Monday, July 18, 2011

15 Most Disappointing Things in Hop Hop History

There have been lists compiled about the ground zero of hip hop, here is mine. This may land me the head table at the playa hater convention.

                                                    15. Nicki Minaj
Let's get one thing straight...SHE IS NOT A RAPPER. All she does is make ugly faces, swagger jacks Lady Gaga and has convinced herself and the media that she is a real MC. Big boobs, a fictional butt granted by Dr. 90210 and hitting up the Halloween store doesn't make you a "real rapper".  Not only is she a remake of Lil Kim, but she is a cheap remake with no bars. When this little girl can top Lil Mama instead of making annoying voices, noises, and stupid altar egos then and only then can she be acknowledged as a real rapper. Kim Clone Clown and anyone that dresses like her and calls them self a "barbie" looks like a bunch of fools and she still can't rap. I got her CD for free and I feel like I paid too much...

14. First two singles from Detox
Dr.'s been over a decade and fans have been waiting desperately for a follow up to Chronic 2001 and all we got were Need a Doctor and Kush. Need a Doctor is basically Eminem giving Dre a hand job with some white girl that should've been Dido but maybe she didn't want to be associated with such a terrible song. Then there was Kush, a commercial monstrosity that sounds like it was a discard from Lady Gaga's album. I mean, I understand the desire to sell computers and headphones, everyone whores themselves out, but seriously, this shouldn't be an actual "single" from a Dre album. What happened? If this is the result of being detoxed, then you need to get back on the weed asap, because you suck. I'm not looking forward to Detox and hopefully this crap won't be released.


                                                     13.  Snoop Dog

He has become a "gangsta pop" artist and the Snoop from the Death Row Doggystyle days have long since died. He is auto tuning with people like Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus and Katy Perry. All Snoop wants to do is play a pimp in low budget blackploitation movies and perform on Comedy Central Roasts with a blinged out pimp chalice. He's a talentless hack that only had one good album but because he was cool with Dre he has been able to stay semi-relevant. He sucks so badly that I took a pirated CD back to the bootlegger and asked for a refund, you need to be high to like his crap.

12.  50 Cent After Get Rich or Die Trying
That's exactly what he did. He got rich and stopped trying. He came out and he was like "kill everyone, street sweepers kill grandma, stuff her in the trunk." Then, he makes money, and it's "I'm laughing all the way to the bank, ha ha ha ha ha ha". He has nothing to say at all, and when a rapper has nothing to say, it's time to exit stage left. All 50 is good for is banging Chelsea Handler, ugh,,,, sending homophobic tweets and taking homoerotic photo's with Soulja Boy.

                                                     11.  Def Jam (Current Era)

Thanks to ex-boss L.A. Reid has turned into a place where hip hop      artists go to be shelved and never to be heard from again. Can you remember the last time they released an actual hip hop album? It's all pop all the time, and you can blame Joe Camel for that.

                                                     10.  Eminem (Relapse)

You know an album is bad when the artist apologizes to his fans and asks them to ignore the last album. He actually admitted that Relapse sucks, but just because it was Eminem he still won a Grammy. That should tell us about award shows and what a waste of time they are. He hasn't been the Eminem that he was when he first came out because he is off drugs, but when you begin your career making fun of pop artists then you duet with the worst sounding pop artist alive, he has no credibility. He needs to let it go and sit down and stop depending on old glory.

9.  Jay-Z's "Super Ugly" Response to Ether
Nas for some reason and I don't understand rap battles, came out with Ether and for better or worse destroyed "Tae Boe Hoe" Jigga. Our sexy girlfriend couldn't let it go and decided to "respond" with super ugly, which was half "ether" sample and half "super ugly". Interesting to have a song called super ugly when you look like...well a camel. Out of the two, Nas and Jigga, I know who I would go home with, hands down. Just because Jay got "upgraded" by the Lion King, he is still ugly as sin and his raps are corny. (Yeah, I know he is an so called icon due to the fact that he made Reasonable Doubt and one good Blue Print's album. The rest is commercialized crap.)

8.  Biggie's Duets Album
Puffy deserves a special place in hell for this...Someone at Bad Boy decided that fans wanted to hear Biggie and T.I., Jagged Edge, Korn, Slim Thug and other random pop artists. Yeah...Puff had made millions on bastardizing this mans death. Hopefully there was no video of him dancing like a chimp, but knowing our Diddy he is in the video or track somewhere. The album artwork speaks for itself, look at Biggies face. He is looking like he knows that this album is some nonsense and should be avoided at all costs. It's an ominous warning to all.


                                                    7.  Tupac's Loyal to the Game (Produced by Eminem)
In 2004 Eminem wrote a letter to Afeni Shakur asking to produce an entire 2pac album, the result? ‘Loyal to the Game’, which was pretty much a G-Unit/Shady records compilation album that featured 2pac. Remember the blasphemous video where Ashanti was bleating and panting under a tree, TI was rapping and Tupac was on the screen? It was all wrong and all bad. How no one called Em out on this is shocking, but he should get his rapper/ producer card snatched for this. That album could've brought Pac back from the dead, it's that terrible.

6.  BET Cancelling Uncut

For all the inappropriate and embarrassing programming BET already showcases, did it really serve a purpose to cancel the most entertaining and outrageous show of all time?Where else could fans watch the legendary “What That Thang Smell Like” and “Tip Drill” videos? It's not that big a deal I guess, if you need some smut, check a Rihanna show, it's like a stripper show, but with pre-recorded goat sounds.

5.  Jay-Z's Kingdom Come
In 2006, Jay Z, to the surprise of no-one, abruptly came out of “retirement” and released his comeback album “Kingdom Come”. The album was critically panned and fans were left scratching their heads. Hov didn’t come back like Jordan wearing the “4-5”, he came back like he was Jordan still playing at the age of 45 and still ugly as hell.

4.  Bad Boy Records
If you sign with Bad Boy kiss your music career good buy...Let's have a moment of silence for those we have lost...
Da Band
Cherri Dennis
Mark Curry (Hangin with Mr Cooper?
Elephant Man
Day 26
                                                    Danity Kane

3.  Waka Flocka Flame
Or Waka Flocka LAME, Proof that Jesus died in vain. Oh that rhymed, that must make me a rapper now. Sad part is, that was better than anything he has ever put out. He claims he is the outcast or the stepchild of rap, but apparently doesn't know why. All he has to do is listen to "Flockavelli" and that will answer all his questions. The fact that he named his album Flockavelli is just wrong and yeah, he deserves to be mocked and ridiculed. The best news for the rap game was that he plans on retiring. Good riddance.

                                                    2.  Soulja Boy
He has to be the worst so called rapper alive and what I call the Osama Bin Laden of rap. He just dances around and shouts random crap while he wears sunglasses with his name in bubble letters with cheap paint that he purchased at an arts and craft store. He has no flow, and thinks that sounding like having an asthma attack is rapping and that it's sexy. He makes flavor flav look talented except Flav was in on the joke, Soulja apparently believes his own hype. This rodeo clown thinks he deserves to be paid for getting a laptop with pro tools and just lazily recording words that he heard from better rappers. He is one of the worst things that has ever happened to rap. Deandre Way was the 9/11 of hip hip.

1.  Pitbull
I ranked him higher than Soulja because he actually has a career, right now anyway...This Hispanic fart knocker has taken house music that someone else with talent made, yell unintelligible nonsense over it, put on a tight suit, sun glasses and have an evil Russian henchman beard and there you have this no talent clown. He literally sounds like he has a megaphone yelling on a track. It's like blah blah, yo quiero taco bell.

1 comment:

GL21 said...

I say Soulja boy is the worst. He should have been numbers 1-5.