Thursday, August 25, 2011

Glenn Beck's Go Back Home Rally

I hope I got my Magic Underpants
God's newest incarnation of Moses has filled the empty space that is Glenn Beck. I know...crazier things have happened. New Jesus took his unabashedly pro-Israel, anti-Muslim rhetoric, and 2,000 people turned out to hear him speak next to the compound known to Jews as the Temple Mount and to Muslims as the Noble Sanctuary. Not exactly leading people to the promised land, is it?

"What happens here does not just affect Israel. From this moment forth, it affects the future of the entire globe," he said, to a standing ovation. "The only message that I have for Israel and the Israelis is this: My friends, do not lose hope, you must not lose confidence in yourself. You must have courage. You must draw courage from the knowledge that you were led to this land by God." Not historically accurate...considering the US and England sort of created Israel by kicking Palestinians out of their homes after WWII, which is why they keep bombing us. But hey who needs actual facts when you believe in magic underwear and power crystals? Outside the Old City walls, a small group of protesters held banners saying "Glenn Beck, go home."

No...why can't you guys keep him? We don't want him back. Maybe someone could convince him to go hiking along the Iraq/Iran border while he's in the region holding an American Flag, and a photo of George W. Bush and if he makes it out with his head intact, then he earns his passport back to the States. That's fair.

Why doesn't he just convert? Lets see him put his money where his mouth is and drop the magic panties cult he belongs to and become a Jew.  HE'S A MORMON! WHY IS HE IN ISRAEL??????????????  I guess this is one of life's mysteries that those of us that expects things to make sense will never understand.

This is just a way for him to advance the "End Times" fantasy, which requires large numbers of Jews converting to Christiani­ty to help trigger the Second Coming - like that's ever going to happen. Remember the end times has been happening since the original apostles and that was 2,000 years ago. This is also the agenda at the root of the New Apostolic Reformatio­n, of which Rick Perry, Bush the Sequel is a member. They want a theocracy in America, with themselves as arbiters of morals, culture, education, etc., but still giving corporate entities free rein to do as they please without regulation of any sort.

Why is Israel so important? Xtians everywhere are only hoping that the Jews that live there keep the Muslims from reclaiming it so when Jesus comes back, the prophesy will be fulfilled and then the Xtian army can come in guns blazing to take it from them so they may become the chosen people. Go to church in the south, we will explain it in great detail with all the English murdering double and triple negatives you can stand. Ant­iochs are so much fun at parties too. Like Mel Gibson. Fun and so well informed. *sarcasm*

So - does Lonesome Roads Beck think that the good people of Israel need him to come there ... with his American posse in order to "Restore Courage"? Or ... is this another barely disguised effort at selling fool's gold .. ahem, I mean, courage - of course! So Beck basically tells the Jews the 11th Commandment, "Thou shalt have confidence." Really dude? A self help cliche ridden pep talk that Dr. Phil gives every day on his godawful show? Fantastic! I can watch the Sound of Music and listen to Julie Andrews song about confidence before she goes to the Von Trap family. She sings wonderfully, she's beautiful, the movie is a classic, and she's thin without the self important pontification. Given the choices, Jews would probably opt for a second holocaust than listen to this idiot talk about history that he made up and religion that he isn't a part of. Beck should sit in a corner and blow on this thumb until he breaks a blood vessel in his head. Maybe I should take that back... That is probably got him where he is today. Is he mentally stable? Does he think he can predict the future? A Mormon talking nonsense? Who and why would anyone want to take a trip with this piece of molded grill cheese sandwich?

Maybe the Jews find him amusing as I do, like a little monkey with an organ grinder sticking his finger up nose, running around in a circle and licking his testicles. There has been much laughing with sides splitting, ­large amounts of guffawing with fingers pointed in his direction, devolving into a teary eyed eruption of cackling with uncontrola­ble farting and bladder leakage all at lonesome rodes expense.

I wonder if he'll go all nuts and start wearing a robe and wandering the desert?
Little Piggie Don't Come Home!

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