Wednesday, June 15, 2011

J.LO the Arrogance the Oppulance

Jennifer Lopez, J.Lo, Jennifer from the block, or whatever moniker she is going by these days has gotten her groove back thanks to her new gig on the aging dinosaur American Idol. Thanks to the show, her dying albatross of a career has been revived and she was shockingly named the Most Beautiful of 2011. She has endorsement deals with makeup lines, and she even uses the show as a platform to view her steaming turd of an excuse for a music video. Imagine a captive audience having to hear that shrill voice sing about nothing and then pretend that it's good because her majesty is in the room. It's shameful that barf bags aren't included with the admission to the American Idol taping. This harlot is claiming that she is in talks about whether she will be returning next year because she has a lot of things going on. Really? She made 12 million to sit on stage and say nothing. That's quite an accomplishment. Pimping out her twins, getting an album that was so crappy that she was dropped from her label released, forcing us to revisit the nightmare that was "Bennifer", and doing what she does best, rolling around in sand, posing in a chair, sticking her butt out while a rapper spits some lame rhymes while sounding like a hyena being anally assaulted with a splintered broomstick.

Cast your mind back 4 or 5 years, Lopez was every where, every magazine cover, on all the charts, she somehow managed to top both the music charts and movie charts in the same week. Then there was much hype over her famed hind quarters. Yes...I'm so serious about that. She was best known and talked about for how wonderfully she filled out her dress. Plus, she even got a 1 million dollar insurance policy on her fat fanny. Fortunately for her, but not for the public at large, this rump shaker talk distracted us from the fact that she has no discernible talent, a lack of singing ability, no acting ability, and no musicianship. She relented and remained on our screens churning out one piece of garbage after another. Let's have a moment of silence as remember her finest theatrical moments: Maid in Manhattan, Anaconda, The Cell, The Wedding Planner, Monster In Law, and proof that Jesus died in vain, Gigli. Can anyone remember anything good about these films? No. Wait, I can. The ending credits.

Then her music...Jenny from the block..."Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got, I'm still, I'm still Jenny from the block." Musical dog turd. And I've heard Soulja Boy. More like blockhead on a roll. She grew up in the suburbs, so I don't know what block she is referring to. She tries to make it seem that she was an extra in the movie Crooklyn . Please...I wish she would do what one of her better movies suggests, "out of sight", go out of sight and never return. That won't happen, she needs more money to pay more staff and have more video premiers, therefore she is going to whore out her gig on Idol as long as they let her strut around and pretend she has talent while her Skeletor vampire husband bankrolls her supply of weed and mink eyelashes. She needs to thank Selena Quintanilla and the fat lunatic that murdered her for her fame. Had Selena not died, Jennifer Lopez would just be a Hollywood jump off that would be immortalized  on In Living Color re runs.

What is it about Hollywood, fame and fortune that rots a person's mind and soul? What is it that creates massive, incendiary, pseudo-intellectual and quasi mental retardation? Her album, the entire album was leaked on online 2 years ago, which is why she got dropped from her label, but dumb people will still buy this nonsense, which is actually charting better than Beyowulf. Let's not even talk about the photo shopping in a wind tunnel magazine covers and the trademark "sexy" poses with her lips half open. She is always next to her Night of the Living Dead Husband Marc Antony, and I know why he is always looking half dead, she sucks all the life and energy out of the room, like a hispanic(when it suits her to be one), black hole.

I don't know who is more talentless, J.Lo, Rihanna, or Britney Spears. They are all easy on the eyes but take all the stylists, producers, and electronic gadgetry, they would all be frying chicken at the local KFC. Each of these shrews ruined the careers of the men foolish enough to get involved with them, Ben Affleck, Chris Brown and Kevin Federline. J.Low's vocals are so terrible that she even laughs at them. She had the nerve to tell contestants on Idol not to sing her songs, why? Because it would crush her ego for her to know that any person on a saturday night can sing one of her idiotic songs, just like a Britney or Rihanna song. Will it kill her fantasy that she is this world class diva and not an overrated karaoke singer who blew and screwed her way to fame? She isn't funny, smart or charming, and makes stupid demands like have an all white dressing room that has to be unoccupied for two weeks, a banquet of food that she doesn't touch and special brands of candles just to make things more difficult. It would be better to hire live pigs, set them on fire and turn them loose on stage then deal with J.Ho. They would probably sound better than Jennifer Lopez.

Jennifer Lopez is a classic example of a pork snout faced "anybody" that ONLY with the wonders of plastic surgery is "now" considered ever so beautiful. Ahhhh what it is to afford great plastic surgery...



She also has the personality/intelligence appeal of a Vaseline sandwich which is why all her exes dumped her in short order. Only her beastly looking hubby has remained. Sadly we can't dump her and she is once again a legend in her own mind. She has set the gold standard for attractive, talentless whores with inflated egos to overstay their welcome.

She is a great example of what you need to be to stay relevant in Hollywood, an inflated ass.

3 comments:

Carlisa said...

I am choking with laughter! How can the truth be so stinkin' funny? Talent left the music game long ago and was replaced with noise-making ability. Sad to say, even the plastic surgery and studio makeup do not comprise musical talent.... Or beauty. Most of us accept these women as icons of beauty because it is what we are TOLD they are. Take a walk through your local mall or peruse your friends list on FB and these so called beauties are stunted on minus all of the expensive embellishments. When will we begin using our brains instead of someone using it for us?

Anonymous said...

This is so true.Jennifer Lopez is an ugly talentless person who first got noticed for her low cut dress. Then for hooking up with a series of men and then for her fat ass. Additionally, she is also arrogant and narcissistic. Uneducated Ghetto whore.

Anonymous said...

There is a very good reason why she is making songs about her booty these days. That is all she has. If she had any kind of talent, I am sure she would rather be known for it.