Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Kim and Kanye Sperminated

Kimye has ruined 2013 before it even began...

Vanity Squared
Let's rejoice, a rapper knocking up a trashy woman, how dainty. Don't forget the little skank is still legally married, so let's add a big fat scoop of adultery to this crap soup. Looks like the second coming has arrived at last. My inner feminist is struggling so hard for dominance over the voice that says, "Call me old fashioned, but that sham marriage still isn't over yet, right?" I have nothing against ordinary women making decisions about their bodies in complicated or unconventional romantic/marital situations. But Kim Kardashian really tests me.

Kanye let the joyous news escape in the most thoughtful, sensitive, and eloquent way possible. In front of 5,000 fans, paused in the middle of his set to reveal the big news. "Stop the music for a second. Stop the music," he said. "Can we make some noise for my baby mama right quick?" She is allegedly 12 weeks pregnant.

It's All About Me
I seriously can't think of two people more unsuitable for raising a child other than Chris Brown and Rihanna, than these two. Remember Kim couldn't take care of a cat this summer and had to give it away. Like she doesn't have a slew of psychophants in the house to keep up the cat. All you need is a litter box and some cat food, and she failed in that task. And there will be zero support coming from the extended family who are all just as fucked up as these two. Barring a miracle (or having his/her entire upbringing outsourced to another, unrelated person) this kid is going to grow up with Michael Jackson levels of mental/emotional instability, minus the talent. I hope she knows she can't call it quits after 72 days or give the baby away when it cries too much.

Republicans, this is type of thing that you should be protesting, that the two most arrogant narcissistic people are reproducing. All of the Jesus freak values voters should be irritated by a woman who is still married, albeit for a hot second (and more than likely did so for the $$ and publicity generation), had her pregnancy announced by her 'baby daddy' at a public venue and then becomes a venerated model for motherhood is a sad commentary on a society seeking solace for a lack of genuine role models.

You Know Kim ain't Bey, right?
It is cute that this pregnancy can categorized like a plot point on her mindless show. Kim not legally divorced, gets sperminated to seal the deal with Kanye and overshadow Khloe who dropped her second illegitimate child by her douche bag boyfriend. Kanye is attempting to overshadow the pregnancy of his ex bed warmer Amber Rose and Wiz the scarecrow and be like his bromance brother Jay-Z in the process.

No matter how you slice it, this baby lost in the genetic lottery and therapy for the child should start immediately in utero. I mean who wouldn't want a father that calls their mother a bitch or is proud that she got famous from a sex tape. Seriously, Kanye is proud of that shit. I truly hope that the divorce is granted before she gives birth because legally, Kris could be considered the father. Wouldn't that be a great Maury show? The money trail is overpowering, think about it:

Staged pregnancy pap-shots-- a zillion dollars

Baby photos sold to the highest bidder -- a zillion dollars

Kardashian baby birth special on E!-- a zillion dollars

Weight watchers deal to lose the baby weight-- a zillion dollars

Between Kimye, Jessica Simpson and Kate Middleton's spawn, the media will beat it into my uterus that I'm not pregnant yet, I should be excited about selfish multi-millionaires. I truly hopes this helps her ratings for her show. 

God Watches Over Fools and Children
Kongratulations! I await with great anticipation for the arrival of Khaos, Kreeper, Konehead, Kaptin,  Kleopatra or Karpet. Hope she stays fly while pregnant.

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