Beyonce' Named Worlds Most Beautiful, and She's Still an Idiot

People magazine has once again given the arbitrary award of "World's Most Beautiful Woman".  By what standard I wonder...By who's, that question is not answered and no one seems to care as we get into the shilling and pimping of out of Baby Camel. She states, "I feel more beautiful than I've ever felt because I've given birth," Oh please...You haven't looked more beautiful...you have been walking around in jacked up pants, and wack outfits.

Super Ugly

 The superstar singer and her husband Jay-Z welcomed their daughter in January, in the quickest pregnancy known to man and Beyonce said she's "never felt so connected, never felt like I had such a purpose on this earth... She's just the cutest thing.” What else is she supposed to say? Every parent thinks their kid is cute. I know people personally who have kids that look like something that I have scraped off  the bottom of my shoe and they think they're kid is the cutest thing. No parent says or can admit, that their beloved child looks like the elephant man. They can look like afterbirth, and they are still "cute", to their parents. If that kid truly has Sean Carter's DNA and I doubt it, that child will be unattractive and only her bank account will make her so called cute. Not even Beyonce' can filter out that much ugly.

The 30-year-old scholar also revealed that she sings unique lullabies to little Blue, and claimed to actually “love" changing diapers. Yeah...everyone loves smelling poop, especially baby poop. How about I smell poop.

 And as for which parent Blue most resembles, Bey would only say that "she looks like Blue. She's her own person." Translation: Sean's features are becoming prominent and it's too much ugly coming out earlier than predicted.
"The best thing about having a daughter is having a true legacy," she continued about her bundle of joy. "The word 'love' means something completely different now." Because, being sequestered away all her life and never experiencing anything she has no life experiences, which is apparent when she sings/ screams. So maybe that means deeper songs than being bootylicious or being a Diva. We can hope, but I doubt it. It depends on how long she has to search the Internet and how good her Internet connection is.

This my friends is all the more reason to not purchase People Magazine. A person with no personality, no ability to hold a conversation, no ability to hold an interview, no ability to write a letter, or do much of anything but scream, wear a blond weave, steal, fake smile, and get airbrushed. Does being rich make you beautiful? J.Lo somehow became the worlds most beautiful last year and this year Beyowulf finagled her way into winning. This should be called Flavor of the Month and this year it's me, it's not like they actually sent an envoy to every continent to have a beautiful woman contest judged by Tyra and the homosexuals that she fired. This was some arbitrary celebrity popularity contest. This is a complete joke, it has been shown over and over that she is mean, spiteful, greedy and selfish, sort of the antithesis of beautiful. So...this is sort of a fail. 

Hey People, why don't you actually try to look for an actual REAL PERSON that can string together two sentences, works, doesn't spend an average person's salary on hair and makeup and doesn't have photos taken that airbrush out every flaw. 

Beyonce' The most Beautiful Person in the World...Wonder what that cost her?

Open Letter to Brian McKnight

Dear B-Ryan,

Seksi Beast...in the 90's....

You are going through a mid life crisis so I thought that some pseudo youth greeting might be appropriate. How old are you? 60 or 65? I have listened to you croon for my late teens and entire 20's and you helped singlehandely destroy my perception of men. Listening to your b.s. I thought men were sweet, romantic, sensitive, attentive to my feelings, open to relationships, and looked toward the future. In reality, those bastards were closer to a Luke song, pimps up hoes down, pump and dump, romance is a super size meal at McDonald's  and a romp in the backseat of my car.

This Song was creepier than me?

Yesterday, you came out with the most pathetic piece of crap song that if I blinked I would swear Rihanna would be singing garbage like this. The lyrics are so creepy, that I almost would rather see R. Kelly pissing on the 14 year old girl, or the little girl in that movie spitting the soup and performing a sex act with a crucifix. Your song was creepier than blatant blasphemy!

So the lyrics, ridiculous as they were and I hate to repeat them:
"Let me show you how the pussy works, since you didn't bring it to me first". Is this a comedy album? This is something that you should give to Eddie Murphy to restart his pathetic comedy career and even toss in some music, since he likes to sing. Remember "Put your mouth on me?" or "Party all the time"?

New Material For Me! 

 But you nigga? You are supposed to be classy, elegant, not singing garbage like this. On the YouTube video you are sitting on a bench, receding hairline, thick pancake makeup, lame where's waldo v-neck sweater and little boy shorts talking about how you are going to show me or teach me if I am willing to learn. Dude, you are almost 70, you have worms. There is nothing sexy about that. Who thinks that's sexy. NOBODY! That's why you tour in clubs and small arenas, not in major clubs and from the looks of this material, you won't be doing too much of anything but sitting in your little hot pants in your house, singing about long gone by pussy, but not actually having any.

You need to quit while you are ahead, you are on a first class ticket to loser town. You aren't Chris beat her down Brown, and nor should you try to be him. People with talent don't resort to nonsense like this, unless they are desperate.

I think you need to start back at one.

Beyonce Goes Back to School

I got 2 Gold Stars on my homework!!!

Looks Like Beyonce has been watching all those Brown Mackie or University of Phoenix commercials and has become inspired. Wait...Beyowulf would have actually had to finish high school to even worry about college. Our little scholar dropped out at age 15 to terrorize the world with scream singing and pelvis grinding. We do know she can work a computer and can use the Internet. That's where she steals all her video concepts, lyrics, dance routines, costumes, lighting, and the songs themselves.

At this point she couldn't even get into clown college, though she looks like Bozo most of the time. We all know she isn't the brightest bulb on the tree as evidenced by her book report/ love letter to the FLOTUS. Her lack of ability to draft a letter, a simple letter was laid bare for the entire world to see. How are you 30 and can't write a cogent letter? It read as if a fifth grader wrote it, not a 30 year old who made it to high school and had private tutors.  Here is a copy of the laughable letter, get your gag reflex ready:

Empty Headed

Is this letter or book report about Michelle or addressed to Michelle? Let's count the number of times Beyowulf uses the word "she" in this grand opus, no doubt jockeying for a role to yodel at the next inaugural ball. She jumps from talking to Michelle and then she talks about Michelle, even though she begins with a salutation to Michelle. You learn these things in Elementary school. Beyowulf mentions that Michelle nurtures her family and looks out for millions in "so many ways", yet doesn't elaborate on the so many ways. I guess the ways are so numerous that she couldn't name them all. Naming the most obvious "Lets Move" campaign since the commercials literally comes on every 10 minutes might be too challenging, but I bet Beyonce knows when each of her idiotic commercials comes on when she is slinging her weave but is trying to sell hair dye to people that are truly brain dead. Her book report would've been graded an F and it warranted an twitter response. Sasha and Malia, truly kids, could write better than this. Yet, there are college classes being taught on Beyonce and this idiot can't draft a letter, a simple letter on a website. 

It's not just me saying that she is stupid, an Egyptologist said so when she visited Egypt. Beyonce was touring Egypt and left popular Egyptologist, Zahi Hawass, pissed off because of her lack of knowledge and unwillingness to learn: Egypt’s chief Egyptologist Zahi Hawass allegedly called Beyowulf a “stupid person” during her brief tour of the Giza pyramids, writing in al-Shorouk newspaper, Summer al-Gamal said that Hawass became fed up with the pop star’s attitude after she did not show the interest Hawass felt was deserved of the pyramids. Just confirm to the Arabs that we are all idiots...

According to Gamal, during Hawass’ self-guided tour, he said “I showed her the Sphinx and I gave her a book on King Tutankhamen,” but then his anger and frustration made its way to the forefront.

“Then he stopped being diplomatic and said in anger, ‘she’s a stupid person and she doesn’t understand a thing and she doesn’t want to understand,’” wrote Gamal. Sounds about right...we learned about the Sphinx and King Tut in our 5th or 6th grade world history class and she still doesn't know?

Beyonce, I guess Michelle put your remedial, basic letter on the fridge with a magnet and gave you 3 gold stars. Yeah you got millions thanks to your dad and plagiarism, but for the love of God, this is the best we can do? The excuse that this letter was cute and informal is bull, because if that's the case it shouldn't have been put online where your gross stupidity wouldn't be on full display. I find it endlessly insulting that the richest people, especially women, are typically idiots, mesmerizing idiots, and Beyonce is the QUEEN B. 

I don't know what grade she needs to repeat, but I think she should start at Elementary School and work her way up. If she knew her alphabet or multiplication table, I would be shocked. "I don't understand" should be the name of her next song, while she stares blankly at the screen, so long as she gyrates in a corset, it will be a hit.

I'm Lost

Rihanna Voted One of Times Most Influential People In the World

I think I laughed for 20 minutes when I read this...

It's My Pity Party and I will Lie if I Want To

This has to be an April Fools Joke. The talentless model, who has never written a song, can't dance, can't sing and is a fake singer at best and an agent of evil at worst has joined the ranks of a prestigious list of 100 artists, activists, reformers, researchers, and heads of state including President Obama, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, Adele, Chelsea Handler, and Jeremy Lin. This ass clown can do nothing but undress and relax, prance on stage, smoke weed, snort coke and tweet is now on the same level as Hillary Clinton?! More like Wharf from Star Trek with that enormous bulbous head. Is there no forehead reduction surgery that she can get? Rihanna has the forehead game on lock. That thing can pick up satellite signals. You could land the space shuttle on her forehead. She could use her forehead like a drum, coaster or even as a weapon during a crisis (or her concert which is a category 5 disaster).

When she provoked the fight with Chris Brown, you know that she head butted him with that triceratops head. Maybe she didn't, one head butt with that chrome dome would've been fatal and she would be in prison for murder and we would be spared her goat essence and then the world would be a happier place.

Paging Rita Ora

Rihanna has influenced people to do what? Prove that mediocrity and doing the bare minimum can make you a multi millionare as long as you sacrifice your pride, dignity, and originality? Seek attention when your album sales slide by taking your clothes off? Bedazzling bikinis? Obtaining degree's in victimology? Pimping the media and making them feel sorry for you when you have an auto tuned single to be released? Sleeping your way to a record deal? Swagger jacking Grace Jones, Madonna, Kelis, Gaga, Rita Ora and now Cassie? Oh yeah, that's Rihanna herself...sorry...She's influenced people to get idiotic tattoos talking about thug life but nothing about them or their lives are thuggish. Yeah...that's Rihanna again...Well, she's has inspired people to flip off the camera in an inane attempt to be edgy or deep while tweeting "bitch" or "cunt". Rihanna again?

Ok...She has inspired people to sing songs that have no meaning off key, sounding like an impaled goat, while repeating a line and a chorus or just one word over and over. How about prancing around in underwear as outerwear and showing off her saggy pierced breasts at any given opportunity in a vainglorious attempt at relevance. She knows how to be a twitter thug and a complete moron who has brought the downfall of music with generic banal garbage that pollutes the airwaves.

Cassie? Aliyah? Janet? Fraud!

Stella McCartney, a fashion designer stated, "She’s one of the coolest, hottest, most talented, most liked, most listened to, most followed, most impressive artists at work today, but she does it in her own stride…. This is the beginning for Rihanna…. She is just getting going, so watch out. " I respectfully disagree Stella.

She is loved in the UK, here not so much, why else can't she fill up a stadium, why can't she get a no.1 Album? She has 500 million followers on twitter but her latest album is only gold. She's most listened to, because Def Jam pays the radio stations to play her b.s. it's torture, mental torture. Her own stride? Yeah, when Madonna did it 20 years ago, Janet did it 10 years ago, Kelis did it 3 years ago or Beyonce did it 5 years ago. Everything Rihanna does is generic and a copy of what someone else did only they did it better. She's just getting started 6 years later? That's a late start, pretty remedial if you ask me. Her star is falling why else is she resorting to blatant gimmickry and non stop touring? Because the curtain is falling, we know it, she knows it, it appears that you people in Hollywood are in denial. It's like you people are trying to force us into loving Rihanna. Sorry babe...maybe if she were an actual artist with some artistic integrity, but since she isn't one, there is nothing to love, nothing but the sound of her songs going off.

I Turn People To Stone When I Sing

This is America, and if this is what we count as a "celebrity", then this is what we deserve. A fake drug addict who can't sing her way out of a crack pipe, who changes her hair color because it helps her sing better? Rihanna is a Gorgon, but unlike Medusa, instead of her face turning people into stone, her voice turns people into stone.

ET Phone Home

Every song puts us closer and closer and closer to the apocalypse. Hopefully her people will invade and take her back to her home planet.

Brangelina Finally Get's Engaged, Let Me Wet the Bed

African Babies Rejoice!

Nothing to Grab

After years of co-habitation, playing house, and literally "being fruitful and multiplying" both with kids and ludicrous movies, the Hollywood power couple has decided to inconvenience me by getting engaged. Now, we have to have another insufferable multi-million dollar, over blown, bloated, media frenzied affair that will undoubtedly end in divorce. I mean for 7 whole years, I have been pent up waiting for this announcement. I frantically clipped magazine articles for any hint of an engagement, and all I got was another baby. Yeah, the sooner they get married, sorry, the sooner they have the wedding, then the sooner the media can talk about the strain in the marriage. Oh joy!

Knocked Up and Single, How Dainty

The couples 6 kids have been begging them to do the decent thing and get married. So the kids have a moral compass but the parents don't. Brad is almost 50, I mean go ahead and get married for God's sake. Why do we need grand spectacles? You already had the fairy tale wedding with your first boring wife and you have been impregnating this chick for 7 years, I think a trip to the courthouse will do it. Didn't they say that they wouldn't marry until everyone had the right to get married? Or did they think that the weight of both of their fame would somehow fix wars, hunger, marriage inequality, racial disparity, and disease...That's right, they adopted an African baby, so that sort of evens everything out in the wash, I guess.

So let's get the popcorn ready, because we will have to know the play by play of how boring Jen feels, Angelina's dress, who will design it? How many will she have? Who will make the cake? Who will be invited to the wedding? Will *gasp* Jennifer Anniston be given an invite? Will Angelina's father walk her down the aisle? Will the kids be in the wedding? Where will they live? Where will....blah, blah, blah...

Do I Look Like an Assassin? I have my Assassin  Outfit on...

WHO GIVES A RAT'S BEHIND?! I DON'T CARE ABOUT THESE PEOPLE. THEY HAVE BEEN LIVING TOGETHER FOR 6 OR 7 YEARS, A FAIRY TALE THIS AIN'T. What's more important is why do they keep casting Angelina in roles where she holds guns that are bigger than her, while jumping out of windows kills people with her bare hands? Of course her makeup is perfect. Why is she always a spy, a secret agent, an assassin or something that is not rooted anywhere in reality.

Sexy Bones

Hollywood is crazy, an assassin has to weigh more than 80lbs or can't be killed by a strong gust of wind. She should play Catwoman, but she always plays some variation of herself. She isn't that great of an actress. When was the last great Angelina Jolie movie that didn't heavily rely on explosives to tell the story? Gia, the story where she played a bi-sexual model that died of aids. Everything else has been trash. If I could kill or execute her for a role and I mean medieval style, it would be her half Russian/ Snake handling character in Alexander. She was supposed to be his mother but she never aged. It's like she stayed 30 the entire movie, or maybe I felt my life slowdown from the horribleness that was being displayed on camera from every character. The horse that Alexander rode was the only character that remained unscathed. Then there was Wanted. The movie that should come with the disclaimer. Warning: the laws of physics, gravity and common sense do not apply,but we make rats blow up with peanut butter. So that's a win right?

Suspending your disbelief? But I'm making my "Angelina face"

Let's not even talk about Brad...his best was Interview With the Vampire and mostly because of the passage of time and how gay the Twilight Saga is which makes Interview seem like a masterpiece in comparison.

This is Why Brad Left You for Me

I wish them luck, and longer than the 72 day publicity stunt of big booty hoe Kim K, but to me a box of cornflakes is a box of cornflakes.

If anyone believes that they will be married longer than they have been shacking, please raise your hands...yours down too? 

Octomom Receives Death Threats...From The Wonderful World of Disney

Cry for the breeding cartoon character...

Michael Jackson Resurrected

Now, let me preface this so called story, I believe that this is a lie and from the imagination of this moron just to keep her name in the media for attention. Unless I see handwriting samples, DNA, Jesus, Mohammad, Buddha, Krishna and a few angels take the stand the in her defense, I won't believe a word that comes out of that surgically warped mouth.

Worst Mother of The Year Photo

   According to the worst mother alive, Nadya Suleman, she was awakened to a smashed car window with an attached note, "Leave California or you will die." She is so afraid for the lives of herself and her children but she can't afford the security that she needs. "I'm terrified," Nadya of course tells a reporter. Funny that she can always muster the strength to talk to the media... She goes on to say, "When I heard the strange noises outside the house, I went back to sleep and brushed them off. But around 9:00 a.m., my neighbors told me my car window had been broken and a handwritten note left behind. I burst into tears. This is not the first time this has happened. I haven't slept for days. I'm like a neighborhood watch in my own neighborhood." What criminal leaves a handwritten death threat? I know who, Nadya Suleman. 

Trying Hard To Be Sexy and Missing The Mark

 This piece of stool postulated that this imaginary death threat may be the result of her decision to go on welfare. Really?! Who would know if she hadn't broad casted her so called plight to the world. How is her situation different than the whores on Maury? She made a foolish decision with long term consequences. She somehow paid for busted plastic surgery to look like a failed version of Angelina Jolie with disguises, wigs and bad striped t-shirts. She didn't show the police the big bad death threat, but she showed the media and of course TMZ, I smell roses, i.e. b.s. Why should anyone want to waste any time trying to harm her? 

Angelina? Not on My Best Day!

"I hope to be off welfare in a few months. I will do whatever I have to for my kids," Nadya says. "It doesn't make sense for me to get a job now, as every penny I earn will go to childcare. But now I have the extra worry of safety. I can't afford to hire security and I have no one but myself to look after my kids. I'm very, very frightened." How does that make sense? Getting a job doesn't make sense, therefore I will go on welfare so the government and taxpayers will pay for them? Yet, I will do whatever I have to for my kids, that is everything except work, because that is economically unfeasible because I have to hire security and the only way I can pay them is with the left over ovaries that I have in my uterus. Maybe I can pay them with wishful thinking or maybe Brad Pitt will be confused and think that I am really Angelina Jolie, Joker or Batman and some singing mice will come out of my butt.

Why hasn't CPS removed these kids? They come in when a kid makes too many 911 calls, but when there is more than enough evidence of gross negligence and a deranged, fame whoring mother blatantly profiteering from their kids worse than J.Lo, Beyowulf and any other celeb she wolf parent yet here, nothing happens. 

Call the porn producer, get it over with. Plus, she get's SSI on some of these kids because some are disabled, so she is already pimping the system, now she wants more. 

Bozo The Clown

Someone tell her she has a Vag and not a clown car.

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, Two Douches Made in Douche Heaven

Do I Look Smart?

Serial bride, fame whore, Queen of Jumpoffs and star of my big fat Armenian fake wedding, has taken out her little black book and gone back to the letter "K" and this time picked up with the King of A holes none other than Kanye West. Of course he is no stranger to jumpoff's since he almost wifed up Amber the model that never models, Rose. Kanye released a song called "Theraflu" in which he confesses to having feelings for the 31-year-old reality star, bed warmer. The song should be called "penicillin" or "AZT". A song called "Theraflu" and it's about Kim, she must make a whole helluva lot of people sick. In this so called song, he confesses that he fell in love with this no talent tramp when she got with the idiot Kris, and that somehow if he wanted to, he could've got he fellow bestie in generic rap Jay-Z to drop him from the New Jersey Nets. Just because Jay- Z is a part owner doesn't mean that he has anything to do with the team, coaching, personnel or anything of that nature. All Jay-Z does is sit in the front row with a black ball cap, chewing gum like a horse and  talking to Beyowulf in a nappy blond weave.

Here are the lyrics to "penicillin":


"And I admit I fell in love with Kim ... 'Round the same time she fell in love with him ... That's cool, baby girl, do your thing ... Lucky I ain't had Jay drop him from the team."

Bitten By A Vampire, Maybe I can play in Twilight

Kimmy has been spotted leaving Kanye's spot in the same clothes that she wore the night before sporting the ultimate trash accessory...A HICKEY. Let me state that this slut is still married legally. How high school is that? Kanye is 34 and Kim is 31 and we are letting people put hickey's on like it's a badge of honor. If there was any doubt, we got our skank confirmation. Congratulations Kim, you have come full circle to what started your career, sucking a black penis...you are a truly an inspiration to young women everywhere, but that's right, you are just a businesswoman. That's what they call hookers too. I can imagine that her throat is the last tight hole that she has left on her body and that appears to not be enough to keep men around long enough.

These are the two master experts at self promotion throwing a hail Mary pass at staying socially relevant. Neither of them contributes anything meaningful to pop culture these days, I mean other than Kanye wearing girls pants, and the looming prospect of not having media hanging on their every move is unbearable to either of them. Kim gushed that she loves the song, but what doesn't she love when it's all about her?

Empty Headed Hoe

The song is about slime filled with bacteria that oozes from every crevice that eventually rots flesh which later needs plastic surgery. It's called "KK - are you OK-K with your Vajayjay?" Kanye proves once again that he will only bang empty blank slates with a big behind. No substance, no intelligence, no class. You are who you hang out with.

If I had a million dollars, botox, and a box of butt padding, I would guess Kanye will show up on Keeping Up With the Kartrashians to help with ratings and to help make Kim look less like a selfish prima donna that we all know she is. Who is a bigger diva than Kanye? He should remix "It's raining men", but it would have different meanings for Kim and Kanye. Ye seems very homosexual, I mean women clothes...he needs to claim that he bangs bad chicks, even though we have no proof of this. This is publicity plain and simple. 

I Got That Homo Swag

Didn't know Kim could play a beard.