Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Addendum to Worst Songs of 2012



My ipod hasn't been charged due to laziness and tiredness and I have been forced to listen to the radio, here is an addendum to my prior list of suck. These songs may give a person diarrhea...

11. Girl On Fire- Alicia Keyes featuring Nicki Minaj
There are so many things wrong with this song without the obvious involvement of Video Hoe Barbie. First off, this Alicia can sing, she can play, but she chooses to vocally audition for a role as werewolf in Twilight by howling the entire song. It's her repeating "this girl is on fire" for most of the song, which is painful to hear. Where is the substance? This song belongs on a soundtrack or a montage about shopping or a white girl who just graduated and she got her first big job in the city while she catches cabs o rides the subway. Alicia is the example of what happens in the music industry, make a good album with substance when you first come out, then get rich and stop trying. 

10. H.F.Y.R- Drake and Wayne
I have nothing positive to say about this song, not even the beat can overcome the repetitive lyrics, and the sheer nothingness that is the message of the song. Oh, well they "rapped" or should I say crapped about what they normally do, getting laid, drinking and smoking while proclaiming themselves to be the "realest niggas in the game." If they are the realest, then I would hate to see the bitches. Then again, one of them should be on a rainbow float at Pride along with Chris Brown. Look at the lyrics:

Do you love this shit? Are you high right now? Do you ever get nervous?
Are you single? I heard you fucked your girl, is it true?
You getting money? You think them niggas you with is with you?
And I say hell yeah, hell yeah, hell yeah, fuckin' right, fuckin' right, alright
And we say hell yeah, hell yeah, hell yeah, fuckin' right, fuckin' right, alright


The answer to your first question, no I don't love this shit because it's shit. I would get nervous dealing with a bunch of down low fake rappers who can't rap. You tell us in every song about how much money you getting and we all know that "them niggas" is more than with you. 

9. Bands Make Her Dance- Juicy J and 2 Chainz
Another stripper anthem...a good beat, but do we have to talk about strippers yet again? Granted Juicy J isn't a lyrical impresario, this is the person that got a Grammy for "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp." That song was 10 times better than this, maybe because 2 Chainz mucks up anything he touches being the male Nicki Minaj. Lyrically, this should embarrass everyone involved.


[Intro - Juicy J]
Strippers
Bandz a make her dance, bandz a make her dance
Bandz a make her dance, bandz a make her dance
Bandz a make her dance, bandz a make her dance

[Chorus - Juicy J]
Bandz a make her dance, bandz a make her dance
All these chicks popping pussies, I'm just popping bands
Bandz a make her dance, bandz a make her dance
These chicks clappin' and they ain't using hands
Bandz a make her dance, bandz a make her dance
All these chicks popping pussies, I'm just popping bands
Bandz a make her dance, bandz a make her dance
These chicks clappin' and they ain't using hands



Basically he just rhymes bands, with dance, hands and dance again. Seriously?! Was this written down or did they make this up as they were going alone. Every time I hear this song, I die a little inside.

8. Put it Down- Brandy
Oh man...where is the singing? It's just an auto tuned piece of garbage that illustrates that B-Rocka needs to be relevant. The beat isn't that great and what she is doing to her voice, it baffles me considering the skank can sing. I'm shocked she had Chris Brown instead of her Creepy Creeperton brother on the track, so someone had sense. The song is terrible.



7. Birthday Song- 2 Chainz
I don't even know where to start. This song is basically about getting cooch as a birthday gift, that's it. That's all this know nothing rapper raps about. Every sin or vice is covered in this one song and should be used as a model at what not to do in life.


Intro: 2 Chainz]
Yeah
Birthday, it's your birthday
If I die bury me inside that Louie store

[Hook: 2 Chainz]
They ask me what I do and who I do it for
And how I come up with this shit up in the studio
All I want for my birthday is a big booty girl
All I want for my birthday is a big booty girl
When I die, bury me inside that Gucci store
When I die, bury me inside that Louie store
All I want for my birthday is a big booty girl
All I want for my birthday is a big booty girl


I wonder how you come up with this shit in the studio myself, the one honest question in the song.

6. Dance For You- Beyonce
Beyonce makes 3 types of songs: 1. Generic love songs, 2. Mindless club songs invoking a misguided female empowerment message, 3, Over sung ballads. This would fall into the generic love song category. 

Tonight I'm gonna dance for you, oh-oh
Tonight I'm gonna dance for you, oh-oh
Tonight I'm gonna put my body on your body
Boy I like it when you watch me, ah
Tonight it's going down
I'll be rocking on my babe, rocking, rocking on my babe,
I'll be swirlin' on my babe, swirlin', swirlin' on you babe
I'm gonna put my body on your body
Promise not to tell nobody
'Cause it's about to go down!


ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ...wake me up this song goes off.

5. Tonight- John Legend
Generic, generic, generic...I used to like John when he first released his album. Now, his voice is a bit irritating because he sounds like an old man doing his first solo in the church choir, but for the most part, he is OK. This song is painful in a commercial way. 


Baby, tonight's the night I let you know
Baby, tonight's the night we lose control
Baby, tonight you need that, tonight believe that
Tonight I'll be the best you ever had

I don't wanna brag, but I'll be
The best you ever had

I don't wanna brag, but I'll be
The best you ever had

Maybe Mr. Legend doesn't know the definition of "brag", but telling me that he will be the best that I ever had is BRAGGING. So, please Mr. Renaissance man stop pretending to be smart, worldly, and sophisticated if the entire premise of your song is about how good you are in bed but you aren't going to brag  about it, but that's something you are clearly doing. 

4.  Nobody' Perfect- J. Cole (Keyshia Cole)
J. Cole has to be the laziest generic rapper I have ever heard. talking over a beat 2.0. When I first heard him I thought he was Kanye for about a month and he has the talent to rap about absolutely nothing. This song is supposed to be about..I don't know, but it appears that he sleeping with some chick in college, among the many other whores in his rotating schedule, that's all I can tell for sure.

Oh yeah, to my college girl, take the weekend off and come home soon
I graduated way too long ago to be sneakin' all in your dorm room
But that thing tight like Fort Knox
So I call you when the tour stops
But baby with your roommates, did you make sure the door's locked?
She love it when we get together
Smoke a little weed but the shit together
Now that I'm on, I can pick and choose
Only fuck with hoes who got shit to lose
Yeah, I heard stories about different dudes
Her man on campus but it's fine by me
She say she only fucked like 4-5 niggas,
So you know you gotta multiply by 3


I have no words to convey how stupid the above verse is. He is too old to sneak into a dorm room, but he is apparently doing it anyway, smoking weed on the campus with the less than intelligent co-ed. He mentions that he only get's down with women that have "something to lose", meaning high standards or financially secure I would assume. However, no one with any real standards would listen to the misogynistic lyrics in a J. Cole song and think "sign me up." 

3.  Love On Top- Beyonce
I know people love this song, the radio plays it ad nauseum, but this isn't a good song. This song falls into 2 categories, over sung generic love song. This song sounds like it was written in the 90's, or maybe that's when the artist she probably stole the song from wrote it. Regardless this song is annoying, repetitive and just middle of the road. The song is basically filler with Beyonce yelling the 2 lines and screeching the chorus over and over. This seriously makes me mute the radio for about 10 minutes to make sure I don't bust an eardrum.

2. 2 Reasons- Trey Songz
Bottoms up Remix should be the name of the song. We have yet another song about the club, drinking and picking up whores. At least he is willing to buy the drinks for the whores. I will just post the lyrics:

I know it's somebody birthday, right now (Right Now) right now (Right Now [2x]) Yeahh
Is somebody getting drunk doe, right now [5x] (Yeahhh)
Catch me in the club like I own that bitch (Own That Bitch)
Shawty dancing like she on that dick (On That D)
Bad bitches never hold back (Never Hold Back)
Send me a picture where ya phone at (Ooohhh)


[Pre-Chorus:]
I only came here for 2 Reasons, I-IIII can't lie (Whatcha came for)

[Chorus:]
I only came for the bitches and the drinks (Uh-huh), bitches and the drinks [2x] (That Right)
For the bitches, Ca-Came for the bitches and the drinks (Uh-huh), bitches and the drinks [2x] (Alright) (Baby Whatcha Came For)
(Aahh) Baby get ya glass up (Get Ya Glass Up) I only came for the bitches and the drinks
Baby get ya ass up (Get Ya Ass Up) that's what I came for (Yeahhh)

I don't even have to say anything else about this ...

1.  Cashin Out- Cash Out
OMG...I lose brain cells every time this nonsense comes on with that music like it should be part of a video game...

36 O’s so I’m ridin’ ‘round with that nina (I’m ridin’ ‘round with that nina)
Ridin’ with a hoe named Keisha, smokin’ on Keisha (You know we smokin’ on Keisha)
My diamonds talk for me, they say "Hi can I meet you hoe?" (Hey can I meet you hoe?)
She fly high, high in the sky, hoe I can’t see you (Well I can’t see you)
Got a condo on my wrist - girl, I’m cashin’ out (I’m cashin’ out)
Got a condo around my neck - girl, I’m cashin’ out (I’m cashin’ out)
36 O’s so I’m ridin’ ‘round with that nina
My diamonds talk for me, they say "Hi can I meet you?"


Nope, you can't sir, I wouldn't pick you up if you were ran over on the side on the road, no matter how many diamonds you have on. 

Dishonorable mentions:

Diamonds- Rihanna
Auto tuned, another example of her lack of singing ability, terrible lyrical content, it's a song about nothing. Yet another song she didn't write, bravo Ri Ri!

Feelin Single- R. Kelley
There is nothing positive about the musical direction of Mr. Kelley. This dancey, bring back the electric slide but not call it the electric slide music is not good. I need for 12 Play, R, R. Kelley to come back. This right here, you should have you feeling broke.

Breakfast Syrup- Kreayshawn, featuring  2 Chainz
Initially I thought this was Nicki Minaj, so that's how stupid this chicks flow is. This song could provoke suicide around the country and no one should blame them with lyrics like this:

Eight in the morning and I’m up yawning
My phone almost dead cause everyone is calling
It’s breakfast time and I need my apple jacks
And I need my fresh grape syrup and a money stack
We’re just popping off just to kill shit
And we drink a lot so we don’t feel shit
She’s in her birthday suit and she’s cooking too
Yeah it’s breakfast time but it’s only two


[Hook]
I-I-I-I’m hungry, hungry for this money
Call me Kreay Hefner, playboy bunny
‘Bout that juice, cheese, bread - breakfast (breakfast)
Stackin’ dough, for breakfast
I got all the syrup, I got, I got all the syrup
I got all the syrup, I got, I got all the syrup
‘Bout that juice, cheese, bread - breakfast (breakfast)
Stackin’ dough

The beat is a 2 Chainz beat, but like I have said, anything he is involved in is crap and so is this song...

Zukokku - Head Mincing PainMore con"artists" will be added to this list as they keep putting more and more crap of songs that cause head mincing pain out for the next 2 months. 

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