Friday, June 24, 2011

Rihanna The Talentless Goat That Just Won't Go Away

The definition of Rihanna: Proof that the music industry is no longer a raw, gifted talent extruder. More like a money sucking, take-a-quasi-supermodel chick-between-the-ages of 12-21-sex her up-record her horrible voice-and-use state-of-the-art equipment to alter her voice into sounding like pre-21st century Whitney Houston-Shoot a video of her masturbating-and-force youth to buy the album through a brainwashing promotion-mechanism.

An example of pure modern street trash intoxicating the population's minds.

Rihanna is a singer whose songs are cheap, tacky, and meaningless. She sings about anything from umbrellas to murderers...

Her most popular audiences include brain dead teens who think it's cool to hang around McDonald's threatening people with umbrellas.

It is also questioned whether Rihanna suffers from a permanent and severe condition of blocked nose. It can be heard very clearly in 'Unfaithful'

She thinks her audience is either deaf or stupid as she tends to repeat a sentence around 50 times in each song (ella-ella-ella-ella. YES we get it, thanks.) But perhaps this could be due to her lack of imagination and/or incompetence of coming up with new lyrics. (she doesn't write her songs).

This is my excuse for a dance routine
  Like a scorching case of herpes...I think we all knew this was was inevitable. Some news today came to my attention that I just couldn't let slide...this tool, this crotch monkey is re releasing her latest album Loud. This assault on the ears everywhere will be reloaded like her GGGB album. So we will have more stiff crotch shots, gyrations, 12 different key singing, and other unholy sounds emanating from that thing people called a voice. Yes, the voice of our generation. She always looks constipated, she sounds whiny, nasally and robotic on her best days. On every other day she goes between a goat being impaled with a hot metal poker or a dying cat dipped in hot wax. Everyone is tortured. She's a scourge of the music industry, a greek tragedy and a sonically engineered puppet.

Do you find me sexy? I SAID DO YOU FIND ME SEXY?!
Someone tell me why does it take 50 people on her team to write an album? That's right, 50 and the best they can come up with is "oh nah nah, what's my name". Of course those people are probably sound engineers to fix the goat/cat voice, they have to turn those nobs and dials and Auto-tune her to the point where all emotion is erased. If people like her because she is pretty, then she should model, period. Singing and dancing is not her forte and anyone who has ever seen a live performance knows what I'm talking about. It's the laziest thing that I have ever seen, she is wrong to charge people for tickets to see a dominatrix/ softcore porn/ karoke show being lipsyched to badly. It's a recession! Have you seen an artist slay her own song? Rihanna does and does it exceedingly well. It's like she is speaking in tongues and it's all baby gibberish. Her dancing, well, that's fingering herself, walking, sitting, humping a tank, sticking her butt out, squatting like she is going to drop a deuce, rinse and repeat. I don't think she has ever broken a sweat performing, unless she is grinding on a mic stand or expected to actually sing live without backing vocals. Then the charade is over. Her label has done a great job for the last 5 years of  turning water into wine and attempting to convince us that her warbling /whining is singing, but what they haven't done is given our little smuttress a no.1 album. This reloaded monstrosity will make her 7th, and it will still not be a no.1 album. Yes, this little fraud, is a singles "artist", no one buys her albums because everyone knows she sucks (things other than Jay-Z's member). That's why she is "reloading" this stupid album until she has time to find someone to swagger jack and then "change her style" so she can remain "unique". It's amazing that out of a 10 song CD, she released 5 singles and on Itunes, Love the Way You Lie, the song where she sang in 11 keys, that was an album only song and she still didn't reach platinum status for about 6 months. Read the reviews...Nicki Minaj went platinum before Rihanna and believe me, neither should have. Every album she releases will come with a re-mix album because she can't come up with new material. How hard is it when you don't write your own material and you just repeat the same line over and over?

Let's talk about her so called style. She has swagger jacked sooooooo many more talented artists to achieve this so called "bad girl" image. I call it, little whore playing dress up. Let's start from the beginning. When she came out with that annoying, robotic "Pon de Replay" song she was Rihoynce or Rihcycle, a little Beyonce clone. Long weave, same style makeup, even wearing similar dresses and outfits. Now, the vocals and dancing skills is another subject. She did copy choreography from some of Beyonce's videos, but again that's another topic for another day. Another artist on the label was Fe Fe Dobson, she had a certain eclectic style that Rihanna stole in the early days as well, except Fe Fe could actually sing, but she wasn't as cute as Rihanna or not as willing to work the stroll as Rihanna. As usual, Rihanna releases annoying single after annoying single, "Don't stop the music", which ironically she hasn't actually produced any actual music, and that dreadful ballad "Unfaithful" where she whined off key for the entire song and she should've been charged for commission of mass suicides or murder for those vocals. Next, she began her GGGB routine and bam! She copped Victoria Beckham's hair. Oh...but it was just a tad bit late, a few years late to be exact. She of course started wearing hats to cover up that chrome dome, but it was still Posh's bob. Then the bob kept getting shorter, and then she started dressing like Grace Jones and Pink. Ex squeeze me? Original hun tea? No ma'am. She still wasn't insufferable yet, so...

DUH DUH DUH! THE BEAT DOWN HEARD ROUND THE WORLD! Rihanna emerged empowered and in a blond recylced KELIS hairstyle. Yes, that shaved head nonsense, Kelis rocked first when she married Nas. But, then Rihanna became "hard", wearing bondage gear a la Madonna from Justify my Love minus the dancing skills, then, she became a rock star. Also, more Gaga and Beyonce ripoffs emerged, like in her hard video. Remember the helmet that looked like Mickey Mouse ears? That came from Gaga's Paparazzi. Of course she did what she does best, laying down sticking out her fanny and rolling around. She let the world know that she attacked Chris first, but that was ignored and everyone rallied around her so called struggle even as her painfully off key album Rated R flopped. Yeah, by the way she swagger jacked M.I.A on Rude Boy...It's shameful that Chris didn't beat some talent into this joke of an "entertainer".

Fast forward to Loud, Rihanna has decided that the only way to sell albums is release continual coverage of her boobs, vajajay, and nonstop retelling of her "incident" with her best Side Show Bob/ weak Janet Jackson Velvet Rope impression while her thighs get thicker and thicker. Since she isn't dancing there is no need for her to have a toned look for her legs. Rihanna is the queen of posing while people dance around her. She will just keep talking about penis photos, going into sex shops, having sex, and Chris Brown's beat down anytime she does any appearance or magazine cover, while her accent comes and goes worse than Ms. Cleo. She has also been jacking Madonna, circa 1985 with the corsets and big bows in her hair, "Like a Virgin" to be more precise. Madonna wasn't really dancing then, just twirling around, so that's right up Rih Rih's alley, among other things. She never hesitates to take a ques. about Chris as long as it's around single time or magazine time, or she has some false controversy to stir to try and bump up her singles numbers.

This Muppet has no personality what so ever, it's a complete flatline. Take Madonna with all of her style re inventions, her personality remained the same, no matter what she wore, what color her hair was, she was Madonna. Same for Cher. Rihanna is a blank slate, she has the same empty look on her face no matter who she jacks and the voice is still godawful. Every album she changes her look why? She has no identity. She is just a tool and a puppet of her label. It's all a smokescreen to divert attention away from the ghastly sounds coming from her throat. If her handlers and stylists didn't show up she would be totally lost. All she can work is the pipe and it seems she's not handling that to well. How much sex can you sing about and how badly? No progression, no depth in 7 so called albums. That man down controversy didn't even get her to pass #40 on billboard and her stupid tour isn't selling out in the US, just like her last tour. If she didn't release an album of nursery rhymes every 6 months, no one would remember her or miss her and she knows it. She has no personality, she is 1 dimensional and I am being kind with that. You can almost see the cartoon characters chasing each other in her brain when she gives interviews. Beyonce' is stupid, but next to Rihanna, she's a Rhodes Scholar. She even had the audacity to write a book! No one knows what happened with that, but since no one has mentioned it, it couldn't have done have well since she is one of the biggest media whores in the business. She should still be picking corn in a field in Barbados, I hope she saves her money, actually I hope she goes broke and the Republicans deport her trashy tail, but since we have seen everything, what would be the point?  Jay-Z owes the world an apology for assassinating the eardrums and sanity of all those subjected to the wretched sounds they have produced from the studio.

I don't know what the eff this is about
Rihanna stated that Rated -R was so deep that she broke out in tears when she listened to it, let's see if the magic will touch you:

Come here rude boy, boy; is you big enough?
Take it, take it baby, baby
Take it, take it; love me, love me
Do you like it?

Boy, I want, want, want whatchu want, want, want
Give it to me, baby like boom, boom, boom
What I want, want, want is what you want, want, want
Nah nah-ah

That was so deep and profound. That makes Human Nature seem like a Rihanna song by comparison. Strive to be No.1 Rih Rih! Oh, you have been, haven't you? Is the magic touching you? It's touching me... or my gag reflex. I broke out into tears too, hearing her sing. That was literally 15 random words strung together about nothing. Deep as 2 monkey's in a zoo chasing it's tail banging a pot, but that would sound more pleasurable than Rihanna live. They at least move with purpose and are way more entertaining, unlike the mic stand humper/ stripper who murders her own songs. Her idea of a performance is a bathing suit with fringe and I'm supposed to be excited...

Every time I hear that "voice", I die a little more inside and I wonder if god really exists and why he would allow this amount of suffering to happen worldwide. She did a song for Haiti and that voice more than likely caused the earthquake in Japan. No one should let Rihanna do any relief concerts for fear of National Disasters. Every live performance is a National Tragedy and should be labeled a terrorist act. Everytime Rihanna goes on stage, gives an interview, poses for a magazine or *snicker* acts, the terrorist threat level should go up to red automatically.

I'm a Model, but I tricked You Hoes
Rihanna is a low class talentless hack/ Bratz doll prototype who probably gave Jay-Z the best head of his life in order to get her record deal.  5 to 7 head in fact. YouTube her murdering Mariah's Hero and then ask how she got her record deal. It wasn't on the strength of her vocal talent or her corpulent stage presence. She can't sing, she can't dance, she can barely pose, she's a tranny  version of Cassie. You know that face got some masculine angles... At least Cassie knows she is Puffy's jump off, Rihanna actually believes she is a diva. She really believes she can "sing", and so does her delusional fans. All of these people feed into the lie that Rihanna has talent and she laughs all the way to the bank. We all need to chip in for a vocal transplant for this 5 headed goat and send help with her sex obsessed middle school lyrics.

Rihanna can give us all hope, none of us can have musical talent, but if this stiff stripper goat made it, then dammit if she can make it, so can I.


CC said...

Funny as usual! Profoundly sad and painfully true as well. Her lyrics are so sex- laden that i must wonder if she is trying to sell records or a good time. It's sad that we have to associate sex (as opposed to talent) with success in the entertainment industry. What are we teaching children by embracing performers who cheapen the value of things that should be sacred? Talent, integrity, hard work, creativity are no longer needed to make a musical success. Just a team of people who can "make it rain" on thirsty hoes. Well written article!

Anonymous said...

this blog is funny as hell!!! and yes I do agree with you Rihanna is talentless and music industry is dead!

Anonymous said...

You are amazing. People are way too up their "idols" ' asses to see anything for real. At least someone's not blind.

Anonymous said...

Oh, thank God you wrote this. I get so depressed about the world when I hear pop music. Talentless idiots should not be wealthy or recognized. She disgusts me.

Rebel Flower said...

Take comfort that her number 1 album was only number one for a week and now it's not even in the top 10. Looks like her overhyped, black friday reign let up.

Anonymous said...

Wow! finally someone with brains to see through this unattractive prostitutes so called career, she cannot sing, her music is awful and she is so desperate to show that she is a good girl gone bad ( not even the media gave her that title but her desperate self gave herself that title)and she names an album after it and says it so much times,to show that she is like Brittany or Christina. And all of her dumb songs she tries to make them about sex, wow like no other artist has done that. I wish her talentless ass can go away, because she is proof that mainstream music is dead, she was just the nous around the neck.

Anonymous said...

She is just a Talentless waste of Space,who has started to believe Her own Hype.I for one particularly condemn the way she flaunts Her Drug Abuse on Social Networking Sites,and how she constantly bangs on and on how she is a good girl gone bad..well she should come and spend a few days in my Hometown,she would be begging for the Police to save her Black Arse.

Anonymous said...

Goat > Rihanna

Anonymous said...

YOU ALL ARE PATHETIC! you took the time out of what could've been a productive day in your sad little life to write this blog. Your clearly a coward hiding behind a computer screen blasting your hate on other people. For someone you , "hate" you sure took the time to write an essay on her career. Face it your obsessed you don't hate her, YOU KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT HER. Get off your moms computer and get fucking life or better a job. Rated R was an highly emotional album , there are deep songs like The Last Song and Fire Bomb , which your simple minded ass would be analytical enough to process. Art isn't black and white, lyrics like " I just wanna set you on fire, so i don't have to burn alone", allude to the fact that she just wants to know if she's the only one in the relationships that a hurting. Your seeing everything for surface and your clearly ignorant and have no perception of art. But what does she care she's got 60 million more dollars then your hating ass will ever have:)

Rebel Flower said...

And we have a member of the delusional Navy that has decided to take up for the talentless Queen of autotune. Who are you trying to convince, me or yourself? The only reason that I know anything about this skank is that she instagram's her whole life right before she puts out her 50th single on her album so it can go platinum 9 months after release. The song you mentioned that is supposed to have deep have got to be joking, plus you mention a song 3 era's ago. Can't pull anything out of the bag of tricks now can you? I'm seeing things for surface? No, I'm seeing a studio singer who has a great team that has created a great image which morons like you have fallen for. Keep giving this whore your money, she doesn't care about you, dumbass.

Anonymous said...

Thank you soooo muchfor this article. You read that THOT down to the toes. I used to be a fan and I cannot understand why? She has really assaulted the youth with her empty soul-less existence. If rihanna dies today I feel like humanity has a chance again.

Anonymous said...

Good article. She is a horrible skanky hoe. Yukk. Disgusting. All the numb skull parents that listen to her & allow their young children to shouldn't be allowed to have children, they are a disgrace also. Tragic.

Queer Soul said...

Thank you for this. I heard Sia singin Diamond and I wanna punch Rihanna's face for not even TRYING to make the song her own. Every time I hear her on the radio, I wanna punch my husband who's driving. Her nasal voice n stupid lyrics make me sooo damn mad. Arghhh. Thank GOD for this article!

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