Saturday, July 2, 2011

Def Jam Spent a Million Dollars on a Rihanna song...

I think, scratch that, know they over payed on this crotch monkey's latest piece of pre-recorded pop opus "Man Down". Remember she tried to ignite another non controversy regarding domestic violence tying into her beat down from 2 years ago and it appears no one was interested or was just tired of hearing her goat sounds. She even got Gabrielle Union to interject with her rape confession as well as have BET ban the video. Like BET or MTV has standards or integrity with shows like Teen Pregnancy and Jersey Shore in constant rotation. Here is the story:

The price tag on "Man Down" started running in March 2010, when NPR reports Def Jam held a songwriting camp in Los Angeles where writers and producers gathered to brainstorm ideas for Rihanna's Loud. There, a songwriting team of brothers called Rock City (a.k.a. Timothy and Theron Thomas) hooked up with a producer named Shama "Sham" Joseph, who played them the raw track for "Man Down." They dug it and said, "Let's give Rihanna a one-drop! Like, a response to [Bob Marley's classic] 'I Shot the Sheriff'!" according to their manager, Ray Daniels. Twelve minutes later -- yes, just 12 minutes -- they'd wrapped up the lyrics for the song. Anyone that could put Rihanna and Bob Marley in the same sentence should immediately be hung, disemboweled, tarred and feathered all while listening to umbrella 1,000 times consecutively.

Cost so far: $15,000 to Rock City, $20,000 to Shama Joseph, and an estimated $18,000 for this portion of the writing camp. (It's like the smartest of the people with Down Syndrome). Next came the recording process: NPR's experts say hiring a top-notch vocal producer -- the pro who advises the star how to deliver each line (which means turning the nobs to smooth out the goat effects and make her sound tolerable) -- costs $15,000. Mixing and mastering -- assembling the pieces of the track and adjusting the recording levels -- typically runs another $10,000. Cost so far: $78,000..

Once the song was complete, the most expensive piece of the puzzle began: making sure it got heard. Def Jam made sure that I got annoyed to death by constantly having your goat sounds on constant rotation at every mall in America. The promotional budget for a single covers all aspects of this process -- getting Rihanna press in newspapers, magazines, and on TV; making the video; getting the song on the radio; getting the video on MTV, VH1 and BET; flying Rihanna around the world to sing and glad-hand. That's a lot of airfare, fancy dinners, and photo shoots -- about $1 million worth. Yeah..that's leaking naked photo's and pretending to be outraged, showing off her butt, dressing as trashy as possible, continuously talking about being "chris browned" by Chris Brown, lying about her age, buying her wardrobe, buying her circus clown color hair pieces and wigs, along with moronic interviews where she shows that only bats occupy her cranial cavity.

After all that, "Man Down," which was released as a single in early May, hasn't exactly been a smash success. It debuted at Number 94 on Billboard's Hot 100 and has yet to go gold, according to the RIAA. But rest assured, it will be "reloaded" with her goat essence on her Loud the Remix album and is allowed to terrorize the boys and girls this fall. Remember when you actually had to have talent to make music? When you actually had to be able to write music or lyrics? Now all you need is a mac book and pro tools and anyone can throw it up on the Internet and I mean literally throw it up create a "hit". It should embarrass someone that it took 12 minutes to write this fecal matter, it should've only taken 5min:

Oh, mama, mama, mama


I just shot a man down

In central station

In front of a big old crowd

Oh why, oh why

Oh, mama, mama, mama

I just shot a man down

In central station

Rum pa pa pum


Rum pa pa pum

Rum pa pa pum

Man down

Rum pa pa pum

Rum pa pa pum

Rum pa pa pum

Man down


We could have a dance party with nothing but goat songs by Rihanna, and that dance party would take place in Hades with Lucifer himself as the DJ. Even in the burning pits, in the presence of the dark lord himself, Rihanna will still tell anyone that would listen that she was a diva, edgy and unique and the most laughable lie of all, that she has talent.


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