|Who In the Hell Left the Gate Open?|
After vehemently denying via twitter and through their publicist, two of the most insufferable entertainers have decided to dissolve their marriage after 13 years of nauseating movies, matching red carpet outfits, and way too much info about their hot hot sex life.
Rumors of trouble started back in August and they took to twitter and gave this phony response to throw us off the scent: "Although we are reluctant to respond to these types of press reports, the rumors circulating about our relationship are completely false. We are still together, and our marriage is intact." Uh huh... If you have to hop on twitter to defend your marriage, it's over. Even open marriages aren't immune to divorces and those are supposed to be relationships that have the ultimate tranparency, communication, intimacy, and all that jazz.
|Kids are Hot, Mom and Pops Not|
I will say they met and surpassed most hollywood expectations of marriages, but factor in pimping out the kids, which I hear was a point of contention with Will. No one can make saccharine music in the family but him. The kids careers are hotter than anything the parents are doing. Think about it...Wouldn't you rather see Jaden instead of Jada in a movie. Jada will always hype up her involvement in a movie, have 5 lines or die before the movie starts. Scream 2 anyone? Will plays the same godawful character in each movie. Himself. He's either trying to be suave or attempting to be serious, either way it's not believable. Then he screams "Whoo"! Why? He always fights aliens, cowboys and can you tell me that you didn't die a slow death with the Legend of Bagger Vance? Willow's annoying but catchy "Whip my Hair" was better than Will's defunct so called rap and Jada's tone deaf rock vanity band that no one listens to and no one knows.
|Time to Trade Up|
Truthfully, the kids careers seem like a copout. They probably just grew apart, or Will just wanted his nuts back. Will may be dabbling into scientology and Jada might not be feeling it, just like Tom and Nicole Kidman. Don't be surprised if Will get's some dead eyed young tenderonie like Katie Holmes and starts jumping on couches. Hopefully his acting choices will improve, they can't get any worse than Bad Boys II or Wild Wild West. Jada deserves the death penalty for the Matrix Revolutions, actually everyone involved from the starring cast to the person handling lighting.
|Why was I in this Movie?|
Jada hired a lawyer, a celebrity, take everthing but his nuts lawyer, and reportedly, has "finally begun to take steps to dissolve their marriage," even reportedly turning down a role in Keanu Reeves directorial debut to spend time with her kids during this "difficult time." A Keanu Reeves directorial debut...I can only wonder what kind of unholy hell would be unleashed from that succubus and vacant space.
It's probably time for Will to trade up on a newer model. Jada is over 40 and her stock is going down faster than a virgin in a prison rodeo. Will has a net worth of 180 million and Jada has 20 million, women lose our sexiness as we age, men do not. No matter what the whores on sex in the city tell you... Sorry to say that Will is probably a shallow prick who is shopping for a new beard.
When a couple looks at each other too adoringly and are always all over each other, those are the tell tale signs that something is wrong.
I guess Beyonce and Jay Z has to be the next great black hope for celebrity marriages, until then I hope to win bleeding heart award for Will and Jada Pinkett-Smith.
|99 Problems But a Camel Aint One|