My Invisible Trigeminal Neuraligia

Whenever I tell people that I have Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN), I always get curious looks or straight up confusion because no one has heard of the disorder. If you have been in contact with someone that has had the disorder, you can empathize, but you can never fully understand the level of pain that we are doomed to suffer.This disorder is characterized by episodes of intense facial pain that last from a few seconds to several minutes or hours. The episodes of intense pain may occur paroxysmally. To describe the pain sensation, patients may describe a trigger area on the face so sensitive that touching or even air currents can trigger an episode; however, in many patients the pain is generated spontaneously without any apparent stimulation. It affects lifestyle as it can be triggered by common activities such as eating, talking, shaving and brushing teeth. Wind, high pitched sounds, loud noises such as concerts or crowds, chewing, and talking can aggravate the condition in many patients. The attacks are said by those affected to feel like stabbing electric shocks, burning, pressing, crushing, exploding or shooting pain that becomes intractable.

Individual attacks usually affect one side of the face at a time, lasting frvom several seconds to a few minutes and repeat up to hundreds of times throughout the day. The pain also tends to occur in cycles with remissions lasting months or even years. Pain attacks are known to worsen in frequency or severity over time, in some patients. Many patients develop the pain in one branch, then over years the pain will travel through the other nerve branches.

It may slowly spread to involve more extensive portions of the trigeminal nerve. The spread may even affect all divisions of the nerve, and sometimes simultaneously. Cases with bilateral involvement have not indicated simultaneous activity. The following suggest a systemic development: rapid spreading, bilateral involvement, or simultaneous participation with other major nerve trunks. Examples of systemic involvement include multiple sclerosis or expanding cranial tumor. Examples of simultaneous involvement include tic convulsive (of the fifth and seventh cranial nerves) and occurrence of symptoms in the fifth and ninth cranial nerve areas.

Due to the length of some attacks, it has been nicknamed the suicide disease, fun right? There are theories about causes such as compression from a tumor, MS, or in my case No apparent cause. When did this pain disorder start, how did I know when it presented the first time?

When my Hell Began



I was diagnosed back in the end of 2009 during a tumultuous period with my previous employer and the Machiavellian attempts to make me quit rather than fire me. I naively believed that everything with my job was OK and that because so much had happened that there was some loyalty among thieves, so to speak. I was sorely mistaken. My job title was Probation Officer at Judicial Correction Services (that probation company that has been in trouble recently for putting people in jail just for not paying their fines). Upper management had it out for me since day one and my supervisor, we'll just use his initials, KH used his position to manipulate and pretend that he had my best interests at heart. He pretended that opportunity for advancement presented itself and all I had to do was apply. You see, I was skipped over for whatever reason and other unqualified people were made managers ahead of me. The office manager at the Hueytown office, who did nothing and the sheer mediocrity of his job performance is amazing, either got fired or promoted, then fired, no one knows the official story, but I was made to believe that I could run the Hueytown office. The reason that I wanted to go to Hueytown, the sole reason was that KH and his personal drama with his numerous affairs wouldn't be at that office. It was relegated to Birmingham and Homewood, but at Hueytown, he and his idiot wife wouldn't show up there and that's the only reason why I wanted to go. Unbeknownst to me, the magistrate at the court didn't like females or I should say, preferred men and as usual I was the victim of  one of JCS' famous ambush meetings. But, KH knew the magistrate preferred men, because one of the PO's that transferred to our office came from Hueytown...interesting isn't it? But he sent me there anyway and chastised me for asking the clerk too many questions.  Also, at JCS, if you have breasts and a vagina, you can't run an office, you can only have the title of "Lead PO" unless you are part of the main clique. If you refuse to play the game and drink the Kool Aide, they will find a way to mentally break you down and make you think that there is something wrong with you, not what you really see and if you are a capable, competent employee who hates double standards or who likes things to make sense, then you get a target marked on your back.

 Apparently, I accused a co-worker of being a racist, even though my statement had nothing to do with him or racism. This Klu Kluck that works there mentioned that a male got mad at him for no reason, I asked was he a young black male because he was an older white male and a investigation ensued, culminating with a public shaming office meeting. How was I accusing him of being racist? Just like a male would challenge me for being a female in authority,  a young black male would challenge an older white male. That's only common sense. I wonder is English his first language...But, you know what...the guilty speaks...In JCS world, especially in my case, the nebulous "they" always told the truth and conversations were one sided and I seemed to always talk to myself. Every time I was "told on", I always spoke to myself, the other person was just there and never mentioned his part in the conversation. For 5 years this is just a taste of what I experienced...

As a result of my so called racist statement, I had to be transferred to the Anniston, Attalla office like some sort of penance for being bad. Really?! I couldn't go back to my old office because someone else had transitioned to my old position. The Attalla commute was a 95 mile commute one way and nothing about their court procedures made sense. Why did I have to suffer? I never acted out at work, my men never came and embarrassed me on the job, harassed the staff or created an uneasy work atmosphere. That behavior gets you Regional Manager, doing your job gets you a scarlet letter.

I never officially interacted with the magistrates because I didn't feel 100% comfortable in those courts and I thought they would be more comfortable with the staff members they knew. Plus they whined that I was too professional...who complains about stuff like that? While the irritation of the entire situation swirled through my mind and I tried to convince myself that this wasn't some elaborate ruse from KH to get me to resign, one day on the freeway heading to the most boring town that is Attalla, a sharp pain on the left side of my jaw hit me. I thought I would crash my car on the side of the road. It stopped, then it started again, the pain was so intense, it was like an electric shock went through my face. I knew it wasn't a cavity, because cavity pain is a constant pain, not something sporadic. Tears came from eyes as I held my left side of my face and just prayed that I could make it to my destination without killing myself.

I finally got to the office and immediately did an Internet search and TN came up, and the symptoms matched perfectly but read the diagnosis could only be confirmed by a neurologist. My heart sank as I read the symptoms, the treatment and learned that pretty much nothing makes the pain go away. Well I hadn't seen my neuro since my last nerve block about 2 years ago and I knew an appointment would take some time. I bought tubes and tubes of orajel but the pain was unbearable. Every time those electrocution pains struck, I prayed to die.

Back to Birmingham

KH gave me a call one day and advised me that I needed to meet with him, the regional manager that looks like Minnie Mouse of  the God forsaken place I was, and the office manager, DF, who is probably one of the dumbest people that I ever met, that never came to the office, at the Kirkland Clinic. Oh...another ambush meeting...and it was the dumbest one yet. Apparently, I pissed off magistrates that I have never talked to, insulted the entire town by saying that "I'm going back to civilization" (that's a stretch even after the racist thing), and that I went on a profanity laced tirade in front of kids because the paper jammed in a printer. Because jamming paper is a new phenomena and it threw me for a loop. I  still laugh at that one, everyone knows that's not my character, even one of the people that told the most lies on me laughed at that. Also,  I was rude to a defendant because I told him he was taking advantage of the PO's in that municipality. This so called rudeness was because the guy was on probation on a court from the Homewood office and he was reporting and paying there, and he was allowed to report and pay at Homewood for the Attalla case and he wasn't doing either. So I advised him that what he was doing was outrageous and he knew better. So then, this Minnie Mouse looking witch, lets call her JSG, sits there all high and mighty telling me that I'm disrespectful and I'm trying to get her court money. But she sat there cheering me on in the other room when that event occurred, did she have a lapse in memory, or was she just stupid, but in the ambush meeting, the very event she applauded was used against me. Again, no one knows who "observed" these events, there was no way to confront my accusers or even know their identities. But, "they" always told the truth in JCS world. Satan, Dracula, and a witty leprechaun could give an account of something I said or did and they would foam at the mouth to write me up, no questions asked. As a result, I was transferred back to the Homewood office, but not to the court where I did the best in and where I thrived in, nope. That would be fair and in my best interests. I got sent to Homewood Court, where there was a male magistrate who has OCD and was just a bitch in general who need a butt load of psychiatric treatment, along with one who was operating on any given psychiatric medication on any given day and was high as a kite and dumb as a brick.

This is the time I began treatment for my TN and the meds began affecting my memory, big time and it made me very depressed. I couldn't remember basic things like where I put something a few minutes prior, much less anything complex. There was no way that I could handle doing Revocation hearings, so I allowed the actual lead PO, the one with no case load, works part time, but gets paid more than full time PO's with 400 person case loads, or handles the day to day operations of managing a caseload assigned to someone else,  and experienced no consequences when something goes wrong, to handle revocations and pull petitions, we'll use the initials, EC. That was a mistake and somehow a warrant gets filed quicker than any other warrant in the history of warrants and a 5 year quest to throw me out the door has been realized. KH concocted a plan, quite transparently, to ensure that his wife and I not be in the same building. How stupid, we couldnt work in the same building. The office was moving to a building down the road where her job was located, and we couldn't even work in the same building. I hear there was jubilation in the kingdom of lies. Had I been assigned back to original court that I worked, I would've worked in an office on the other side of town and I wouldn't have been anywhere near KH's idiotic wife, but the problem was, I did too well at that court, and I wasnt supposed to. My performance invalidated all the b.s. that KH told me, therefore I couldn't go back there



I do believe JCS was my TN trigger, every twinge of pain is my continual parting gift from my five year nonsensical hell ride of romper room phuckery. Imagine being lied on, professionally trashed behind my back while being praised in front of my face, harassed, intellectual property stolen, manipulation, denied raises and promotions while people who can't even spell get promoted, add to the mix a psychotic female who had the need to establish her territory by constantly calling to curse out, slash tires, follow people, or just show her ignorance in general to establish the strength of a relationship with a cheating husband that will sleep with anything with a warm hole, inconsistent rules, lies, continually being set up for failure and constantly being told "your crazy, your arrogant, your mean, your bitchy, your paranoid, your a racist, or my favorite "I heard that you said...". I can go on and on...all of it...Monday-Friday for 5 years.

What are my options now? Anti-seizure meds, narcotics, muscle relaxants and finally when the pills stop being effective, surgery. Oh yeah...the side effects of the anti seizure meds are liver damage and osteoporosis, so it's just fun all the way around.

All sufferers have one thing in common, we are strong, sane people that want to get well from this debilitating disease. We are also dismissed by doctors that are unfamiliar with this disorder and made to feel neurotic and crazy. We suffer in silence and bravely fight through the pain. The world would be a greater place if everyone could experience this pain for just one day and then they could fully understand and empathize with sufferers with chronic facial pain.  

Hopefully, this will educate some about why Neuralgia sufferes behave in the manner we do. We so desperately want those around us to understand why we cannot talk, brush our teeth, or experience the slightest breeze without being "electrocuted."

5 Reasons You Shouldn't Vote For Romney

I Have To Return Some Video Tapes

Even Mitt Romney shoudn't vote for Mitt Romney...Massachusetts didn't, America should heed the warning. Stacey Dash has endorsed her new auto tuned song and tweeted her new dress that looks like it came from a store called "sparkles or razzle dazzle", to show her solidarity for rejecting the so called "plantation mentality." For those of us paying attention, here are five reasons why a live human being in the 20th century shouldn't vote for the Mormon etch-a sketch.

I'm Patrick Bateman, You Stupid Bastard!

1. He's a Liar

Even his lies have lies. If you look in the dictionary under two-faced chameleon there will be two pictures of Mitt Romney. One looking to the left and one looking to the right. People always list reasons why blacks shouldn't vote for Democrats, but I have one reason why no one should vote Republican. Mitt Romney.

Romney has changed his political position so many times, even he doesn't know where he stands. Romney shouldn't even vote for himself. The man is delusional, or so out of touch with reality, he thinks republican voters will vote for him no matter how many times he does and an about face or contradicts himself...hmm..maybe he's not that delusional. Many of these people have such a delusional hatred of President Obama they will probably vote for Romney anyway. Those idiots that refer to Obama as "the Muslim:, believe it's appropriate to lynch empty chairs, or say, "let's get the white back in the white house." You mean mean the yellow because Romney is a coward and has no honor...

Here you have a man with no knowledge or understanding of foreign policy, who thinks it's appropriate to act first, ask questions later, or have his surrogates say, "what we meant to say, is that's not really what we meant." He was for the affordable care act before he was against it, matter of fact he was the architect of "Obamacare", now when it's politically expedient, that's what he wants to get rid of day one of his fantasy presidency. He wants to reduce the debt by tax cuts that he can't pay for, and closing loop holes, but never specifies what loop holes he would close, or what programs he would eliminate.  

What about the huge lie he told about the auto industry? He clearly said he would let the industry go bankrupt when Obama was doing the bail outs, because that's when Fox noise was jumping up and down about car czars, and trying to tie it in to socialism and Russia. When the industry bounced back he tried to take credit himself. "I pushed the idea of a managed bankruptcy," "And finally, when that was done, and help was given, the companies got back on their feet. So I'll take a lot of credit for the fact that this industry's come back."  Amazing, it's like a parallel universe that I just entered into. Maybe I will take credit for the writing of the Bible. I could write a doctoral thesis on Romney lies in and of itself.

Mittens and the Stepford Wife

2. Not Very Articulate

Haven't we learned this lesson with Dubya? We shouldn't want to have another fake ivy league cowboy swashbuckling and saber rattling all over the globe? Mittens told the UK Telegraph, “We are part of an Anglo-Saxon heritage (read white) and he feels that the special relationship is special.” So is the history of slave trading, the Revolutionary War, I mean what the hell is he talking about? The only thing The USA has in common with the UK is the language and the word "United" in the name of our countries and even that's a stretch. That statement was so openly biased, racist and just plain stupid, because there are entire cross sections of the populace that was omitted from the rich heritage of our great nations. Britain has large Indian, Welsh, Irish, Muslim, Middle Eastern and Jamaican populations, you know people they still have colonized or British protectorates. They do live in Europe, you know. Here we have a large Black, Hispanic, Canadian, Italian, oh wait...American that's supposed to be a melting pot, that's what we are taught in school. Those of us that went to school and don't have an idealized notion that America is the great planes, where we all dress like pilgrims, carry a musket, the women cook apple fritters and we all enslave the natives for fun.

3. Horrendous Diplomat

Remember Mittens on his trip abroad visiting heads of state right before he went to the Olympics? It was gaffe filled and cringe worthy. He questioned the readiness of Britain to host the Olympic Games! And they've fired back at Mitt with the Big Guns! The Sun Tabloid called him "Mitt the Twit," and a "wannabe president." That's a tabloid insulting him...this is a paper that reports on Victoria Beckham's eating disorder or who Kim Kartrashian is bedding in that ample hairy booty. The Independent, called Romney's trip, "Romney shambles" saying in addition to Romney committing a diplomatic gaffe, he did the "the cardinal sin of U.S. politics, flip-flopping" on his criticism. Even the conservative Daily Mail called Romney " devoid of charm, offensive and a wazzock (a foolish or annoying person). You  aint never lied. 

4.  Romney Knows Nothing About Foreign Policy

The Republicans are supposed to be the party that's big on the support of whoring out our military for electoral benefit but during their convention they barely mentioned the military, but the Democrats acknowledged our fighting men and women in a big way. Mitt and his pals didn't even thank or show any appreciation for the troops fighting in Afghanistan. Mitt's' response asked about this omission, "I only regret you’re repeating it day in and day out. When you give a speech you don’t go through a laundry list, you talk about the things that you think are important and I described in my speech, my commitment to a strong military unlike the president’s decision to cut our military. And I didn’t use the word troops, I used the word military. I think they refer to the same thing". Oh God...does this marionette ever stop?

Mitt doesn't think that acknowledging our military men and women fighting in harms way is important? This from the group that made the federal case about wearing an American flag lapel pin.

Romney falsely accused President Obama of sympathizing with the attackers of American Embassy in Libya!

Mitt said "The Obama administration's first response was not to condemn attacks on our diplomatic missions, but to sympathize with those who waged the attacks." But none of that was true (surprise, surprise, surprise!). Neither the American Embassy nor Secretary Of State Clinton offered sympathy for the attackers.

In fact, the Cairo Embassy condemned the anti-Muslim religious violence before the embassy was attacked. Secretary of State Clinton representing the Obama administration's first response to the violence, explicitly condemned the attack and the death of a State Department official.

So Romney in his eagerness to score political points against the President, jumped the gun, and didn't know what the hell he was talking about, and got a lot of justly deserved criticism from both democrats and republicans for his outrageous remarks.

5. Mitt Hates Everyone Not White, Male, or Rich

Mitt's caught on tape at a private fund raiser for millionaires saying that 47% of the American voters are irresponsible, want hand-outs and see themselves as victims because they won't vote for him! He's said he's not concern about those voters. Those 47% include college students, working poor, most middle class, teachers, cops, firemen, soldiers, the elderly, pretty much the entire tea party. Now he says he wants to help 100% of the American people. What happened? He got caught showing his true self and he was criticized negatively in the polls. His views on women's rights are archaic and barbaric and straight from the the old testament. I think the Old Testament might be too modern for Mittens.  Romney has backed several policies to reduce women's reproductive rights and their success in the workforce. He has attacked Planned Parenthood, abortion access, birth control access, equal pay and more. Remember his inability to answer the Lillie Ledbetter question at the debate. I would be shocked if he knew who Lille Ledbetter was and why she was important. When he should have been focusing on job creation, he was concerned about controlling uteruses. No wonder he can't win over women voters. 

When GOP U.S. Senate candidate Richard Mourdock declared he opposes aborting pregnancies conceived in rape because "it is something that God intended to happen," I thought there was absolutely no bottom anymore in the swamp of the bastardization of religion and politics. Surely, Romney will comdemn this idiocy. This is what we get from Romney while campaign ads endorsing Mourdock continue to run, "Gov. Romney disagrees with Richard Mourdock's comments, and they do not reflect his views," said Romney campaign spokeswoman Andrea Saul. 

It's amazing how a woman can't be trusted to make a  medical decision about her body but she is expected raise to raise a human being.

Romney has advocated for cutting FEMA and in the wake of Hurricane Sandy, it appears that, that would be a stupid call. Romney believes that the States can take care of everything including natural disaster relief. I find that puzzling because I literally live in State that can't coordinate a valid transit system or just voted to allow people of different races to get married in 2001. That's the 21st century...The state I live in, still thinks it's appropriate to have a confederate flag displayed off of the freeway. I digress...

Mr. Romney not only believes that states acting independently can handle the response to a vast East Coast storm better than Washington, but that profit-making companies can do an even better job. He said it was “immoral” for the federal government to do all these things if it means increasing the debt. Yes, we have seen how well that private companies have been doing lately. Judicial Correction Services ring a bell? You have a private probation company collecting money from poor defendants, charging asinine fees resulting in a debtors prison. A judge called it state sanctioned extortion.

Romney played his Convention Video at a ‘Non-Political’ Storm Relief Event in Ohio. Always anything for the political gain. Hope it doesn't backfire, again.

Romney's record on natural disaster's has been dreadful from what I hear. On Oct. 9, 2005, heavy rain storms caused the Green River to rise to historic levels and begin flooding into Greenfield, Mass. The flooding destroyed a trailer park and demolished swaths of low-income housing. Roads were impassable. The flood waters submerged the town's water treatment plant.

As the rain fell and the Green River rose, Greenfield's then-Mayor Christine Forgey tells The Huffington Post that she did not hear from Romney. About 75 people, including many retirees, lost their homes in the trailer park, she says. Still many more were displaced. Forgey says a resident opened up the high school and used it as a crisis shelter. A radio station launched a food and clothing drive and the Red Cross provided services.

This is what you get when they say "government can never work." and deceives millions by misstating a line in the Presidents speech, attempting to insinuate that the President is somehow jealous of successful people and is personally plotting against small business owners. That's leadership we can believe in...

I'm not an Obama kool aid drinker. 4 years ago, I wanted John Edwards to be the nominee and Obama to be his running mate. I knew he would let people down because they made him out to be the second coming. But let's be real about one thing, the man was given a giant turd from the Bush administration and had a Democratic House and Senate for all of 4-6 months. It wasn't 2 years by a long shot if you calculate the timeline accurately. He was elected in November 2008, sure, but he didn't take the oath of office and become President until January 21, 2009. From the beginning he was met with resistance from Blue Dog Democrats that voted against House Democrats and with Republicans which prevented them from getting that 60 vote super majority on all the bills. So from February till June, Congress was in session. They typically take the rest of the summer off, then we had midterms and the Dems lost control of the House. You can't blame the President for the nonsense that has been going on with the economy without blaming the Republican Congress for doing everything they could do to be adversarial, and turning the lives and economy of the American people into a blood sport with one sole goal. Making the President a one term president. Never in my life have I seen such disrespect, hatred and misinformation perpetuated as truth to the masses. 

What Romney represents is redistribution of wealth to the top end, shipping more jobs over seas, increasing the deficit, adding more money to the defense while cutting education, infrastructure and research and development. This zealot will appoint future wingnuts on the Supreme Court which has the potential to change life as we know it. This imaginary assault on freedoms that Fox has wedged into the minds of the weak will become real. Mitt Romney was a Governor who didn't have enough support to hold onto the position after completing his first term. He has only served government at the state level, and for only four years.

He worked for a company that made millions upon millions of dollars. But Romney, as a leader of that company, went to work everyday knowing that with every minute he used to find Chinese companies to invest in, or homegrown companies to buy and close down – he put more money in his pockets and more Americans out of work. Yet this is the man that can lead America back. You can't be serious. 

Romney only knows how to build a business, not a country, not a military, not an economy. He can see some of the small pieces of the pie, but the larger pieces national security, education, green jobs, tax adjustments for every class except his own, and plans that provide for you when you are sick, unemployed, old, and hurt – those pieces are only viewable by Barack Obama in this current election. 

Can't Keep My Lies Straight, But I Look Beautiful

You can't build a house with only one brick, even if the brick is white.