Open Letter to Oprah

Dear Patron Saint of Hypocrisy,

You are boring. That's why no one watches OWN. Black people have known for years that you are duller than Rihanna and Kim Kardashian in a Constitutional Law class. I watched that craptacular sensationalized "Bobbi Kristina, the interview of all interviews", and I must say I was underwhelmed. No new revelations about Whitney or her life came out of the interview. You talked to the girl in the hall like she was some hoe in the street paying for a hit of crack. Why couldn't she sit down and talk to you? Would she make you look too fat in contrast, so you had to make her stay standing? You didn't let her finish a sentence, even if she didn't make much sense, but I blame you for asking her stupid questions. "How are you doing?' Her mother died, how do you think she is doing. All one needed was a bell, a stripper pole and it would've been Oprah Springer, but he has higher ratings than this upstart pathetic network. I would rather watch Bad Girls Club because at least something happens. Then you encourage her to sing, really?! Unless she has most of her mother's genes and I don't hear that type of husky voice that good singers have, she will have to much Bobby and be quite mediocre. Instead of leading her down a path of destruction like her trifling father, it might have been helpful, since you love playing earth mother, to tell her to follow her own path and not try to step in her mother's spot light. If she does she runs the risk of becoming a black, gap toothed version of Liza Minelli or a Lisa Marie Presley desperately seeking her mother's approval beyond the grave, but will inevitably be ripped a new one by the public. Every first year psych student could tell you this and we don't need Deepak Chopra as a best friend to tell us that.

Where was this concerned "friend" Oprah before Whitney's death? Now she sheds crocodile tears just like she did when Michael Jackson died. Oprah was much too busy taking photos of herself for her magazine covers and writing stupid "my favorite things" posts about $300 cashmere scarfs. Oprah is the world's largest and highest paid mammy. Over the years you have moved up the caste system from pica ninny field hand to house help because of low  a moral fiber, and manipulation. You progressed from big black Sophia with nappy hair being a sister girl to boring us to death on your daily attempt to become the first black patron saint of celebrity while pretending to be down to earth. Millions ran out to read your recommended books because Americans are too stupid to actually read a book without trying to be cool or pseudo intellectual. Every time a celebrity dies, you trot out with a "how Oprah feels" special, but you try to spin it to make it seem like you care. You go to Africa to help the little orphan kids, kiss them build a school, give out cars or other trinkets to endear people to you, then you get the hell out of dodge.

You are a master manipulator and a liar trying to get people to think that you are exactly like them. How many people can sit down with Michael or Tom Cruise and have them jump on their couch? How many people can say Beyonce performed on their show or helped a man become the first black president of the United States. There are not enough wigs, filtered lights, personal chefs, special camera angles and airbrushing to change the fact that watching flies swarm a a steaming pile of feces in August at noon is more entertaining than watching anything on OWN.


Give it a rest Oprah, I see right through you. Well..figuratively speaking...That's too much body to see through, and if I hear one more thing about your weight struggles, I swear then I am going to scream. Here's a tip: PUT DOWN THE FORK! HAVE YOU TRIED JENNY YET?

Your sainthood is hereby revoked,

 Sincerely someone who is tired of you, your favorite things, your book of the month club and your life class.

Katy Perry Ties Michael Jackson?!

WTF?

Music is officially dead! Michael is rolling over in his grave 1,000 times...

Let's call 2011 the year that Katy Perry ruled the world. Or should I say she ear raped the world with auto-tuned fecal matter sprinkled with glitter and that kids with an itunes card ate up the bedazzled ice cream cone bras, cup cakes and lame lyrics. Not only does Katy currently star in "The Smurfs", which opened at No. 2 at the box office, which in and of itself is a shame and a bastardization of my childhood, she is also the only artist in history to be VMA-nominated for four separate videos in a single year, for a craptabulular album released over a year ago, that took all the effort of a high school kid with raging hormones, no imagination, no talent, a desire to effed and an eating disorder. She also has an unusal fixation for candy, cupcakes, whipped cream, ice cream and soft core porn. She's basically the girl at the party that jumps in the pool with her clothes on, and she yells, "LOOK HOW FUN I AM!" Maybe if we were 12, this was the first time we had seen a pool and no one had ever jumped in the pool with their clothes on before...

But Katy Perry has officially made history after scoring her fifth No. 1 single off her platinum-selling "Teenage Dream" album, making her the only artist to do so since Michael Jackson released five No. 1 singles off his album "Bad". How does this happen? Was she put on earth just to incite musical rage? This is a horrible day for music and is another example of how stupid our society has become and how no talented artists milk their albums for all it's worth, because they know otherwise no one would buy it.

Let me get this straight..­.......
Michael Jackson? A man who revolution­ized music, video, concerts, multimedia - he's tied in music history with THIS LITERAL SMURF/ DRAG QUEEN REJECT who sounds as if she is being axsphysiated every so called song?

Maybe people are into that, S&M, right.... Rihanna, that's her shtick right now, but sounding like you are being choked out every song, and not in a good way...that gets you compared to MJ? She's a complete empty vessel, well one of the pop empty vessels... Maybe because the tweens that love her feel they can sing along with her and feel like a so called "superstar". She's a willing cog in the pop machine, albeit a big breasted one that's dressed like a life sized peppermint. What's next? Justin Bieber will dethrone Madonna as the Queen of Pop? This is the Walmart of the music industry, cold, stale, recycled crap from china that should be labeled hazardous waste and full of degenerates.

No wonder the record business is half flushed down the toilet.  Big breasts gets you tied with MJ?! Well RI RI, looks like the beat down, the hair colors, the Grace Jones style stealing, gay for paying, whoring, and releasing an album every two weeks didn't get you an unrealistic and laughable comparison to MJ. Bubblegum pop, and she literally dresses like a piece of bubblegum, is a form of terrorism, a plague on this planet, that must be cleansed. We all know that record companies create these numbers themselves to hype their artist. They airbrush, present fake record sales, you know, false image is the way to entertainmentland.

In all seriousness­s who buys her music? I was wondering if it was men but then I realised that her breasts don't have speakers so they wouldn't be interested­. Who's left then? I assumed the gays all moved to Gagaland and the 12 year old girls are watching Shitney Spears and Red Headed Goat pole dance on stage. Never Mind...All I know is I'm locking my future kids in a bedroom with copies of Adele, Amy Winehouse, Everything by Prince pre uber Jehovah Witness dedication, The Chronic, Eminem before he got clean, MJ of course & No Teenage Dream in this house. Pop culture history....more like pop culture tragedy.

Did Katy write any of her so called hits? She does have the Internet and brain dead DJ's to pimp her singles. Unlikely...Can anyone relate to her nonsensical trash like we did to "Stranger in Moscow"?  Someone who is in her mid twenties who thinks it's cute to spell girl, "gurl" is going to tie titles with Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson?!

Does THIS mean that Katy is going to start sleeping in a hyperbaric chamber, now, like Michael Jackson did? Is she suddenly going to start to play with Chimps named, "Bubbles?" Live in a residence named, "Neverland?" After she kisses hubby Russell Brand, is she going to have to say, "and they said it would NEVER last?" We know it won't, and the clock is already ticking on that trainwreck. The options are staggering!!! Russell does look like Charles Manson and I guess her breasts could be called Bubbles. Maybe Rihanna could be the equivalent of Bubbles since she loves to wear glitter and loves to be picked up by a man with money.

I guess having huge flotation devices can get anyone a record deal and even save a person who is a total disgrace to the music industry.

Michael Jackson- 2 Years after the Music Died

You And Your Friends Were Laughing At Me In Town, But it's Okay, And It's Okay,You Wont Be Laughing. Girl When I'm Not Around, I'll Be Okay------Give In To Me-------Michael Jackson

Today marks the second anniversary of Michael Jackson's death and the death of music at large. (and Farrah Fawcets, sorry you died on the wrong day).  Remember when Kanye said "I'mma let you finish, Beyonce's video was one of the greatest video's of all time!" ? I can't quite duplicate the aura of sweat, desperation, douchebaggery, drunkenness and venereal disease to describe the picture adequately. However, I thought to myself..."Beyonce, leotard, dancing with 2 other girls in a glove she swagger jacked from Kylie Minogue. How is that different from any other video and how does this qualify as the greatest video of all time?" I swear that song was written by a retarded person. It's funny the male bashing going on in that song by a person paid to take off her clothes while married to a camel, one has to question her morals. Most videos that MJ did were mini movies with story lines that were more than a chick shaking a cellulite thigh, slanging weave in a wind tunnel repeating one line over and over. Single ladies was a glorified strip tease, Michael Jackson created art.

Michael's music touched the lives of every generation that was fortunate to have been born for the last 100 years. (If you don't understand that, think about it and you'll get it.) Older people will remember and cherish him as Little Michael from the Jackson Five, with his cute little Afro, bell bottoms, belting out "I'll be there" and "ABC". He was cute...They will remember how sensitive and shy he was but he was a little dynamo on the stage and he put seasoned adult performers to shame. My generation remembers him at the height of his fame, the 80's. There was no one bigger or cooler to us than Michael Jackson. (we were little) Everything he did or wore, we all wanted to copy from the sequined glove, the leather jackets, even the Jeri curl. We tried in vain to moonwalk, learned the thriller dance and even looked past him carrying around a fully dressed Bubbles to award ceremonies and amusement parks.

The one thing each generation had in common, is that we all took Michael for granted. We always assumed he would be there to make music or for us to use his eccentricities as comedic fodder. He left in the void an absolute wreck called the "music industry".  You may not understand what I mean when I say music is dead, because you can hear music everywhere you go, or hear musicians perform for large audiences. But what you are hearing coming out of your ear-buds and amplifiers is not music, it is the badly reanimated corpse of a once thriving and evolving monster, now extinct as the dodo, cloned and recycled into a consumer commodity. There are no new genres, no new instruments, no new sounds to sample, and the new pop stars are not producing new or groundbreaking music. It's all been done and said before and the only way these so called musicians can be "innovative" is to wear crazy clothes, be more provocative, take off more clothes, be more controversial, or perform some publicity stunt unrelated to the music. (Rihanna, Gaga, Chris Brown, J.Lo, P. Diddy, every rapper). They have told every story, told every emotion, whatever lesson you want, any philosophy rational or irrational, there's an app for that.

Even though music is dead, musicians will insist on dragging the dead corpse around for who knows what reason. They will continue to market sh*t and call it sugar and expect us to pay $.99 per song for it. Many people will attempt to use the term "star", "icon", "superstar", but none truly know the dedication showmanship and dedication inherent in those words. These so called "celebrities" and "pop stars" effect on the music industry can only be compared to the US atom bomb on Hiroshima. Yes...that destructive to music. It's a primordial soup of non-talent. There are no signs of life, not one.

We miss you Michael and I would trade any of these whores, street trash, goats, non rappers, and fraudsters that can't write, sing, dance, or compose one line without auto-tune for 1 original song.