Sunday, October 11, 2009

WTF with the Names Black People?

In my job, I meet a lot of people, mostly proof that retroactive abortion should not only be embraced but summarily practiced. One thing that has alarmed me are the jacked up names that we keep giving "our" kids. They have been categorized as swahili-roman and greek bastardizations, luxury latch ons, megomaniacal descriptors and WTF, that will be discussed at length in no particular order. Every black person in America has felt he need to stay true to their blackness or feel the need to prove their blackness. One way to prove our blackness is to give our kids african sounding names but never doing any research to look up any real african names. Swahili names (taken from eastern and central Africa and typically applied to girls) and Arabic names (taken from north Africa and typically applied to boys) became ferociously popular – but for some reason many parents felt the need to mutate the Swahili names. So while boys received unaltered Arabic names like Ahmad and Kareem, girls were nominally punched in the uterus with senseless names like Shanequa and Shaquan. Parents to this day insist on naming their girls this way, despite the knowledge that doing so dooms their child to a paper hat and a plastic name tag. How many "Quandarius" or "shauntrativous" or some similiar name have you heard? I don't much about the Greek and Roman names, but I know that we killed those names dead. With megalomaniacal descriptors had their throats stepped in when it became popular to name their children "pleasure, serenity, destiny". Now parents, I know that you think your kids are the all of these things. However, you had to know that you weren't the only person that would be addressing those kids. Imagine how uncomfortable it is for a stranger to address your child as "precious". And to the vast majority of the world your kid will be a stranger with a moronic name. By all means give your kids all the cutesy little pet names you want, but for the love of god, leave it off the birth certificate. In the last decade or so, black people have decided that naming their children after expensive things, will reverse their place on the socioecnomic ladder and provide a bootleg good luck charm so to speak in order to have good fortune rain down upon them. Mostly girls are afflicted with this abortion, "Mercedez, Lexus, Chanel, and Prada". (sigh) There has been no one with these types of names that works for any more than $7.50, unless they are the $1 College Scholarship Program. These parents are pingeon holing these girls to wear plastic, lucite, 10in heels. Now my favorite, the Wtf Names. These names shock me and leave me either in fits of laughter or uncontrollable revulsion. This encompasses gross mispelling of common names such as "Detrich and Clarenece." Also, I spoke with a "Raponzel" today and what the hell kind of name is "Ezakeous?" (I guess that could come under the heading of greek, roman swahili bastardization). Black people across america, with the election of our first black president, white people are going to say that we need to get rid of affirmative action. The only for our race to climb up the corporate ladder and actually purchase those luxury latch on items, is to make our kids look white on paper. "La la, Lacosta, Deandranette, Antwane, Sitrice, Ayatollah, and Shardonnay", are doomed to a life on the stripper pole with stretch marks and bullet wounds.

No comments: