Thursday, August 30, 2012

Open Letter to Kirko Bangz

Dear Mr. Bangz,

Kirko Bangz - Drank In My Cup (Remixes) [EP]
Another Idiot from Texas
Kill Yo Self! Why the hostility? Other than the fact that you so cleverly have a name eerily similar to a real musician that committed suicide back in 94 who actually made a musical impact on the world, named Curt Cobain and you release the most generic, nonsensical "rap" since Drake, there is a lot of shame to be passed around. I liked Drink or Drank in my Cup, not really sure of the correct pronunciation, until they played it 50 million times on the radio and I listened to the lyrics. That got me wondering what was some of your grand works of musical wonder that you will leave to the world like a virus polluting the world with stupid. I asked for it, but I wasn't ready for what I got:

Girl what's up
I met you in tha club
Next thing I know you was naked in my tub
Yo panties over there yo bra over there
I swear to god I tell that pussy get up over here
Like I am scorpion
No mortal kombat
But I swear to god she get that dick and come back
Call me mr comeback

How rhymed tub with club, there with here (that doesn't really go together), and scorpion and kombat. Plus, we rhymed come back with come back. Oh I see, you tell the pussy to "get over here" like scorpion, but wait, you said no mortal kombat, like no homo. That literally makes non sense. If the analogy was you tell the pussy to get over here like scorpion, I get it, it was stupid, but I get it. Then you say, no mortal kombat? What retarded monkey wrote this and said "this makes sense".Truly poetry...

What yo name is
Girl what yo name is
What yo name is
What yo fuckin name is
What yo name is tell me what yo name is
And I am so cooler than them dudes you came with

So kids, we are having the Bill Clinton syndrome are we. That depends on what the definition of "is" is. Apparently you don't know or any words that rhyme with "is", so you just rhyme "is" with "is" five times, but then you throw a curve ball and take us deeper with "with". We still don't know what the girls name is.

Just let do this shit
Let me chop it up and let me screw this shit
I say (I say) let me do this shit
Ch ch ch chop it (chop it up) and let me screw you bitch

I think with this verse, several demons got it's wings, and probably will use this as a war chant before they conquer the earth.

I bet yo name tish
I bet yo name miss
I bet yo name mr let me ride yo dick
You can ride this dick till the night girl
I can turn yo night into you life girl
I bet yo name angie
Yo nigga can't stand me
I bet yo name is watch me come out my panties
And I'm watch yooouuuuu girl
Lovin how you dooooo girl

Does This Jacket Make Me Look Gay?
If I ever met a person named Miss or Mr. Let Me Ride You Dick, I'm sure she would be a prostitute on Hookers on the Point or Pimps Up Hoes Down with a Pimp named Silky.

Pimps Up, Hoes Down
 This verse could very well make a sighted person blind, straight people gay, gay people straight, a brunette blond, and make a man's penis fall off into another dimension. Every single song is like this, you are always messing with a chick who has a man but he "ain't hitting it right." She calls you up or meets you at the club, you in your full douche bag regalia of black diamonds, sunglasses, pinky rings, probably a pimp chalice, and a bedazzled watch with a baseball cap leaning to the side, takes the girl to either your hotel room, hot tub, or backseat and you give her the hot beef injection. I forgot to mention that you both are getting drunk on the best liquor that comes in a red cup or brown paper bag. Of course you only deal with the finest, independent women who don't want or need a man, but somehow they are just desperate enough to be a jumpoff. As if they couldn't just get a toy.

A woman who doesn't need a man wouldn't fool with an idiot who calls them "bitch" as a term of endearment and if they had a man, wouldn't cheat on him with a boy, which you clearly are. You see, women who are independent and have self respect would rather die alone than put up with the nonsense scenarios you rap about in your so called art. Hoes and jumpoff's are a different thing. Watch Love and Hip Hop or talk to Chad Ochocinco about jumpoff's and what they can do to you. The stuff you talk about are the reasons why people have their windows busted out, tires slashed and paint jobs ruined with the words "whore of cheater", displayed on the side of their cars. 

Outside of the fact that I thought that this was a Drake song for a month, you are just a generic rapper, that sounds like everyone else, with the distinct talent of rapping about nothing. 

Having to listen to anymore pieces of crap songs from you will require extra strong drinks or dranks in my cup, and I need the server to keep them coming.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Open Letter to 2 Chainz

Dear 2 Chainz,

new shit

I hate you. I mean that with all due respect, but your arrival and success in the "rap" game, it shows how dumbed down our society has become. At one point in time, rap was an actual artistic art form with social commentary, a satirical look at impoverished youth in the urban neighborhoods that told a story, but now it's just strippers, chains, and cars. Soulja Boy destroyed it, Lil Wayne and his YMCMB's motley crew of talentless ass clowns has taken it down the road of stupidity that they make MC Hammer seem deep. Rap as of right now is completely undefendable with a joke like you on the mic. If you are a rapper, a legitimate rapper then anyone can rap, because it seems that all rapping is dependent on how many hoes they can steal from the other bad rapper in the club, how much weed they can smoke, how many zeroes or "racks" are in their bank account and how many designer names they can name drop in a song. If that's all it takes my friend, you are in line for several Grammy's.

DJ Ant-Lo PRESENTS Tity Boi a.k.a. 2 Chainz - Spend It Let's examine some of the lyrical wonders that have come out of that Whoopie Goldberg looking mouth of yours:

I go swimming in that pussy, 'bout to throw a pool party. Oh, that is shockingly stupid.

When I die, bury me inside the Gucci store. When I die, bury me inside the Louie store. Are you serious? Iconography and name dropping foreign cars is one thing, but to actually be buried inside the store? Please...I can assure you that Gucci or Louis would say "No Niggas allowed" and wouldn't let a talentless retarded ghost that can only rhyme "ass" with "ass" haunting the store scaring away the sophisticated patrons that have taste.

 Let's play big bank take little bank. You are looking at a shark in a fish tank. When I'm in the kitchen, I make plenty cash. Tell shawty come here, she got plenty ass.
So, here we rhyme bank with bank and then cash with ass. Perfect...

Wash it in my condo, suicide doors. Rest in peace to my car door. Rhyming condo with doors and then doors with door. Actually, I'm not sure what the hell you are talking about.

I wish a nigga would, like a kitchen cabinet. (Eyes staring blankly at the sheer suckage of this line). So you confuse the element wood with the verb would. Maybe you don't know what "would" means, but its a past participle of will, expresses the future in past sentences, and used to express repeated or habitual action. A kitchen cabinet can do no such thing because it's an inanimate object. Do you understand? Probably not...

Pull to the scene, but my roof gone. When I leave the scene, bet your boo gone. And I beat the pussy like a new song. 2 Chainz but I got me a few on.

Of course you have a few chains on...that's why you are called 2 chainz right? You always have 2 or more chainz on and because you wear those chainz you can take every mans hoe on the face of the earth. Gotcha...


Started from the trap, now I rap. No matter where I'm at, I got crack. Sigh...I think I died a little on the inside.

Its your birthday, its your birthday. Bad bitches contest, you in first place. Did you really write this down? Did you seriously go in the studio with a pen and paper with garbage like this written down? How can anyone keep a straight face uttering crap like this. 

I ain't stunnin these niggas. I ain't stunnin these bitches. 2 cigarrellas, look look like extensions. You don't even bother to rhyme half of the time. It's like you just had a bunch of phrases, had a red ball or dart and threw the dart on the specific phrase and that's the one you went with.

nicki-minaj-2-chainz I wipe her down and I pipe her down. I give my girl money to go out of town. Well you at least decided to try and rhyme this time, but if I had to look at your face or listen to that steaming pile of feces that you call rap, I would go out of town for free and never come back. Actually, I would fake my death and get an entirely new identity.

My girl got a big purse with a purse in it. And her pussy so clean I can go to church in it! Really?! We offend all the elements of good taste, good lyrics, and good song writing with this. Hey future rappers, if you need help crafting a verse and need help rhyming "it", you can always go with "it". If you need to rhyme "purse" you can go with purse." This lyric is proof that Jesus died in vain and maybe you killed him.

Somehow you have a deluded lie that you are as good as Pac with the garbage lyrics that I just posted above. All I can say, after laughing for 15 min. that, if your style of rap is punchlines and saying catchy funny stuff, they actually need to be clever, funny and catchy, not so bad that they turn the listener into stone. 

I now know why you always frown in have actually listened to your body of "work" and you know that you suck the ass you claim you get. Please take your 2 chainz, wrap them tight around your neck and put the world out of it's misery from your pathetic excuse for rap. 

p.s. trap music officially went out about 2 years ago, so save your money and limit your chains to 2, maybe even 1. You better look to Mr, T and remember he had lot's of chains and he does commercials for Old Navy.

Friday, August 24, 2012

A Lesson in Biology for Tod Akin and the GOP

Me being a literate member of the human species thought rape meant sexual intercourse without consent. After all my years of College and Law School, I learned something new, rape can be deemed "legitimate".

Rep. Todd Akin (R-Mo.) justified his extreme opposition to abortion by claiming that victims of "legitimate rape" rarely get pregnant.

In an interview with KTVI-TV on Sunday, the GOP Senate nominee was asked if he supported abortion in the case of rape.

"From what I understand from doctors, that's really rare," said Akin said of pregnancy caused by rape. "If it's a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down. But let's assume maybe that didn't work or something. I think there should be some punishment, but the punishment ought to be on the rapist."

So, did I miss something in Biology class? Did somehow a sperm and egg still not fertilize the same depending on if it's a rape or not? What doctors told him this misinformation, or was this crap pulled from his ass? How is rape legitimate? What makes it legitimate? If a weapon, threats, or death is involved then that qualifies as legitimate? What ways does the human body shut that whole thing down from legitimate rape? Does he mean jumping up and down, cutting off radio transmissions to the stork or urinating on a rag  or some other down home remedy that your momma told you so you wouldn't get in "trouble". What type of delusionary scale does one have to operate to think that a woman can't get pregnant when she is raped. But then again, it's the woman's fault she got raped because she had on tight clothes or a low cut top, right? This type of insensitive, "blame the victim" mentality by the legal system and the politicians, is why numerous victims stay silent about their experiences. Look around, 1 in 5 are raped, and it's forcible, just not reported. Who wants a trial by ordeal instead of trial by jury when the girl will just be demonized and called a slut?

Welcome to the total rock bottom of the cesspool of the GOP. Just when you think that it can't get any worse, say anything any crazier, they outdo themselves. He and others that think like him are a disgrace to humanity.

Mr. Akin apologized on the patron saint of chicken sandwiches and Grand Inquisitor of same sex marriage and denier of the US Constitution, Huckabee's down home Fox show, full of chewing up the days events grinding them down to one or two talking points, getting rid of all elements that might be hard for baby chicks to follow, like facts: complete with double negatives and all the ignorance that values voters crave. He stated, "I don’t know that I'm the only person in public office who suffered from foot in mouth disease here," he said. "This was a very, very serious error." He went on to demonize his opponent then went on to say this, "I feel just as strongly as ever that my background and ability will be a big asset in replacing [Sen.] Clare McCaskill and putting some sanity back in our government. I'm not a quitter, and my belief is we're going to take this thing forward, and by the grace of God we're going to win this race." I question God's existence...Todd Akin will put sanity back in government? The reinstitution of slavery, women as third class citizens, the United States taken back to the 1800's, maybe what he and the Tea Party want to achieve, but sanity-not so much. Insanity is repeating the same mistake and expecting a different out come.

Then to drive the stupidity home, he invoked 9/11 to explain his pro-life views, saying the first responders didn't ask for identification of those they saved because all lives are important. I know how America has romanticized 9/11 and made every person a hero for various campaign slogans, but I'm sure when those men ran into those towers, they were performing their jobs and if they knew their memories were being politicized and bastardized by an idiot that thinks a woman's body ceases to work due to mental trauma, then they would've stayed on the street and watched the people burn.

Akin said that he was trying to refer specifically "forcible rape" in his comment, but that "legitimate" was "absolutely the wrong word" for him to use. I thought rape by it's definition was forcible, you know the opposite of consensual. My favorite line from him to justify election is this, "Just because somebody makes a mistake doesn't make them useless." Yes, ass clown, it makes you useless when you make irresponsible, dangerous, erroneous legal and scientific distinctions. 

All rape is real rape, all rape is forcible. that's what makes it rape. Just because he knows some women who were raped that happened to not get pregnant doesn't mean that women don't pregnant from rape. Just like women don't always get pregnant from having consensual sex. But, I guess if you have sex, legitimate or forcible sex, then whatever the consequences are, are all God's will. Sorry, but I and modern science disagrees with you and if you have a penis, you really shouldn't participate in this topic of conversation anyway. 

What Akin and his Religious zealot Republican moron colleagues are telling us, is that they don't believe in abortion even in the case of rape and they will do whatever they can in their power to try and overturn a settled legal issue. Again, Mitt Romney, Paul Ryan, and the rest of these clowns do not possess the necessary parts to carry a child, and they seem to be blithely unaware of the way babies are born, the gestation period, what the morning after pill is (not an abortion pill, it's a mega birth control pill), what it does, and other ways to prevent pregnancies or the transmission of STDs other than invoking the fear of hell.

So, biology lesson fellas: the female body will NOT magically reject sperm due to rape, normal consensual sexual contact, prayer, holy water, chanting, channeling spirits, jumping up and down, the pull out method, or any other method real or imagined. If the sperm is active and it makes it through the house of horrors that is the female reproductive system and fertilizes the egg, a woman will become pregnant. Funny that it's within the realm of belief that a spirit can impregnate a virgin, that child can walk on water, bring a person back to life, was crucified and rose again in 3 days as a sacrifice for the sins of all mankind and he will return to save the earth once again after a rapture, before a final apocalypse where other spirits will be cast into a lake of fire. It is also within the realm of belief that the earth is 6,000 years old, humans and dinosaurs coexisted and the tides in the ocean can't be explained, (says Bill'O the Clown). Yet, a male ejaculates inside a female and the sperm is magically rejected because it's a legitimate rape and that's believable.

Save your apology, you and others like you believe in your lame rhetorical nonsense. You meant what you said.  

Lois Griffin was right.

Monday, August 20, 2012

Nicki Minaj Calls Foxy Brown the Most Influential Female Rapper, Proving She Knows Nothing About Rap

Psycho Barbie

Nicki Minaj's success as a so called rapper amazes me, it really does. How she can be called a rapper simply by uttering, "Yo, Man", drug references or the right expletives in the right places with the right tonal inflections must be the new qualifications.

The great pretender or as I like to call her, The Mighty Morphing Power Ranger, brought Foxy Brown on stage in New York City and called her "one of my biggest influences in the game."

Chi Chi Chia

 Foxy joined Nicki Minaj about an hour into her Tuesday night set at Roseland Ballroom, and she wasted no time telling her fellow Trinidad native that she was "ahead of her time" when she dropped her third solo album, 2001's Broken Silence. I wasn't even aware there was an album from the Fox/ phone chucker. (That's code for flop, been a long time since Chyna Doll). "I really wanna thank you for being one of my biggest influences in the game," Nicki said onstage, later admitting that the moment was equally special for her and Foxy.

"I never really told Foxy how much she has influenced me and how much she changed my life, and you've gotta tell people that when they're alive to even be able to take the compliment, instead of paying tribute to them when they're no longer here," Nicki explained, in a very honest moment. "I never really knew how she felt about me — in the industry, with women, you kinda just tread lightly — and I'm glad I was able to finally come out and say: 'You were the most influential female rapper to me.' "

So, let's get real here, Black Gaga, your biggest influence is Kim, you are a little clone of her. Anyone over the age of 20 knows you are a recycled copy of Kim minus the lyrical skills. Secondly, Foxy is the most influential female rapper? Are you kidding me? Foxy was cool and all, but aren't you forgetting some actual Femcee's that really should've made your list of influences, you being from New York and all...

 MC Lyte is hands down the best female rapper that should've influenced you. With gems like "I Cram to Understand U (Sam)" and "10% Dis" from her 1988 debut, Lyte As a Rock, MC Lyte changed hip-hop's perception of femcees without changing her outfit. Instead, she cloaked herself in dignity and integrity. And did I mention that she could run circles around many of her male counterparts with her take-your-hats-off wordplay? Lyte's originality, smooth flow, substance-packed content, and impeccable delivery, make her the unquestionable queen of rap music. What am I saying, a person who repeats "stupid hoe" over and over, with interchangeable Muppet color wigs, couldn't care less about substance, flow, delivery or content. You just want to get your eagle on in some hot pants.

Eve What about Eve?  (Before that gangster lovin crap), before she went Hollywood. Eve was one of the best writers and lyricists around. Her first album stayed in my CD player for at least 3 months.

 Queen Latifah?! She didn't make the hot list either did she? Not sexy enough? Maybe her hats in the 90's were to distracting. I would think the fact that she has endorsements  would be right up your ally. Cover girl, a jazz album, a perfume line, voice overs in cartoon movies about dinosaurs. The only difference is, she is a real rapper with cross over appeal with no gimmicks, fake exorcisms, crazy clothes, wigs, insane fans, and a flow that is not akin to a seizure or a retarded five year old.

lauryn_hill.jpg image by OrangeBangs_Bucket Lauryn Hill...Before the ganja, mental illness and Rohan Marley took her down the path to destruction, as one-third of 90s super group, Fugees, L'Boogie quickly established herself as the focal point of the crew. By seamlessly blending jaw-dropping lyricism with social commentary, she helped make The Score the magnum opus of Fugees' catalog and, more importantly, a certified hip-hop classic. I can assure you dear heart, Pink Friday or your latest candy coated turd Roman Reloaded will never be a classic in any form.

On Miseducation, Lauryn unleashed the best fusion of hip-hop and R&B of the last decade. Her stellar songwriting flourished from song to song, whether grappling with spirituality ("Final Hour," "Forgive Them, Father") or stroking sexuality without exploiting it ("Nothing Even Matters"). Like Lyte and Latifah before her, Lauryn shines without drawing unnecessary attention to her sexual ambiance. That's how you straddle genres. Instead Nicki Minaj clumsily has a techno dance song with auto tuned vocals, with all emotion erased, then vomiting in a so called rap "song" with pointless, idiotic lyrics.

 There are other artists I could mention, Salt & Pepa, Lady of Rage, Yo Yo, Rah Digga, Dah Brat, and so many more. Nicki should focus more on being an actual legend of rap than a person with a shirt that says "this add here". At the induction at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, Lyte will be sitting on a seat being honored, while Lil Kim sits in a cold room trying to keep her face from melting off. You will be sitting at Kim's right hand with botched surgery, stupid wigs, and an hyper inflated ass.
Booty, Booty, Booty, Rocking Every Where...

This is further proof that this character, which ever one decides to show up for the day, has no knowledge of anything other than the end of her bell pepper nose, except for getting money and selling herself to the highest bidder with the wackest music next to Soulja Boy and this new cat Kirko Bangz who is a dumber version of Drake. If that can be possible...

 All you are good for Ms. Minaj, is marketing to lowest common denominator with the emphasis on marketing. "Hit up Hot Topic, Nicki Minaj hoodies / I'm a Brand bitch I'm a BRAND." - "I Am Your Leader". Words straight out of your perfectly veneered mouth. Here is more Minaj lyrical phuckery:

"Starships were meant to fly." - "Starships" (Talent for stating the obvious...)

"I didn't know that bad could look so good / You are the type of bad that feels so good." - "Beautiful Sinner"  (But your type of bad doesn't make me feel good. I got a copy of your album free and I felt I paid too much).

"This is a sickening joke that you play with my emotions / And so I pray you burn in hell and you never find the ocean!" - "Fire Burns" (Your rap career is a sickening joke, and every accolade makes real rap fans die a small death inside.)

"Ice my wrist-es then I piss on b-----s / You could suck my diznick, if you take these jizzes." - "Stupid Hoe"
Glad That Auto Tune Was Updated

"Yes my name is Roman, last name is Zolanski / But no relation to Roman Polanski."
- "Stupid Hoe" (If I had a choice between being in prison for child porn or listening to this song, I would take the prison sentence).

"Is this how Marilyn Monroe felt? (felt felt felt) / Must be how Marilyn Monroe felt (felt felt felt)" - "Marilyn Monroe" (This is just lazy as hell, on the level of Rihanna or Katy Perry).

"Bring the bill, Ri-ri-ri-ri-ring the bill / Br-bri-bri-bri-bring the bill, Bri-bri-bring the bill" - "Automatic" (I need change back)

And the No. 1 Hit in the Hall of Lame:

You a stupid ho, you a you a stupid ho / You a stupid ho, you a you a stupid ho / You a stupid ho, you a you a stupid ho / You a stupid ho, you a you a stupid ho / You a stupid ho, you a you a stupid ho / You a stupid ho, you a you a stupid ho / You a stupid ho, you a you a stupid ho / You a stupid ho, you a you a stupid ho / You a stupid ho, you a you a stupid ho / You a stupid ho, you a you a stupid ho." - "Stupid Hoe"

 Darling Nicki, Grats on tricking people on your lyrical skills, and building up your brand on your gargantuan ass, but you need to stick to being a feature. Actually, you need to just confess that you don't really know who or what you are talking about, you are a ghost, or alien and one of the worst "rappers" alive.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Evelyn and Chad Ochocinco, and The Hypocrisy of the Sanctity of Marriage

It's only been 41 Days of Magic...

And They Thought We Wouldn't Last?

The drama continued for ex- Patriot Chad Johnson yesterday as his wife of 41 days, Evelyn Lozada, filed for divorce, publicly urged him to “seek help,” and the wide receiver formerly known as Ochocinco issued a public mea culpa for his domestic violence arrest. I think that she should follow her own advice and take up a permanent residence at the nearest mental hospital if she thought that a self professed philanderer would ever remain faithful. Go ahead Ev, throw him under the bus, you are blameless and did nothing wrong.

“I would like to apologize to everyone for the recent events that have occurred,” Johnson said in a statement on his OchoCinco News Network. “I would like to wish Evelyn well and will never say anything bad about her because I truly love her to death. Other than the made up fact that she attacked you, but you won't say anything else...

“I will continue to be positive and train hard for another opportunity in the NFL,” he continued. “To all the fans and supporters I have disappointed, you have my sincerest apologies. I will stay positive and get through this tough period in my life.” You will never get another opportunity in the NFL, this was your last chance. Miami wanted to see if you could still play and if you could stop being a problem. All they needed was one, just one reason to get rid of the moron that legally changed his name to his jersey number. Trust me, douchebag, it's over. In my Chris Tucker voice, "You got to be a stupid muthaf@cka to get fired on your day off."

Let's back up...

Chad, the frog Prince Charming that every girl should run screaming from, has extreme fidelity problems, so much so that this was a plot point on Basketball Jumpoff's. Check out the video.

So, taking Ev at her word,which isn't worth much, bought condoms and left the receipt in the Maserati that they own for an alleged affair that he was just too lazy to cover up. Ev, with her volatile temper, confronted Chad and he head butted her. I just want to say, that athletes have to be the worlds dumbest cheaters. He probably charged the condoms on his credit card and left the receipt in his car. Who the hell does that? Someone that has gotten hit too many times on the football field. Groupies want these diseased penises inside them for a handbag or some spiked red bottom shoes, but at the end of the day, these guys are idiots and haven't learned the concept of "delete all".

RIP Chris Henry
Why Do I Love the Hoes?
Chad told authorities that Lozada head butted him...I see...Evelyn, head butted Chad? This dude in the green elf shoes? Yeah, body believed that, especially the Miami Dolphins, who canceled his contract and VH1 cancelled the soon to be embarrassing Ev and Ocho show. This is the channel that aired Flavor of Love and gave spinoff's to the random whores he slept with, but they drew a line with Ev and Ocho, this somehow was a bottom for the cable channel. 
Chad Ochocinco
Ladies Night, Oh What a Night

 "Due to the unfortunate events over the weekend and the seriousness of the allegations, VH1 is pulling the series 'Ev and Ocho' from its schedule and has no current plans of airing it,” the cable station said in a statement.

Evelyn released her own statement via her publicist announcing her divorce:

“I am deeply disappointed that Chad has failed to take responsibility for his actions and made false accusations against me,” she goes on to say, “It is my sincere hope that he seeks the help he needs to overcome his troubles. Domestic violence is not okay and hopefully my taking a stand will help encourage other women to break their silence as well.”

Really Ev? Pot meet kettle. Says the chick that threw glass bottles, shoes, coined the term "non motherfucking factor" to provoke someone. How about the fact that you slept with a cast mates ex-husband?

I sincerely hope you aren't going to try to be the martyr here or some sort of Domestic Violence spokes woman because it won't work. You have a history of violent outbursts who will no doubt pimp the situation for cash, right now, there is a camera crew following you around. It worked for Rihanna didn't it?  But, you aren't as cute. They are friends and the situations are so similar. How much do you want to bet this will be the topic of the first episode of Basketball Jumpoff's? Can't you see Shaunie looking all concerned and shocked, but not really involved, Tammi is ready to ride out and shoot Chad, Jen will make a surprise appearance and Ev and Jen will hug. They will cry and say to each other that they are so sorry they hurt each other, mascara will run, weave will be out of place, cleavage will be shining, Ev will act as if she is about to die, but then she will act like the Godfather and start acting like she is hard or a thug and put on her sunglasses. They will mention something about being in "the circle", go out for drinks, and show clips for arguments for the next weeks episode.

I thought where you came from Ev, you handle the situation yourself and don't call the police? I mean you act like a member of the Gambino family, maybe you should be on mob wives instead of Basketball Wives. What you should've done, since you are so hard and love to fight, is wait till he went to sleep, did "something" and Chad would've either woken up in the "upper room" or the ICU. 

Evelyn is a savage beast wearing Louboutins and Herve Leger dresses and Chad Ochocinco is a stupid coon whose innate slave instinct kicked in, which allowed him to run really fast. Karma caught up with these two pit bull's in red bottoms with a strong fear of poverty. Chad did this to himself with his constant addiction for attention,(Jen said that by the way), and by picking a woman with a predisposition for violence. Bravo!

This marriage, if you want to call it that, lasted just a pathetic 41 days. That beats Kim Kardashian's laughable 72 day PR stunt. This yields the question, what is so precious about marriage that gays can't get in on? Us heterosexuals have made a mockery of it, just as Chad and Evelyn, Kim and Chris and many many many others have blatantly displayed. Marriage is no more sacred than a drunken bunny hop, unless the two people engaged in the marriage believe it's sacred. Marriage is paperwork, and legal documentation, no matter what your Bibles, politicians or pastors say. What is there to protect? The family was broken down long before the deviant fags came to pervert your children and no, the answer is not prayer in school. No one should make windows into mens souls, because that window goes both ways. Without a legal license, your pastors words are null and void. He might as well chant the latest Nicki Minaj monstrosity. 

Otherwise, we get glaring reminders like this...

Team Loser and Gold Digger

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Terri Sewell's 4 Sponsored Bill's in 2 Years

Working Hard or Hardly Working?

In the wake of the her failed attempt at "helping" the unemployed and underemployed on Wednesday's laughable Job-less fair, I decided to research all of the Congresswoman's sponsored Bills. It didn't take long.

She was elected in 2010 and she has sponsored a whopping 4 Bills, Four. I know elementary school kids who write more book reports in a semester than that. Let's look at the these Bills.

May 4, 2011- H.Res 1730

Small Business Start-Up Savings Account Act of 2011
Amends the IRS code to provide for tax-exempt small business start up savings accounts to pay for trade or business expenses, including the purchase of equipment of facilities, marketing, training, incorporation, and accounting fees. This might be the only Bill that will be worth anything because it can be part of the tax code, it's been referred to House Committee on Ways and Means. Basically, the people that set up the taxes in the country.

Oct. 12, 2011- H. Res 432
Fred Shuttlesworth

Celebrating the life and achievements of Reverend Fred Lee Shuttlesworth and honoring his tireless efforts in the fight against segregation and his steadfast commitment to the civil rights of all people. That's nice and all, but how does that really help the poor and economically depressed people currently occupying her district. What about all of her campaign promises?  I thought her top priority was going to be jobs and the pathetic excuse for a transit system we have here. No... we think its more fitting to latch on to the civil rights movement because old black people down here like that crap, and pandering to them translates to votes and young blacks don't vote or move out of Alabama, for good reason. (The lack of jobs, thanks Terri Sewell for proving my point). 

Jan. 18, 2012- H. Res. 518

Congratulating the University of Alabama Crimson Tide football team for winning the 2011 Bowl Championship Series National Championship. You have got to be joking...This is what's important? Football. This is one of the reasons Alabama takes the bottom spot in education, economics, city planning and pretty much anything positive. But God help us, we have fried chicken, football, beer, a church on every block, a murder every day and don't let anyone say anything bad about St. Nick Saban. The championship win is fine and congratulating the team is fine, but what about your district Congresswoman? We have celebrities that have done more with the mantle of responsibility of public office than people we elect and that's pathetic. This is pathetic. Don't go on about how you were called to lead and how you want to help people, when this is the only nonsense you come up with. Save the stories about your dad and your mom and how they inspired you. If this is your best, then you really should hang your head in shame, because  this isn't good enough. If you believe what you have done is your best, I question how you made it at Princeton and I would ask for a refund.

Feb. 27, 2012- H. Res. 562
Commitment-Selma March

Directing the Office of the Historian to compile oral histories from current and former Members of the House of Representatives involved in the historic and annual Selma to Montgomery, Alabama, marches as well as the civil rights movement in general, for the purposes of expanding or augmenting the historic record and for public dissemination and education. Is there anything new about the bridge burning, busing, sit-ins, dogs and hoses, when people are trying desperately to get a job. This seems like an ineffective use of your time Congresswoman. Do we not have a Civil Rights museum in Birmingham? Why do we need more histories when we already have histories? We even have Martin Luther King's jail cell. This is not what you were sent to Washington to do. That wasn't the platform that you ran on. You were supposed to work with people to help bring economic relief to your district because your opponent was too combative. Remember? Being a librarian in designer clothes was not the deal. Please loosen the weave and get your head out of your *ss and get it together.

Congresswoman, last time around, you had the benefit of no political baggage. This time, you have a schizo voting record and 4 bills, 3 of which, you are being nothing more than a library aide and 1 where you are simply a co-sponsor with 8 others. With the obvious political motives of that ineptly executed excuse for a job fair with no jobs, you might have some issues come re-election time. Just because you know Michelle Obama doesn't mean you will be re-elected. I know someone that knows Prince, that doesn't mean that I am going to Paisley Park anytime soon. You had better wise up and actually start to do what you were sent to Washington to do or you will be replaced just as easily as Earl Hilliard.

Artur Davis
I sincerely hope you don't have delusions of becoming Governor, you saw how well that worked for Artur Davis.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Terri Sewell's Online Job Un-Fair

Today, I and thousands of others made the tragic mistake of going down to the BJCC to the highly publicized "job" fair promoted by Congresswoman Terri Sewell. Here is what I experienced:

Terri Sewell Job Fair draws thousands to the BJCC in Birmingham
The advertisement stated come in "Professional Attire" and bring your resume. Terri Sewell's smiling face was on fliers distributed all over the city, in conjunction with heavy ad rotation on the radio. It was no surprise that thousands would show up this morning, at least not to the thousands that arrived earlier than the 9:00am start time. People began lining up as early as 7am, but it seems as if the Congressional office hadn't quite planned on that number and it showed. They doled out numbers on a first come first serve basis, as more and more people arrived and a line of people started wrapping around the block. There were people dressed in their suits, blouses, pumps, holding resumes, wearing ties, jackets, looking polished and completely professional. Then they were the rejects who had a hard night at the club. Tight jeans, cliff hanger hooker heels, bra straps, mini skirts, tight dresses, ball caps, more tight dresses, flip flops, and wife beaters. We stood in 94 degree heat for hours while we waited to enter into 2 doors. There was no shade, unless we were lucky enough to be near the foyer or a tree, no chairs, the office didn't even think to provide any of us with water until well into the latter part of the afternoon.

Complimentary Pens and Candy, But No Jobs
Once inside, I was sticky, sweaty, my hair was a mess, only 2, I repeat 2 potential employers took my resume. Everyone else told me to submit my resume or apply online. It was almost like talking to a series of Stepford wives. OK...these must be some new places that are never on Craigslist, Indeed, or Monster right? WRONG! Southern Co., Ebsco, USA JOBS, Mercedes Benz, Regions, Compass, Verizon, ATT, Best Buy, UPS, Dept. of Corrections, Walmart, The Sheraton, and various plants and construction companies there, but I have applied to them multiple times and I worked at Ebsco back in 2004. After about the 5th time I heard the robotic"apply online", I realized that no one was trying to hire anyone or provide any leads on hiring anyone today and I needed to go get Sushi before I lose my composure like some of my fellow job hunters. Yeah...a fight broke out...What do you expect? Long lines moving at a glacial pace in the summer time...not smooth sailing.

The Dedicated 4,000
Today was a complete disaster, a raucous cacophony of hope, turned despair, turned anger and proved that Terri Sewell or her staff is incapable of thinking more than 5 minutes in front of their faces. If Terri Sewell's plan was to really help the thousands of unemployed or underemployed, then she executed her plan poorly. Piss Poorly, so poorly that a 5 year old, Special Olympic hurdler could perform leaps and bounds ahead of the curve on this. Common sense would dictate that advertising a job fair on urban radio stations, in a district that is economically depressed, which is a platform she ran on...then she should've had more than 2 doors set up to admit thousands of people. It's as if she or her staff didn't care or couldn't conceive that people were outside in the month of August for hours on end to better themselves and how are they rewarded? Nothing. Well, sweat, and a tan. I did forget the bountiful candy dishes, pens, and pads that were so generously provided. Oh, and harassment by Birmingham PD, nothing says "here to work", like Birmingham's finest. In addition to the false sense of hope to encourage people to waste time, money, gas, and energy in the hopes of a lead on a job.

Sewell claims that many she spoke with had positive feedback of the event. Believe me babe, they were just being polite. On that exit interview, this phuckery got straight 1's across the board. She stated, "I think it's really important to use our office as a platform to bring together employers and job seekers to really address this national crisis of unemployment," She goes on to say, "I think you can see by the overwhelming response we've received that there are so many Alabamians that want to work. The unemployment is not due to people not wanting to work, but just a lack of opportunity." And you didn't make the situation any better because none of these 100 employers are hiring for real. It felt like Sewell auditioned people to pretend to be employers, gave them a set script, spent $50 on candy, and called it a day. This job- less fair has just justified why people want to tax the so called job creators. You guys just spent an afternoon pissing in the face of people who are trying to live the American dream, that dream that is still supposed to be so easy for us to get.  

 People complain that there are freeloaders (black people), that leech off the system that have no aspirations to work or better themselves, and today, I saw people, black, white, young, and old willing to stand in almost 100 degree heat for a job. Only there were none to be had, unless it was in the land of make believe. Today was political gamesmanship, a grand practical joke for a re-election bid that may just blow up in the Congresswoman's face. What I believe is that this is an attempt to try to do "something" to get her name in the conversation for the upcoming election. If you can't execute the "something" properly, then leave it alone. Just go kiss babies or read to old people because I've been to better job fairs when I was applying to work for Christmas in retail back in College.

Epic Fail
Sewell said the success of the day's job fair shows that it could turn into annual event. Success? If failing is what you call a success, then sure, go for it. That can be the mascot for Birmingham, a failed Birmingham tradition, like Legion Field, Maxx Public Transit or the Dome Stadium.

I guarantee I won't be out there next year or any other year. If I am going to stand for hours on end on a street corner in heels, then I might as well get paid for it and get to ride in an air conditioned car for a few minutes in between tricks. Next time, make this crap either virtual or just don't do it at all.