Katie Holmes Off of Cruise Control

Friday, the world was stunned that Stepford Wife and photogenic robotoid "Kate" Holmes has decided to divorce her handler Tom Cruise after 5 years of bondage marriage. She seeks full custody of their daughter Suri and suitable child support to pay for Suri's high heels, pedicures and other things that normal six year olds don't enjoy. No one really knows the "real" reason why she is divorcing her soulmate, but if I had to speculate, it would be Scientology and the impact it will have on Suri's life. In Scientology, children are considered to be spiritual beings occupying human bodies. They should be treated as and afforded all the due respect as an adult and are expected to contribute to family life. Basically a child can make their own decisions in the same manner that adults make theirs. At the age of about 7, children take a more active role in the Church dogma, which is what Katie is afraid of.

While I sympathize with Katie to some extent, one wonders, "what did she expect?" She married Tom Cruise, a devout, outspoken Scientologist. Katie stated that she had a crush on him her entire life, since Risky Business and always dreamed of marrying him. Marrying Maverick or Jerry Maguire is quite different than the real man that plays those characters. I had a crush on Christopher Reeve, but did I ever think that he was really Superman? No.  Cruise took this plain Jane whose best role was from Dawson's Creek and made her cool. True, she was manipulated because he saw her as someone malleable and would be willing to change everything about herself for the benefit of the relationship. That's what most of us women do, and she did it publicly. She dated him for only 2 months before she became pregnant and it's like she ignored the pink elephant in the room: Tom Cruise in a fanatical zealot who wants to control everything in his space. He believes in body thetans, thought auditing and e-meters, what about any of that will be suitable for a kid, other than helping them in a creative writing class with the topic Sci- Fi  b.s. She joined the Chuch of Scientology after being a devout Catholic since childhood.  She gushed on an interview that "Scientology was cool". What changed? Was she tired of being his beard?

Deluded Princess

Katie said in a 2005 interview, she was swept off her feet “in an instant” by Tom Cruise, but that was just the beginning of a family life that she says grows richer by the day.“It happened quickly, but I was certain it was what I wanted,” the sometimes actress tells In Style magazine. “I never felt overwhelmed. I thought, Okay, good. Here we go.” She went on to say, “It happened in an instant,” she says of the first blush of love. “I still get like that, ‘Whew.’ When you fall in love, it’s as though time stops. It’s all-encompassing.” Are we 15? No, she was 29 years old, much too old to still believe in fantasy men, prince charming and astute enough to know the difference. We should be beyond the phase of scribbling your crushes name in your binder, don't you think...

Cutting Off  Circulation to the Brain

 That love only blossomed during the next two years, she says – through the birth of daughter Suri in April 2006, the lavish wedding in Italy that November, and the everyday moments of family life since then.
“I try every day to let him know how much I love him,” Holmes says of her husband. “It gets better and better. It has made my life.” He made her life 6 years ago, so now he is a danger to her child? It's like Katie had the daddy that let's you do anything you want to your bedroom, shop for clothes, and go to parties with fabulous celebs with an unlimited monetary budget. What changed?

When Katie gushed over Tom back in 2005, the true nature of Scientology was well known and documented to anyone with access to the internet and she was 28 or 29 years old. We can forgive Nicole Kidman's leap into the fire because she was 21 and it was the 90's. Katie didn't mind it when it came with lots of media and the promise of a movie role, and she stood by and watched the alienation of Nicole Kidman's children from their mother due to Tom and Scientology. Within 6 weeks of meeting Cruise, Holmes was being accompanied to every interview by Scientology goons. To claim that she didn't know what she was getting into is more than a little disingenuous.

Just not that in to you

 The person that stated that Scientology was cool, now dislikes and distrusts the religion and Tommy Boy's devotion to the church is unwavering. She never learned the lesson, YOU CAN'T CHANGE MEN. If you have to change them to make them perfect for you, then just change the man. Sorry to break more bad news to Katie, but since Scientology is a major part of the father of your child's life, it will be a part of the child's life as well. You chose to lay with a man whose religion you didn't agree with, you chose to conceive a child with a devout scientologist. If Tom isn't abusing the child, she won't be getting full custody. Religion and beliefs about how to raise a child should've came up in pre-marriage discussions. But it appears not here. 

Jumping up and down on Oprah's couch hurt Tom's career and marrying Tom killed Katie's. She became a Stepford wife that gave birth to an alien baby. It appears that caged animals break free eventually. But why enter into the cage in the first place?

Playing Make Believe

Was $15 Million really worth the mind, soul and dignity? Maybe Katie or Kate has learned to put away childish things and actually put the real child's (Suri Cruise), interests ahead of her own. 

Open Letter to Oprah

Dear Patron Saint of Hypocrisy,

You are boring. That's why no one watches OWN. Black people have known for years that you are duller than Rihanna and Kim Kardashian in a Constitutional Law class. I watched that craptacular sensationalized "Bobbi Kristina, the interview of all interviews", and I must say I was underwhelmed. No new revelations about Whitney or her life came out of the interview. You talked to the girl in the hall like she was some hoe in the street paying for a hit of crack. Why couldn't she sit down and talk to you? Would she make you look too fat in contrast, so you had to make her stay standing? You didn't let her finish a sentence, even if she didn't make much sense, but I blame you for asking her stupid questions. "How are you doing?' Her mother died, how do you think she is doing. All one needed was a bell, a stripper pole and it would've been Oprah Springer, but he has higher ratings than this upstart pathetic network. I would rather watch Bad Girls Club because at least something happens. Then you encourage her to sing, really?! Unless she has most of her mother's genes and I don't hear that type of husky voice that good singers have, she will have to much Bobby and be quite mediocre. Instead of leading her down a path of destruction like her trifling father, it might have been helpful, since you love playing earth mother, to tell her to follow her own path and not try to step in her mother's spot light. If she does she runs the risk of becoming a black, gap toothed version of Liza Minelli or a Lisa Marie Presley desperately seeking her mother's approval beyond the grave, but will inevitably be ripped a new one by the public. Every first year psych student could tell you this and we don't need Deepak Chopra as a best friend to tell us that.

Where was this concerned "friend" Oprah before Whitney's death? Now she sheds crocodile tears just like she did when Michael Jackson died. Oprah was much too busy taking photos of herself for her magazine covers and writing stupid "my favorite things" posts about $300 cashmere scarfs. Oprah is the world's largest and highest paid mammy. Over the years you have moved up the caste system from pica ninny field hand to house help because of low  a moral fiber, and manipulation. You progressed from big black Sophia with nappy hair being a sister girl to boring us to death on your daily attempt to become the first black patron saint of celebrity while pretending to be down to earth. Millions ran out to read your recommended books because Americans are too stupid to actually read a book without trying to be cool or pseudo intellectual. Every time a celebrity dies, you trot out with a "how Oprah feels" special, but you try to spin it to make it seem like you care. You go to Africa to help the little orphan kids, kiss them build a school, give out cars or other trinkets to endear people to you, then you get the hell out of dodge.

You are a master manipulator and a liar trying to get people to think that you are exactly like them. How many people can sit down with Michael or Tom Cruise and have them jump on their couch? How many people can say Beyonce performed on their show or helped a man become the first black president of the United States. There are not enough wigs, filtered lights, personal chefs, special camera angles and airbrushing to change the fact that watching flies swarm a a steaming pile of feces in August at noon is more entertaining than watching anything on OWN.


Give it a rest Oprah, I see right through you. Well..figuratively speaking...That's too much body to see through, and if I hear one more thing about your weight struggles, I swear then I am going to scream. Here's a tip: PUT DOWN THE FORK! HAVE YOU TRIED JENNY YET?

Your sainthood is hereby revoked,

 Sincerely someone who is tired of you, your favorite things, your book of the month club and your life class.