|Is This 2 Chainz? Nah, I got on only One Chain.|
Radio and labels have an uncanny way of turning shit into sugar and each fake accent, and corny line that makes no sense, makes me die a slow death or pray for one. I even had the misfortune of watching one of your videos, talk about an assault on eyeballs. Slow motion, glamorizing street life, having a random light skinned video hoe that's just sort of there and serves no function while you start to walk with fire popping up behind you, like we haven't seen that a million times already but in actual good songs.I truly believe that you are a functional retard or you are a genius playing that character from Shine, hoping to keep expectations low so you can then wow us. From your lyrics, my expectations can't get lower than a pregnant ants stomach.
|Call Me Step or Fetchit|
“I need a driver/ To drive me round, how I maneuver/ Muthafuckin feel like I’m in Jerusalem.” (I thought you were a so called Cuban refugee at least if the lyrics to Tony Montana are to be taken literally, but I assume this is a clumsy metaphor for his importance and the grave danger he is placed in, it's almost like driving in the Middle East. Somehow I don't believe he knows where Jerusalem is on a map).
“I got you attitude in Venus/I got you begging to catch me semen.” (I don't even know what this is supposed to mean).
"I take over the streets, fresh off the banana boat" (so, you are a Cuban refugee, I know they are light and dark skinned, but I'm sure you are from Georgia. Not really Cuba.)
"I come straight from the east, where niggas split your canteloupe" (The East? Cuba? Central American Cuba? He is really from Goergia, last I checked that was the SOUTH. D'oh! Did maps change or the continents shift and I didn't get that memo? Stop watching Ice Age: Continental Drift for your geography lessons. OK.)
"You tell me what you want of me I'm coming with a gang of dope" (You were high when you wrote this)
"My cigar full of loud" (Wasn't Rihanna's annoying album called Loud? Smoking it, instead of listening to it, is sound advice)
"I'm laced up to the f-cking fo' (Is this a number, a place, a day, some abstract object?)
"A Porsche Carrera, Panamera, 911"
"I do the whole dash, dropping all cash" (Uh Huh, dropping the cash where? I thought you dropped off the drugs and kept the cash? Maybe I watched a different Scarface).
"Gutta to the death of me I'm sticking to the recipe" (So the plan is to become addicted to coke, estrange yourself from your mother, sister and wife, have a business partner murdered, kill your best friend, and get shot in the back after you rave from a cocaine induced mania. Sounds like a recipe for success, Good luck with that).
|Got My Homo Thug Swag On|
"The money got me heat, like I took a hit of coka" (How cute, coka and sofa rhyming.)
"My life is a movie, I gotta stay focused" (If your life is like a movie and you are comparing it to a movie, then how are you focused? I just want to know. That seems like that's the definition of unfocused.
"I'm bout to cop a tiger and put it in the castle" (Kidnapping a tiger and putting in the castle...I hope it eats you.)
"Freebandz accompany it so nigga it dont matter aye" (Is this some sort of cancer yellow band or something? You know what I don't even care).
"On the phone, cooking dope, at the same damn time" ( So basically you can do two things at once...congratulations).
|Im and Ass-stro-NOT|
"I'm on Pluto I'm on Mars at the same damn time" (Hmmmm....that's quite an achievement considering Mars is the first planet of the solar system and Pluto is a planetoid hundreds of light years away. I hate being literal here, but lets try to operate within the confines of reality).
Your auto tune gargle delivery is just awful and is almost as annoying as Nicki Minaj's multiple personality, tourette syndrome hip pop. People say what's important is what is being said in rap thats more important than how it is actually being said. I disagree, but in your case, I don't understand a word you are saying. Every song should come with subtitles just like Wheel of Fortune has for the hearing impaired. By the way, your rap style, if you can call it that, sounds like you were once hearing impaired and just got some type of hearing implant, and just learned to talk a few years ago and haven't quite mastered enunciation.
Music has been dead for a while now, I didn't think that someone could beat the bloated dead horse of mass marketed, commercialized add water songs, but you somehow made the impossible, possible.
|Great Scot Your Music Sucks Ass|
If you are the Future, I hope Doc from the Back to the Future movies pops up with a Deloreon, so this part of musical trash can be skipped.
|Will The Real TONY MONTANA Please Stand Up|
See you at the bottom of that indoor pool with a bullet in your back, and if I find you, I may pull the trigger myself.