Monday, June 20, 2011

The Emancipation of Mimoo

Mimoo has accomplished so much in her career. Numerous hits, a 7 octave vocal range, surviving a feud with bad boy (snicker), Eminem, taking control of her image and coming out of the flannel shirts, cut off shorts and "emancipating" herself and the most important thing FINALLY ADMITTING SHE IS BLACK. After the divorce from Tommy Mottolla she started humping black chairs, then black rappers, so it's only natural that she admits what she is...She emancipates herself every album with less and less clothing and more and more silicone and cellulite. Her voice has thinned out to the point that she almost whispers and it almost seems that she ages in reverse each year and I don't mean in her face. Now let me go on record by saying that Mariah of today has a better voice than the majority of the so called singers today. However, Mariah of yester year would murder Mariah today and run her and her implants off to a hoarders marathon. Since the power in her voice has diminished and her high notes sound like a cross between air slowly being deflated out of a balloon and a dog screaming for help, I would welcome her twirling in a field in cutoffs and a flannel shirt. The more clothing she had on, the better she sounded. She has an army of hand maidens and servants, that do her bidding and she has her butt boy Nick "tweet fight, I'm going to ruin Eminem's career" blank staring contest Cannon, why can't she dress like someone who isn't trying to dress like Jessica Rabbit/ Diamond from Playa's Club. I mean is there such a thing as street walker couture? If so, Mariah has perfected it, complete with glitter, butterflies, lollipops, and all the bedazzling the eyes can stand without vomiting at all the back fat and thighs.  Everytime you see her, it's like it's her first homecoming dance, too tight top with those boobs stuffed mercilessly in a size 2 dress. They look as if they are screaming for dear life and it's shocking that the implants haven't popped by the restrictive properties of that nonsense she calls "fashion". What is her obsession with spandex? When you are 18 and are a size 2, spandex isn't vulgar, but, when you are 40, and have more bounce to the ounce and you jingle all the way, maybe you should rethink natural fibers. Just because you can Crisco yourself into it, doesn't mean you should wear it.

Has anyone ever noticed that her album titles are always inanimate objects? Charmbracelet, Butterfly, Music Box, she got scientific with E=MC2, like she knows what that means. She and her stupidity is the kind of putrid that I can't stand. Remember when she could sing effortlessly? Not now. Now she is more concerned about being photographed on one side of her face, trying to convince us she can act and that Glitter flopped because of 9/11. As far as movies are concerned, Glitter was almost the 9/11 of all movies, but Battlefield Earth and Gigli just beat her, barely. How did she expect to show depth or emotion being shot on one side of her face? One angle, really?! That's the dumbest crap I ever saw. After her breakdown, she went into full on unicorns and lollipop's mode and began her perfume and fashion line. All that was missing was "Hello Kitty". That seems to be the formula these days. You put out a few albums, a few doesn't do that well, then it's time to get a perfume line. Just because you like clothes and perfume doesn't make you a grand couturier and just because you had hits a decade ago doesn't make you a diva, fatal blossom.

Her new perfume ad has our aging cougar laying down sucking on a hot pink lollipop in a lace trimmed tank top, with "Lollipop Splash Remix" written in bubble letters. Come on...We are in our 40's. This is some crap Britney did when she was 18, over a decade ago. This fragrance is a remix of the first fragrance called "Lollipop Bling" because butt boy Nick hid her engagement ring in a ring pop wrapper. Again...what's with this kid stuff? The high class diva has to take photo's on one side of her face, arrive to hotels by candlelight, but will accept a 17 carat ring in a balled up piece of paper? What a high class diva!

Who is a bigger celebretard media whore, Mariah or J.Lo? That's a tough one...Both have terrible train wreck acting careers, but it seems Mimoo has stayed in her lane, where as J.Lo may be getting ideas in that monumental tookus and trying to stage a comeback. Both have an affinity for banging rappers and dumping them. Eminem, Puffy, Diddy/ Daddy/ Puffy/ P.Diddy, whatever he calls himself now. They both like being blond and write nonsense pop music about their awesomeness and how their love would be there even if their love interest were broke. Yeah...right...They both like being virtually naked, Mimoo takes the stuff to the extreme by dressing in spandex, glittererati, boob busting, sky scraping high Louboutin heels exposing every piece of flesh that only Nick is brave enough to see. Mariah actually has legitimate hits, especially if you count her "real" songs from the 90's, this "touch my body" nonsense and her flop "memoirs of an imperfect angel" where she is playing a barbie with fellow silicone bimbette Nicki Minaj, hopping out of doll boxes, boobs hitting the camera...ugh...J.Lo, has some hits and she can thank the Latin invasion in the early part of the 2000's, her fat behind, whoever she blew to get her record contract and her vomit green Versace dress that went down in infamy.

What's with Mariah's obsession with Marilyn Monroe? I mean, Marilyn was pretty and all, but let's be real here...she was a pill popping alcoholic whore that was probably rubbed out by the mob or one of the Kennedy's. Plus, she couldn't act, sing or dance. Why is it great to idolize bimbo's and talentless idiots? Why would you name your child Monroe after a pill popping mistress? What sense does that make? Does she even know who Marilyn Monroe is, or does only know about "diamonds are a girls best friend". Maybe she just likes the image of a girl half drunk and high, barely stumbling through her lines, standing on a crate and having her dress fly above her head. Great example for her daughter, great example for little girls everywhere. To think little boys have to pick a spouse from a pool made up of trash like that. Let's get the vomit bags ready!

It's fitting her kids have the letters "moron" in their names, both kids have moron in their DNA.

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