Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Michelle Bachmann for President? Send in the Clowns...

Today my comedy prayer's have been answered with rodeo clown / category 5 moron Michelle Bachmann announcing her bid for President of the United States of America. Making a speech in Waterloo Iowa, she stated that "Well, what I want them to know is just like, John Wayne was from Waterloo, Iowa. That's the kind of spirit that I have, too." Well genius, the movie star, John Wayne was mainly a fictional character, since it's not like you actually knew him. Also the America that he roamed around in shooting random people in, never really existed, like the things you say. So I guess there is something you and "John Wayne" have in common. John Wayne was the good guy in westerns and it only existed in a child's imagination­n when they got their spankin' new cowboy and cowgirl outfits at Christmas and imagined shooting those "savage Indians" while romanticiz­ing the white bank robbers, the lawless, and the "hero" sheriff that could tame it all. Hopefully, most of those children grew up. Well, they are running for President now and setting policy... John was as real as your knowledge and understanding of history, plus, he was from Winterset, Iowa. John Wayne Gacy, the serial killer was from Waterloo Iowa, now if she is arguing that she is dangerous and has the spirit of a soulless, sociopath, I wholeheartedly agree. Even though, I am insulting John Wayne Gacey's intelligence with the comparison, and for that I humbly apologize. Michelle boasts that she isn't a flake, was a tax attorney, served in political office and was a foster mother of 23. (As if that means something).

Here are some of Michelle's greatest hits:

"Our ancestors had different cultures, different backgrounds, different traditions. How unique in all of the world, that one nation that was the resting point from people groups all across the world," Except for that slavery thing or Women's sufferage for that matter. What about Japanese internment camps? This nation fought 2 wars protesting what she just described as this country's greatest strength and ultimate failure.

"It didn't matter the color of their skin, it didn't matter their language, it didn't matter their economic status."  Why yes it is. Considering that's not what happened at all. I wonder did the Japanese feel so special when they were placed in internment camps during WWII, or the Chinese when they were strung out on opium so we could force them to build the railroads. Oh, and I am sure the Irish and the Italians and now the Mexicans feel the love from this so called mythological melting pot in this fantasy world of hers. Even white men had property restrictions in order to vote until the mid 1800's. The US Constitution had slavery written into it, but according to our Rhodes scholar that's channeling our favorite serial killer, The founding father's worked tirelessly to end slavery. She even mentioned names like John Quincy Adams, our 2nd VP who tried to end slavery...*sigh*, apparently she got her history lesson from watching Amistad and Gone with the Wind and slamming Jack and Coke or snorting coke. Who knows. Maybe the demon that has sucked the brain from Palin is now possessing Bachmann. He must be working double duty now. The Emancipation Proclamation ended slavery in 1865, respectively. The Declaration of Independence was written when? 1776...So, the founding fathers either were vampires in the newest incarnation of Twilight or they kicked the can down the road. The founding of the country was built on the blood of the Native Americans whose land was stolen from the European settlers, i.e. the Conquistadors, Lewis and Clarke Expedition, the Quakers, the Colonials,etc... but then again, let's forget them too. That entire time period was full of romance and wonder where scalping's, raping, lynchings, and genocides bring a deserved sense of superiority of our culture. Right? I mean, were you home schooled? There are people in the inner city or the back swamp who have a better grasp on American history than her, but they don't pass laws. They aren't lawmakers in the US Senate and they aren't running for the highest office in the country. This is what happens when a candidate depends on Wikipedia for it's research reference materials.

" Our children... are the prize for this community, they are specifically targeting our children." Her belief that the gays were targeting straight children.

"And what a bizarre time we're in, when a judge will say to little children that you can't say the pledge of allegiance, but you must learn that homosexuality is normal and you should try it.'' So, we can go to a judge and have him tell us that being "a gay" is ok and try it when we go to court to pay a speeding ticket? What planet is she on? I have worked in the criminal justice system for over 5 years and I have never heard that type of exchange being offered and I don't think that anyone who isn't high or seriously mentally ill has had any conversation remotely similar to this one.

"It is horrific to know that in the African American community, 50 percent of all African American pregnancies in the United States end in abortion, 50 percent. That is a genocide of African Americans of the United States. It should not be. There are Americans all across this country who would love to adopt African American babies, but they can't because 50 percent of all African American pregnancies today are ending in abortion.'' It's so kind of Michelle to care about the black babies in America and her mythological fuzzy math she's come up with. Here on planet reality, we know that her quote is 100% nonsense and foolish and the reason that Hollywood actresses run to AFRICA to adopt these endangered blacks because they can't adopt African American blacks. Yes, I see the logic in Bachmann world. 

''Unfortunately, the Census data has become very intricate, very personal, a lot of the questions that are asked. I know for my family, the only question we will be answering is how many people are in our home. We won't be answering any information beyond that, because the Constitution doesn't require any information beyond that.'' Yes, 10 questions are so intricate and deep. So intricate in fact that 50 Cent has made a song called 20 questions about nothing in particular. Does the US Constitution actually have to address the Census for this tit mouse to actually take it seriously? When did name, address, age, etc...become sinister? Didn't they have a census in the Bible and that's what she states on her Jesus-palooza tour? But now it's a grand conspiracy because the constitution doesn't have a provision or an ammendment regarding a census.

''Does that mean that someone's 13-year-old daughter could walk into a sex clinic, have a pregnancy test done, be taken away to the local Planned Parenthood abortion clinic, have their abortion, be back and go home on the school bus? That night, mom and dad are never the wiser.'' A sex clinic? Does that mean a place where people go to have sex, learn how to have sex, or what? Maybe they can just watch the 2008 Republican National Convention and watch Bristol Palin or read her ghost written book. How about they take a tour bus ride through an "abstinence only" school, that's a sex clinic. Any idiot knows that having an abortion isn't like a trip to Disney Land. One can't simply just have it and then hop on the bus in time for meatloaf, especially if you are a minor. However, in her case, late term abortions should be celebrated to protect the human race from her level of rank stupidity.

 ''[Pelosi] is committed to her global warming fanaticism to the point where she has said she has even said she is trying to save the planet. We all know that someone did that 2,000 years ago.'' So Jesus came to save our souls by dying on the cross, but in psycho world, he also was a conservationist and died to save the planet. Wow! I guess Michael Jackson wasted time and energy wrting Earth Song. Every climate change scientist is wrong and apparently reading and producing the same faulty data. Somebody quick stop this travesty, Bachmann knows the truth and she can save us from this faulty science. She must have gotten her knowledge of theology from the Passion of the Christ, because what she is saying is not in any Bible that I have ever read. But, according to her, parts of the artic don't need to be protected because no one can lay eyes on them.

This woman is not only stupid, but dangerous. People trust her because she plays that Christian card so effectively and they ignore her glaring racist, idiotic, yet laughable statements. Bachmann represents the return to MacCarthyism, anti-intelluctualism and a nation in decline.

If an pond algae or any inanimate object was running for president against this woman, the pond algae would have my vote.

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