Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Speidi, Broke and A Joke

How NOT to be Famous
The famewhoriest of the famewhores is apparently borrowing from Rihanna's play book and is trying to seek martyrdom. Too bad the stupidity and ridiculous antics of Planet of the apes Spencer Pratt and real life blow up doll Heidi Montag finally backfired, leaving them broke and forced to live rent-free at Spencer's parents' house. (Although, it is a Santa Barbara beach house, so don't feel too sorry for them.) They explain to the Daily Beast how it all went wrong: They thought that living a fake life in front of the cameras (for example: Through it all, they never actually broke up) would pay off for them in the long run, but it turns out "you can be too famous," Spencer says. "Reality TV is not a career." No....Really Spencer? If this is an attempt to throw a pity party, I can assure you, no one will show up. No cocaine abuse? What type of washed up pseudo celebrities are you guys without a coke habit?

His antics for the camera made him so widely detested he can't find a job, and is considering going back to school. Heidi has been appearing on a reality competition show.

  • Spencer says they never truly had any money, because they spent it as quickly as they got it. A whopping $2 million went toward hiring writers, producers, and engineers for Heidi's failed music endeavor. (that was money flushed down the drain). Remember that craptastic video where Heidi was frolicking and running in and out of the ocean? No one that heard that song frolicked, we suffered, indescribably. Heidi's voice with auto tune, makes Rihanna, Katy Perry, and Britney Spears sound like the 3 Tenors acapella. Heidi is a Greek tragedy, check the reviews on itunes, it's worst than Countess Luann and she sounds like a dragon. A Rihanna, Katy Perry, Britney and Heidi album would represent the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse and signal the end of days.

  • "I probably spent a million dollars on suits and fancy clothes,” Spencer says. “My whole million-dollar wardrobe—I would never wear that again. They’re props. Everything we were doing, we were buying props." How did we know that Spencer? Maybe the continuous posing with magazines, or the matchy matchy outfits? Yeah, the world at large isn't as stupid as you two. How gay is that? No man should have a million dollars worth of clothes or at least admit to it.

    • Along those same lines, he adds, "I bought a big blue monster truck just to drive it on The Hills for an episode. Never drove it again.” So, I guess that truck can't be sold? It's a one time drive and then toss vehicle? Cars are disposable like a napkin...that's probably why people hate you Spencer. Well...one of the many reasons...
    • A lot of money went toward Heidi's Heidi's plastic surgery "addiction." Now, she says, "If I could go back, I wouldn’t do it." Oh, yeah, now she wants pity because she looks like a sex shop toy and she blames her deceased plastic surgeon for her distorted appearance. OK...she doesn't regret it, but she wouldn't do it now. Poor Heidi. My heart bleeds for her, it truly does. How can she continue to live?
    • Nowadays, they read a lot of books, watch a lot of movies, and "do a lot of laundry," as Heidi says. They don't go out much, spend time training their dogs, and eat, according to Spencer, "tacos and burritos." The only books I believe they read are the Twilight Saga, The Chronicles of Narnia, Dr. Seuss books, and I am sure they eat taco's and burritos because they saw the Jennifer Lopez episode of South Park.

    “I thought when this was all over, I could get on an interview and say, ‘It was all entertainment,'" says Spencer, who acknowledges he was wrong. No, it was all stupid, and annoying. No one liked you as a result of getting on people's nerves. As for Heidi, she thought she could be like Kim Kardashian: But "my ego got too big," she says. "To think I could be someone like that when I was the most hated girl ever.” No, your boobs got too big and your brain was too small. Let's be clear, Kim Kardashian for all of her moronic sayings had money before the sex tape. She can thank jigaboo OJ for that. You want to be like Kim? Just set the bar lower and be like Snooki, seriously these are role models?

    Satan and his Concubine
    I remember when they were on The View after the whole 'I'm A Celebrity' debacle, Whoopi Goldberg told them point-blan­k, 'You all BETTER be saving your money!' Spencer laughed her off, like she didn't know what she was talking about, when I remember distinctly Whoopi the Oscar winner being center square on The Hollywood Squares because she couldn't find work. Too bad these two dolts didn't listen!  I smell a sex tape coming in 3.....2.....1. She did pose for playboy with her new sexyfied body. Yeah...lame is all I can say.

    Here is why people hate you guys, Spencer claimed that Heidi was going to be the next Michael Jackson. What?! You mean Shitney Spears? That's closer. Even overweight, high as a kite non dancing Britney is better than this pathetic excuse for talent. Living in hollywood doesn't make you an actress or a singer, just in case you didn't know. Just like living in Columbia doesn't make you head of a drug cartel. Faking a wedding every week didn't make it any more interesting when it actually happened or any more interesting when they fake filed for divorce.

    The real clincher to Heidi becoming one of the worst people in humanity was not only being intellectually destitue but being an ass was her moronic comment on her "haters", " if they aren't hating on you, then you're not doing anything right, If women aren't jealous of you, talking about you and cutting you down then your're a nerd, and I would never want to be that." Really?! Don't worry Heidi, I think you're safe. No one will ever confuse you of ever being a nerd, we can barely confuse you with being human.

    I don't take pleasure in people hitting the skids, but I have ZERO sympathy for vacuous stains who are handed vulgar amounts of money just for processing oxygen... and then burn through it as fast as possible. The body of this guys work is not worth giving to my worst enemy, it's so terrible that it could make the sane, inane and turn people into stone.

    Looks like the Joke was on you.

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