Category 5 Moron Michelle

Bring on more Apocalyptic fear to the mindless minions...

I can give Monica a run for her money

Republican presidential candidate  and sideshow Michele Bachmann told Floridians Sunday that Hurricane Irene and the earthquake felt along much of the East Coast last week were messages from God to warn "politicians" to start heeding divine guidance, which she suggested is being channeled through small government conservatives.

"I don't know how much God has to do to get the attention of the politicians. We've had an earthquake; we've had a hurricane. He said, 'Are you going to start listening to me here?'" Bachmann, a third-term Minnesota representative, told a crowd in Sarasota that the St. Petersburg Times estimated contained around 1,000 people. If anything God is trying to destroy Washington DC before an idiot like you gets a hold of it. Gee, I thought the earthquake had to do with tectonic plates and the hurricane had to do hot dry air streaming off the west coast of Africa, meeting up with the moist cooler air over the Atlantic. Who knew! Facts get in the way of the message of fear mongering and .......words fail me.....It's great she has had a double shot of bat sh@t juice. 

"Listen to the American people, because the American people are roaring right now," Bachmann continued. Yes, those of us that are not falling for this blatant, clumsy attempt at religious pandering are roaring in laughter at you. What level of stupidity is not excusable anymore? Seriously. It appears the sky is the limit.

"They know government is on a morbid obesity diet and we've got to rein in the spending." A morbid obesity diet...isn't a person that's morbidly obese, not on a diet, that's why he's morbidly obese. Please put her on a script, someone! I'm sure God isn't sending hurricane's and earthquakes due to government spending. Is that the same reason that Haiti was basically destroyed? What about Japan? Africa, the continent, not the country, has had genocides and problems with aids, wars, apartheid, and countless tragedies, how would she explain that? That's right they don't count because they are black and brown people and they made a pact with Satan years ago and they get what they deserve.

Her comments appear to link God's will with those who believe the U.S. government is too large and intrudes too much on people's lives.

Bachmann's comments come on the heels of remarks that Glenn Beck, the former Fox News personality, made on his radio program last week. Beck said the hurricane and earthquake were warnings to a different group: the American people. In essence, Beck said, the weather events were a dry run for people to prepare themselves for future disasters.

"How many warnings do you think you’re going to get, and how many warnings do you deserve? This hurricane that is coming through the East Coast, for anyone who’s in the East Coast and has been listening to me say ‘Food storage!’ ‘Be prepared!’" Beck said. "If you’ve waited, this hurricane is a blessing. It is a blessing. It is God reminding you — as was the earthquake last week — it’s God reminding you you’re not in control." Because lonesome roads has been receiving secret communiques through his power crystals and magic underpants. Why would I listen to a person whose cult isn't at least  200 years old and his sacred text came from an angel called "Moroni" which is where Mormons derived there name. Technically it should be "morons" if you ask me, and lonesome roads is the grand marshal of the parade of fools. Yes, let's thank him for his paranoia because finally a tragedy has occurred and he was right. A busted watch is right twice a day, St. Beckenstein.

Both Bachmann and Beck appear to be tapping into a deep but often unspoken fear in many Americans –- many of them, but not all, in the conservative grassroots –- that the country is crumbling from within, financially and morally, and increasingly vulnerable to outside aggressors or to internal disorder.

More like a mental disorder to the rest of us...If Bachmann is God's choice for President, then I want to know Satan's choice because I am on his team. God just forfeited this game and the Devil can pull this one off easy. This is what you get when you obtain a law degree from Oral Roberts University which is no better than a mail order college, straight psychotic gibberish. I thought Hurricane Bush was the worst national disaster in 2000, but Hurricane Michelle continues to sweep the nation in a frenzy of stupidity and religious zealotry that would make most pastors take notes on the art of manipulation. She probably thinks that in heaven everyone gets a Rolls Royce and every child eats steak and ice cream every night. It's all so Ward Cleaver...


It seems that Michele Bachmann and Rick Perry are having a race to the bottom to determine who is the nuttiest and who can interpret natural scientific occurrences for their own self interests. Keep praying the storms away just like "the gays", you see how well that worked. If the message was for DC, I wonder why around 30 innocent people, including children, in North Carolina, New York, New Jersey, Vermont, and elsewhere had to DIE for God to deliver it. The woman has NO shame. The only house this person belongs is the outhouse or the nuthouse, but certainly not the white house, unless she is giving an "ol billy clinton" underneath the desk in the oval office.


Yes it was a warning from god:


To Stop using the names of God and Jesus for personal gain.
To Stop killing people because they do not have health insurance.
To Stop killing people to support the Military Industrial Complex.
To Stop the flow of money from the poor to the rich.
To Stop exploiting his children for profit.
To Stop exploiting the planet for profit.
To Stop forcing government into every ones bedrooms.
To Stop lying about Planned Parenthood to defund the program.
To Stop weakening the EPA to destroy and poison the planet he made perfect for you.

But if God is such an interventionist, why didn't he stop the holocaust? I mean these were God's chosen people and he allowed 5 million to be slaughtered by a mad man. Yet, he is warning America about government spending by a crack in the monument. God isn't a US Citizen and therefore unable to vote for her. I think she had too many face plants stepping off the crazy bus in those tragic 1985 secretarial pool shoes  and stockings she always wear. God spoke to me, and said that he would turn looney tunes into a pillar of salt, but I am afraid she will cause more strokes with the steaming pile of feces that comes out of her mouth than if she were actually salt. 

I'm unclear. Does God want the politician­s to listen more to Himself or to the American people? Bachmann uses "God" and "American People" interchang­eably in her statement and never provides clarificat­ion. What am I saying, clarity has never been her strong point, neither has intelligence. She probably doesn't know the difference.

So, God is vengeful with a political agenda, but I am sure he can't be reached for a comment.

Well, if God is on her side we should all reconsider our notions about the devil, he might be an all right guy after all.

Glenn Beck's Go Back Home Rally

I hope I got my Magic Underpants

God's newest incarnation of Moses has filled the empty space that is Glenn Beck. I know...crazier things have happened. New Jesus took his unabashedly pro-Israel, anti-Muslim rhetoric, and 2,000 people turned out to hear him speak next to the compound known to Jews as the Temple Mount and to Muslims as the Noble Sanctuary. Not exactly leading people to the promised land, is it?

"What happens here does not just affect Israel. From this moment forth, it affects the future of the entire globe," he said, to a standing ovation. "The only message that I have for Israel and the Israelis is this: My friends, do not lose hope, you must not lose confidence in yourself. You must have courage. You must draw courage from the knowledge that you were led to this land by God." Not historically accurate...considering the US and England sort of created Israel by kicking Palestinians out of their homes after WWII, which is why they keep bombing us. But hey who needs actual facts when you believe in magic underwear and power crystals? Outside the Old City walls, a small group of protesters held banners saying "Glenn Beck, go home."

No...why can't you guys keep him? We don't want him back. Maybe someone could convince him to go hiking along the Iraq/Iran border while he's in the region holding an American Flag, and a photo of George W. Bush and if he makes it out with his head intact, then he earns his passport back to the States. That's fair.

Why doesn't he just convert? Lets see him put his money where his mouth is and drop the magic panties cult he belongs to and become a Jew.  HE'S A MORMON! WHY IS HE IN ISRAEL??????????????  I guess this is one of life's mysteries that those of us that expects things to make sense will never understand.

This is just a way for him to advance the "End Times" fantasy, which requires large numbers of Jews converting to Christiani­ty to help trigger the Second Coming - like that's ever going to happen. Remember the end times has been happening since the original apostles and that was 2,000 years ago. This is also the agenda at the root of the New Apostolic Reformatio­n, of which Rick Perry, Bush the Sequel is a member. They want a theocracy in America, with themselves as arbiters of morals, culture, education, etc., but still giving corporate entities free rein to do as they please without regulation of any sort.


Why is Israel so important? Xtians everywhere are only hoping that the Jews that live there keep the Muslims from reclaiming it so when Jesus comes back, the prophesy will be fulfilled and then the Xtian army can come in guns blazing to take it from them so they may become the chosen people. Go to church in the south, we will explain it in great detail with all the English murdering double and triple negatives you can stand. Ant­iochs are so much fun at parties too. Like Mel Gibson. Fun and so well informed. *sarcasm*

So - does Lonesome Roads Beck think that the good people of Israel need him to come there ... with his American posse in order to "Restore Courage"? Or ... is this another barely disguised effort at selling fool's gold .. ahem, I mean, courage - of course! So Beck basically tells the Jews the 11th Commandment, "Thou shalt have confidence." Really dude? A self help cliche ridden pep talk that Dr. Phil gives every day on his godawful show? Fantastic! I can watch the Sound of Music and listen to Julie Andrews song about confidence before she goes to the Von Trap family. She sings wonderfully, she's beautiful, the movie is a classic, and she's thin without the self important pontification. Given the choices, Jews would probably opt for a second holocaust than listen to this idiot talk about history that he made up and religion that he isn't a part of. Beck should sit in a corner and blow on this thumb until he breaks a blood vessel in his head. Maybe I should take that back... That is probably got him where he is today. Is he mentally stable? Does he think he can predict the future? A Mormon talking nonsense? Who and why would anyone want to take a trip with this piece of molded grill cheese sandwich?

Maybe the Jews find him amusing as I do, like a little monkey with an organ grinder sticking his finger up nose, running around in a circle and licking his testicles. There has been much laughing with sides splitting, ­large amounts of guffawing with fingers pointed in his direction, devolving into a teary eyed eruption of cackling with uncontrola­ble farting and bladder leakage all at lonesome rodes expense.



I wonder if he'll go all nuts and start wearing a robe and wandering the desert?

Little Piggie Don't Come Home!

Glenn Beck Ponders Beheading

Lonesome Roads Beck spent part of his Monday radio show speculating about what would happen if terrorists beheaded him.
Speaking to co-host Pat Gray, Beck asked, "Do you think we will be a. kicked off the air first, b. arrested first by even maybe our own government or a foreign government, or c. beheaded?" He added an additional option, asking "all of the above?"
Gray responded, "I think all of the above could happen. I'm not sure in what order," to Beck's laughter.
"Well I don't think they would behead us and leave us on the air," Beck said. "It would be kind of a boring show!" (What, more boring than it is now?)
So what would happen?

Beck speculated, "Let's say Christian terrorists came in right now and beheaded us, and then they left us on the air. Here's how the story would be reported in the New York Times in four weeks: 'Glenn Beck in staggering ratings decline.'" Maybe, Glenn and try to stay with me...YOUR RATINGS HAVE DECLINED BECAUSE YOU ARE AN IDIOT! Will you still have enough muscle control to pout, cry, and make a baby face on air when beheaded? Given the disconnect between Glenn Becks brain and his mouth, I am not sure a beheading would be noticeable­. (Desirable, but not noticeable­).           
I thought according to Bill O the Clown, there was no such thing as "Christian Terrorists", when the Norwegian guy who killed all those people in that camp that Beck laughingly referred to as the "Hitler Youth", made a manifesto claiming to be a member of a Holy Christian order wanting to expel Muslims out of Europe. When did this phenomenon occur? Our modern day prophet with the martyr complex just keeps going to the fringes of reality. Is this macabre beheading talk finally something for his listeners to hope for? Is this the hope, the bright new day that America has in store when we can dispose of hate merchants that can manipulate the not so bright among us? This is the person that people claim have "prophetic insight". If God has been talking to this guy, then I would rather talk to Satan. Was this an attempt at sarcasm? If so, then he failed. I would surmise that he was on alcohol, but his statements aren't even lucid enough for the best of alcoholics or even drug addicts and who hasn't seen the crazy lady yelling at herself on the street corner. Yes, SHE makes more sense than Glenn Beck. I think if Beck were beheaded, there would a national parade and I volunteer myself to lead the parade, although I probably would have to fight with millions for that spot. Let's take it medieval and have a public execution, since Republicans like killing everyone and everything anyway, put him on a scaffold, hang him until he is half dead, cut him down, then cut off his private parts and burn them in from of him, then draw and quarter him. We can call it a End Hate Medieval Rally or Come back to RealityVengance is Mine Rally.

Glenn, some advice...a beheading won't change your intelligence, but it will improve your looks.

Glenn Beck's Even Dumber Replacement



I Mine For Nose Gold



Stupidity Alert: F---------

"The Five brings together an eclectic group of FOX talent whose knowledge of key issues and unique insights will undoubtedl­y make for a dynamic program." (Well, this can be considered a unique insight, if by that you mean, completely inaccurate and just plain stupid, which for Fox viewers will translate into a smashing success).

This gets a sphincter factor of 5 and I've rolled my eyes so hard hearing this, I'm afraid they will get stuck again. If he was being sarcastic that's fine, if he was being serious, then man...he needs prayer, serious under the altar prayer. Fox News host Eric Bolling pulled a Rudy Giuliani on Wednesday, asserting that there were no terrorist attacks on "American soil" during President Bush's term in office. Technically he's right...flying a plane into a skyscraper isn't an attack on American soil, it was an attack on American buildings and American air.

Giuliani famously made a similar assertion in early 2010, saying, "we had no domestic attacks under Bush." Of course, the 9/11 attacks didn't happen under Bush. (Dude...you were Mayor in New York during 9/11! You were there, I saw you on TV walking down the street with a mask on. Unlike you, I remember the year and actual day that the tragedy happened. It was on a Tuesday while I was in college. Bush, the worst President of anything in history, was at a school reading a book to a bunch of black kids to show that he doesn't hate black people, and most people were still pissed about his coronation by the Supreme Court. See how easy that is? This was your platform when you ran for President, you know, AMERICA'S GOVERNOR!) We will never forget? None of this rings a bell huh?


Bolling's misstatement came during a discussion on the network's Glenn Beck replacement show, "The Five." He and a panel—which included former Bush spokeswoman Dana Perino (the blond bobble head that knew nothing about the Cuban Missile Crisis)—were arguing about whether Bush had been guilty of "fear-mongering" during his tenure. Panelist Bob Beckel said that the former president had used fear-mongering around the non-existent weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. As he attempted to continue his point, Bolling cut him off and started to move on to the next segment. (a wise choice).

"America was certainly safe between 2000 and 2008," he said. "I don't remember any attacks on American soil during that period of time." Nobody on the panel challenged this comment.

 Let me repeat: NO ONE ON THE PANEL CHALLENGED THIS COMMENT. Are you kidding me? Is this a comedy a comedy show or a circus? This was on Fox News. This is the channel that criticizes people for not wearing an American flag lapel pen. They made their fortune out of bastardizing the memory and politicizing 9/11. Did you miss the 2001 part? Bush was elected crowned in 2000. So, exactly how did we get this "no attacks in the last decade", when we relive 9/11 every September for the entire month of September? Our entire foreign policy is based on 9/11. Did you forget who was in the White House during that time? Curious George! That was arguably when he performed at his best, yet he mis managed the Intel by not following up on reports and plans by the FBI and the CIA, which caused the incident in the first place. It's almost like incompetence is a required skill to work at Fox News along with being morally bankrupt. I mean I need to check Wikipedia to see if someone altered 9/11 to make it happen other than on the Duke of Hazard's stolen first term. If Fox had to offer retractions or corrections on their shows, would there be time left for commercials? It's a simple mistake really 9-11-2001, that's a lot of numbers and let's face it, math is hard.

Anyone that watches Fox and takes anything they say seriously outside of the Family Guy and American Dad, should seriously have their head examined because you are without a doubt the most uniformed of any news consumers. It's not just me saying that, check out The University of Maryland study, called "Misinform­ation and the 2010 Election". Yeah, I'm looking down on you, and calling you stupid if you watch Fox. You watch Fox, listen to Rupert Murdoch's minions and you go to the polls and vote against your interests, what have you achieved?  A bunch of idiots that have no experience who think the sun revolves around the earth, humans and dinosaurs co-existed and that homosexuality can be prayed away. You wanted change but you voted in status quo. This debt ceiling crap is the Democrat's fault, but it's also the so called "we the people" who don't understand anything about the legislative process, job creation, accounting, business, anything but religion, conspiracy theories and guns. All I will say is: Christine "I am not a witch" O'Donnell and Sharon "2nd ammendment remedies" Angle. These are the clowns that used religion to convince the simple minded sheep of this country to go out and vote for them and they were woefully unprepared. Matter of fact, they represent two of the four horsemen in the book of revelation.

Typical Fox Idiocy: All Lies all the time and now they are full on amnesiac. Nothing bad happened under George Bush, neither did the holocaust, neither did the moon landing...Yup got it.

This is Douchebaggery at it's stupid finest and it mixes well with tea.

We have now entered into the FACT FREE ZONE!