Sunday, August 28, 2011

Pat Robertson...Crack is Whack and So are You

Got Boots? 

Pat Robertson speaks directly with, and to, God. The two are equals. God creates wealth to only those he deems worthy. Robertson, like Jesus, saves. Don't you feel all warm and fuzzy inside? Robertson demands that his personal friend tell him what “He” will tell no one else: what is going to happen in the future. Robertson’s god is close and uses the televangelist to reveal the deity’s designs for doom and Armageddon. Apparently, that is all God is capable of these days, either granting the Pastor great wealth on the back of the church members or all consuming wrath because he wants to destroy his own creation in the most convoluted overly dramatic imaginable way instead of just scrapping the project and starting fresh.

Pat Robertson has a new job outside of insane charlatan, racist, bigot and failed fortune teller; he can now add seismologist to the list. This week, CBN’s flagship program did a week-long special series on “The Sign of the Times.” Well, talk about synergy, because this week has brought us an earthquake on the East Coast and a hurricane. After the earthquake hit, you might remember reports that the Washington Monument sustained a minor crack. (You know that's soooooo unusual).
Pat Robertson wondered if it was really all the hurricane’s fault, or if the crack was a sign from God. However, he was careful to preface his remarks with the following:

“I don’t want to get weird on this…” Naturally. Speculate all you want on the supernatural causes of mysterious cracks, but let’s not have things getting weird. Robertson continues:

"It seems to me the Washington Monument is a symbol of America’s power. It has been the symbol of our great nation. We look at that monument and we say, ‘This is one nation under God.’ Now there’s a crack in it. There’s a crack in it, and it’s closed up. Is that a sign from the Lord, is it something that has significance or is it just a result of an earthquake? You judge."
Really Pat? I never thought the Washington Monument symbolized America's power or "one nation under God". I thought it was a memorial to our first president George Washington, hence the name, WASHINGTON MONUMENT, or if you want to match crazy, it looks like a giant penis. Is a crack in a 125 year old building or any building for that matter, after an earthquake unusual? Apparently in Lala Land. Here is an extra credit question for you Pat? Who is buried in Grant's tomb? Maybe he believes that the Jefferson Memorial was named after George Jefferson. Maybe Pat knows if God has a penis since he and God are so close. Why don't you get that spackle that's on your face to fix the crack in the monument you lying vampire.

Pat’s god speaks to Robertson much like a drunken sailor: in parables, asides, and latent images that hint at things that might happen. Pat’s god also told the wealthy preacher (net worth is speculated to be over $1 billion) that major cities and possibly millions of people would be affected by the attack, which should have taken place sometime before the end of Obama’s first year in office. Guess his alluminum hat got a bad reception. To Robertson, god is a pathetic, evil-minded pornographic-loving violator of women and children and the elderly in a constant hunger to see slaughter, war, pestilence, famine and a few jolly tortures—much like the god of the Old Testament. What's even worse, the so called "christians" are in perfect agreement with him and his warped interpretation of God.

God, in the strictest of confidence, but with the most poignant admonition to Robertson ordered the preacher to “go forth into the world and spread the news” of the celestial Tyrant who delights in tragedy.

Pat cannot be stopped. He will not be silenced. His predictions are yearly and sometimes daily. In many ways he imitates the Gates of Heaven’s founder, as well as the radio star Harold Camping who predicted that the world would end on May 21, 2011.

Robertson predicted that Russia would invade Israel in 1982. It did not happen. The multimillionaire minister projected a worldwide economic collapse in 1985. It did not happen. And the televangelist tantalized his cult followers by predicting that US Senator Jay Rockefeller (D-W.V.) would be elected president in 1996. In 1998, Robertson warned Orlando, Florida, it was to feel the wrath of God. God would never forgive the city–nor Disney World–for offending the terrible deity. All were to be punished by god who would strike the city with hurricanes, tornadoes, and earthquakes. Robertson’s warning, his angry announcement of the vengeance that his god would wrack upon the popular tourist attraction and on the homes of its citizens came after Orlando, Florida, city officials voted in 1998 to fly rainbow flags from city lampposts during the annual Gay Days event at Disney World. Speaking for his god, Robertson issued the city this deprecation denouncing their tolerance of the LGBT community:

“I don’t think I’d be waving those flags in God’s face if I were you. … A condition like this will bring about the destruction of your nation. It’ll bring about terrorist bombs, it’ll bring earthquakes, tornadoes and possibly a meteor”.

Here is one of his greatest hits:

On September 11, 2001, Robertson justified the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center and the USA. He pontifically predicated:

“We have allowed rampant pornography on the Internet, and rampant secularism and the occult, etc. to be broadcast on television. We have permitted somewhere in the neighborhood of 35-40 million unborn babies to be slaughtered by our society.“We have a court that has essentially stuck its finger in God’s eye and said, “We are going to legislate You out of the schools and take Your commandments from the courthouses in various states. We are not going to let little children read the commandments of God. We are not going to allow the Bible or prayer in our schools.”
“We have insulted God at the highest level of our government. Then, we say, “Why does this happen?” It is happening because God Almighty is lifting His protection from us. Once that protection is gone, we are vulnerable because we are a free society”.

So, 9/11 happened not because of terrorism, Bin Laden, you know the people that actually claimed they did the act in question and not for the reasons they said they did it. No...It was because of gay's, secularism, the occult, abortion and prayer in school. It's the 10 commandments, something that has absolutely nothing to do with the legal system, being taken out of the courthouse. Because God has hurt feelings, we suffered the greatest terrorist attack on American soil, even though Bin Laden took the rap for it for an entirely different modus operandi. Ok. Project Patty Poo.

In July 2003, Robertson came close to calling for the assassination of US Supreme Court Justices, but backed off, urging the 700 Club audience to pray for God to remove three justices from the Supreme Court so they could be replaced by conservatives. I feel the love of Christ all over that one. “We ask for miracles in regard to the Supreme Court,” Robertson said as he launched a 21-day “prayer offensive” directed at the Supreme Court. Robertson is quoted in a letter on the CBN website that the court “has opened the door to homosexual marriage, bigamy, legalized prostitution and even incest;” None of which had occurred or even is before the current conservative justices. The same letter targeted three justices in particular: “One justice is 83-years-old, another has cancer and another has a heart condition. Would it not be possible for God to put it in the minds of these three judges that the time has come to retire?” Can't God put it in your heart to just shut up?

In August 2005, Pat Robertson demanded that the USA assassinate Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez: “We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability. We don’t need another $200 billion war to get rid of one, you know, strong-arm dictator. It’s a whole lot easier to have some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it over with.” He noted, “You know, I don’t know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we’re trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. It’s a whole lot cheaper than starting a war … and I don’t think any oil shipments will stop”. Oh, but what about the 10 commandments Pat? Isn't there something about killing in there? I guess we can sort of make allowances for people we don't like because America is the only "godly" nation left, right? I mean where do these people come from? Don't pray for me Pat, Pray for yourself and the obvious brain dead minions that fall for your ponzi scheme and send you money every month. What type of Christian openly advocates for the death of another human being on National TV? How is he any different than the tyrant that he wants to have killed? This is almost like putting a hit out on someone, and of course we have to make sure that we keep the oil shipments going. All of the brown people are nothing more than gas station attendants who are here to just produce oil and give it up to God's chosen Nation. Are you serious?!

In November 2005, Robertson turned bitterly against the citizens of Dover, PA, barking that since the people of Dover had rejected God by voting their school board out of office for supporting “Intelligent Design”:

“I’d like to say to the good citizens of Dover: if there is a disaster in your area, don’t turn to God, you just rejected Him from your city… And don’t wonder why He hasn’t helped you when problems begin, if they begin. I’m not saying they will, but if they do, just remember, you just voted God out of your city. And if that’s the case, don’t ask for His help because he might not be there” as Robertson’s god is not only intolerant but will maintain hatred for those who defy him or his prophets. dare people want to have actual science taught in school over religion? Intelligent design should be left in the church pews and not in a science class. THIS IS WHY THEY'RE BEATING US!

In January 2010, Robertson argued nationwide that the devastating earthquake in Haiti results from a “pact with the devil” made by the people of Haiti in the early 19th Century just prior to their revolt against the French. Did he grab a Deloreon and travel back in time to see this pact with Satan or does he know because he is in fact Satan himself and he has first hand knowledge of the conversation? Terrorist fist jab with Satan for the Win!

Terrorist Fist Jab with Satan

After the New York State Legislature voted to legalize same-sex marriages, Robertson dourly predicted Judgment Day was at hand:

“I think we need to remember the term sodomy came from a town known as Sodom and Sodom was destroyed by God Almighty and the thing that they practiced was homosexual activity and even they tried to rape angels who came down there, so that’s the kind of people they were,” Robertson said. God “sent an angel down there and He said to Lot and his family, ‘get out now because I’m gonna destroy this whole area.’”“We’re heading that way as a nation. In history there’s never been a civilization ever in history that has embraced homosexuality and turned away from traditional fidelity, traditional marriage, traditional child-rearing, and has survived. There isn’t one single civilization that has survived that openly embraced homosexuality. So you say, ‘what’s going to happen to America?” Well if history is any guide, the same thing’s going to happen to us,’” he predicted.

Robertson also admitted that Jesus “didn’t say anything about the homosexuality.”

News flash Bible scholar: the stunning stupidity shown to the world by Robertson’s lack of education, non-existent knowledge of language or word meaning exposes his ignorance. The word “homosexual” appears no where in either the Jewish nor Christian Bibles, nor in Islam’s Quran (it was not even invented before the end of the nineteenth century). Not only does the bible reject the contemporary fundamentalist interpretation of the City of Sodom being destroyed because of gay marriage or same-sex sexuality, it clearly states that the sin in Sodom was Lot’s incest with his two daughters, making both pregnant . His translation skills do not exist (he barely has a command of the English language) but his interpretation skills are a fantasy. God's only dislikes America a little and puts cracks in things, but really hates dark and brown people and wipes them out according to this muppett.

Let's talk about traditional marriage, when we have shows on TV called Flavor of Love, Rock of Love, Who wants to Marry a Millionaire, The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, etc...we don't hold traditional marriage in that high regard. Every society has had gays, arranged marriages, polygamy, etc...Alexander the Great was bi-sexual and he was one of the greatest rulers in the world and ruled over one of the greatest societies in the world. Every period had gays, so this notion that gays are some new abnormality that will ruin society is crazy. Let them get married, let them die a little more inside like the rest of us.

I seriously fear that this man is suffering from a mental illness along with his followers. He is such a moron and it appears that he passes out crack rocks instead of crackers at communion. Maybe we need to rescue God from the wacko's like you and all the rodeo clowns on TBN. Since Robertson explained the crack in the monument, maybe he can explain the crack in his head

Lord protect us from your people...

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