Kim and Kanye Sperminated

Kimye has ruined 2013 before it even began...

Vanity Squared

Let's rejoice, a rapper knocking up a trashy woman, how dainty. Don't forget the little skank is still legally married, so let's add a big fat scoop of adultery to this crap soup. Looks like the second coming has arrived at last. My inner feminist is struggling so hard for dominance over the voice that says, "Call me old fashioned, but that sham marriage still isn't over yet, right?" I have nothing against ordinary women making decisions about their bodies in complicated or unconventional romantic/marital situations. But Kim Kardashian really tests me.

Kanye let the joyous news escape in the most thoughtful, sensitive, and eloquent way possible. In front of 5,000 fans, paused in the middle of his set to reveal the big news. "Stop the music for a second. Stop the music," he said. "Can we make some noise for my baby mama right quick?" She is allegedly 12 weeks pregnant.

It's All About Me

I seriously can't think of two people more unsuitable for raising a child other than Chris Brown and Rihanna, than these two. Remember Kim couldn't take care of a cat this summer and had to give it away. Like she doesn't have a slew of psychophants in the house to keep up the cat. All you need is a litter box and some cat food, and she failed in that task. And there will be zero support coming from the extended family who are all just as fucked up as these two. Barring a miracle (or having his/her entire upbringing outsourced to another, unrelated person) this kid is going to grow up with Michael Jackson levels of mental/emotional instability, minus the talent. I hope she knows she can't call it quits after 72 days or give the baby away when it cries too much.

Republicans, this is type of thing that you should be protesting, that the two most arrogant narcissistic people are reproducing. All of the Jesus freak values voters should be irritated by a woman who is still married, albeit for a hot second (and more than likely did so for the $$ and publicity generation), had her pregnancy announced by her 'baby daddy' at a public venue and then becomes a venerated model for motherhood is a sad commentary on a society seeking solace for a lack of genuine role models.

You Know Kim ain't Bey, right?

It is cute that this pregnancy can categorized like a plot point on her mindless show. Kim not legally divorced, gets sperminated to seal the deal with Kanye and overshadow Khloe who dropped her second illegitimate child by her douche bag boyfriend. Kanye is attempting to overshadow the pregnancy of his ex bed warmer Amber Rose and Wiz the scarecrow and be like his bromance brother Jay-Z in the process.

No matter how you slice it, this baby lost in the genetic lottery and therapy for the child should start immediately in utero. I mean who wouldn't want a father that calls their mother a bitch or is proud that she got famous from a sex tape. Seriously, Kanye is proud of that shit. I truly hope that the divorce is granted before she gives birth because legally, Kris could be considered the father. Wouldn't that be a great Maury show? The money trail is overpowering, think about it:

Staged pregnancy pap-shots-- a zillion dollars

Baby photos sold to the highest bidder -- a zillion dollars

Kardashian baby birth special on E!-- a zillion dollars

Weight watchers deal to lose the baby weight-- a zillion dollars

Between Kimye, Jessica Simpson and Kate Middleton's spawn, the media will beat it into my uterus that I'm not pregnant yet, I should be excited about selfish multi-millionaires. I truly hopes this helps her ratings for her show. 

God Watches Over Fools and Children

Kongratulations! I await with great anticipation for the arrival of Khaos, Kreeper, Konehead, Kaptin,  Kleopatra or Karpet. Hope she stays fly while pregnant.

Amber Rose, The Model, The Jump Off, The Con Artist

Just when the sucking sounds that is the music industry couldn't get any louder, we get this...

Niggas in  Paris

Rihanna the half human half goat model has convinced the world that she is a singer, well her team of producers, sound engineers, photographers and stylists anyway. Amber Rose the stripper, jumpoff, model, musical bully victim, can add singer to the list, or not. Amber can NOT trick us, the listening public into believing that she is a singer no matter how many rapper penis' she swallows.

This crotch monkey has actually released a serious effort called FAME with a verse from her living scarecrow fiance' or husband (who knows or who really cares), rap flavor of the month Wiz Khalifa. She admitted that she was worried that she would suck and didn't want him to hear her work. "I brought my music to Wiz and he was like, you could really do this. I asked him and I was like if I sucked, don't tell me I'm good because you love me."

Did the Check Clear?

"He's like, 'If you sucked I'd tell you babe just be my wife, you're good I love you.' I went to the studio and I have like 8 songs done now. I'm really proud of myself," she added. She is 28 years old and she says "like" like how many times? I think she should've invested more time in school and less time in hot pants and penis. It's wonderful that someone that has no discernible talent other than walking and having sex has such a high sense of entitlement.

If the thought of her auto tuned voice that's devoid of all emotion doesn't frighten you, then imagine the fresh hell of her rapping. Yes, she thinks she spits hot fire, other than the bodily fluids she has sucked to climb up the ladder to success. She also names her hip hop wish list: "Yeah. I definitely rap and I sing and my music is fun," she explained in an interview. "It's all dance music. I have an inspirational song that's really dope. I have some records that are just plain fun, like you just want to party, jump around and go crazy to. ... I would really, really love to do a song with Pitbull and LMFAO. They're probably like my two favorites. I've always loved Timbaland as well." A fun dance inspirational song...She must mean that you have to be on dope to find any of her music fun, interesting or inspirational. When I think of inspirational songs, "Greatest Love of All" comes to mind. When is the last time you heard that at the club? When did "Party with no hands" or "Come here rude boy boy boy, is you big enough", make you pause and wonder what is the meaning of life or inspire you to do something? What about any of that is profound?

"Oh yeah man, I'm in the studio every single night, "Like, I do not sleep. [laughs] I'm really, really, grinding. I'm really in the studio. The music that I make is fun, it's dance music, it's club, just super fun music that gets you in a great mood and makes you happy. So I'm all about music "and this is my time to really, really come out and hopefully make people happy when they listen to it. I wasn't happy, I didn't dance and I didn't have fun, so you failed, miserably. The exact opposite happened. The music was quite generic, vanilla, emotionless, soulless, and stupid. It sounded like something Ke$ha, Rihanna, Katy Perry or any other house wife from real housewife's with a lap top, mac pro tools and literally five minutes to rhyme go with go, take a trip to the local hooker shop to buy the best in slut couture for their YouTube video debut and vomit out the same line with no imagination or creativity.

Her second assault on the ear drums is called "Loaded", and it's a load of crap. Getting a baby's loaded diaper and taking a big whiff, vomiting and then eating it is better than this song. The typical technique in pop music is to drown out weak vocals with club banging techno and auto tune all emotion out of a very weak voice. (Rihanna, Katy Perry, Paris, Lindsanity, Kim K the Armemian booty queen, Ciara, pretty much every one), The sound engineers followed the same formula here and used the same vapid lyrics that are in every generic, pop, rap song you would hear on the radio. "I'm fine, I got money, name drop some designer brands, luxury latch on a car, don't hate me because I'm better than you and if you do then you are a hater." Let the magic touch you and see if you need to borrow Amber's gag reflex:

"Hell yeah I like the finer things/ silk sheets and diamond rings,"
"You think I need a man for that? - Please ... I'm loaded!" 

What would you do for a Blondyke Bar?

Yes Amber, I know you need a man for that. Maybe Amber is really stupid or playing stupid, really unsure here, but she might be unaware that the record industry is COMPLETELY controlled by men. Even if she wasn't screwing rappers, tweeting nude photos of herself and playing consummate victim as a full time career she would still have to depend on men. They head all the music labels, the majors: Def Jam, Universal, Arista, Capitol, Bad Boy (the career ending black hole), Death Row, LaFace, Roc Nation, Aftermath, etc... they are headed by men. She would have no chance without a man, so who does she think will sign the checks to pay for her diamonds and all the things that keep her ass so fine. I can't believe I'm about to say this...Amber makes Kanye more likeable by comparison. Every interview that she gives is always "poor me, this fame, this life was handed to me and I am having to deal with this grave difficulty," yet, we revel in the fame, of being a jumpoff and bed warmer who used her vagina to try and get to the top. Everyone knows that Amber has the jaw line  of the best linebacker in the NFL. What is ironic about Amber's "music" is that this so called music is just as soulless as Kim Kardashian's, the exact same talentless homewrecking ass clown she over hyped as stealing Kanye from her from jump street. Of course that was probably to promote this auto tuned version of ear rape that if you listen hard enough you can smell the swisher sweets, Jeri curl juice and Hennesy in the air. Since her craptastic music hasn't gone anywhere on the charts, Amber and her Armenian big booty mindless serial bride have called a truce and the dueling booties came to a peaceful close. At least there is no story line on Kourtney and Khloe takes on whatever black penis they find lying around the house.

Amber is the biggest hypocrite and every tear that she cries about being bullied, a demon gets its wings. Back when she was riding the Yeezy train she stated, “Honestly, Kanye saved my life, and I don’t even think about what I would have been; I just think about what I’m gonna be.”
We all know what you are Amber...a whore who tried to wife Kanye up and get at his money. You tried to take advantage of him when his mother died and live the high life sipping the finest champagne, flying in private jets, shopping, eating in the finest restaurants, hanging with other celebrities and jumpoffs...Even boasting that Rihanna is a bestie, dumb and dumber the sequel...shoot for the stars...tell her to stop stalking Chris Brown and advise her that she needs a good scrubbing, but then again so do you.

Fast forward to a few months ago in an interview where she gives her millioneth woe is me, Kanye is bullying me through song interview,  "I don't care when people say that I owe him my life because I'm famous now. I don't owe him nothing." The entire planet begs to differ... What's next? Reality tv? oh yeah...we did that...guest appearances on Rupauls Drag Race, and judging a DJ competition on VH1 that no one watched or knew about. The next step is designing clothes just like all the other fake models/ singers/ actresses. I forgot to mention this "blondyke" will be in a straight to DVD movie called Gang of Roses 2 ( didn't know there was a Gang of Roses I) where she will participate in a graphic sex scene with another chick, you know to play up her bi sexuality, that AGAIN no one cares about. 

Today we should take a moment of silence because a stripper that became a model who then became a jumpoff had her ego bruised by a narcissistic rapper. Where is my compassion, where are my feelings? It's hard to hold on to 15 minutes of fame when Kanye moved on to his next adventure. 

What can we expect from the Susan Powter of Jump Off's. STOP THE INSANITY!

Amber Rose- Yeezy Taught Me

I'm Famous Too!

Another pseudo celebrity famous for nothing but having sex...

The most fame crazed jumpoff that never models is back running her yap about her relationship with Kanye, AGAIN, and how much of "meanie" he is. What else would she talk about? The model jumpoff, who only recently started modeling in vodka commercials, sat down to talk with MTV's Sway Calloway. Like every other recent interview, she was asked some questions about her current relationship with rapper Wiz Khalifa, and her past one with West. She said that, when it comes to Yeezy, the public only knows one side of the story.

Kanye's Bed Warmer

"No one knows what I've been through and the things that I had to deal with when, you know, Kanye made his album, and he talked reckless about me on his album," she told Sway. "And then, you know, I have people throwing things at me in the street, because they're fans of Kanye's."

Rose then broke down in tears, prompting Sway to change the subject. But not before she got a chance to set the record straight about what made her so emotional.

"I'm just crying because, I don't deserve to be bullied like that," she said. "I'm a nice girl, I don't bother anybody and I keep my mouth shut because I don't want any trouble. But to be bullied through music and stuff like that, it's not fair to me. I don't deserve that."

But I'm Nice

My heart bleeds for your struggle Amber. A nice girl? Please don't make me laugh. Nice girls don't walk around half naked, in body stockings, breasticles high beaming, flipping off the camera, tonguing down your trashy boyfriend while he is half drunk somewhere. Well, nice girls of the night. Being bullied through music Amber? That ranks up there with people who get bullied physically doesn't it? Bullied through cryptic auto tuned nonsense, with Rihanna bleating the chorus is torture to the world and I feel bullied. Do I get to have a cry with you too? Are these tears of joy because people pay you some type of attention and you were laughably offered a recording contract while you know you did nothing but suck, lick and screw to get it. (yeah Amber Rose is singing a song ironically called "fame", it should be "famewhore"). This speaks volumes about the state of the music industry, rich powerful men launch careers of Paris Hilton, Kim K, Rihanna, Kesha, Cassie, and various other talentless fembots. Puffy, new devoted and loving father Jigga man and Kanye, this means you. 

Bullying Victim at Fashion Week

Let's be real about one thing, Amber is only famous because she dated her so called abuser, Kanye. She's never accomplished anything other than taking her clothes off and barely keeping them on. She knew how he was, we all know how he is, it's not like anything in his life is private. He is narcissistic, loud, annoying, and all his bravado is included in his songs. His life experiences, good or bad are included in his songs. Rose flew on private jets, shopped until she dropped, sipped expensive champagne and enjoyed all the trappings that come with being 'Ye's chief bed warmer and ego brusher. She needs to stick a tube sock or the scarecrow's phallus in it and hush. She claims to be madly in love with Wiz the scarecrow Khalifa, but can't seem to focus in on him long enough to build the bridge to get over Kanye. Without Kanye, she would be sliding down a stripper pole in some dive in south Philly not sliding down the pole of another rapper or being interviewed about Kanye. Amber failed to look at the pavement before she stepped in the dog do.

Golddiggers always cry when their meal ticket moves on, time to dry those crocodile tears and move the hell on. She won't get any awards for acting, so she needs to hop on that yellow brick road with the Scarecrow and sing her second single, "If I only had a brain." We all know she doesn't have one...

Open Letter to Wiz Khalifa

Dear Wiz,

Or scarercrow from the Wiz, you are in desperate need for an intervention. I mean someone that looks like an ashy crackhead that has been drawn on by special ed kids needs immediate help. You are so ugly that you make Jay-Z look like a GQ Model. I mean you are so unattractive that you are painfully unattractive almost like an infected puss wound. Speaking of infections...do you ever think just once why your chemical toilet jump off fiance wants you? It must be the money cause it aint your face. All she has done since she "appeared" on the scene wedged in a body stocking is use her body to advance her mythical career. You want to put a ring on a jump off. Dude...come on. I think the weed is laced with syrup or PCP or some strong psychotropic drug. You might want to put down the rolling papers and try to read a book every once in while. What am I saying? You have a hit song where all you say is "black and yellow" over and over.

Do you think Amber is going to be the same trophy for you that she was for Ye? Let's be real, the using was mutual. She wanted some fame and money, in exchange Ye got a trophy on his arm in public, a freak in private and an attention magnet for something other than him pissing people off. It worked well for them both.

It's not working quite well for you though. She's draining your buzz instead of adding to it because she's trying to get a reality show and shoot her career off as something other than a jumpoff which that's all she is. As a result, you look like a sucker, a nappy headed sucker that haven't bathed in 6 months, not to see this chick is using you without giving much back than just sex. She's not even a trophy anymore because she's been photographed with so many black celebs that she looks like a groupie. The jig is up!

You met our fatal blossom in LA, actually on other internet, probably on jumpoffs.com, while she was designing her cleverly named store "Sunglasses", which I can only assume sells sunglasses. You said: “I met her in L.A. Well, we talked on the Internet first because I was on tour. And she’s designing a sunglasses store, and she was just interested in my look and wanted me to be a part of her line." What she found her next mark? "So we were really just focused on business and being cool and stuff like that." Being cool...That's always important, being in your mid 20's, smoking weed, and continuosly having to take to twitter to defend nude photos that continue to surface every 3 to 6 months.

"I just became so interested in her and I didn’t want to spend any time away from her. I always wanted to be around her and she felt the same way, and I ended up just moving out to L.A. and just started my life out there with her.” She probably told you to pay me or pay me no attention. She's a pimpette and you are her bitch. Anyone that get's a tattoo of their significant other placed on any part of their body knows that the relationship is doomed before it begins and this is what you did. You can always amend the tatt to "Amber will phuck for a walkman" when you inevitably break up.

I'm Shy

Amber has had new nude photos released in a matter of months from the last set and this time you came to her defense saying, “I could see if that was what she was doing while I’m with her or something like that and it was in a disrespectful way, but it’s nothing like that. It’s not even, like, the pictures or her past is a raunchy past. She did what she had to do. There’s plenty of powerful women who overcame that, and that’s what she really is, an example of what work and faith in God, you know what I’m saying, can get you into a positive situation." How isn't her past raunchy? She was a stripper, right? Not the same as being a lawyer or a doctor. Real contribution to human history. Powerful women have overcame being a stripper? Name them. I don't think Hillary Clinton, Condi Rice or even Palin had to overcome something like this. Palin was in pagents, not the same thing as dropping it like it's hot, sliding down the pole topless for singles to finance her $1 scholarship program. Let's please leave God out of this. To infer that her being a jumpoff is something that God has not only condoned but blessed is just nothing short of crazy. Denial isn't just a river in Egypt.

"The biggest misconception about Amber is that she wants attention. Everybody thinks that she does stuff for attention and that she loves attention, but she’s really, really reserved and shy. She just gets attention ’cause she’s dope.” Really reserved and shy? Maybe you are smoking dope. A stripper that has numerous nude photos leaked to the public of her fingering herself, is known for being wedged in body stockings, topless, and clothes so tight that I could get a yeast infection from just seeing them is the farthest thing from shy. She is an attention whore that makes a spectacle of herself in order to stay relevant.

I made this blonde dyke

You will never be Kanye, you will never have his money, you will never have his popularity, you just smashing his groupie left over. Are you trying to catch his success by proxy by sleeping with his discard after she gained 10 pounds? Won't work scarecrow...

From the looks of you, I can almost see the live sperm swimming on your lips hours after you  kissed her.