Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Lindsay Lohan Fires Lawyer to Avoid Jail

Insane logic I know... 

Fired: Lohan, pictured with Shawn Holley last March in court
Murder Was The Case They Gave Me
Shawn Holley has performed more hocus pocus than the entire cast of Harry Potter by keeping serial criminal and sometimes actress out of her rightful home, jail. Who did the red headed one person crime wave hire to replace her personal Johnny Cochran? A person that had his law license suspended for 5 years back in 1994. So, the person that you have embarrassed every time they have stepped foot in a court room and owe over $300K in legal fees, you fire and go with with a dude that looks like Joe Pesci from Good Fellas. Holley received the news just as she was on the way to the court house to negotiate yet another plea bargain for moron. Mark Heller, the new attorney, is the attorney that represented Snoop, Suge and basically screwed a king pen drug dealer out of ownership of Death Row records while he was imprisoned during the labels hey day.

Replacement: Lohan replaced Holley with New York based attorney Mark Heller
Machiavellian or Just Stupid?
Heller, sent a letter to Holley, stating that he was repping Lindsanity on all criminal matters. The New York Times has called Heller, "a menace to society". Something Lindsay and Heller have in common, don't you think? Isn't that always the way? Being passed over at work, for a person less competent than you, for just a piece of shady garbage with no moral compass who believes he is a cross between Gordon Gecko and Tony Montana.

Lindsay Lohan's legal troubles trivia
I Got This Fool Off Again...
If there is a bad decision to be had, trust and believe Lindsay will choose the bad one. I mean the worst possible decision on the checklist.  None of this would be necessary if Lindsay would stop breaking the law, but what am I saying? That would be like expecting Rihanna to actually write a song and sing it without auto tune, Nicki Minaj to not babble incoherently with whatever personality that decides to magically appear that night, and Jennifer Lopez not marrying a dude to promote an album. The world would spin off it's axis if any of those things happened. Holley has kept Lindsay out of jail for stealing a necklace, which was an automatic probation violation and has made some other criminal investigations just seem to magically disappear. Lindsanity even got praised for being "responsible", (snicker), for completing her community service. I mean if doing the bare minimum after being threatened with incarceration is the definition of responsibility, then we should all be so responsible.

Lindsay Lohan's legal troubles trivia
Walk of Shame

This is a stall tactic and a ploy to avoid jail time because more than likely, Lindsay was going to the pokey tomorrow. She got a new lawyer the day before and now he is going to need "more time to look over the case." Or maybe Shawn Holley stopped   taking oral sex as payments and demanded cash, which Lindsanity is short of. She always claims to be "working", but she hardly works anymore. I mean Liz and Dick? Please...The end result will be the same, her dance card is full and she is going to have to have a sit down with Diabla or someone with tatt's all over their face. Linds likes muff pie, so she should adjust fine to being locked in an enclosed space, licked up and down by a dude name Samantha.

Lindsay Lohan's legal troubles trivia
Mean Girls
Another twist to the story, is that Lindsay is telling her circle, which I'm not sure who that is exactly, that she never wanted to fire Holley. Huh?! She claims she never authorized her rat pack fake gangster rapper lawyer, who has never rapped, to fire Holley. Except for that termination letter she signed...Lindsay claims she wants Holley back, and thinks of Holley as a second mother.

 Since she barely has a real mother, that moves Holley up to first mother. Lindsay supposedly ordered the real live Good Fellas mob lawyer to send another letter rescinding the first letter. This is what happens when your brain is on drugs and you do one dumb thing after another, with an undeserved sense of entitlement. If the crowning achievement of your body of work is "Mean Girls", then you should re-think your career priorities. Even Katie Holmes and Jennifer Maniston have better film resumes and they suck as actresses.
Lindsay Lohan
I Smell Death On You
The criminal justice system used to be about rehabilitation and prevention, but with Lindsay, and others like her, it clearly has failed. We have a person with privilege, where the rules simply don't apply by virtue of being who she is. No normal person would get chance after chance after chance after more chance like in her cases. If anyone needs jail, it's her. She truly needs it or she will never learn anything because she clearly has learned nothing from her legal woes. The public has received the message loud and clear, that if you are wealthy, famous and "beautiful", the rules simply don't apply to you and anything goes. So long as you have your Birkin bag and your custom Louboutin heels, you can get away with murder.

Lindsay Lohan Wax Figure-JTM-027910.jpg
Jail Couture

Aren't we better than this? When you become the Honey Boo Boo of acting, it's time to throw in the towel.

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