Monday, May 11, 2015

Jeb and Dubya Bush...The New Millennium's Beavis and Butthead

Image result for beavis and butthead pictures

Jeb Bush, the Bush brother we all joked was the smart brother, because he spoke in complete sentences has now decided that he will double down on the stupid one's failed policy of invading the wrong country, destabilizing an entire region, allowing a terrorist regime to be elected "democratically",  fear mongering, shooting things first and asking questions later, making Jesus the nations mascot, and all that left him with a 34% approval rating. This has in essence made him the stupid brother, because anyone that runs into a burning building and thinks they won't burn isn't the brightest bulb in the box.

Jeb is actually the Beavis of this duo. Jeb Bush claimed that he would've authorized the Iraq war back in 2003. The war that everyone knows was the wrong war and the wrong country with no WMD's. He goes on to say, I would have [authorized the invasion], and so would have Hillary Clinton (we know then Senator Clinton did, because your fetus for brains brother made the Iraq war a nationalistic litmus test. Plus, she and other's that voted for the war admitted it was a mistake), just to remind everybody. And so would almost everybody that was confronted with the intelligence they got,” the likely 2016 presidential contender said. Yeah...we heard about the intelligence they got, inconclusive, faulty, and just plain made up. If I recall, Butthead said to invade and hopefully the facts would back his decision. So, if that's intelligence, making up stuff and lying, then sure, mystical ponies ridden by the tooth fairy are also real possibilities


To top this off, the unannounced presidential candidate added, “[S]o just for the news flash to the world, if they’re trying to find places where there’s big space between me and my brother, this might not be one of those.”

[Update: Bush was specifically asked ”Knowing what we know now, would you have authorized the invasion?” He replied, “I would have.”]

Dumb and Dumber
Note the evolution in Jeb Bush’s approach to the issue. Just three months ago, asked about the disastrous war in Iraq, the Florida Republican told reporters, “I won’t talk about the past…. If I’m in the process of considering the possibility of running, it’s not about re-litigating anything in the past.” Soon after, Jeb Bush was willing to concede mistakes were made,” but he wouldn't say who made the mistakes or how he would have done anything different.

Who remembers Bush v. Gore? The biggest joke in legal precedent that has ever occurred in the last 50 years? Remember what State the decision was hung on? Florida. Who was Governor of Florida at the time? It was Beavis. Then there was all than nonsense about "hanging chads" which confounding all the old people that seemed to be the only one's that worked at the polls. And what do you know, the most idiotic person on the face of the earth became president. 

Give me teepee for my bunghole!
Jeb is also embarrassing himself and his party by claiming that his brother is his most influential counselor on Israel- Middle Eastern policy. “If you want to know who I listen to for advice, it’s him,” Bush said speaking to a crowd of high-powered investors at the Metropolitan Club, according to four people present. These four should be commended for trying to stop the train wreck that is Bush 45. The Republicans in the room spoke on the condition of anonymity to divulge information about the private meeting. You sure this isn't Def Comedy Jam and he didn't say this ironically? Surely he wasn't serious. Or is this a cynical ploy to raise money based on the Bush dynasty? Whatever it is, but if there was any doubt what he stands for, let me inform you. He stands for nothing but the money. He is a Floyd Mayweather in a drab suit. Most sane people, even the most wacked out "conservative" can admit the war was mistake. Mistakes were made before and after the invasion. The effects of those mistakes are being felt today. A war that began in 2003 and has yet to really end, based on a lie, predicated on the nation's fear regarding the country's largest terrorist attack since Pearl Harbor, but these fools say they would do it again. Jeb's independence from W, would've helped with the know somethings in the party, the one's with money and some education, and don't suck exhaust fumes in a swamp, drinking grain alcohol out of a mason jar, with misspelled "Obama is the anticrist" signs .

In any country with the collective IQ over room temperature, this doofus shouldn't utter the word president, much less run for it. I can smell the desperation in the air and it's official Jeb is the dumber brother. His candidacy is the definition of insanity. Doing the same thing over again and hoping for a different result.  Congratulations for scraping the bottom of the barrel and taken your rightful seat on the back of the short yellow bus on the highway to hell.

Vote for this moron at your own risk.


Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Open Letter to Stacey Dash

Dear Stacey,

I am going to start out with something nice to say...

You look amazing for your age. I mean I wouldn't believe you were 50ish just by looking at you. Your hair is always pristine, you have a great physique and I still love Clueless. That vacant expression in your that says "the lights are on, but no one is home", is the stuff of men's fantasies.

With that said, you are probably dumber than Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann combined because they at least had jobs in the last decade. It was cool that  you didn't play the "I didn't root for Obama because he's black", thing, but why they let someone that isn't smart enough to answer questions from the Ms. Drag America Pageant discuss foreign policy confounds me.

Image result for stacey dash is stupid
Am I stupid enough for the Fox Crowd?
You always have lapses in history, reality, space, time, math and science and it's just disgusting. One of the more idiotic comments you have made, and believe me, there are boundless comments, is that blacks that voted for Obama, which must have included you, since you voted for him in 2008, you said on Junior KKK Sean Hannity, “It still keeps them stuck. They are getting money for free,” “They feel worthless. They are uneducated.” Site your source. Site the source where we are getting money for free, uneducated or feel worthless. Now if you mean the racist system that was already in place long before Obama took the white house, ok. If you are talking about the social programs that the majority of white people receive, then again, I concede the argument. If you are referencing the piss poor job market and that even if you have 12 degrees, you can lose your job at any given moment at any given time and it can take years to find another one. Then again, I see your point. But none of that is Obama's fault. 

It almost seems that you go out of your way to prove how much of a half wit you truly are and to prove that black women can be dumb blondes too. There should be a dialogue bubble next to everyone you stand next to that simply says, "I'm with stupid". The latest bit of idiocy that crossed from your wax lips, is a complete rewrite of history. I'm not sure you were sober in the 2000's to come up with this one, but here goes. On a clusterfox show Monday, you said with a straight face that no one would have been beheaded under a George W. Bush presidency. You said, When George W. Bush was president, the most important thing to him was not to be liked, but to be respected,” she said. “And you better believe no one would have been beheaded when he was president.”

I was literally confused by this statement because I thought that it has happened, the silicone in your boobs have cut circulation off in your brain or you just don't understand the definition of "beheaded". Behead is a verb, meaning to take off head of; kill or execute by decapitation. Let me give you a history lesson for the selective amnesia that you clearly have. So the Bush years between 2000 and 2008 had a few guys that got beheaded Ms. Dumb Dash, let me tell you, they were broadcast online and you can easily find out this information on this primitive thing called "the internet". They even have a record of these people on Wikipedia


Daniel Pearl, the Jewish journalist, who was kidnapped by KSM, was the first guy, remember Angelina Jolie played his black wife in "A Mighty Heart" a few years ago, which made so sense...I digress...but he was killed in 2002. DURING BUSH'S TERM. 

Nick Berg was a contractor, back when Cheney was privatizing everything and getting rich for waging an illegal war. Nick was caught during Bush/ Cheney's misadventures in Iraq and Abu Musab al-Zarqawi personally beheaded Nick, in his poorly produced mix tape of Nick's beheading. This was 2004. AGAIN, BUSH WAS THE DECIDER IN CHIEF.

Owen Jack Armstrong and Jack Hensley, two contractors for a construction firm were Kidnapped with a Brit named Kenneth Bigley. Abu Musab al-Zarqawi personally beheaded Armstrong. The following day, the group beheaded Hensley, and threatened to kill Bigley, unless the United States met their demands to free all women prisoners in Iraqi jails Bigley was beheaded in October 2004.

There were countless people who were kidnapped, body parts were missing, bodies had to be recovered years after the fact. And let's not forget 3,000 people died on 9/11 while the President golfed and a war was started based on false pretenses, which is the reason why the above men were beheaded in the first place. 

Being a fox shill for the cash is one thing, but allowing you to have any type of intellectual conversation of any type is a pathetic joke. Basically anything that comes out of your mouth, a single celled 14 year old boy, could pick a part. 

Being a sex symbol yourself, I find it hard to believe that victim blaming is actually something you could do with a straight face. But again, I don't think the synapses fire and create one single, stable connection, so I don't believe you understand what you are saying half the time. But in your vapid, red state, mindless world, the rapist isn't to blame, the rape victim is to blame for being raped. Here is your word soup

Image result for stacey dash is stupid“The other bad girls–bad women–are the ones who like to be naughty, might go out and play and get hurt and then, you know…But the other thing about this is that it then blames the alcohol instead of the person who over-drinks. So it’s like, the same thing with guns. Guns don’t kill people; people kill people. Alcohol doesn’t get you drunk; you get yourself drunk.”

So I guess in the photo above, since you are naked, with your typical deer in headlights look, is this you asking for it? Is this you being naughty? Aren't you turning the rapist on? It's not the rapist fault that they have a psychological problem and a need to dominate and control the victim. It's your fault for being "naughty" or getting drunk. And no alcohol doesn't get you drunk, I have the power of alcohol within me to get high off life and don't need alcohol. That makes sense to me.

You are the perfect Republican token black. All that is required is that you are lightskinned, have money, spout party nonsense, have a firm back side and big boobs and then they can say they aren't racist and are all inclusive. And you sit on tv and prove over and over that maybe Darwin was wrong with his theory of survival of the fittest. You are proof that they will just continue to shine the poo and try to make stupid seem under the "big tent". But, you are still so mesmerizingly stupid that it hurts, it hurts so bad. If you weren't pretty, God help you, but don't get confused, if it weren't for Clue, you would've been on the next pole next to Amber Rose.

Monday, January 5, 2015

Stupid Sh&t Republican's Say

The magic lamps at the magic lamp emporium are on a genie time share program and there might be a slight delay on wish fulfillment...

Well...it's time for the 2016 election cycle and 2015 is the audition process for the upcoming clown show. This year, every doofus will vie for camera time, go on coloring book tours, leave their Fox shows and jockey for power in the upcoming do nothing congress. We have the usual suspects who are more serious than others, such as: Rand Paul, Rick Santorum, Chris Christie, Jeb Bush, and then the fools: Rick Perry, Mike Huckabee, Bobby Jindal, and the token candidates: Marco Rubio and Ben Carson. Add to the stupidity the candidate no one wants but won't go away, three time loser, Mitt Romney. 

During this year, I plan on posting stupid sh&t these fools say, which won't be difficult considering they have control of two branches of government, the Supreme court and the propaganda is washed through fox news. Enjoy!

“the penetration of criminals and terrorists across our southern border” represents a threat to the U.S. comparable to the threat of a nuclear strike from Iran against Israel.. ..This was one of the "threats" that wanted to scare ignorant white people about the crisis with the immigrant kids at our border. Basically the pattern of noun/ verb/ scare white people which appears to work like a charm.


  He likened the immigrant “invasion” to D-Day, warning that undocumented immigrants were responsible for over six hundred thousand crimes in Texas over the past five years, including thousands of homicides and sexual assaults. 
Now my history is hazy, but I thought the loss of life on D- Day was major, like hundreds of thousands, and I have a degree in crime, the immigrant kids aren't the problem. Texas is full of poor, uneducated black and white trash that either riot for Jordan retro's or hold racist signs that are misspelled, accusing Obama of being Hitler, and lot's of crime. It's the south. I'm supposed to suspend my disbelief that crime started in Texas in 2013-2014? Sorry, I don't smoke those type of herbs. The south runs crime nation wide, no matter how many churches we have here, we have everything bad in excess and nothing good.
     Gohmert called President Obama’s immigration policy the real “war on women” because it allowed immigrants to cross the border to rape women. Louis Gohmert- Rep. Texas.

  Nothing will make Latinos vote for Republican's like comparing them to ISIS or rapists.  This would all be funny if his rank stupidity wasn't dangerous. He is planning on challenging Boehner for House speaker. Can you believe that? It won't happen, but this rodeo clown could be #3 in line to running the country in a parallel universe. Fix it Jesus!



If the Supreme Court says that you have the right to consensual [gay] sex within your home, then you have the right to bigamy, you have the right to polygamy, you have the right to incest, you have the right to adultery. You have the right to anything. Does that undermine the fabric of our society? I would argue yes, it does. It all comes from, I would argue, this right to privacy that doesn’t exist in my opinion in the United States Constitution. In every society, the definition of marriage has not ever to my knowledge included homosexuality. That’s not to pick on homosexuality. It’s not, you know, man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be. It is one thing.” Rick Santorum saying that we don't have the right to consensual sex, or the constitutional right to privacy which is a FUNDAMENTAL right. So, they make fun of Obama for being a Constitutional Law Professor and they come with this...

“There are no Palestinians. All the people who live in the West Bank are Israelis. There are no Palestinians. This is Israeli land.” Rick Santorum claiming that there are no Palestinians living on the West bank. So why are they fighting again? Didnt the allies remove the Palestinians after WWII to create Israel? Palestine is in the Bible, I know I have seen that word there. No Palestine? That is in complete contravention to what my history book, Bibles, Atlas, globes, etc... tells us. The seven day war? The entire fight for the Palestinian homeland...I can't...

“Watching President Obama apologize last week for America’s arrogance – before a French audience that owes its freedom to the sacrifices of Americans – helped convince me that he has a deep-seated antipathy toward American values and traditions.” Ricky Again...apparently he forgot that without France, America wouldn't have won that little war called the Revolutionary War. That little statue called the Statue of Liberty, sent by France sort of commemorated that, come on, we learned that in school. The words on the statue is in French!

“The most dangerous place for an African-American in this country is in the womb.”Rick Santorum claiming that blacks are more threatened by abortion than GOP economic policies, gun violence and now police brutality.

I could write a novel on Rick Santorum, but let me move on...

Image via Raw Story
I mean, [America is] very much like Nazi Germany. And I know you’re not supposed to say ‘Nazi Germany,’ but I don’t care about political correctness. You know, you had a government using its tools to intimidate the population. We now live in a society where people are afraid to say what they actually believe.” Ben Carson comparing America to Nazi Germany because of Liberals. This dude is allergic to facts...

ObamaCare is the worst thing that has happened in this nation since slavery. In a way, it is slavery, because it is making all of us subservient to the government.” Ben Carson again...this is the same group of people that want to control who you sleep with, when you sleep with them, who you can marry, but health care...that's slavery because going to the doctor is being dependent on the government. OK...

“My thoughts are that marriage is between a man and a woman. It’s a well-established, fundamental pillar of society, and no group — be they gays, be they NAMBLA, be they people who believe in bestiality — it doesn’t matter what they are — they don’t get to change the definition.” Uncle Ben comparing homosexuality to pedophilia and bestiality, because that is of course the next logical step. Even though, marriage is a legal definition and contract not a religious one, but I'm trying to invoke logic here...

I think most people when they finish that course, they’d be ready to go sign up for ISIS.” Ben Carson explaining that students that take AP History will cause students to *gasp*, learn about civil disobedience and join a terrorist organization. I can't even touch how stupid that statement is. Does a person that goes to college and take history, which is why you take AP classes, to get college credit, equally as susceptible to join a terrorist organization? I took honors and AP classes, why didn't i automatically run off to Al-quaeda or the PLO? As a black man that clearly benefited from civil disobedience, i.e. civil rights, he is so stupid that it almost makes me want to hang myself as a sacrifice so he can get a functioning brain in a transplant.

I think a lot of it really got started in the ’60s with the ‘Me’ generation. ‘What’s in it for me?’ I hate to say it, but a lot of it had to do with the women’s lib movement. You know, ‘I’ve been taking care of my family, I’ve been doing that, what about me?’ You know, it really should be about us. Ben Carson blaming Mike Brown's death on the women's liberation movement. Really?! 

Good luck with this bunch GOP!




Thursday, August 7, 2014

Open Letter to Robin Thicke

Dear Robin,

Miley_and_robin_thicke
Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice!

I just wanted to let you know that you are pathetic and the public groveling just needs to stop. What is happening to you now career wise, is that people pick a mediocre artist and trash the absolute crap out of them for whatever reason. Call it the "Creed, Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan or Nickelback" effect if you will. However, rarely does an artist just stand at the edge of a precipice in a Beetlejuice suit and designer shades, while a jail bait borderline anorexic with a flat butt dances "twerks" with a teddy bear to a song about rape. Your fan base are WOMEN and what do you do, have a public midlife crisis set to a Will.i.scam production and cheat on a chic that most men and quite a few women would go through Rosie O'Donnell to be with. To hate you, is to know you and clearly Paula hates you.

Your abomination song, 2013's version  of the "ice ice baby of the macarena",  "blurred lines", the first video to not feature your estranged wife, has the most creepy creeperton, rapey language to ever be put to pen and paper. Congratulations! You set the bar to a new low. The video looks like it took 15 minutes to collectively conceptualize, style and shoot and was proof that videos are in it's death throes and probably why MTV opts for trash reality shows instead. Super stardom ruined you and it made you believe that you could throw out lyrics like: "I know you want it, you're a good girl, do it like it hurt, do it like it hurt, what you don't like work, and the piece de resistance; "I'll give you something to tear your ass into".

Lana Scolaro and Robin Thicke
Digging For Shame

Ah yes, what better way to show a woman who's in charge than violent non sensual sodomy? We women should like pain during sex and pain is a part of sex. Spoken like a true sexual predator whose role is relegated to a mere sex doll used for the pleasure of a man. But blurred lines empowers women, says you, that's from the Hollywood slut world where empowerment is synonymous with female objectification. In a GQ interview you said, "We tried to do everything that was taboo. Bestiality, drug injections, and everything that is completely derogatory towards women. Because all three of us are happily married with children, we were like, "We're the perfect guys to make fun of this." People say, "Hey, do you think this is degrading to women?" I'm like, "Of course it is. What a pleasure it is to degrade a woman. I've never gotten to do that before. I've always respected women." So we just wanted to turn it over on its head and make people go, "Women and their bodies are beautiful. Men are always gonna want to follow them around." After the video got banned on YouTube, my wife tweeted, "Violence is ugly. Nudity is beautiful. And the 'Blurred Lines' video makes me wanna..." You know. And that's the truth. Right now, with terrorism and poverty and Wall Street and Social Security having problems, nudity should not be the issue.” 

Right...master of Creep, nudity is not the issue. Behavior in the making that can be considered a felony into a full blown album is. Plus, you are all not happily married anymore, well...you aren't. This year you decide to turn stalking and get richer at the same time by releasing "Paula". In the album we have you being pathetic and admitting that you were an assclown who didn't appreciate his hot wife who I would go lez for.


Robin #thicke, it's over, face it, you won't get her back and no one wants you, excluding STD infected strippers and old black women who still line dance to blurred lines. If you can't reach wood in record sales, maybe it's time to just close the shop and raise your child. Oh and your stalker movie that you did with Jamie Presley just cemented in our minds that you are a chain smoking alcoholic creep that also can't act. I guess we have to replace you with and Gary Owen as the honorary black white guy with a hot black wife. I'm sure he isn't dumb enough to hump Miley flanked by Teddy Bears in an ill fitting Beetlejuice suit and sunglasses. 

Congratulations Robin! You are the dumbest dude on the face of the earth...and believe me that's an achievement in the entertainment industry with so many other artists to compete with.

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Artur Davis Returns to Alabama: Tail Between His Legs and Wants to be Mayor

Beard Alert!!!!
The lights have gone down, the cameras are off and people are no longer interested in what was once a promising Uncle Tom that bitterly switched parties, ran to Virginia, attempted to get a job with a loser presidential candidate, attempted to consult, and is now launching an "exploratory committee" to run for Mayor of Montgomery. Here is the thing with Mr. Davis...he doesn't need an exploratory committee in lieu of common sense. I don't have a Harvard degree, but I bet I can tell him without him spending his money that he is wasting his time, just like I would've told him back in 2010 when he ran the most idiotic gubernatorial campaign in history that he would lose. If he just has money that is burning a hole in his pocket, then he can send it to my car finance company and let's call it a day.
I'm Running For Mayor...Can I Count On Your Vote? "Don't Make Me Laugh"!!!!!!!!

Artur needs to understand that people in Alabama are low information on a lot of things such as tax reform, medicare, ACA, the lottery and they will be easily manipulated if "Jesus" is said enough times in a sentence by a political candidate. However, for all their shortcomings, they will never elect a blatant hypocrite into office. Being a centrist Democrat is fine, not being beholden to the shucking and jiving that one has to do to secure a democratic nomination in Alabama among the black churches is fine, but to condescend to them, ignore them, blame them and blame Obama for your loss is beyond dumb. He lost 2010 because he ran a piss poor campaign, read the climate of the political environment wrong, and behaved as if he already won the primary and was in the general already. The TEA Party was in it's frenzied infancy in 2010, and they were vehemently against Obama and anything that resembled Obama. Davis attended law school with Obama and seconded his nomination at the Democratic convention in 2008, so is there any surprise that he was subsequently linked to Obama? Did he really need an exploratory committee to tell him about that?
Obama really likes this haircut! I'm so cool...

After the folly of his gubernatorial campaign, he talked about running for Virginia State Senate, we see that didn't work...He worked for a law firm for about a year and then became a resident fellow at Harvard University’s Institute for Politics in the spring of 2012. He garnered support from the cluster fox crowd by pimping himself out campaigning for Romney and speaking at the Republican convention, being the token with a horrible hair cut, black  to counter the Democrat "token black". He got to speak on some tea party shows, got to be named on some imaginary Romney black people inroads committee with other psychotic token blacks like Allen West, that no member of the black community would ever take seriously or care about. You know to make the GOP seem less racist but only with a chocolate shell. Then realized that he bet on the wrong horse when the magic underpants man lost, took all his toys off the sand lot like a petulant 5 year old, to Virgina and vowed never to play in Alabama again. 

Until now...


Montgomery is still a heavily democratic city, with a popular Mayor, Davis is a Republican now and believes that one must overcome partisanship. "It’s a citywide vision for Montgomery,” Davis said. “To be a good mayor of Montgomery, you can’t be partisan. You have to represent both sides, all sides, and I would bring the same point of view.” He's delusional...the same point of view? which is to throw a tantrum when you lose, betray those that support you, then come slithering back when those in the big time fail to take you seriously. 

Non Partisan

Artur goes on to say, “I didn’t expect to be involved in politics again at all,” he said. “But where I think I can do the most good would be in public service, and the reason mayor of Montgomery came to my attention is it’s my hometown, one I have an enormous identification with, and the challenges there are exactly the challenges that propelled me into politics in the first place.” Don't make me laugh...that was a long time ago and you aren't that guy anymore. How about this...don't get involved with politics then? Do yourself and all of us a huge favor and stop now. Spare yourself and the fake wife the humiliation of yet another loss. Have some dignity please. But what am I saying, I am talking about Artur, Bendadict Arnold/ Brutus Davis. There are no principles, no honor, but just some lame angle to try and win at any cost and we all know that you are not a winner anymore. It's like he went to the Universal Studios school of political science and strategy. Someone that started with so much promise is just a spoiled brat with a weak handshake, a beard of a wife that comes out only for photo ops and no credibility. It's bad when Beyonce' with her 5th grade level book report/ love letter to Michelle Obama can do a half naked video for "Let's Move", then a week later sign a $50 million dollar deal with Pepsi and can still get more people interested in voting and elections than Artur Davis. And she knows nothing about nothing. Like literally...nothing. I would bet most people don't even know who he is or even cares.
My Hair is Sooooooo fly

Artur Davis is a gold fish in a shark costume who believed that he was shark, the only shark in the water in fact. Once he got in the ocean with the real sharks, he wanted to jump back in the bowl with the gold fish. At this point, we just need to flush him down the drain and let the sewer rats have a non partisan hack snack.

Monday, June 30, 2014

Monday Night Ether of Nicki Minaj and Justin Bieber

These two are ridiculous for a few reasons....but let me get on Biebs first since he's the easiest target to hit. '

I got Black Friends Homie!
In case anyone missed the memo, Justin Bieber is black. Get that black! You see, he hangs with Drake, Usher, Lil Wayne and Will Smith and those are his "black fairy godmothers". The king of white privilege runs in line for his honorary nigga pass, saying “Any time I am filling out paperwork that requires me to list my race I always check the black box. I have always felt like a black boy trapped in a white body. Race is not just skin color. Every thing about my style, music, and my entire way of life was influenced by black people,” he continued. “I am considering getting my skinned darkened so my outside can match how I feel inside.” He goes on to say, “If I were a racist, it would be against white people, not black,” he concluded. “From here on out my race will be officially listed as black.”

I'm Black on the Inside!

 Are you serious? You like to do hood rat stuff because you are white, male, rich, never held accountable and never be attributable as a disgrace to your race for doing so because now you are black? So I guess you will consider the only quality black culture from the worst ambassadors of black culture, (Lil Wayne and Drake, I just got herpes from even saying their names), while you get dabs and penis bumps from the few black entertainers that find you a novelty, until you get bored and turn into Pat Bateman, shed the make believe, go back to your mansion, be a rich white man, put out either a rock or country album when the look is no longer cute. (Kid Rock anyone?)

You are a caricature of a real person, you are the real life lead character from Malibu's Most Wanted, Brad Gluckman. I expect your next album to be called "Malibooty" and a bunch of Paris Hilton clone people in juicy couture, with fake boobs, carry dogs in purses, sporting medieval weapons talking about their "gats" pretending it's south central while drinking a late'.  Bitch, you are from Canada. Last time I checked, there aren't that many gangs or hoods in Canada. I'm sure meth is prominent and sniffing a beavers ass, I don't know what the hell else to do there, which is probably why you won't go back there. They don't even help fight wars, so they are as useless as Switzerland or Mexico. All Canadians are good for is bacon and hockey and that cute mountie uniform. You and Drake aren't thugs, hard, gangsters, threatening or sexy, most importantly Justin, you aren't black. Our honorary cracka ass crackas are Eminem, Jon B., Justin Timberlake, and Robin Thicke. You FAIL, WE REVOKE YOUR SELF IMPOSED HONORARY PASS.

Nicki, Nicki, Nicki...somehow won an award for Best Female Hip Hop Artist. What am I saying, this is the BET Awards, this is like the Special Olympics of award shows and truth be told, no one else is rapping, let me say, no one else is commercial that whites and gays love, and Nicki does rap, sometime. Anyhoo, our video hoe barbie gave an acceptance speech to throw shade at the current "rap" artist that has the #1 song in the country because she has writers (only god knows why people listen to that crap either). "What I want the world to know about Nicki Minaj is when you hear Nicki Minaj spit, Nicki Minaj wrote it," she told the audience, adding that she meant no offense. "No, no, no shade, no, no, no shade." Did you call out Rihanna when you two did your tone def, auto tuned duet? Rihanna skype's her vocals and wouldn't know a pen and paper unless a penis was attached to it and neither one of you can sing without mac pro-tools. Did you call out Beyonce? Beyonce "borrows" from unknown, unsigned artists, but she doesn't write literally, either, I don't think she can.

I'm Real!
Oh, but she threw shade, so much shade: So...let's get this right...you wrote, "you a stupid hoe, you a stupid hoe, you a you a you a stupid hoe." and you think that this is akin to Mozart or some type of magnum opus. This is basically the "repeat stupid stuff" form of music writing, with a horrible beat while a whore dances in crazy clothes and makeup. Do you want a gold star? Let me bend over and see what I can fish out. Let's be real, that bowel movement took all of 10 min. and is nothing to brag about, in fact you should hang your head down in shame. You should be ashamed and apologize for Roman Reloaded and the idiotic exorcism routine you did at the Grammy's a few years ago. You should apologize for Starships and that David Guetta song that sucked more ass than Drake and Justin Bieber in a Canadian brothel.
Now, I'm Real!
She also goes on to say, And I hope and pray that BET continues to honor authenticity," she told the crowd. Nigga what?! Authenticity? from who? Not from a person with a fake, distorted ass, a rainbow bright, lucky charms assortment of wigs, has worn every stuffed animal in the toy box at once, has 30 personalities, uses annoying phony accents and has a fake name. Have several seats Roman, Nicki, Harujuku, whoever the hell you are. Authenticity, you Kim clown clone?! You can't be serious. You look like you just came off a 15 day coke binge with a my little pony and a bucket of chicken wings. 
True enough Iggy Azalea is Australian and sounds southern, the accent is fake, and most importantly can't rap, but again, how is her gimmick different from yours? Oh...she's white, more attractive and she's selling and you aren't. But a gimmick to get the lowest common denominator to part with $9.99 is still a gimmick. Don't get mad boo that she picked one voice, personality and didn't overdo the weird schtick to the point that people got sick of her, like you and Gaga. Now the only award you can win is a BET award, or better try tomorrow award.
Truth be told, both are garbage, but Nicki ran on her money smash grab, made 3 shitty albums full of wack rhymes and auto tuned singing, put out perfumes with the same name of her 1 platinum album, dressed like a little monster for Halloween, now she wants to "de-gaga" and try and act. 
I'm Real This Time, I Promise!
Hey, act like an adult and try to act like an artist, a real artist, if you can. Try this....RAP, when you actually rap without gimmicks, you actually sound tolerable. But what am I saying...3 albums, it won't happen. You will keep being lied to by the drag queens, your minions, your label and the kids that praise mediocrity and make up the lowest common denominator, who believe your songs are good and that you didn't ruin the ratings for American Idol. Yeah...you totally did. 
Bitch, I'm Real!
Nicki, your day is over, the pink throne is being torn down by the pink toe. Buh Bye Hatin Hoe.