Sunday, July 17, 2011

J.HO- Third Time is a Tragedy

I Have Taco Flavored Kisses!
"Heenifer Lopez" strikes again... They say tragedies come in three's and I can name three tragic movies,  The Cell, Gigli, Enough. Here is three more...An Unfinished Life, Maid in Manhattan, and Shall We Dance. All were abominations that should never have been placed on celluloid with Gigli being the equivalent of the disaster at Chernobyl. Yes, I am comparing a movie to a thermonuclear disaster where the land will not be inhabitable for 27,000 years. Well Pancake Butt, here is your third marriage, and you failed! What's the common denominator with these failed marriages of Bubble Butt? Wait for it...J to the L-O. How many times have we heard this from our former fly girl and anaconda hunter, "I've never felt this before"? With the waiter, the dancer, Puffy, Ben, and Marc and only god knows who else. How many times will we have to hear that ques.?  Too many to count...Is anyone really surprised that she is getting divorced? Liz, I think she is trying to de-throne you... Go for the gold...get married 4,5,6,7,8,9,10 times until you get it right or until he has the correct amount in his bank account, or at least to pay for another "Worlds Most Beautiful". Both careers have been slow, hopefully this divorce will be a career boost to the both of them.

She and Skeletor, Marc Anthony, are ending their marriage after seven years with her singing career back on the upswing. They issued a statement to People Magazine: "We have decided to end our marriage. This was a very difficult decision," the couple said in a statement by Lopez's publicist. "We have come to amicable conclusion on all matters. It is a painful time for all involved and we appreciate the respect of our privacy at this time." So...privacy? You release a statement to PEOPLE MAGAZINE which last time I checked was a public publication, how is that private? Do people think before they do things? Sorry J.Lo and Skeletor,  it didn’t work out this time, but at least the tears will be diamond crusted, and signed carefully by the divorce vulture lawyers.

Who wants to bet she is sleeping with Pitt Bull? I would put money that they just "fell for each other" recording their pathetic excuse for a song, "on the floor". You can bet she "never felt like this before." This low talent social climber used him to get her back on the map, gain more credibilit­y in the Latino community and spawn her desparatel­y wanted children. Is she trying to take over Elizabeth Taylor's role as a serial bride? She lacks Liz's beauty, elegance and class. Not to mention, Liz didn't whore out her kids to the highest bidder or just jump on anyone's penis when she got the routing number. Did she marry Marc to excoriate "Bennifer" from the minds of all living creatures? Marc Anthony is an establishe­d musician and singer. He's got an amazing tolerable voice who helped J.Lo reload her pathetic excuse for a music career. The marriage was beneficial to her not to him. And the reason they're divorcing now? She got what she needed from him, like she does from all the men she has been with. She sucks the life force from them and it goes in her ginormous butt of hers and there she goes... She has a CD out there that's gone multi-plat­inum(thanks to whomever she slept with), she got her kids which we all know she was desperate to have and she's richer than she's ever been. I don't feel sorry for Jello, I pity her children. Now J.Hoe and her hand maidens and p.r. minions will work overtime to work the single mom angle.

Maybe Marc couldn't live in the lie another moment since more and more states are legalizing gay marriage. I mean she did break up his last marriage, devastated his first wife and caused Marc to damage his son all so he can play red carpet ornament to Pancake Butt and her jewelry after the Bennifer rebound Yeah Marc, you were a rebound, that had money and Latino cred, she hooked on you like a tick, just like she did with Puffy in order to get "street cred". She will always be Jenny from the Block, i.e. cheap, skanky, opportunistic, and will get on anything with a pimp hat and a cane. This is what happens when two narcissists get together. J-Lo is a thick-witted, fourth-rate actress and melody-challenged singer who collects husbands likes one collects stamps or baseball cards. Someone as vapid and self-centered as J-Lo should never get married; she should just stay committed to her one and only love: her damn self.  This was such a great match, because they both have female genitalia.

Parents to three-year old twins, Max and Emme, the couple dated first in 1999; following their breakup, Lopez dated and married Chris Judd in 2001, with the marriage lasting only nine months. Then Lopez dated Sean Combs, aka Diddy( the black hole that is Bad Boy), and then Ben Affleck. In the meantime, Anthony married former Miss Universe Dayanara Torres before they split, as well. These people don't need a marriage license, they need a marriage permit, just make it a practice round.

They both want to be THE star, and neither is relevant...J.Lo believes she is, because she is on A.I. but come on...who want's to hear her sing? Does she think that because she has a hit single that she is back and she can get a back up dancer? I'm just wondering can JLo not do a Video with the fan blowing her long fake hair or her rubbing her hands through her hair or her face... And let's not forget those oh so parted lips of hers, it's supposed to be sexy, but it looks like she is waiting for someone to put something in it (maybe it's a credit card reader). In her videos, how can anyone tell if she sings at all? Her voice is so synthesized and manipulated. She is just beyond awful. She is mediocre, and if she wasn't pretty and didn't have a grand tookus (the worlds most beautiful in fact), no one would notice her at all. What I see and hear sounds like every other "pop" crap that every other "pop star" puts out. I called that "pop hop". Some dreadful never-was, Pitt Dogg or whatever his name is, covering up her non-existent voice,and trying to look like a hip-hop artist or something but wearing a smoking jacket and a scarf. That's hip hop, that's street. It was like soft hip-hop, but hip-hop sucks at least this bastardized form with some auto-tuned whore who can't sing with a non descript rapper yelling random words over the track. Jennifer Lopez sucks, her have been one of a thousand videos will be forgotten within a year. It would be great if she would stop squeezing that size 10 butt in a size 2 body suit. You are too old, let go!

Jennifer, you should get down on your knees and thank God for the twelve year-old boys and girls who buy your space-wasting, so-called music. Excuse me while I go wash my eyes! Maybe I can flush out those horrible images. UGH!

Jamie Fox put it best:

"J Lo? Back on the set of In Living Color it was like 'hey ho!'"

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