Wednesday, November 28, 2012

In Defense of Lance Armstrong & Other Cheats

Lance Armstrong
Nutless Wonder

"It doesn't matter if you win or lose, but how you play the game." Ask any champion and they will tell you that cliche' is something that losers say.

Lance Armstrong, Marion Jones, Hulk Hogan, Mark McGuire and many others made the cardinal sin of cheating to win. After months of bad press, the greatest competitive cycler of all time has officially hit rock bottom. The Lance Armstrong Foundation has dropped the name of its eponymous creator and will now be known as the Livestrong Foundation. Wow...

Lance Armstrong
Running From The Truth

His story is unparalleled, Shakespearean in scope and breadth. A cocky, gum-flapping athlete battled insurmountable odds after a devastating cancer diagnosis, his greasy soul barely slipping the surly clutches of a certain dirt nap. Ultimately, he rehabilitated his battered body and morphed into a champion.

Not only did Lance Armstrong improbably return to the sport he loved, professional cycling, he used his unfailing narrative as a stick and beat to death his opponents by winning the most grueling sporting event on the planet of earth: The Tour De France. Seven times, wearing that bright yellow shirt.

Lance Armstrong
Beez in the Trap

He must have had help, right? I mean, you can’t just win the Tour that many times without some aid and angels. As much as everyone wanted to believe Lance’s performance was the result of clean living and hard training, there were whispers for years that he was dirtier than a bum’s ass. The French cycling daily L’Equipe published a long story in August 2005 accusing him of failing a 1999 drug test by using EPO, or erythropoietin, a blood booster commonly used by cyclists to aid in red blood-cell production. The French said he was a habitual doper who had enough money and support to insulate himself from the rules that sought to protect the sport from enhanced athletes who posed an unfair advantage to non-tainted riders. Lance said he didn’t trust the French testing system, probably because they detected those pesky drugs.

He decided to give up the ghost and cease fighting the continual doping charges in August 2012. But as backlash gripped Lance fans, there was a deeper question more important than simple outrage: Why are people so mad at Lance Armstrong when logic should have told them the guy was doing nothing short of spiking his veins, spinning his blood, and biting off chicken heads to achieve his inhuman feats?

Back in Austin and just layin' around...
Kiss The Ring, Bitch
Is it because drugs are bad for you? Why are they bad for you? Just because, right? The circular argument is that putting bad things in your body is dangerous and unfair and thus immoral and dangerous. But plenty of things are dangerous and unfair. How about zooming down one-lane, winding mountain passes with eager teenagers ringing cowbells in your face, otherwise known as a typical stage in the Tour DE France? That seems kind of dangerous. What about being hit at the speed of semi truck or should I say running down field for a touchdown? What about jumping and vaulting on a stick? Doesn't sound safe to me.

Lance is accused by the USADA of blood doping. That is essentially harvesting your own oxygen-rich blood cells (or borrowing some from a friendly matching donor - sharing is caring.) and later injecting them at a critical point (like before a bike race) to deliver more oxygen to working muscles so they can perform longer and stronger.

Of all the techniques and tools in the cycling arsenal, this one I find totally inoffensive. It’s your blood! If you want to make yourself all sickly and anemic and shiver like a hairless cat when the refrigerated sanguine smoothie glugs back into your body, then have at it. As far as I’m concerned, if drinking your own urine somehow made you faster in a time trial, then bottoms up. It’s gross, and it’s weird, but it’s yours.

We expect wins from our champions, our heroes and sometimes the "wins" should be obvious how they were derived. If they don't produce, we discard them, fire them, trade them, make them free agents or just pretend they never existed.

What then is the distinction between blood doping, taking appetite suppressants or a supplement to boost health, memory, or stamina? Those things are not something derived of nature and can therefore be harmful if not taken correctly. Why should every accomplishment that these modern day gladiators be stripped away based on arbitrary rules of a bureaucratic agency? Why should the agency play the hypocrite game by blaming the athletes while pretending to have no knowledge of doping?

Maybe we should stop asking athletes to defy gravity, kinesiology, and the laws of physics, then whine when we learn that these are regular men and women with insurmountable odds and unbearable pressure. Sure cheating may be wrong in an ethical sense, but does that negate every achievement ever received by these people. Does this change the fact that his Livestrong foundation helped raise awareness about cancer?  I would say no. What is the greater good here? Imagined purity of a sport where doping is as common as a snake hissing? Please...

Who does doping hurt other than the doper? Maybe people are comparing drugs like crack to EPO. If drugs could be taxed by the US Government, believe me they would be legal. Cheaters win and winners cheat and the notion of fairness and goodwill is just something that we tell the kids when they lose a little league game.

Lance Armstrong
Where is My Pimp Chalice?

So, let's toast to the douche bags, cheaters, vulture capitalists, instead of tearing them down or hold all cheats to the same standard. By cheaters I mean people who are successful with help from technology, like the majority of singers and rappers. Don't forget the models and actresses who utilize the magic of airbrushing to convince us they have flawless skin and no body fat. They are the direct manifestation of all our hopes and aspirations and to deny them is to deny our true selves. The difference between them and us is that they do whatever it takes to win and actually have the ability to in fact be winners. Whereas we are content to just bet on the game, they actually get on the field and play.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

The Fake War On Christmas Begins...

Taking the tradition from Bill O The Clown...
Sack Of Lies

At least, this seems to be true for "700 Club" host, charlatan, homophobe, and head buffoon Pat Robertson, who recently warned his viewers that "the Grinch" is attempting to ruin the impending holiday. I thought the Grinch was a beloved fictional character written by Dr. Seuss, but who cares about pesky things like facts. He also turned his attitude around by the end of the story without religion being involved.
King of Drool

As Right Wing Watch notes, Robertson used the iconic Seussian anti-holiday deviant as a metaphor for those "miserable atheists" who “want to steal [Christmas] away from you.” Really? Atheists want to steal a commercialized retail holiday with roots in European paganism? Christians stole the holiday from pagans, it was a pagan festival to celebrate winter solstice, so what is he talking about? Even according to his own Bible, which it's debatable if this old slug is literate, Jesus was NOT born on December 25th.

“Atheists don’t like our happiness, they don’t want you to be happy, they want you to be miserable,” Robertson says in the video. “They’re miserable so they want you to be miserable.”
So Atheists want to steal a pagan holiday away from Christians? Oh, they must want to take it back then. Robertson goes on to spread his gospel of love and understanding about atheists by saying, "People who are atheists, they hate God, they hate the expression of God, and they are angry at the world, angry with themselves, angry with society and they take it out on innocent people who are worshipping God," he said at the time. That Mr. Robertson, is intellectual dishonesty. Atheists don't hate any deity, they just don't see any evidence that one exists. A far cry from getting signs and saying that "God's hates fags", "Thank God for AIDS", "9/11 is God's judgment on America for sin," and other such hallucinatory phuckery that should shame anyone that takes this man seriously.
Mistletoe: The Warlocks Plant, Pucker Up!

Religious people, stop being gullible and do some research about this stuff. Christmas is not Jesus' birthday, no matter how many times you say "Jesus is the reason for the season." Christmas was a celebration of the winter solstice long before Christianity co-opted it along with the tree thing which was originally a symbol of the season for pagans and other cultures. Jesus, if he existed at all, was known to have been born in the summer but the Romans moved the date to December so the pagans they were trying to convert would relate. Just because you stick the words Jesus in something doesn't make it Christian. This is a method of control and it's time to recognize it for what it is. I have never met a hateful, angry, atheist or agnostic, but Christians? Meaner and colder than anyone you want to meet. Atheists just know better than to put their happiness in the hands of something that may,or may not exist. Also,I have never known an atheist to ever want to take away other people's joy,or do away with the holidays. If an atheist has a problem with the religious holidays, they just don't celebrate. 

What Robertson is saying is that we must all beware of the atheists who are happy and joyful without God. Remind me again which side thinks people should be free to enjoy their sexuality, with whom and when they like (within the bounds of consent...), and which thinks you should live your life in guilt and shame because a Big Sky Fairy is obsessing about who sticks what where. Why is it such a leap to believe that Jesus is an allegorical character representing the sun in a big astrological drama? Is there any fossil or forensic evidence that Jesus existed? Be that as it may, whether or not he did, is not the point, what we are to learn from him is, and blatant bigotry of this magnitude is not it, especially coming from a person that supposedly represents the love of Jesus. 

Where's My Xanax?

I have the distinct impression that all the people that he perceives as being unhappy and isn't realizing that they are unhappy because they have run into him.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Open Letter to Future

Dear Future,

Future - future-rapper Photo
Is This 2 Chainz? Nah, I got on only One Chain.
I hate you so much. I can't tell if your music is an actual attempt at rapping or basically a trolling song to get people to complain about how terrible you are on rap forums, twitter and facebook pages. There is not one thing about your music that is redeemable, not one. I down Rihanna mercilessly for her lack of discernible talent, but she has infectious beats (none she writes or produces), the minute her voice begins, the song goes to hell. I heard that your mix tape Purple Soda was actually good in comparison to the auto tuned, robotic repeating of  "Tony Montana" over and over in a song cleverly named Tony Montana. How do you have one of the top albums in the country? You look like 2 Chainz, but rap like, someone with a severe learning disability.This is unreal, absolutely unreal...

Radio and labels have an uncanny way of turning shit into sugar and each fake accent, and corny line that makes no sense, makes me die a slow death or pray for one. I even had the misfortune of watching one of your videos, talk about an assault on eyeballs. Slow motion, glamorizing street life, having a random light skinned video hoe that's just sort of there and serves no function while you start to walk with fire popping up behind you, like we haven't seen that a million times already but in actual good songs.I truly believe that you are a functional retard or you are a genius playing that character from Shine, hoping to keep expectations low so you can then wow us. From your lyrics, my expectations can't get lower than a pregnant ants stomach.
Future - future-rapper Photo
Call Me Step or Fetchit

“I need a driver/ To drive me round, how I maneuver/ Muthafuckin feel like I’m in Jerusalem.” (I thought you were a so called Cuban refugee at least if the lyrics to Tony Montana are to be taken literally, but I assume this is a clumsy metaphor for his importance and the grave danger he is placed in, it's almost like driving in the Middle East. Somehow I don't believe he knows where Jerusalem is on a map). 
I got you attitude in Venus/I got you begging to catch me semen.” (I don't even know what this is supposed to mean).

"I take over the streets, fresh off the banana boat" (so, you are a Cuban refugee, I know they are light and dark skinned, but I'm sure you are from Georgia. Not really Cuba.)

"I come straight from the east, where niggas split your canteloupe" (The East? Cuba? Central American Cuba? He is really from Goergia, last I checked that was the SOUTH. D'oh! Did maps change or the continents shift and I didn't get that memo? Stop watching Ice Age: Continental Drift for your geography lessons. OK.)

"You tell me what you want of me I'm coming with a gang of dope" (You were high when you wrote this)
"My cigar full of loud" (Wasn't Rihanna's annoying album called Loud? Smoking it, instead of listening to it, is sound advice)

"I'm laced up to the f-cking fo' (Is this a number, a place, a day, some abstract object?)
"A Porsche Carrera, Panamera, 911"
"I do the whole dash, dropping all cash" (Uh Huh, dropping the cash where? I thought you dropped off the drugs and kept the cash? Maybe I watched a different Scarface).

"Gutta to the death of me I'm sticking to the recipe" (So the plan is to become addicted to coke, estrange yourself from your mother, sister and wife, have a business partner murdered, kill your best friend, and get shot in the back after you rave from a cocaine induced mania. Sounds like a recipe for success, Good luck with that).

"Everything we do, we put Versace on the sofa's" (So that's everything you do you have an upholsterer put Versace on the sofa? So you drop a deuce in the morning, we get new furnishings?)

Future - future-rapper Photo
Got My Homo Thug Swag On

"The money got me heat, like I took a hit of coka" (How cute, coka and sofa rhyming.)
"My life is a movie, I gotta stay focused" (If your life is like a movie and you are comparing it to a movie, then how are you focused? I just want to know. That seems like that's the definition of unfocused. 

"My white bitch trippin she say aint playin' fair"(White bitch, I would love to be the lucky bitch on this Prince Charmings arm, he seems like a great catch).

"I'm bout to cop a tiger and put it in the castle" (Kidnapping a tiger and putting in the castle...I hope it eats you.)

"Freebandz accompany it so nigga it dont matter aye" (Is this some sort of cancer yellow band or something? You know what I don't even care).

"I wear Gucci, I wear Bally at the same damn time" (OMG, you are mixing brands? Why are the fashion gods so cruel to allow this injustice to happen or maybe you are just so cool because you do it at the same damn time. I threw up and cut the radio off at the same damn time when I heard this song.)

"On the phone, cooking dope, at the same damn time" ( So basically you can do two things at once...congratulations).
The future is here - future-rapper Photo
Im and Ass-stro-NOT

"I'm on Pluto I'm on Mars at the same damn time" (Hmmmm....that's quite an achievement considering Mars is the first planet of the solar system and Pluto is a planetoid hundreds of light years away. I hate being literal here, but lets try to operate within the confines of reality).

"Talking on the iPhone, sipping out the Styrofoam" (Only the best alcohol goes in my white styrofoam cups. How is he always talking about his chains, popping bottles, cars, but he is drinking out of a styrofoam cup? Well, he should take it a step further and make it a brown paper bag, just to make it a little more hood).

"I see a bunch of clones" (Oh yeah, this is the most truthful line this person has ever uttered in his overly abused auto tuned, non rapping mouth. Every artist is either a clone or a rip off of someone else with more talent, more perspective, more substance from a bygone era that the lowest common denominator has either never heard of or too lazy to stop the download from Itunes).

Your auto tune gargle delivery is just awful and is almost as annoying as Nicki Minaj's multiple personality, tourette syndrome hip pop. People say what's important is what is being said in rap thats more important than how it is actually being said. I disagree, but in your case, I don't understand a word you are saying. Every song should come with subtitles just like Wheel of Fortune has for the hearing impaired. By the way, your rap style, if you can call it that, sounds like you were once hearing impaired and just got some type of hearing implant, and just learned to talk a few years ago and haven't quite mastered enunciation.

Music has been dead for a while now, I didn't think that someone could beat the bloated dead horse of mass marketed, commercialized add water songs, but you somehow made the impossible, possible. 

Great Scot Your Music Sucks Ass

If you are the Future, I hope Doc from the Back to the Future movies pops up with a Deloreon, so this part of musical trash can be skipped. 

scarface - scarface Photo
Will The Real TONY MONTANA Please Stand Up
See you at the bottom of that indoor pool with a bullet in your back, and if I find you, I may pull the trigger myself.

50 States Want to Secede From Itself...

Let's load up the FEMA Concentration camps!

Dueling Banjos
Still holding sour grapes in the wake of the re-election of President Obama, a wave of delusional citizens have petitioned the White House announcing their desire to leave or "secede" from the United States.

These citizens are so fed up with the country, in other words, they want to opt out and start their own. Didn't they try this before? The result was a very disruptive Civil War and has created Honey Boo Boo as a future GOP Senatorial or Presidential candidate. 

The reality here is that there's no legal mechanism by which states can secede from the nation. The White house is being good-spirited by offering to respond to any petition that gathers more than 25,000 signatures, but the most this gesture will do is make the signatories feel listened to. This is no different than Grandpa Simpson yelling at proverbial clouds. There is no point and the petitioners just look crazy or crazier. I must mention that this group, the "We the People" group that holds the Constitution on par with the Holy Bible has petitioned to strip citizens of citizenship and exile them. We have hypocrisy on display from people so stupid they think hypocrisy is a new slide dance. 

Sample petitions state: 

"The US continues to suffer economic difficulties stemming from the federal government's neglect to reform domestic and foreign spending. The citizens of the US suffer from blatant abuses of their rights such as the NDAA, the TSA, etc. Given that the state of Texas maintains a balanced budget and is the 15th largest economy in the world, it is practically feasible for Texas to withdraw from the union, and to do so would protect it's citizens' standard of living and re-secure their rights and liberties in accordance with the original ideas and beliefs of our founding fathers which are no longer being reflected by the federal government."

Right...what a wonderful economy Texas has. Plenty of low paying retail and food industry jobs for the minions who mindlessly vote against their interests. It's funny that rich people tend to vote Democrat and have no problem with tax hikes, but poor people or lower middle class piss and moan the most about job killing.

Here is a list of the States that have filed and you can guess they are mostly all red states with a few wild cards like New York in here. Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Delaware, Florida,Georgia, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Michigan, Minnesota,Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, Nevada, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma,Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee,Texas, Utah, Virginia, West Virginia, Wisconsin and Wyoming.

Once again, these clowns want to thumb their noses up at the Federal Government until a natural disaster strikes. Then what happens? Who bails them out? Who will rescue them when the infrastructure of the State is destroyed? Do they want the interstate, phone lines, post office, transportation to cease? No trade goods to be allowed or taxes with out representation? No corporate businesses being allowed to operate within said state, what about the military, the list goes on and on. It doesn't take a Harvard Economics grad to understand the ramifications of secession. Well to be fair, most of these people are probably married to their first cousins, live in a trailer park, have bad tan lines, and may have thought they were signing up for free Internet porn.

It appears that the Romney confederacy vote has gone unchecked and racism has risen to new sickening heights. What's so stupid about the situation, is that they ask the person that they hate for permission to leave. These have to be the most stupid people that have ever walked the face of the earth. This highlights how weak our education system is when it comes to teaching critical thinking, history, government and civics in school. Every US citizen should have a working knowledge of our governmental structure, our legislative process, congressional functions, who we fought in the Revolutionary and Civil Wars and why July 4th is significant. My Vietnamese nail tech knows the majority of these answers and he is from VIETNAM.

We as Americans shouldn't worry about enemies attacking us. We have allowed differences in religion, personal choices, the inception of a 'politics of hatred and intolerance' to carve a deepening divide in our nation, the likes of which I have never dreamed could occur in my lifetime. I fear that we are destroying the very nature and future of what our Forefathers intended by giving us our sacred Constitution and assuring freedom (for some), from the oppression that we broke away from when we began building this Republic. They had an integrity and even in their darkest disagreements, they fought with good intentions and compromised for the good of all people. Well most people...White males, to be exact.

So to quote birthers, Kluckers, Skinheads and other racist assholes, let me say,  "I'm proud to be an American, love it or leave it. Go back to where you came from." Self deport and spare us more embarrassment from your gross stupidity. Just know that the country you land in will have *gasp* universal health care, a functional infrastructure, legal drugs and gay marriage, unless you move to Ubeki stan-stan-stan-stan- stan. So have fun kids when you leave this unrealistic puritanical society.

What Did We Learn?

Those that do not learn from the past are doomed to repeat it...

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Open Letter to the GOP: Here is Why You Lost

Dear Republicans,

Today a woman returned a pair of shoes to the shoe department. Thinking she was being a typical fickle female, she provided her so called rationale. "Since Obama was re-elected, I'm not sure that I'm going to have any more money and the government is spending too much money." As if Obama wasn't President 3 years ago, or when ever she bought the shoes.  This is the logic of the Republican Party...

Let this absorb into your small minds: Barack Obama was re-elected President of the United States of America on November 6th, 2012, and the world is still spinning on it's axis. For two whole days, people have been mourning the Romney/ Ryan loss and have questioned what went wrong. Everything was in place for a Republican win of the White House and a possible Senate pickup. There was a vulnerable president, a struggling economy, a still too high unemployment rate, a Supreme Court decision that allowed carte blanche in corporate campaign spending, and a moderate GOP candidate from a blue state with a background in business ... with perfect hair. Republicans could not have scripted a better scenario in the lead-up to Tuesday's election.

However, following an election in which absolutely no Republican momentum was capitalized on, it is apparent that the GOP has much deeper concerns than an inability to win swing states. Republicans lost women, Latinos, and young people by double-digits. Why? Well, there is a very simple explanation.

1. The Tea Party

The tea party advocates for change so long as everything remains the same. Its as if being qualified or sane has become overated with this group. When I was younger, Republicans were the party of business, the Gordon Gecko's or Pat Bateman's if you will. They spoke of fiscal responsibility, raw capitalism, federal sentencing guidelines, drug wars, pragmatism, rationalism, science, math, economics (trickle down), education, and true American exceptionalism. Then the 80's happened and as a response to homosexuality and aids, the christian right hijacked the party and made it more and more extreme. It became apparent that in order to win elections, you had to pander to this group of people on more and more social issues while unfettered spending went unchecked. Finally, the group became so extreme and anti- intellectual that the Patron Saint of conservatism, Ronald Reagan, whose entire Presidential record has been re-imagined to seem happier and more Pollyana-ish than it really was, isn't even a conservative anymore. There are now a set of litmus tests to prove how conservative a person is and if one shows apathy, they are labeled a RHINO, Republican in Name Only, and are almost booted out of the party.

When the party leaders started sending out blatant dog whistles and unwilling to reign in the Limbaugh's, Ted Nugents and Donald Trumps of the world, they wrote their own fate. They also signaled to the extremes that it is okay to scapegoat people of color, Hispanics and gays as being the reason for the financial meltdown and the decay of traditional family values.

The language and tone of the tea party was full of hate, vitriol and represented the worst that America had to offer. When people lament about how Obama has taken away their fundamental rights of free speech or their second amendment rights to bear arms, I wonder if they have so short a memory that they forget all the times people hung chairs, hung dolls that represented the President, called the President or the First Lady a monkey, depicted them both as monkeys and sent them out as email Christmas cards, spat on Senators during the healthcare vote, pondered the use of second amendment remedies, claimed the founding fathers ended slavery, or that humans were being mated with mice and they had fully functioning brains. What about carrying guns to protest rallies, and blaming every national tragedy as Gods judgment for gays, abortion and whatever else. The list of crazy goes on and on. If the Republicans ever want to be taken seriously again, they have to disconnect themselves from this fringe crazy wing of the party. Their views do not fall in line with the rest of the country, instead its closer to a totalitarian dictatorship, similar to the Taliban. Andbecause of them, they lost seats in the Senate, possible control of the Senate and millions of dollars spent on campaigns nationwide. To let the tea party hold the reigns for another cycle is party suicide.

2. Culture War

The Republican Party is a party that is polarized and is either unwilling or unable to address the changing demographic in this country. White people are no longer a majority which prompted the rise of the tea party in the first place. Nothing has changed since Obama took office, he is Bush lite, except more articulate. People whine and say that he is tough on business because he hurt their feelings by calling them "fat cats", even though they have made record profits in his administration. 68% of white people voted for Mittens, he won 17% of the Hispanic vote and 7% of the black vote. If Republicans ever want to be electorally viable, they need to get the Hispanic vote up to about 40%. However, that won't happen with telling Hispanics that they should "self deport", they are lazy, coming up with the most asinine laws where they can be jailed and deported just for looking Hispanic or speaking Spanish. Sticking Marco Rubio on a ballot won't do the trick, they need to do some actual thinking and real reformation of Immigration policies, otherwise, they will be dead in the water as a political party.

3. War on Women

As Soon as the tea party freshmen took control of the House, they went on a war of the uterus, despite the fact that they campaigned on the debt. It was abortion, the redefinition of rape, rape, rape, rape, and more rape. The very people that screamed about no government intrusion had no problem with government intrusion on my uterus and who people slept with. That logic always seems to escape social conservatives...

Republicans made argument after argument about the sanctity of life and that rape was either a gift from God, another form of conception, akin to pregnancy out of wedlock, or that the human body had ways of "shutting that thing down" if it were deemed legitimate. As a result, every creepy creeperton that made rape statements lost their bid for re-election, inevitably costing them a possible majority in the Senate. It appears us women in the electorate did have a way to shut that thing down, meaning the failed campaigns of all those residents of crazy town.

It's time to let go of the social conservatism, and focus on fiscal conservatism, period. Morality can not be legislated, no matter how hard you try, unless you live in a theocratic society. They say they want to live in democratic and free society, unless it relates to sex, relationships, drugs, or religion.You know what, that's not truly a free society, and you can't have it both ways. Everyone isn't Judeo-Christian and doesn't share those so called values, whatever those are. For the record, Jesus was a socialist...

4. Republican Obstructionism- Party of No

As soon as the Republicans took control of the House, their sole goal was to deny Obama a second term. Mitch McConnell, Senate Minority Leader, famously said that was his only agenda. Category 5 Moron Michelle Bachmann, made that her harpie war chant, "One term president." Instead of doing the work they were elected to do, they played political games, dabbled in birtherism, demanded to see birth certificates, called Obama a terrorist, a communist, a socialist, blamed him for everything from WWI to the rain. They perpetuated the Us. vs. Them mentality that permeated and festered throughout the not so intelligent electorate. By elevating the likes of Allen West, Sarah Palin, Michelle Bachmann, there was no working ability to have the mythological bi-partisanship. It was nothing more than trying to score political points for the political vacuum that is the Republican punditry.

5. Living in a Fantasy World

Boehner is SO UPSET (naturally!)

Republicans as a whole hate facts. Or should I say, they change their rhetoric when it's politically convenient. Most Republicans are as socialist as the Left. While not as socially liberal as the left—not advocating equality, gay rights, feminism, etc., etc.—Republicans have proven every bit as fiscally liberal with the exception of the last year or so. But try to get one to admit that social security and medicare are socialist programs along the lines of Obamacare, and they’ll dance and dodge all day! It was Bush II who created medicare prescription drug coverage at the cost of $550 billion, and only nine Senate republicans opposed.

Public schooling is a socialist institution, paid for like a social welfare scheme, where socialist teachers teach socialism to conservatives’ kids. It was designed as an anti-conservative institution and operates openly as an anti-conservative institution. Yet most conservative parents still mock homeschooling and refuse to put their kids in even a private school. Some Christians argue they’re salt and light—”we just need prayer back in schools!” The only prayer any kid should be praying in school is “Mom! Dad! Please! Get me out!”

There is no such thing as private property as long as property taxes and the threat of liens exist. Bad-mouthing Obama’s socialism rings hollow until you pressure your state, county, and municipal officials to abolish property taxes. Of course, you’d also have to argue against public schooling as well, for about 75% of property taxes go to pay for public schools.

Republicans were the original spend-and-tax, big-government Progressives, and remain so today. The same Republican men who nationalized the military, in order to fund their progressive ideals, created, promoted, and signed into law the Sixteenth amendment (national income tax) which had the side-effect of rendering the IRS a permanent institution. So, the tea party is in effect protesting itself. I told you they weren't the brightest bulbs in the box...

6.  The Party of Stupid

Why is ignorance celebrated? The Republican party has steadily dumbed itself down to the lowest common denominator. They deny global warming, evolution, coined the terms "legitimate rape", and "death panels". The believe the Bible is 100% literal, that the earth is 6,000 years old, humans and dinosaurs co-existed even  when there is fossil evidence that proves that this didn't happen. When did they abandon common sense, logic and embrace ignorance and take pride in it. They even nominate the dumbest candidates they can find and call them "authentic" while calling educated people "elitist". Seriously?! Elitist for having a college education and using proper English. Sorry for not wanting to have Honey Boo Boo as the titular head of the party and you shouldn't want to either.

The problem was that we saw the Republicans for what they really were and it was a right-wing party that did not reflect the rest of the electorate.  Politics is tribal, but surrendering the centre-ground can be ill-afforded in any election. The GOP may have targeted the blue collar and the religious vote, but its policy towards immigration, the economy and women saw it ostracize a huge proportion and increasingly important section of the electorate: Hispanics and women. Suicidal when one looks at the make-up of the swing states.

for, the, grand, old, party, to, be, grand, again,, it, has, to, stop, catering, to, old,, white, men,

This is a party that has placed ideology ahead of electability and fitness to govern. Ultimately this is why you failed and failed spectacularly. But buck up. We survived 8 years of Bush and conversely you will survive 8 years of Obama.