Chad Ochocinco- Allergic to the Sun or Brains



Where is my dunce cap?



Yes, Chad Ochocinco, or Chad Johnson whatever he calls himself, black as tar and stupid as they come, is allergic to the sun. Have we seen him walking with umbrellas? No? Maybe he has a case of re-vitiligo and he is really white and he is turning black. Allergic to the sun...At least that's what he told the cops to get out of paying a speeding ticket. We all know that Chad is a media whore that makes Terrell Owens seem humble, who is lucky that all he has to do is run a football up and down a football field. But seriously, anyone that puts a ring on Evelyn Lozada is a certifiable short bus shorty, and should repeat Kindergarten. Maybe if he focused on his actual game on the field than acting like a complete and utter fool, he would have a championship ring...just a suggestion from a person that doesn't watch sports.

Here is our philosopher in his own words:
My life is good. It's sweet, so sweet. Roll up to my place in Plantation, Florida, and that's easy to see. Right there in the circular driveway that wraps around the fountain in my front yard you get the first taste. (Ironic that he acts like a coon with his stupid touchdown dances, sombreros, $1 ref bribe and lives in Plantation Florida...)

Wait a second, I gotta let you in the front gate first. It's a gated community and all. But once you're in and riding by my huge-ass house on an acre of land, you can see what I'm saying. Parked in front are seven sweet-ass cars. One for every day of the week. I don't like to get bored, you know? (yeah...I could see how driving a vehicle that could possibly maim or kill someone with multiple insurance and tax liabilities could be a bit dull. It's reasonable that you should switch it up, so you should have multiple deadly weapons and multiple tax, tag, lien holders. That's living the life)

There's the Rolls-Royce for chillin'. There's the Hummer. The Dodge 4 x 4 Ram pickup. Nice dubs on that. Then there's the 1971 drop-top Caprice with the rims, the nice paint job, and an interior better than the day they brought it off the assembly line. Same goes for the 1973 Impala. That's a convertible, too. Hey, man, this is Florida.

Then there's the convertible Lamborghini. It's kind of a Cincinnati Bengals orange. Man, who says I don't believe in the team? Finally, there's the Mercedes SLR McLaren. Mercedes makes 500 of those a year and it goes for a cool $500,000. (What a great way to show team spirit, your car, but not on the football field. You can take all the attention by wearing ponchos and sombreros and getting fined by your behavior, but driving in a lambo the same color is the BEST to show team spirit, second only to winning).

So that's three convertibles...and he's allergic to the sun...Those were his own words. I hope Evelyn and Chad don't have kids because that's evolution gone backwards.

Ocho tells us what his future would've been if he hadn't been blessed with the ability to run fast:

Now, I didn't like school at all. (How did I know that?) Hated it. Yeah, I'm smart (no, you aren't) and I could have done the work, but I didn't want people to know how smart I was and I couldn't sit there in all those stupid classes listening to all that boring stuff. No way. Football was my way out. I had to make it. Not that I did it the easy way. But I had to make it. (Yeah, you did it the easy way, you just said that you didn't apply yourself in school and you gambled on sports just like millions of other people. It just worked out for you.)

And if I hadn't made it in football, I would have done what I had to do. Whatever I had to do to get the things I like. At this point for me to have the nice things that I like, I wasn't good in school so that's down the drain. (So you said you were smart and would've done the work, but now you are saying that you weren't good in school. That's two different things. One implies you were simply bored and the other implies that you are simply stupid.) Therefore, I would have to resort to means of illegal activity to get the things that I like. Yeah, if that means sell drugs, I would have done that. (So the only way he would've been successful if football didn't workout is drugs. Really? Lol! He isn't smart enough to be a King pen, he would've been at Pelican in the shoe program or on an episode of Lockup Raw extended Stay).

You have two ways out in life. You can make it as an athlete or you have to hustle. (Really Chad? This is your advice to the kids...Criminal enterprise or become an athlete. That's why the jails are full of black men now.)

People think drug dealers are stupid, but they're not. Now, the ones who get caught, yeah, they're stupid. I wouldn't get caught. (Yeah you would get caught, because you are stupid enough to verbally admit your plans and write them for the entire world to see.)

Still, what I'm saying is that if football hadn't worked, I would have done illegal activities. I would have been Frank Lucas, the dude from American Gangster. That dude was real. As crazy as that s--- sounded, he was real and he made it, big-time. This is what I'm saying about guys who survive in that business and really make it: They're smart. You know how Lucas burned the mink coat in the movie? Don't be flashy, don't show off what you have. Don't attract attention. That would have been me. You have to be smart to survive in that business. You're not trying to be some street guy who gets arrested all the time. That's stupid. (Don't be flashy, yet you just talked about your big house with the fountain, your cars for every day of the week, how much your Mercedes cost...I think the verdict is in, you would've been roadkill as a drug dealer. This from the person that stole some feminine hygiene products from Target last year...yeah, a real Pablo Escobar...

 If you can't handle a speeding ticket and the best lie you can come up with is "I'm allergic to the sun", and you tweet the exchange, it's safe to say, you would be labeled a dumb ass in short order, quickly arrested, called a snitch and a bitch and never heard from again.

Thank God Michelle Bachmann isn't Black

That's the only positive thing that I have to say in regards to her. I hate that we share a gender and a profession, but she sounds like a lobotomized beauty queen when she speaks and you know how stupid they are. Today, she decided to expand on her founding father's working tirelessly to end slavery vampire statement. ABC's George Stephanopoulos asked the conservative congresswoman to address the statement, noting that many of the country's Founding Fathers, including Thomas Jefferson and George Washington, in fact had slaves and that slavery wasn't abolished until the Civil War. Here's an excerpt of the exchange that went down:

Bachmann: Well you know what’s marvelous is that in this country and under our constitution, we have the ability when we recognize that something is wrong to change it. And that’s what we did in our country. We changed it. We no longer have slavery. That’s a good thing. And what our Constitution has done for our nation is to give us the basis of freedom unparalleled in the rest of the world.
 
Stephanopoulos: I agree with that…
 
Bachmann: That’s what people want...they realize our government is taking away our freedom.




Stephanopoulos: But that’s not what you said. You said that the Founding Fathers worked tirelessly to end slavery.

Bachmann: Well if you look at one of our Founding Fathers, John Quincy Adams, that’s absolutely true. He was a very young boy when he was with his father serving essentially as his father’s secretary. He tirelessly worked throughout his life to make sure that we did in fact one day eradicate slavery...

Stephanopoulos: He wasn’t one of the Founding Fathers – he was a president, he was a Secretary of State, he was a member of Congress, you’re right he did work to end slavery decades later. But so you are standing by this comment that the Founding Fathers worked tirelessly to end slavery?

Bachmann: Well, John Quincy Adams most certainly was a part of the Revolutionary War era. He was a young boy but he was actively involved.

A founding father that was a young boy?! He was 9 years old. Let's throw Superman into this too, since he can fly and reverse time. Of course Jeebus is a founding father, he did create the earth in order to give birth to himself and then save the earth all over again 2,000 years later. How much further can we lower the bar? I mean how can she expect to be taken seriously as a Presidential contender and she doesn't know John Q. Adams was the 6th President and hardly a founding father. We learned this stuff in middle school, typically with a song or some rhyme to remember all the President's of the US. This is laughable, but it's also sad, because she believes, truly believes that Obama with all of his flaws is afraid of her based on her intellectual abilities. She thinks that he some how is afraid of a debate on the issues and is a serious substantive competitor. In her world, Obama and his team will do whatever they can do diminish her because of their intense fear of her. This from the person that leads the tea party, who believes that the Revolutionary War began in New Hampshire and not Massachusetts (Boston TEA PARTY). This is like Manny Paqiano fighting an emaciated child, no competition. Maybe she is just faking it till she makes it. My shih-tzu wouldn't be afraid to debate Michelle Bachmann. I would feel totally comfortable going out for 3 nights straight with Amy Winehouse, drinking Four Loko, smoking crack, smearing myself with peanut butter and having orgies with random want to be rappers named Tron and debate Michelle Bachmann and I'm confident I could win. Her Congressional district should be embarrassed every time she opens her mouth after they finish laughing at every idiotic thing that comes out of that gaping hole that never closes. It seems that Intelligent Design and Flake History are taught at the same school and Bachmann and Palin along with the majority of the Republican field hold master's degree's.

If this rodeo clown is an example of the quality of presidenti­al political candidates in the US, Americans will soon again become the laughing stock of the world when her vacuous rhetoric, ignorance of American history and inability to be responsive to a question becomes more apparent. First she is channeling a gay serial killing clown now this... What is happening down there girls? Are Bachman and Palin drinking from the same suspect water supply? Are there bimbo republican pills?

It would only be worse if Bachmann were black...

Herman Cain Plays Race Card...How Pathetic...

Republican Presidential Nominee/ House Negro Herman Cain is now alleging that Jon Stewart is mocking him because he's a "black conservative". No.... He mocked you because you are a stupid man with stupid ideas running for President. We don't need a black version of George W. Bush, at least the say stupid things version, Obama is the policy version. Wait...I thought he doesn't use labels. Isn't calling yourself black and conservative 2 LABELS? "I am an American. Black. Conservative," he said. "I don’t use African American, because I’m American, I’m black and I’m conservative. I don’t like people trying to label me. African American is socially acceptable for some people, but I am not some people." Let's count the number of labels he used here. American, check. Black, check. Conservative, check. So that's 3 LABELS. For the love of God...seriously...here we have a negro with an inferiority complex that still has the cotton underneath his fingernails and he still made crappy pizza. If anyone knows where a Godfather's Pizza is please let me know...

If he takes issue with the term "African American", that's fine, surely he realizes that's the PC way that "non blacks" describe blacks without sounding like ignorant back water racists. But Jon Stewart made fun of him for being a moron, not for being black. Not signing bills longer than 3 pages, deserves scorn and ridicule no matter the race of the idiot that made that statement. If he believes that only signing 3 page bills are rational and probable, double down on that ridiculous premise and continue to be the minstrel that he is. It's a bit early to whip out the race card and with a comedian no less, considering Jon Stewart makes fun of everyone, Keith Olberman, Michael Steele, Michelle Bachmann, Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity, President Obama, the list goes on and on...where is he singling out blacks? That sounds like an equal opportunity offender to me.

Maybe because the nonsense that Herman Cain says is so foolish and gut wrenching funny that he is technically a comedian and not a politician that only other black comedians can touch his material. Maybe Cain should go back to elementary school and imply the "think before you speak" rule, and maybe he wouldn't get laughed at. Playing the race card while requiring members of your cabinet to take oaths of loyalty to prove allegiance to Christianity?! Seriously? The big joke here is that he is a black conservative that can win the GOP nomination and can win. The joke is definitely on him and we are all in on it.

Deep in the dungeons of the Republican war room or the Death Star, GOP operatives  have decided to share the same brain and utilize their latest ploy :   to attack Jon Stewart this election cycle, as if that will take some of his actual credibility or wind from his sails. Guys listen: HE'S A COMEDIAN! WE TRUST HIM OVER YOU! He is NOT a real political pundit. If any of you told us the sky were blue, I would need to have it fact checked. All you guys are doing is driving up his ratings. You guys are boring, it's tax cuts, no abortions ever, I love Jesus, kill immigrants, kill terrorists, defund everything democrats like and Reagan was the patron saint that died for America's sins. Republican­s have portrayed the president as a witch doctor, put out a picture of a white house full of watermelon­s and worse. He would be more than justified at calling out racism many times but chose quiet dignity instead. (unwisely at times). Cain was parodied once and he's already raising hell, and he frankly needs to man up.  This a directive from the collective republican­ brain (if there is such a thing) to take Stewart down a notch because he just makes too much sense when he makes fun of their shameless behavior, and the Masterpiece Theatre we call a political system.

Mr. Cain, he mocks you because you are hilarious. An African American, wild-eyed, right-wing radical is hilarious on the face of it. We mock because we love the sheer idiocy of it. Yes we are laughing at you.

Keep it up!