Open Letter to Oprah

Dear Patron Saint of Hypocrisy,

You are boring. That's why no one watches OWN. Black people have known for years that you are duller than Rihanna and Kim Kardashian in a Constitutional Law class. I watched that craptacular sensationalized "Bobbi Kristina, the interview of all interviews", and I must say I was underwhelmed. No new revelations about Whitney or her life came out of the interview. You talked to the girl in the hall like she was some hoe in the street paying for a hit of crack. Why couldn't she sit down and talk to you? Would she make you look too fat in contrast, so you had to make her stay standing? You didn't let her finish a sentence, even if she didn't make much sense, but I blame you for asking her stupid questions. "How are you doing?' Her mother died, how do you think she is doing. All one needed was a bell, a stripper pole and it would've been Oprah Springer, but he has higher ratings than this upstart pathetic network. I would rather watch Bad Girls Club because at least something happens. Then you encourage her to sing, really?! Unless she has most of her mother's genes and I don't hear that type of husky voice that good singers have, she will have to much Bobby and be quite mediocre. Instead of leading her down a path of destruction like her trifling father, it might have been helpful, since you love playing earth mother, to tell her to follow her own path and not try to step in her mother's spot light. If she does she runs the risk of becoming a black, gap toothed version of Liza Minelli or a Lisa Marie Presley desperately seeking her mother's approval beyond the grave, but will inevitably be ripped a new one by the public. Every first year psych student could tell you this and we don't need Deepak Chopra as a best friend to tell us that.

Where was this concerned "friend" Oprah before Whitney's death? Now she sheds crocodile tears just like she did when Michael Jackson died. Oprah was much too busy taking photos of herself for her magazine covers and writing stupid "my favorite things" posts about $300 cashmere scarfs. Oprah is the world's largest and highest paid mammy. Over the years you have moved up the caste system from pica ninny field hand to house help because of low  a moral fiber, and manipulation. You progressed from big black Sophia with nappy hair being a sister girl to boring us to death on your daily attempt to become the first black patron saint of celebrity while pretending to be down to earth. Millions ran out to read your recommended books because Americans are too stupid to actually read a book without trying to be cool or pseudo intellectual. Every time a celebrity dies, you trot out with a "how Oprah feels" special, but you try to spin it to make it seem like you care. You go to Africa to help the little orphan kids, kiss them build a school, give out cars or other trinkets to endear people to you, then you get the hell out of dodge.

You are a master manipulator and a liar trying to get people to think that you are exactly like them. How many people can sit down with Michael or Tom Cruise and have them jump on their couch? How many people can say Beyonce performed on their show or helped a man become the first black president of the United States. There are not enough wigs, filtered lights, personal chefs, special camera angles and airbrushing to change the fact that watching flies swarm a a steaming pile of feces in August at noon is more entertaining than watching anything on OWN.


Give it a rest Oprah, I see right through you. Well..figuratively speaking...That's too much body to see through, and if I hear one more thing about your weight struggles, I swear then I am going to scream. Here's a tip: PUT DOWN THE FORK! HAVE YOU TRIED JENNY YET?

Your sainthood is hereby revoked,

 Sincerely someone who is tired of you, your favorite things, your book of the month club and your life class.

Whitney Houston: Fame's Latest Causualty. Time For Wendy Williams to Invent a Best Friend

Real Talent

The world has been shocked and saddened by the sudden and tragic loss of a true talent Saturday evening. Everyone from Mariah to Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis has slithered out from under their prospective rocks to provide us with a "impressions of Whitney" story. Perhaps in a bid to distract the world from Maria Consuela Conchita Sangria Y Tambien Blue Ivy Carter, Wendy Williams decided to untuck her mangina and provide her delusional take on Whitney's death. What that means is the tragic tale of Whitney's drug addiction, codependency and all her other struggles were all about none other than Wendy Williams.

Wendy has made a career as a drag queen less interesting version of Robin Quivers or Howard Stern. She never met Whitney in person, but in 2003, she gave an antagonistic, accusatory and bullying interview basically provoking hot tempered Whitney to snap and unleash a chain of obscenities on air. Now, 9 years later, Wendy has a special bond with Whitney and they have so much in common. I'm not sure about that...Is Wendy even a biological woman? She is the most consistently unattractive so called celebrity I have ever seen. The weave is killing me...I hate unrealistic weave, but this Queen has taken it to another level. She loves putting people on blast by outing so called closeted gays with her signature and masculine sounding "how you doing".

It's interesting that a person has died, an entire family is devastated and she talks about her fantasy that she and Whitney would walk hand and hand as "Just say no" ambassadors to the poor kids in the hood. Is this American Psycho? Is she making up an entire scenario in her mind? I dreamed of meeting Micky Mouse, didn't mean we had a bond. The only way those two would ever hang out is if Wendy had crack or whatever expensive substance that someone of Whitney's wealth would take, because crack is cheap, and Wendy was competing in the Tranny of the year awards show. Where did this new found compassion come from? Where was it in 2003 when she was ripping into her about her album sales slumping or problems in her marriage? Now Whitney is gone and is unable to hear you, now it's time to tell the world that you in fact love and admired her. If that's love, I would hate to see hatred. I smell a ratings grab because you need to boost your numbers. Watching a fly find it's way out of a window is more intellectually fulfilling than a Wendy Williams show. Nothing that she says is remotely sincere and somehow she is the new crowned queen of the entire gay social consciousness.Whoever she slept with to get her own show must've gotten the best head of his life, with the lights off, because that's an official BMW. Body Made Wrong.

Those crocodile tears can just be dried up, because we all know that she took great pleasure in mocking Whitney and her demons, now that she's dead, she feels guilty. That skank probably cut up onions before she plopped her big butt in her special throne. She should feel guilty. People like Wendy are the reasons that celebrities become complete assholes, operate in fantasy worlds and live by their own set of rules. Her combative and confrontational demeanor is also a reason they turn to drugs and alcohol. Some people crack under the weight of fame, money, and expectations of friends, family and the fans. What can we expect from these people? We put them on a pedestal, set them up so high, they have no other place to go but down.

I have an innie and an outie

That mammoth drag queen or hermaphrodite needs to fall back and keep her thoughts and feelings to herself. She has done and said quite enough to last a lifetime. The only thing we need to hear from you is "I'm sorry". I won't hold my breath, but hopefully she will, so this low brow phuckery will end.