Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Snoop Dog Becomes a Lion

Mufasa, Mufasa, Mufasa

 As of today… July 31, 2012 Snoop Dogg is no longer “Snoop Dogg.” He’s done a “Diddy” and has created him a new name! If anyone does something that Puffy or Prince did, your hardness is already in question.

I don’t know if it’s all the weed talking, but apparently Snoop wants you to know that he’s tired of hip-hop and is claiming that he is Bob Marley reincarnated. Weed is a hell of a drug. He claims that he wants to make music that his “kids and grandparents can listen to.” We all know what that means, it's going to suck. But, let's be honest for a moment, when was the last good Snoop album? Doggystyle back in 94 comes to mind. Everything else has been a comedy of errors and the fact that he somehow was able to be called a good rapper in spite of going more and more commercial with each craptastic release is nothing short of amazing. Now, all he does it make made to DVD releases about pimping, and appearing at every Comedy Central Roast.

Snoop also says that he’s spiritually connected to Bob Marley and now claims to be “Bob Marley reincarnated” so now he plans to release a reggae album called “Reincarnated” in the fall. I'm sure it will be a hot steaming pile of dog doo.

“I feel like I’ve always been Rastafarian,” Snoop said of the spiritual Jamaican movement, I'm sure smoking weed and screwing chicks without commitment isn't the only thing to being Rastafarian. If that's the case, the majority of the world would be Rastafarian.

While there, he said, he visited a temple, was renamed Snoop Lion and was also given the Ethiopian name Berhane, meaning “light of the world.”
Snoop Dog Snoop didn’t explain why he was switching from “Dogg” to “Lion,” but it’s likely a reference to the Lion of Judah, a religious symbol popular in Rastafarian and Ethiopian culture. I say, lame attempt at attention because Snoop's music is worse than Soulja Boy's right now, that's an achievement worth a name change.

Snoop goes on to say, “Reggae was calling … it’s a breath of fresh air,” he said. “Rap isn’t challenging; it’s not appealing.” Snoop has answered the call to sing and film a documentary.

Does Mufasa Look Gay?

 I'm truly at a loss for words here...what have I been saying about these "entertainers", and their vainglorious attempts to stay famous? Join a cult is one of the things that they love to do, change their name and talk about "a new direction" in their music. Let me tell you something Snoop, the music industry is saturated with music that kids and grandparents can listen to, it's called pop. If you want to do pop with a reggae beat, then do it. Don't hold a press conference with some lame explanation as to why you are "reincarnated."

Congratulations Snoop Lion, for being totally unoriginal and doing what EVERY other artist has done before you. You are no different than the slew of females that style themselves after Marilyn Monroe or Madonna (who styled herself after Marilyn Monroe).

snoop dog
My Pimp Hand Is Strong

 The cowardly lion needs to leave the weed alone, better yet leave music all together.

Chris Brown's misFortunate Gay Slur

Come out, come out wherever you are...

Chris Brown Gay Sex Martyn
Take It To The Head
Several words come to mind when I think of Chris Brown. Arrogant, ass, jerk off, punk, bitch made, insecure, paranoid, ill-natured, obnoxious, whiny, childish, petty, abhorrent, irksome, rotten, flippant, shallow, trivial, acrimonious, petulant, pertinacious and crusty.

When it comes to Brown, I compartamentalize him, like I suspect most normal people do with celebrities. We know that they are probably the most wretched people to meet in life and have the worst attitudes on the planet, but we listen to their music and watch their movies and judge their body of work as a separate entity from the real person. It becomes more difficult when the artist becomes over-exposed like Beyonce' was a few years ago, then the personal persona and the character merge and that's when people just can't take anymore from them. Rihanna is heading down that territory, actually went down that road a year ago, but I digress...

Breezy has never been an "artist" that I really liked or listened to. I illegally downloaded a few songs, but an entire album, no. He can dance, can't sing, at least not without auto-tune, but what artist can sing without auto-tune these days. The music that he releases can only be described as generic at best and just plain laughable at worst. Let me save you some money and tell you the theme of his latest techno dancy, R&B disaster album "Fortune", "I got money, I got women, I love to drink, I love to party till I pass out,unprotected sex is fun." The End.

In true Chris Brown fashion, he has been running his mouth on Twitter, because that's what this new crop of celebrities do to stay relevant. They tweet nonsense and "act" stupid to get attention to add money to their bank account. This latest beef is with Frank Ocean, you know the guy that came out again as being gay. Chris thought it would be fun to say, "No Homo", on his feed. Understandably, people think that this statement is homphobic and now he is on the defensive. People still say "No Homo?" Probably only closeted homos that are pretending not to be homos say it, I guess.

Chris Brown

My Opinion on the whole Frank Ocean subject is ......... Love who u wanna love. It's ur decision. People stop searching for BS.
Breezy, who cares about your opinion on Frank Ocean? You are the last person in the world that I would seek out for relationship advice, since YOUR record isn't quite pristine. That's like asking Oscar the Grouch to decorate my loft.

When Chris' lame pro choice tweet didn't win him over any fans, he responded with this one:

Friday, July 27, 2012

Kristen Stewart Cheats on Her Vampire, Fake Publicity Stunt

Kristen Stewart
I Have One Facial Expression
Back in May, I remember this human corpse telling a reporter in Elle magazine one of the most ridiculous lines that I have ever seen. This one line was so stunningly stupid that it makes the collective works of Beyonce, Rihanna, Soulja Boy, Drake, and Nicki Minaj seem I don't know, enlightened and articulate by comparison.

This Muppet says: “You can learn so much from bad things. I feel boring. I feel like, Why is everything so easy for me? I can’t wait for something crazy to f—ing happen to me. Just life. I want someone to f— me over! Do you know what I mean?” No. Fool, I don't.That's called being an idiot. Who voluntarily wants to suffer when they don't have to?

Kristen Stewart
I'm Really a Zombie
While I agree that every movie that she has ever played in is excruciatingly boring and Twilight turned Vampires gay, stupid, crazy and immature who just whisper on screen, more than likely from embarrassment that they are in a movie where vampires sparkle. However, why would anyone who was listed as the highest paid actress, basically for staring blankly at a camera, with her lips parted, wish for something bad to happen? Well, K-Stew, be careful what you wish for...cause it's time to go to school.

Looks like madame hot pants has been getting it on with her Snow White and the Huntsman Director and as a result cheating on her not that sexy boyfriend Rob Pattinson or Edward Cullen for you Twihards out there. (Let's face it, that's who he will be for the rest of his life). Photos of Kristen and a very married Rupert Sanders leaked of them making out in her car while wearing her vampire boyfriends baseball cap. How foul is that?

Kristen released a hamfisted apology that sounded like a sophomoric attempt to get attention from Robert, since he has been operating on radio silence and moved out of the house they share right before the story went public.

 "I'm deeply sorry for the hurt and embarrassment I've caused to those close to me and everyone this has affected. This momentary indiscretion has jeopardized the most important thing in my life, the person I love and respect the most, Rob. I love him, I love him, I'm so sorry."

No mention of the wife and kids of the married man you just had your indescretion with. Just you and the thing you have going on, that's what's the most important thing. Oh, but you wanted something crazy to happen to you. You wanted to have some type of tragic event to happen to you, because success, money, fame, peace, love with the man you want to marry, that's just too much, But you didn't have actual intercourse, so it's not really cheating, so that's OK, right? Or, was this a violation of the "beard contract"? I'm not convinced of his hetero status, but it doesn't matter to me. I think there is a red carpet at Rob Pattinson's closet waiting for one of his designer shoes to hit it when he opens the door, but that's just a theory of mine...

This is yet another fake publicity stunt to drum up interest for the last Twilight Movie. They know that Twilight brings out the devout fans but there are more people like me who think the movie are for retarded 12 year olds and pathetic 40 year olds that want to reclaim their lost dream of being head cheerleader. This fake controversy is out of the new Hollywood playbook, fight someone, show naked photos of yourself, sleep with someones husband or boyfriend, wear crazy clothes, start a beef with someone, join a cult, gain weight, lose a lot of weight, get a weird tattoo, become bisexual, throw a phone at someone, anything other than let your work stand on it's own merit.

Kristen Stewart
Zombie and Vampire, or Twinkles and  Beard
I can guarantee that these rodeo clowns will "reconcile" right before Twilight is released into the ethos and finally the balance of the force can return where Vampires can once again become cool.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Octomom Strips for $5,000 at Florida Nightclub

 In an event dubbed the "Final Humiliation" Nadya Suleman stripped topless for $5,000 in a low rent Florida club Friday night. So stretch marks make money now?

About 400 customers showed up to see Suleman strip down to her panties to the odious sounds of Rihanna at West Park's Playhouse Gentlemen's Club, reports the Daily Mail.

The mother of 14 wore a naughty schoolgirl outfit, along with pigtails and a dominatrix outfit for the show, reports the New York Daily News.
Nadya Suleman
Must Be the Money Cause It Aint Your Face

 Suleman is being sued by the owner of a rival strip club -- T's Lounge in West Palm Beach -- who claims that she promised to perform exclusively at his establishment.

Fellow strippers weren't very kind, although they appreciated the crowds. “She’s really stiff,” one told the Miami Herald. “Oh my God, she can’t dance. But it’s good for the rest of us girls because she made it a busy Friday night…” Wow, looks like she gave the strippers a bad name, since you can somehow tarnish a tramps good standing in the community.

 A low level smut figure stripping to the music of a high level smut figure, can only happen in America. Every picture of Octomom that we see lately, she has a glazed over look in her eyes. Guess you need some "herbal" or chemical courage to get on stage. Something she and her famous smut muse has in common, in addition to being stiff and unable to sing or dance... All Nadya needs is a minion to write "thug life" on her stomach and buy several pair of designer sunglasses with interchangeable wigs while telling herself she is either a rock star or a thug.    

I don't know where the biggest sinkhole is, her vajajay or her head, but someone should tell this walking science project that she isn't that good looking. There isn't enough booze, no amount of drugs, or total darkness to make this lunatic attractive. That's not just me, the 400 men that frequented the club paid an average of $20 per person. So, score one for the dog faced, mentally disturbed gremlin.

As the old white guy said at the end of that game show that is irrelevant to mention here, "Remember folks, get your pets spayed or neutered." Substitute Nadya's name for pet.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Katie Holmes Outsmarts the Super Human By Way of Trac Phone

I have Body Thetans on My Penis, but I'm still not GAY
Tom Cruise is so enlightened he is considered to be an "operating thetan" or OT. In the Scientologist laughable way of thinking, Tom Cruise does more than play the same cocky character in film after nauseating film. He's so enlightened, he's almost magical. 

Tom, 50, is the most famous follower of the religion and an investigation by Rolling Stone back in 2006 revealed that he had reached an advanced level of Scientology and was known as an ‘Operating Thetan’ or an ‘OT’.
‘OTs can allegedly move inanimate objects with their minds, leave their bodies at will and telepathically communicate with, and control the behaviour of, both animals and human beings.’
Impressive. Who wouldn’t want to be able to move stuff around and control people with their minds?
But if it’s true, how did Katie Holmes outsmart him? He would be able to know what she was doing right? 
Katie Holmes set the wheels in motion for her divorce from Tom Cruise using a throwaway cellphone provided by a friend to initially talk to her lawyers and avoid her husband knowing about the conversations, according to a source familiar with the divorce.
The move allowed her to prepare her legal case without Cruise and his staff knowing she was about to exit the marriage and left him shocked at the sudden divorce. By the time a deal was struck last weekend to end the marriage, she hired three law firms in three states.
Does She Believe I'm Not Gay Now?
 Wow, looks like she learned something that all the cheating professional athletes haven't caught on to yet. Hopefully Chad Ochocinco will have picked up a few tips by now... Catholic mom for the win, I guess. How was Cruise blindsided by the divorce if he has power over people, animals and total control over his environment? This is like being a fortune teller that can't pick the lotto numbers. 
Here is my rendition of Smooth Operator to mourn the end of TomKat:
tom cruise
Queen of the Damned

Dianetics life
No hoi polloi
He moves in place with minimum space and maximum ploy
Not much height
Can’t sit tight
He may invoke L Ron for secret rites
Child custody is left to chance
How couldn’t he see this coming before the start?
He’s a thetan operator
Theeeetan operator
Thetan operator
Theeeetan operator….

No place for shrinks or sensible hearts
No need to ask

Time to Shop for a New Beard
Let us bow our heads for a moment of silence... hold back the tears please...

Friday, July 6, 2012

All White Christian Cross Burning In Alabama Town

Just when I thought I couldn't be anymore embarassed to be from this back water state, this happens...
Praise the Lord and Pass the Ammo

   A group that believes "the white race is God's chosen people" is hosting a three-day conference that will culminate with a "sacred Christian cross-lighting ceremony" Friday evening. The Christian Identities Ministries conference, which will be held in Lamar County, has drawn concern from residents, including Winfield Mayor Wayne Silas, or anyone with a moral compass, who has asked city employees to remove the group's fliers. It appears in addition to Cullman and Clanton, we have another place in Alabama that black people can't be caught  at night.

 The organizer of the event, Rev. William C. Collier, says that his church is not a hate group. The cross-lighting ceremony is "open to all white Christians," the group's flier states. I totally believe that this so called Reverend isn't promoting hatred, I mean please...what the hell are we all thinking? Cross burning? The white race are God's chosen people? No...that sounds reasonable to me. I'm sure on the bottom of the flier it also stated: "After the cross burnin, ya'll invited to the animal courtin and the sister marryin at the nearest barnyard." What is so sacred about burning crosses? Isn't that a method of terror utilized by the Klan since Reconstruction? It seems that once again, God has the lock on retards for followers.

Guess who else isn't invited to this blasphemy? That Hebrew dude named Jesus. When will people become sick and tired of this racism crap in any form? It's even more sickening to use the veil of religion to justify racist view points. Considering the very Bible that these rednecks use to position themselves to screw the livestock clearly state that the Hebrews were God's chosen which is why Judeo Christians have the insane belief that America supports Israel. Doesn't "Christian" mean Christ like or follower of Christ? How is this Christ like? Didn't Jesus preach loving one another, helping the lesser among us, treating people as equals and all that hippy socialist nonsense that the God party, I mean the GOP have convinced us is wrong. We have a bastardized capitalist psuedo Christian society at least it's Christian on Sunday's or when politicians need to manipulate the mindless minions. It seems "Christian" means prosperity, child molestation, theft, pimps and hoes, mega churches, and phony king coronations.

Get In My Belly!
This type of ignorance will do nothing to attract people to "christianity". This is yet another example of intolerance, hypocrisy, hate mongering, and double standards that cause disillusionment or reinforce disbelief.  It's funny that the so called "white supremacists" are the walking and talking refutation of that belief. It's never a John Kerry or Bill Gates type that is well read, educated, well dressed, rich and live in a civilized town. White Supremacists are always a real life version of He-Haw with Confederate flags, rotting teeth, chewing dip, "mudding", people that think that road kill is gourmet meat and when they talk you can almost hear "Dueling Banjo's" playing. 

Since Christians fight tooth and nail on the Genesis story which flies in the face of science, then they should believe that God created man and not a specific color of man. What do I expect from Sweet Home Alabama, a state full of people with less than a high school education, a sad excuse for an education system, and no type of resources except for an unhealthy love of Alabama and Auburn football. 

image photo : Trashy Trailer
Thank you Alabama for once again setting the mark lower than any other state in the contiguous United States. You stay classy Alabama.

Monday, July 2, 2012

Katie Holmes Off of Cruise Control

Friday, the world was stunned that Stepford Wife and photogenic robotoid "Kate" Holmes has decided to divorce her handler Tom Cruise after 5 years of bondage marriage. She seeks full custody of their daughter Suri and suitable child support to pay for Suri's high heels, pedicures and other things that normal six year olds don't enjoy. No one really knows the "real" reason why she is divorcing her soulmate, but if I had to speculate, it would be Scientology and the impact it will have on Suri's life. In Scientology, children are considered to be spiritual beings occupying human bodies. They should be treated as and afforded all the due respect as an adult and are expected to contribute to family life. Basically a child can make their own decisions in the same manner that adults make theirs. At the age of about 7, children take a more active role in the Church dogma, which is what Katie is afraid of.

While I sympathize with Katie to some extent, one wonders, "what did she expect?" She married Tom Cruise, a devout, outspoken Scientologist. Katie stated that she had a crush on him her entire life, since Risky Business and always dreamed of marrying him. Marrying Maverick or Jerry Maguire is quite different than the real man that plays those characters. I had a crush on Christopher Reeve, but did I ever think that he was really Superman? No.  Cruise took this plain Jane whose best role was from Dawson's Creek and made her cool. True, she was manipulated because he saw her as someone malleable and would be willing to change everything about herself for the benefit of the relationship. That's what most of us women do, and she did it publicly. She dated him for only 2 months before she became pregnant and it's like she ignored the pink elephant in the room: Tom Cruise in a fanatical zealot who wants to control everything in his space. He believes in body thetans, thought auditing and e-meters, what about any of that will be suitable for a kid, other than helping them in a creative writing class with the topic Sci- Fi  b.s. She joined the Chuch of Scientology after being a devout Catholic since childhood.  She gushed on an interview that "Scientology was cool". What changed? Was she tired of being his beard?

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes Celebrate Five Years of Marriage
Deluded Princess

Katie said in a 2005 interview, she was swept off her feet “in an instant” by Tom Cruise, but that was just the beginning of a family life that she says grows richer by the day.“It happened quickly, but I was certain it was what I wanted,” the sometimes actress tells In Style magazine. “I never felt overwhelmed. I thought, Okay, good. Here we go.” She went on to say, “It happened in an instant,” she says of the first blush of love. “I still get like that, ‘Whew.’ When you fall in love, it’s as though time stops. It’s all-encompassing.” Are we 15? No, she was 29 years old, much too old to still believe in fantasy men, prince charming and astute enough to know the difference. We should be beyond the phase of scribbling your crushes name in your binder, don't you think...
Cutting Off  Circulation to the Brain

 That love only blossomed during the next two years, she says – through the birth of daughter Suri in April 2006, the lavish wedding in Italy that November, and the everyday moments of family life since then.
“I try every day to let him know how much I love him,” Holmes says of her husband. “It gets better and better. It has made my life.” He made her life 6 years ago, so now he is a danger to her child? It's like Katie had the daddy that let's you do anything you want to your bedroom, shop for clothes, and go to parties with fabulous celebs with an unlimited monetary budget. What changed?

When Katie gushed over Tom back in 2005, the true nature of Scientology was well known and documented to anyone with access to the internet and she was 28 or 29 years old. We can forgive Nicole Kidman's leap into the fire because she was 21 and it was the 90's. Katie didn't mind it when it came with lots of media and the promise of a movie role, and she stood by and watched the alienation of Nicole Kidman's children from their mother due to Tom and Scientology. Within 6 weeks of meeting Cruise, Holmes was being accompanied to every interview by Scientology goons. To claim that she didn't know what she was getting into is more than a little disingenuous.

Skeptic: Katie Holmes is said to dislike and distrust Scientology - of which her estranged husband is a vocal advocate - and no longer wants their daughter to be raised in accordance with its doctrines
Just not that in to you
 The person that stated that Scientology was cool, now dislikes and distrusts the religion and Tommy Boy's devotion to the church is unwavering. She never learned the lesson, YOU CAN'T CHANGE MEN. If you have to change them to make them perfect for you, then just change the man. Sorry to break more bad news to Katie, but since Scientology is a major part of the father of your child's life, it will be a part of the child's life as well. You chose to lay with a man whose religion you didn't agree with, you chose to conceive a child with a devout scientologist. If Tom isn't abusing the child, she won't be getting full custody. Religion and beliefs about how to raise a child should've came up in pre-marriage discussions. But it appears not here. 

Jumping up and down on Oprah's couch hurt Tom's career and marrying Tom killed Katie's. She became a Stepford wife that gave birth to an alien baby. It appears that caged animals break free eventually. But why enter into the cage in the first place?
Playing Make Believe

Was $15 Million really worth the mind, soul and dignity? Maybe Katie or Kate has learned to put away childish things and actually put the real child's (Suri Cruise), interests ahead of her own. 

Katie HOlmes and Victoria Beckham in Paris