How did Nas get sucked into this phuckery? Nas can rap! Nicki, why are you wearing a shirt with a panda on it? How old are you? I forgot, you like to dress like a pre-schooler, then talk about who you sleep with, how long your bank is and strippers. Stupid as hell.

10.  Starships- Nicki Minaj
Those of us that had the misfortune of actually listening to Pink Friday knew Nicki was Pop, but with this travesty, there was no denying it any longer. This song, if you can call it that, is truly a confusing mess of commercialized fecal matter served to the mindless masses who doesn't know better. This song should've been a moment of shame for her and her label or anyone possessing this album.

9. You Da One- Rihanna
Probably one of the most irritating songs she has released to date, and that's an accomplishment because every song is annoying. "You da one, you da one, I think about all day, eh, eh, eh, eh". Really? Without fail, every song she has will have her repeating the same lyric such as: "eh, yeah, nah, lah, baby, oh, ah." They will either be used separately or in combination with other words, but it helps fill in the 16 bars needed to create a "song". Think about it...I'm not lying...

8. Beez In The Trap- Nicki Minaj
I liked this song for about 5 seconds and then I realized this was Nicki Minaj. Here is my issue with this song. This album we got Nicki singing badly on Starships talking about her endorsements and how much money she has or being turned on with David Guetta, now she is in the trap and hustling. Which is it? Fraudulence is what it is.

7. Round of Applause- Waka Flocka Flame, Drake
What am I cheering for? Oh, when the song goes off? I thought Waka was doing the world and music a favor by retiring. But it seems like he wants to continue to terrorize the world with terrible rap with the most overrated rapper in the game. I mean they just say "Bust it" over and over in the chorus. If God truly were merciful, he would bust my speakers or my eardrums to spare me from the odious sounds coming from my radio.

6. Roman Holiday- Nick Minaj
The song that proves that Nicki has truly lost her mind. Rambling incoherently in different voices isn't rapping,  it's symptoms of a mental disorder. She is the highest paid psychotic in history. People like her should be studied and locked up, not put on stage or called talented.

5.  Birthday Cake- Rihanna (Chris Brown)
Lazy lyrics, horrible beat, and a rip off of the song "Ass". The song is so stupid that it defies logic, just like every interview or statement she gives. First off, cake means ass, right? So she is saying that the guy wants her cake, ok, got it. Then, he, meaning the guy wants to lick the icing off? What icing? That's a reference to his male fluids. I can tell you, that unless he is some weird freak, he won't want to lick his icing off. In order to distract us from the sheer idiocy of the lyrics we just say "cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake."
*Groans*

4.  Faded- Tyga
This is stupid and he sounds like any random rapper. Congratulations on rapping about absolutely nothing.

3. Sorry for Party Rocking- LMFAO
Sorry for the toilet rocking from the vomit should be the name. To enjoy this music one must be high on everything. The song sounds like a long belch set to a pathetic excuse for a beat. The concept of the video and song is a bastardized "fight for your right to party" or "we're not going to take it" minus the musical skills or the lyrical ability. Awful, just awful.

2.  Boyfriend- Justin Bieber
Corny raps, "I'll be your Buzz Lightyear, flying across the globe", "sitting by the fire eating fondue". It's very Justin Timberlake minus the cool and the cerebral. You can tell that Justin been around blacks and that kind of helped with his musical style, but in this song, it's like there is a owl shrieking in the background and that's what determined the beat. It's auto tuned to death and did I mention the rap was shockingly terrible and should never be attempted again.

1.  Stupid Hoe- Nicki Minaj
This song marks the beginning of the end of days. What happens when you mix a terrible beat made up of sound effects, a horrible voice that can only be described as the most awful thing ever?

Add in some flashy images of a synthetic ass with some of the DUMBEST, most AWFUL (and RIDICULOUSLY ironic) lyrics ever, and you have Stupid Hoe. Congratulations Nicki Minaj! You are officially worse than BrokenCYDE, Justin Bieber, Katy Perry, Rihanna, and Paris Hilton. I hope your success completely backfires!

There is absolutely nothing good about this song. Nicki Minaj's voice is this annoying helium-filled mess that makes your ears bleed, and the lyrics make no sense. This is supposed to be a diss towards Lil Kim, but no one would be able to tell without knowing that it's a diss song. At least "Boyfriend" had a catchy chorus, whereas this song is just "You a stupid hoe, you a you a stupid hoe" repeated over and over again. And don't even get me started on the awful, whooping beat. I would rather hear the owl...

Nicki Minaj is the real "stupid hoe" for writing and singing this song. Seriously it sucks.

Dishonorable mentions that sucked but just not enough to make the list...

We Found Love- Rihanna
Seriously the song has two lines, a repetitious chorus, "We Found Love in a Hopeless Place, We Found Love in a Hopeless Place." about 40 times. In between the hypnotic repetition, there is long periods of techno music with no words at all. I guess it's the "let's not and say we did", school of music.

Mercy- Kanye West, Pusha T, 2- Chainz
How I hate this song...I don't like the sampling of music from the Scarface soundtrack and most importantly I hate 2-Chainz. It's just a crap fest of suck.

No Lie- 2-Chainz, Drake
This magnum opus has the wonderful wordsmithing where 2-chainz rhymes "ass", with "ass", with "ass" again,  then throws in "bag" and tosses in "ass" to confuse us. How he got a record deal is nothing short of amazing.

2 Reasons- Trey Songz
Another song about clubbing, drinking and getting chicks from this guy. What songs does that sound like? Bottoms Up perhaps minus Tourette sometime rapper Nicki Minaj? Trey is a one trick auto tune pony. If his shirt is on, I'm not interested in anything he has to say. Well, I'm not interested in anything he has to say, I just want to look at him and he isn't allowed to think or speak. Judging by his lyrics, it seems as if a chicken has laid eggs in the space in his cranial cavity.

Pound the Alarm- Nicki Minaj
Words can't express how bad this song is. It's not as bad as Stupid Hoe but worse than Starships. It's low rent, tasteless and there is no point to the song other than partying from what I can ascertain from the lyrics. Of course she brags about her being a brand, being cool and had a weird video where she looked like a swamp monster invading a Rio parade. Let's just say Flo Rida wearing a sweater on a beach looked like he belonged better than Nicki. It's like someone stuck feathers on her feet a la Coming to America, bedazzled a bikini and gave her usual stupid blonde lacefront, (don't know which video hoe Barbie she was).

There will probably be more added to this list as the year goes on or I hear other things, we got 3 months to go and more money to be had. As the desire for money to be made goes up, the creativity suffers and musical integrity goes down. This list is the worst of the worst.

Available on Itunes

This list isn't just feces, it isn't just dog feces, but it's the exact moment when dog feces turns white.

Madonna's Decrepit Nipple Slip

The Milks Gone Bad

At her Istanbul concert, Madonna flashed some skin, way too much. While performing her song, "Human Nature", she began stripping away her white shirt, down to her bra, before she flashed the audience a shot of her right nipple. If the majority of her audience weren't already gay, seeing an old breast that looked like a baked chicken might get the job done and erase all sexuality, if not humanity from the crowd.

Look, I'm On a Cross, Shocked Yet?

Here is the thing with Madonna...back in her day, she was THE provocateur. Now, not so much. She has had few equals when it came to self promotion and marketing, which is, let's face it, her greatest talent. What she is saying and what she has said pre-marriage and kids is, my music cannot stand on it's own merit, therefore I must invoke the ghost of Marilyn Monroe, straddle a bed post and blow off the cobwebs on the cone bras and hump either the stage, the mic stand or a drag queen in stiletto's. This publicity stunt, just like her attempt at calling a French leader a Nazi is a vainglorious attempt at attention without the finesse of her 80 & 90's era publicity stunts. This is a desperate attempt to hold the public attention against the new school of performers that have copied her style and marketing techniques. Flashing a flat boob would've been provocative 20 years ago, but now you have Rihanna instagraming 1,000 topless photos of herself walking down the street or Miley Cyrus running around town flashing side boob without pants. The shock and awe, slut competition is just too fierce and Madonna's reign has been toppled over a decade ago.

Guess who was blamed for Madonna's tanking album sales? Chris Brown. Ignoring the fact that MDNA is a pile of auto tuned nonsense that even her staunchest supporters can't get behind, she blames Breezy for getting the best songs. What Madge needs to do to maintain relevance is mentor the up and coming artists and offer advice and inspiration instead of pandering to her audience of queens and fag hags. I know everyone says Gaga is a copy of Madonna, but she is the copy that got the sense of humor and talent. We have all seen better nipples on baby bottles.

Do You Find me Sexy?!

Madonna, please stop trying to strip for album sales...

Rihanna Voted One of Times Most Influential People In the World

I think I laughed for 20 minutes when I read this...

It's My Pity Party and I will Lie if I Want To

This has to be an April Fools Joke. The talentless model, who has never written a song, can't dance, can't sing and is a fake singer at best and an agent of evil at worst has joined the ranks of a prestigious list of 100 artists, activists, reformers, researchers, and heads of state including President Obama, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, Adele, Chelsea Handler, and Jeremy Lin. This ass clown can do nothing but undress and relax, prance on stage, smoke weed, snort coke and tweet is now on the same level as Hillary Clinton?! More like Wharf from Star Trek with that enormous bulbous head. Is there no forehead reduction surgery that she can get? Rihanna has the forehead game on lock. That thing can pick up satellite signals. You could land the space shuttle on her forehead. She could use her forehead like a drum, coaster or even as a weapon during a crisis (or her concert which is a category 5 disaster).

When she provoked the fight with Chris Brown, you know that she head butted him with that triceratops head. Maybe she didn't, one head butt with that chrome dome would've been fatal and she would be in prison for murder and we would be spared her goat essence and then the world would be a happier place.

Paging Rita Ora

Rihanna has influenced people to do what? Prove that mediocrity and doing the bare minimum can make you a multi millionare as long as you sacrifice your pride, dignity, and originality? Seek attention when your album sales slide by taking your clothes off? Bedazzling bikinis? Obtaining degree's in victimology? Pimping the media and making them feel sorry for you when you have an auto tuned single to be released? Sleeping your way to a record deal? Swagger jacking Grace Jones, Madonna, Kelis, Gaga, Rita Ora and now Cassie? Oh yeah, that's Rihanna herself...sorry...She's influenced people to get idiotic tattoos talking about thug life but nothing about them or their lives are thuggish. Yeah...that's Rihanna again...Well, she's has inspired people to flip off the camera in an inane attempt to be edgy or deep while tweeting "bitch" or "cunt". Rihanna again?

Ok...She has inspired people to sing songs that have no meaning off key, sounding like an impaled goat, while repeating a line and a chorus or just one word over and over. How about prancing around in underwear as outerwear and showing off her saggy pierced breasts at any given opportunity in a vainglorious attempt at relevance. She knows how to be a twitter thug and a complete moron who has brought the downfall of music with generic banal garbage that pollutes the airwaves.

Cassie? Aliyah? Janet? Fraud!

Stella McCartney, a fashion designer stated, "She’s one of the coolest, hottest, most talented, most liked, most listened to, most followed, most impressive artists at work today, but she does it in her own stride…. This is the beginning for Rihanna…. She is just getting going, so watch out. " I respectfully disagree Stella.

She is loved in the UK, here not so much, why else can't she fill up a stadium, why can't she get a no.1 Album? She has 500 million followers on twitter but her latest album is only gold. She's most listened to, because Def Jam pays the radio stations to play her b.s. it's torture, mental torture. Her own stride? Yeah, when Madonna did it 20 years ago, Janet did it 10 years ago, Kelis did it 3 years ago or Beyonce did it 5 years ago. Everything Rihanna does is generic and a copy of what someone else did only they did it better. She's just getting started 6 years later? That's a late start, pretty remedial if you ask me. Her star is falling why else is she resorting to blatant gimmickry and non stop touring? Because the curtain is falling, we know it, she knows it, it appears that you people in Hollywood are in denial. It's like you people are trying to force us into loving Rihanna. Sorry babe...maybe if she were an actual artist with some artistic integrity, but since she isn't one, there is nothing to love, nothing but the sound of her songs going off.

I Turn People To Stone When I Sing

This is America, and if this is what we count as a "celebrity", then this is what we deserve. A fake drug addict who can't sing her way out of a crack pipe, who changes her hair color because it helps her sing better? Rihanna is a Gorgon, but unlike Medusa, instead of her face turning people into stone, her voice turns people into stone.

ET Phone Home

Every song puts us closer and closer and closer to the apocalypse. Hopefully her people will invade and take her back to her home planet.

Dennis Rodman owes 800K in Child Support

Talk about dead beat dads or moms, or whatever this is...










Dennis Rodman, probably the most unattractive person that has ever walked the face of the earth, is reportedly, extremely sick and broke and in no position to pay his child support payments. Rodman who famously said, 'As long as I play ball, I can get any woman I want", is behind in his payments and faces a court hearing Tuesday in Orange. He faces up to 20 days in jail for failure to pay spousal and child support, according to an attorney for his ex-wife. Don't I remember a rather tasteless interview he gave no less than six months ago, where he was getting orally pleasured on air? That was charming...


"Fifty percent of life in the N.B.A. is sex. The other fifty percent is money."
As of March 1, Rodman, 51, owed $808,935 in back child support for the 9- and 10-year-old children that he had with his third wife, Michelle Rodman. When will these athletes understand that it's cheaper to keep her? A vagina is a vagina is a vagina. Why run and spread your demon seed all over the western hemisphere to whatever woman can stomach the sight of you or rather women who only cares about you until the credit cards start to decline. Rodman also owed $51,441 through March 1 in back spousal support, no doubt from wiping all the guilt, shame and fear away from the days she had to had to watch this baboon run around in busted drag, 50 earrings in his face and enough hair colors to fill a pack of fruit stripe gum.

Dennis Rodman's attorney, Linnea Willis, said in court documents that the former Laker is barely capable of paying for his living expenses, let alone the $5,000 he has for one child from another relationship, and the $4,500 monthly payment for spousal and child support to Michelle Rodman. How is he broke? How do these fools who come from poverty and they lament about "I'm from the hood, my mom was addicted to crack, I struggled and my family struggled", to go back to struggling because they needed to buy sunglasses, bedazzled jeans, the bar, and every car a rapper name dropped in a song.






The attorneys who have represented him to date have worked pro bono, Willis said. "Respondent Dennis Rodman is broke and cannot afford any additional fees," according to court documents filed on his behalf.






He is "extremely sick" and his marketability is diminishing with age and illness, according to court documents. We can see his is sick... Amazing really...Magic Johnson contracted HIV in the early 90's and technically should be dead and he has made out better than Rodman. I guess we can use the monniker, "live fast, die young and leave a good looking corpse." Dennis can check off 2 on that list. Why do we pay functional illiterates millions of dollars because they can bounce a ball, then act shocked when they piss it all away?


Here is a sure fire way to save money, GET A VASECTOMY! That's like what, a few grand? Baby + Baby Mama= Priceless/ Endless.
Dennis is supposedly and alcoholic and that's why he can't get work. I thought he whored himself out on Celebrity Rehab a few years ago, but he could never commit to not drinking or hanging with his fast friends. He descended into alcoholism due to not seeing his kids, the divorce and more than likely trying to drown out the pain of not being in the spotlight. That's interesting considering he was getting a b.j. on air 6 months ago. Youtube it...











"I go out with white women. This makes a lot of people unhappy, mostly black women."
Don't flatter yourself, Dennis the Menace. No, it didn't upset any black women who had clear vision and you never gave me a chance to go in your wallet during your glory days. No black woman could turn a blind eye to a man who puts on leggings before Russell Brand made them cool with his bulimic, manson chic look. Rodman said that he would judge his own manliness, so does Rupaul and he is famous for cross dressing except his drag is exceptional. No straight man should ever wear a sequined halter top under any circumstances much less Ed Hardy the douchebags regalia. No, Dennis, no black woman is upset that a catch like you got away. You are one less member in the endless parade of fools that we have to reject.


I would suggest that you contact your old flame Madonna, who actually liked you for your soul which is code for penis, and try to get a couple dollars from her or one of her kids, they have money too, especially her clone Lourdes.

One can almost feel a modicum of pity for this man child, until you see photos like this then gut splitting laughter is all that can summoned from the dark forces who incidentally did his makeup

FOR GOD'S SAKE STOP IT!

Katy Perry and Divorce Rumors Continue



I'm Just Not That In To You

Well what do you know the world's still turning? We should be happy that the marriage between the bedazzled blow up cupcake who sounds like an asphyxiating ghost and Charles Manson in nut hugging jeans lasted a whole year and not 72 days. However, they don't have a show to hype, just really bad songs and even worse movies. News Flash Hollywood: Russell Brand playing an immature boozed out rich boy who has to grow up or come through for a friend after banging 20 chicks, isn't funny after you see it for the 30th time. No matter how many nut hugging jeans you put him in, Russell Brand will never ever ever be funny. Get him to the Greek was a fluke, and was only funny because of the other characters. Even Puffy was funnier than this guy. He looks like he smells like vomit and aqua velva.

If this divorce does happen, this is the saddest divorce between a hot chick and lame douche guy couple since Padme and Anakin. What does one expect when Rihanna plans the "surprise" bachelorette party and then tells everyone with ears every detail about it. You are who you hang with...

The choking ghost and Nut jeans wearing Manson look alike still insist every thing is fine. So why are we taking separate vacations without our wedding rings? This man tucks his beans and franks better than any drag queen that I have ever seen. When celebs start having to fight rumors about divorcing, typically they are about to divorce. No one thought this nonsense was going to last forever, just like their careers. These two annoying species of ringworm just followed the new model of fame: get married = free publicity. get divorced = more free publicity and play the victim. They desperately need it, because Rihanna is stealing Katy's thunder on Billboards chart of add water, get a hit of  kiddie porn nonsense music.

Katy compared herself and her life to a soap opera and Erica Cane specifically on Ellen a few weeks ago when the subject of her marriage to Manson came up. She even made the threat to have children, not just one but to do a Duggar and have lot's of kids. "if it doesn't hurt the first time, I'll keep popping them out!" What fresh hell is this? If it doesn't hurt? Yeah, that's why they call child birth labor. She did go to school and take sex ed or health? Every girl takes that class, we learn where babies come from, how they are conceived, carried and yes delivered. That's a big baby that comes out of a tiny hole, but no, it's not painful, that's not why they stick a huge six inch needle in women's backs. It's for the thrill, not the pain. Is she just pretending to be stupid, or is she really stupid? Again, she hangs with Rihcycle and the rest of the Rihtards. I mean she identifies with a plastic bag, an inanimate object for heavens sake. It goes with the constant vacant expression in her eyes.

Two talentless sad clowns trying to convince the world that black is white and east is west, but I guarantee that some publicist will give us the "sad news" that they will be divorcing within 6 more months after they make the difficult decision and respectfully request time and privacy for their families. Ask Jessica Simpson, Demi, Madonna, Britney, Whitney, Tiger, Halle, Kim Kartrashian and Eva. They denied it up until the day before the papers were filed. The love will end that was made on the MTV VMA's. How could that fail?

The world loves Katy Perry's voice, and by voice I mean chest, who singlehandedly destroyed any credibility Snoop Dog had left. Not that he had that much to begin with, since he only want's to play pimps on straight to DVD movies or participate in celebrity roasts on Comedy Central looking high and drinking out of a pimp sippy cup.

Nut hugging Manson, Rihanna, and Katy Perry have just revived the family and have chosen music as a means of murder instead of weapons. They murder their own songs and movies every time they take the stage because they are manufactured toxic waste dump artists who rely on boobs and not much else.

Sorry that the asphyxiated ghost and Manson are headed for marital troubles. So sorry that fireworks are flying out of my boobs right now as I fall down in a fit of laughter.

Wedding Songs to Doom Your Marriage

Have you ever been to a wedding and witnessed the bride and groom or the guests dancing to songs that have no business being played and evidence that we as American's don't listen to lyrics. Some songs are a foreshadowing that the marriage will sink faster than Eddie Murphy, Martin Lawrence and  Tyler Perry in morbidly obese drag on the Titanic. Here is the DO NOT PLAY LIST in no particular order:

1. Hokey Group Dances. (This varies for black and white weddings)
That includes YMCA, Macarena, Electric Slide, Cha Cha Slide, Locomotion, Chicken Dance, Limbo Rock. Every one of these songs should be banned for all eternity from weddings and relegated to kids birthday parties and any DJ that plays any of these songs should not only not be paid but be shot.

2. I will Always Love You - Whitney Houston/ Dolly Parton
People may not be aware of the lyrical content of this song, but this is a song about breaking up and not standing in the man's way. Why would anyone pick this as a first dance? She sings "bittersweet memories is all I'm taking with me", and that's what we choose to solidify our love? Yeah...

3. My Heart will Go on - Celine Dion
This is the worst offender and mood killer that I have ever seen and heard. She's singing the song to her dead boyfriend. Dead! Plus, to solidify the image, we have a movie about death to go along with it, and still we choose this blasphemy as a first dance song...How many people are divorced that danced to that crap? Probably everybody that ever danced to that song. Why? It's a song about the death of a relationship!

4. Who Let the Dogs Out- Baha Men
Where to Begin...The lyrics are "who let the dog's out, woof, woof, woof". If that isn't bad enough, then let me explain the meaning, you got guys hanging out at the club and they see ugly chicks. Someone says, "man look at all these ugly chicks, who let the dogs out?" Why would anyone play this song at a wedding reception? Unless someone is trying to imply that the women that are in the bridal party are ugly, this is a song that should not be played, it should be buried in the back yard.

5. Sexual Healing or Let's Get it On - Marvin Gaye
Yes, this is a great song and Marvin Gaye oozes sexual energy in his lyrics. However, the image of the bride and groom and their marital relations will be solidly implanted in the minds of the guests of the wedding and personally, I don't care to think of what type of unholy hell the honeymoon will bring. Overtly sexual songs should be avoided otherwise you need the jaws of life to get tantric images out of the minds of everyone.

6. White Wedding- Billy Idol
Yet another misleading song. This song is an anti marriage song, but in the 80's this was somehow turned into a wedding song for "rockers". People like Heather Locklear and Valeri Bertinelli danced to this song. Guess what, they are divorced and should take turns on wife swap.

7. I Will Survive- Gloria Gaynor
Not only have I heard this at a million weddings, but I've also seen it on lists of "popular wedding songs!" People, it's a song about surviving a horrible breakup! Don't play this at your wedding, it's DISCO!

8. Every Breath You Take – Police
How many of us have heard the wonderful ripoff that Puff did when Biggie died? He tapped danced all the way to a law suit from Sting and he introduced people to a great song with a great bass line. Unfortunately this song is about a stalker and is the furthest thing from being romantic. "every breath you take, I'll be watching you." no boo boo...it's time for a restraining order and stiletto in the nuts.

9. Tainted Love- Soft Cell
This should be self explainatory...this is a cool karoake song, and that Levi's commercial made this song popular again. Rihanna's robotic goat like essence destroyed it with S.O.S, and even that should be avoided unless you want to burst ear drums. But, who want's to hear a song about being taken advantage of and having to get far away from a psycho chick? That just screams long term.

10. My Humps- Black Eyed Peas
Succubus Fergie and Will.I.Scam along with the 2 random black guys that just stand on stage wrote the ode to gold digging with this non sense. It literally makes no sense how the girl with no curves sings a song about having curves and by virtue of having those curves she has obtained clothes and jewelry. How anyone over the age of 10 thinks this crap is "good" is beyond me, but this being played at any wedding but a jumpoff's is just wrong.

11.  Girl You Know It's True- Milli Vanilli
Why? Why? Why? There was nothing true about this group, so why would we play a song by a fake group singing about "true" feelings at a wedding? The irony is just to great...

12.  Get Ready for This by -2 Unlimited
Many a sports arena and bimbo dance squad has jiggled to this annoying song. This has appeared at some weddings, mostly after too many drinks have gone out. This is wrong, wrong, wrong and wrong. Get ready for what? This again should be left on the basketball court, not on the ballroom floor.

13.  Can’t Touch This- MC Hammer
No one should touch it. Nothing is more pathetic than seeing my drunk uncle get up and attempt to do the running man or the typewriter when this song comes on. Imagine people yelling "uh oh, hammertime!" It's time to go.

14.  Thong Song- Sisqo
Just what a wedding needs, a song by a blond queen with nonsensical lyrical content about women's underwear. He must be talking about his thongs.

15.  It Wasn’t Me -Shaggy
One of the best songs about infidelity that I have ever heard. No matter what the woman says, the answer is always, "It wasn't me". Not really a recipe for fidelity is it?

16. You Oughta Know- Alannis Morisette
Balls everywhere were held a little tighter and sphincters restricted when this song came out. This song is about a bad breakup and a feminine rage unleashed upon the world. This song was primal, raw and when men  mess up, most women still play this song. No doubt this song is loaded on ipods across the nation, it still doesn't belong at a wedding reception.

17. I’d Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That) by Meatloaf
Nice...place limitations on our relationship and our love. So why is the title of the song, I'd do anything for love? Just name it what you won't do, that would just be simpler. Why even get married? You know the being there for each other for richer or poorer, through sickness and health as long as we live, but I might have an objection to the sickness part. I think I can hold on for about 10 years or at least until a debilitating disease takes his mobility. That's basically what this is saying, insane in every way.

18.  Makes Me Wonder- Maroon 5
This song is about cheating and just not giving an eff anymore, but the beat is fun.

19. Hangin Tough- New Kids on The Block
This group is the bane of my existence. I had the misfortune of going to a predominately white school, so you can imagine the hysteria of young pre-teens in the early 90's that loved these pre gay backstreet, __________insert boy band here. They were everywhere and super annoying, so hearing any new kids song is not nostalgic but nauseating. Images of stone washed jeans, mullets, hypercolor shirts, and high tops doesn't say life time.

20.  Power of Goodbye- Madonna
One of her better songs, she doesn't sound like a drowned cat and she is dressed age appropriately in the video. However, the song is obviously about breaking up and finding inner strength. Not really good for joining with someone physically and legally.

21.  Area Codes- Ludacris
Something about reading your “whorescope” and eating “whorederves” may not go over real well at a reception. This cut is especially bad if the groom travels a lot for work. Although, if Shawn Kemp ever got married I think there’s no way the couldn’t play this in honor of his many children across the country. Shouts out to Tiger Woods, Shaq and Kobe. Honorable mention will more than likely go to Chad Ochocinco.

22.  You Know I'm No Good- Amy Winehouse
This is a song where there is a warning up front and you still sign up? You deserve what you get if it doesn't work out.

23.  Papa Don't Preach- Madonna
Basically this sounds like a shotgun wedding in the making. Not really something that I would like to hear, especially if that were the actual scenario of the wedding. At least we can take comfort that her old stuff is better than her new stuff.

24.  When a Man Loves a Woman- Michael Bolton
This song is about a man loving an evil witch of a woman. It seems though that men tend to marry the evil psychotic women, so it may be appropriate.

25.  Nothing Compares to You- Sinead O'Connor/ Prince
The sentimentality is sweet, but this song could cause mass suicide or calls to the nearest shrink because it's so depressing. It needs a xanax or a valium asap.

Every song is the kiss of death to your marriage and will make your reception tackier than irridescent green cumber buns.