Monday Night Ether of Nicki Minaj and Justin Bieber

These two are ridiculous for a few reasons....but let me get on Biebs first since he's the easiest target to hit. '

I got Black Friends Homie!

In case anyone missed the memo, Justin Bieber is black. Get that black! You see, he hangs with Drake, Usher, Lil Wayne and Will Smith and those are his "black fairy godmothers". The king of white privilege runs in line for his honorary nigga pass, saying “Any time I am filling out paperwork that requires me to list my race I always check the black box. I have always felt like a black boy trapped in a white body. Race is not just skin color. Every thing about my style, music, and my entire way of life was influenced by black people,” he continued. “I am considering getting my skinned darkened so my outside can match how I feel inside.” He goes on to say, “If I were a racist, it would be against white people, not black,” he concluded. “From here on out my race will be officially listed as black.”

I'm Black on the Inside!

 Are you serious? You like to do hood rat stuff because you are white, male, rich, never held accountable and never be attributable as a disgrace to your race for doing so because now you are black? So I guess you will consider the only quality black culture from the worst ambassadors of black culture, (Lil Wayne and Drake, I just got herpes from even saying their names), while you get dabs and penis bumps from the few black entertainers that find you a novelty, until you get bored and turn into Pat Bateman, shed the make believe, go back to your mansion, be a rich white man, put out either a rock or country album when the look is no longer cute. (Kid Rock anyone?)

You are a caricature of a real person, you are the real life lead character from Malibu's Most Wanted, Brad Gluckman. I expect your next album to be called "Malibooty" and a bunch of Paris Hilton clone people in juicy couture, with fake boobs, carry dogs in purses, sporting medieval weapons talking about their "gats" pretending it's south central while drinking a late'.  Bitch, you are from Canada. Last time I checked, there aren't that many gangs or hoods in Canada. I'm sure meth is prominent and sniffing a beavers ass, I don't know what the hell else to do there, which is probably why you won't go back there. They don't even help fight wars, so they are as useless as Switzerland or Mexico. All Canadians are good for is bacon and hockey and that cute mountie uniform. You and Drake aren't thugs, hard, gangsters, threatening or sexy, most importantly Justin, you aren't black. Our honorary cracka ass crackas are Eminem, Jon B., Justin Timberlake, and Robin Thicke. You FAIL, WE REVOKE YOUR SELF IMPOSED HONORARY PASS.

Nicki, Nicki, Nicki...somehow won an award for Best Female Hip Hop Artist. What am I saying, this is the BET Awards, this is like the Special Olympics of award shows and truth be told, no one else is rapping, let me say, no one else is commercial that whites and gays love, and Nicki does rap, sometime. Anyhoo, our video hoe barbie gave an acceptance speech to throw shade at the current "rap" artist that has the #1 song in the country because she has writers (only god knows why people listen to that crap either). "What I want the world to know about Nicki Minaj is when you hear Nicki Minaj spit, Nicki Minaj wrote it," she told the audience, adding that she meant no offense. "No, no, no shade, no, no, no shade." Did you call out Rihanna when you two did your tone def, auto tuned duet? Rihanna skype's her vocals and wouldn't know a pen and paper unless a penis was attached to it and neither one of you can sing without mac pro-tools. Did you call out Beyonce? Beyonce "borrows" from unknown, unsigned artists, but she doesn't write literally, either, I don't think she can.

I'm Real!

Oh, but she threw shade, so much shade: So...let's get this right...you wrote, "you a stupid hoe, you a stupid hoe, you a you a you a stupid hoe." and you think that this is akin to Mozart or some type of magnum opus. This is basically the "repeat stupid stuff" form of music writing, with a horrible beat while a whore dances in crazy clothes and makeup. Do you want a gold star? Let me bend over and see what I can fish out. Let's be real, that bowel movement took all of 10 min. and is nothing to brag about, in fact you should hang your head down in shame. You should be ashamed and apologize for Roman Reloaded and the idiotic exorcism routine you did at the Grammy's a few years ago. You should apologize for Starships and that David Guetta song that sucked more ass than Drake and Justin Bieber in a Canadian brothel.

Now, I'm Real!

She also goes on to say, And I hope and pray that BET continues to honor authenticity," she told the crowd. Nigga what?! Authenticity? from who? Not from a person with a fake, distorted ass, a rainbow bright, lucky charms assortment of wigs, has worn every stuffed animal in the toy box at once, has 30 personalities, uses annoying phony accents and has a fake name. Have several seats Roman, Nicki, Harujuku, whoever the hell you are. Authenticity, you Kim clown clone?! You can't be serious. You look like you just came off a 15 day coke binge with a my little pony and a bucket of chicken wings. 

True enough Iggy Azalea is Australian and sounds southern, the accent is fake, and most importantly can't rap, but again, how is her gimmick different from yours? Oh...she's white, more attractive and she's selling and you aren't. But a gimmick to get the lowest common denominator to part with $9.99 is still a gimmick. Don't get mad boo that she picked one voice, personality and didn't overdo the weird schtick to the point that people got sick of her, like you and Gaga. Now the only award you can win is a BET award, or better try tomorrow award.

Truth be told, both are garbage, but Nicki ran on her money smash grab, made 3 shitty albums full of wack rhymes and auto tuned singing, put out perfumes with the same name of her 1 platinum album, dressed like a little monster for Halloween, now she wants to "de-gaga" and try and act. 

I'm Real This Time, I Promise!

Hey, act like an adult and try to act like an artist, a real artist, if you can. Try this....RAP, when you actually rap without gimmicks, you actually sound tolerable. But what am I saying...3 albums, it won't happen. You will keep being lied to by the drag queens, your minions, your label and the kids that praise mediocrity and make up the lowest common denominator, who believe your songs are good and that you didn't ruin the ratings for American Idol. Yeah...you totally did. 

Bitch, I'm Real!

Nicki, your day is over, the pink throne is being torn down by the pink toe. Buh Bye Hatin Hoe.