Katie Holmes Outsmarts the Super Human By Way of Trac Phone

I have Body Thetans on My Penis, but I'm still not GAY

Tom Cruise is so enlightened he is considered to be an "operating thetan" or OT. In the Scientologist laughable way of thinking, Tom Cruise does more than play the same cocky character in film after nauseating film. He's so enlightened, he's almost magical. 

Tom, 50, is the most famous follower of the religion and an investigation by Rolling Stone back in 2006 revealed that he had reached an advanced level of Scientology and was known as an ‘Operating Thetan’ or an ‘OT’.

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‘OTs can allegedly move inanimate objects with their minds, leave their bodies at will and telepathically communicate with, and control the behaviour of, both animals and human beings.’

Impressive. Who wouldn’t want to be able to move stuff around and control people with their minds?

But if it’s true, how did Katie Holmes outsmart him? He would be able to know what she was doing right? 

Katie Holmes set the wheels in motion for her divorce from Tom Cruise using a throwaway cellphone provided by a friend to initially talk to her lawyers and avoid her husband knowing about the conversations, according to a source familiar with the divorce.

The move allowed her to prepare her legal case without Cruise and his staff knowing she was about to exit the marriage and left him shocked at the sudden divorce. By the time a deal was struck last weekend to end the marriage, she hired three law firms in three states.

Does She Believe I'm Not Gay Now?

 Wow, looks like she learned something that all the cheating professional athletes haven't caught on to yet. Hopefully Chad Ochocinco will have picked up a few tips by now... Catholic mom for the win, I guess. How was Cruise blindsided by the divorce if he has power over people, animals and total control over his environment? This is like being a fortune teller that can't pick the lotto numbers. 

Here is my rendition of Smooth Operator to mourn the end of TomKat:

Queen of the Damned

Dianetics life

No hoi polloi
He moves in place with minimum space and maximum ploy
Not much height
Can’t sit tight
He may invoke L Ron for secret rites
Child custody is left to chance
How couldn’t he see this coming before the start?
He’s a thetan operator
Theeeetan operator
Thetan operator
Theeeetan operator….

No place for shrinks or sensible hearts

No need to ask

Time to Shop for a New Beard

Let us bow our heads for a moment of silence... hold back the tears please...