Open Letter to 2 Chainz

Dear 2 Chainz,

I hate you. I mean that with all due respect, but your arrival and success in the "rap" game, it shows how dumbed down our society has become. At one point in time, rap was an actual artistic art form with social commentary, a satirical look at impoverished youth in the urban neighborhoods that told a story, but now it's just strippers, chains, and cars. Soulja Boy destroyed it, Lil Wayne and his YMCMB's motley crew of talentless ass clowns has taken it down the road of stupidity that they make MC Hammer seem deep. Rap as of right now is completely undefendable with a joke like you on the mic. If you are a rapper, a legitimate rapper then anyone can rap, because it seems that all rapping is dependent on how many hoes they can steal from the other bad rapper in the club, how much weed they can smoke, how many zeroes or "racks" are in their bank account and how many designer names they can name drop in a song. If that's all it takes my friend, you are in line for several Grammy's.


 Let's examine some of the lyrical wonders that have come out of that Whoopie Goldberg looking mouth of yours:


I go swimming in that pussy, 'bout to throw a pool party. Oh, that is shockingly stupid.

When I die, bury me inside the Gucci store. When I die, bury me inside the Louie store. Are you serious? Iconography and name dropping foreign cars is one thing, but to actually be buried inside the store? Please...I can assure you that Gucci or Louis would say "No Niggas allowed" and wouldn't let a talentless retarded ghost that can only rhyme "ass" with "ass" haunting the store scaring away the sophisticated patrons that have taste.


 Let's play big bank take little bank. You are looking at a shark in a fish tank. When I'm in the kitchen, I make plenty cash. Tell shawty come here, she got plenty ass. So, here we rhyme bank with bank and then cash with ass. Perfect...

Wash it in my condo, suicide doors. Rest in peace to my car door. Rhyming condo with doors and then doors with door. Actually, I'm not sure what the hell you are talking about.

I wish a nigga would, like a kitchen cabinet. (Eyes staring blankly at the sheer suckage of this line). So you confuse the element wood with the verb would. Maybe you don't know what "would" means, but its a past participle of will, expresses the future in past sentences, and used to express repeated or habitual action. A kitchen cabinet can do no such thing because it's an inanimate object. Do you understand? Probably not...


Pull to the scene, but my roof gone. When I leave the scene, bet your boo gone. And I beat the pussy like a new song. 2 Chainz but I got me a few on.
Of course you have a few chains on...that's why you are called 2 chainz right? You always have 2 or more chainz on and because you wear those chainz you can take every mans hoe on the face of the earth. Gotcha...

 

Started from the trap, now I rap. No matter where I'm at, I got crack. Sigh...I think I died a little on the inside.

Its your birthday, its your birthday. Bad bitches contest, you in first place. Did you really write this down? Did you seriously go in the studio with a pen and paper with garbage like this written down? How can anyone keep a straight face uttering crap like this. 

I ain't stunnin these niggas. I ain't stunnin these bitches. 2 cigarrellas, look look like extensions. You don't even bother to rhyme half of the time. It's like you just had a bunch of phrases, had a red ball or dart and threw the dart on the specific phrase and that's the one you went with.

 I wipe her down and I pipe her down. I give my girl money to go out of town. Well you at least decided to try and rhyme this time, but if I had to look at your face or listen to that steaming pile of feces that you call rap, I would go out of town for free and never come back. Actually, I would fake my death and get an entirely new identity.

My girl got a big purse with a purse in it. And her pussy so clean I can go to church in it! Really?! We offend all the elements of good taste, good lyrics, and good song writing with this. Hey future rappers, if you need help crafting a verse and need help rhyming "it", you can always go with "it". If you need to rhyme "purse" you can go with purse." This lyric is proof that Jesus died in vain and maybe you killed him.

Somehow you have a deluded lie that you are as good as Pac with the garbage lyrics that I just posted above. All I can say, after laughing for 15 min. that, if your style of rap is punchlines and saying catchy funny stuff, they actually need to be clever, funny and catchy, not so bad that they turn the listener into stone. 

I now know why you always frown in pictures...you have actually listened to your body of "work" and you know that you suck the ass you claim you get. Please take your 2 chainz, wrap them tight around your neck and put the world out of it's misery from your pathetic excuse for rap. 

p.s. trap music officially went out about 2 years ago, so save your money and limit your chains to 2, maybe even 1. You better look to Mr, T and remember he had lot's of chains and he does commercials for Old Navy.