Friday, February 10, 2012

Amber Rose, The Model, The Jump Off, The Con Artist

Just when the sucking sounds that is the music industry couldn't get any louder, we get this...

Amber Rose thick thighs
Niggas in  Paris
Rihanna the half human half goat model has convinced the world that she is a singer, well her team of producers, sound engineers, photographers and stylists anyway. Amber Rose the stripper, jumpoff, model, musical bully victim, can add singer to the list, or not. Amber can NOT trick us, the listening public into believing that she is a singer no matter how many rapper penis' she swallows.

This crotch monkey has actually released a serious effort called FAME with a verse from her living scarecrow fiance' or husband (who knows or who really cares), rap flavor of the month Wiz Khalifa. She admitted that she was worried that she would suck and didn't want him to hear her work. "I brought my music to Wiz and he was like, you could really do this. I asked him and I was like if I sucked, don't tell me I'm good because you love me."

Amber Rose, Wiz Khalifa
Did the Check Clear?

"He's like, 'If you sucked I'd tell you babe just be my wife, you're good I love you.' I went to the studio and I have like 8 songs done now. I'm really proud of myself," she added. She is 28 years old and she says "like" like how many times? I think she should've invested more time in school and less time in hot pants and penis. It's wonderful that someone that has no discernible talent other than walking and having sex has such a high sense of entitlement.

If the thought of her auto tuned voice that's devoid of all emotion doesn't frighten you, then imagine the fresh hell of her rapping. Yes, she thinks she spits hot fire, other than the bodily fluids she has sucked to climb up the ladder to success. She also names her hip hop wish list: "Yeah. I definitely rap and I sing and my music is fun," she explained in an interview. "It's all dance music. I have an inspirational song that's really dope. I have some records that are just plain fun, like you just want to party, jump around and go crazy to. ... I would really, really love to do a song with Pitbull and LMFAO. They're probably like my two favorites. I've always loved Timbaland as well." A fun dance inspirational song...She must mean that you have to be on dope to find any of her music fun, interesting or inspirational. When I think of inspirational songs, "Greatest Love of All" comes to mind. When is the last time you heard that at the club? When did "Party with no hands" or "Come here rude boy boy boy, is you big enough", make you pause and wonder what is the meaning of life or inspire you to do something? What about any of that is profound?

"Oh yeah man, I'm in the studio every single night, "Like, I do not sleep. [laughs] I'm really, really, grinding. I'm really in the studio. The music that I make is fun, it's dance music, it's club, just super fun music that gets you in a great mood and makes you happy. So I'm all about music "and this is my time to really, really come out and hopefully make people happy when they listen to it. I wasn't happy, I didn't dance and I didn't have fun, so you failed, miserably. The exact opposite happened. The music was quite generic, vanilla, emotionless, soulless, and stupid. It sounded like something Ke$ha, Rihanna, Katy Perry or any other house wife from real housewife's with a lap top, mac pro tools and literally five minutes to rhyme go with go, take a trip to the local hooker shop to buy the best in slut couture for their YouTube video debut and vomit out the same line with no imagination or creativity.

Her second assault on the ear drums is called "Loaded", and it's a load of crap. Getting a baby's loaded diaper and taking a big whiff, vomiting and then eating it is better than this song. The typical technique in pop music is to drown out weak vocals with club banging techno and auto tune all emotion out of a very weak voice. (Rihanna, Katy Perry, Paris, Lindsanity, Kim K the Armemian booty queen, Ciara, pretty much every one), The sound engineers followed the same formula here and used the same vapid lyrics that are in every generic, pop, rap song you would hear on the radio. "I'm fine, I got money, name drop some designer brands, luxury latch on a car, don't hate me because I'm better than you and if you do then you are a hater." Let the magic touch you and see if you need to borrow Amber's gag reflex:

"Hell yeah I like the finer things/ silk sheets and diamond rings,"
"You think I need a man for that? - Please ... I'm loaded!" 

Amber Rose licks Kanye West
What would you do for a Blondyke Bar?
Yes Amber, I know you need a man for that. Maybe Amber is really stupid or playing stupid, really unsure here, but she might be unaware that the record industry is COMPLETELY controlled by men. Even if she wasn't screwing rappers, tweeting nude photos of herself and playing consummate victim as a full time career she would still have to depend on men. They head all the music labels, the majors: Def Jam, Universal, Arista, Capitol, Bad Boy (the career ending black hole), Death Row, LaFace, Roc Nation, Aftermath, etc... they are headed by men. She would have no chance without a man, so who does she think will sign the checks to pay for her diamonds and all the things that keep her ass so fine. I can't believe I'm about to say this...Amber makes Kanye more likeable by comparison. Every interview that she gives is always "poor me, this fame, this life was handed to me and I am having to deal with this grave difficulty," yet, we revel in the fame, of being a jumpoff and bed warmer who used her vagina to try and get to the top. Everyone knows that Amber has the jaw line  of the best linebacker in the NFL. What is ironic about Amber's "music" is that this so called music is just as soulless as Kim Kardashian's, the exact same talentless homewrecking ass clown she over hyped as stealing Kanye from her from jump street. Of course that was probably to promote this auto tuned version of ear rape that if you listen hard enough you can smell the swisher sweets, Jeri curl juice and Hennesy in the air. Since her craptastic music hasn't gone anywhere on the charts, Amber and her Armenian big booty mindless serial bride have called a truce and the dueling booties came to a peaceful close. At least there is no story line on Kourtney and Khloe takes on whatever black penis they find lying around the house.

Amber is the biggest hypocrite and every tear that she cries about being bullied, a demon gets its wings. Back when she was riding the Yeezy train she stated, “Honestly, Kanye saved my life, and I don’t even think about what I would have been; I just think about what I’m gonna be.”
We all know what you are Amber...a whore who tried to wife Kanye up and get at his money. You tried to take advantage of him when his mother died and live the high life sipping the finest champagne, flying in private jets, shopping, eating in the finest restaurants, hanging with other celebrities and jumpoffs...Even boasting that Rihanna is a bestie, dumb and dumber the sequel...shoot for the stars...tell her to stop stalking Chris Brown and advise her that she needs a good scrubbing, but then again so do you.

Fast forward to a few months ago in an interview where she gives her millioneth woe is me, Kanye is bullying me through song interview,  "I don't care when people say that I owe him my life because I'm famous now. I don't owe him nothing." The entire planet begs to differ... What's next? Reality tv? oh yeah...we did that...guest appearances on Rupauls Drag Race, and judging a DJ competition on VH1 that no one watched or knew about. The next step is designing clothes just like all the other fake models/ singers/ actresses. I forgot to mention this "blondyke" will be in a straight to DVD movie called Gang of Roses 2 ( didn't know there was a Gang of Roses I) where she will participate in a graphic sex scene with another chick, you know to play up her bi sexuality, that AGAIN no one cares about. 

Today we should take a moment of silence because a stripper that became a model who then became a jumpoff had her ego bruised by a narcissistic rapper. Where is my compassion, where are my feelings? It's hard to hold on to 15 minutes of fame when Kanye moved on to his next adventure. 

What can we expect from the Susan Powter of Jump Off's. STOP THE INSANITY!


Genessa said...

She needs to accept the fact that she is a jump off. Woman up and stop with the whole, "He bullying me thru music" deal. Truth is she sounds like bitter drop off. But she supposedly is so in love that Kalifia, animal looking dude.

GL21 said...

I think she's on minute 12 of her 15 minutes of "fame".

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