Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Beyonce Goes Back to School

I got 2 Gold Stars on my homework!!!




Looks Like Beyonce has been watching all those Brown Mackie or University of Phoenix commercials and has become inspired. Wait...Beyowulf would have actually had to finish high school to even worry about college. Our little scholar dropped out at age 15 to terrorize the world with scream singing and pelvis grinding. We do know she can work a computer and can use the Internet. That's where she steals all her video concepts, lyrics, dance routines, costumes, lighting, and the songs themselves.

At this point she couldn't even get into clown college, though she looks like Bozo most of the time. We all know she isn't the brightest bulb on the tree as evidenced by her book report/ love letter to the FLOTUS. Her lack of ability to draft a letter, a simple letter was laid bare for the entire world to see. How are you 30 and can't write a cogent letter? It read as if a fifth grader wrote it, not a 30 year old who made it to high school and had private tutors.  Here is a copy of the laughable letter, get your gag reflex ready:
beyonce drinking
Empty Headed

Is this letter or book report about Michelle or addressed to Michelle? Let's count the number of times Beyowulf uses the word "she" in this grand opus, no doubt jockeying for a role to yodel at the next inaugural ball. She jumps from talking to Michelle and then she talks about Michelle, even though she begins with a salutation to Michelle. You learn these things in Elementary school. Beyowulf mentions that Michelle nurtures her family and looks out for millions in "so many ways", yet doesn't elaborate on the so many ways. I guess the ways are so numerous that she couldn't name them all. Naming the most obvious "Lets Move" campaign since the commercials literally comes on every 10 minutes might be too challenging, but I bet Beyonce knows when each of her idiotic commercials comes on when she is slinging her weave but is trying to sell hair dye to people that are truly brain dead. Her book report would've been graded an F and it warranted an twitter response. Sasha and Malia, truly kids, could write better than this. Yet, there are college classes being taught on Beyonce and this idiot can't draft a letter, a simple letter on a website. 

beyoncezahi copy

It's not just me saying that she is stupid, an Egyptologist said so when she visited Egypt. Beyonce was touring Egypt and left popular Egyptologist, Zahi Hawass, pissed off because of her lack of knowledge and unwillingness to learn: Egypt’s chief Egyptologist Zahi Hawass allegedly called Beyowulf a “stupid person” during her brief tour of the Giza pyramids, writing in al-Shorouk newspaper, Summer al-Gamal said that Hawass became fed up with the pop star’s attitude after she did not show the interest Hawass felt was deserved of the pyramids. Just confirm to the Arabs that we are all idiots...

According to Gamal, during Hawass’ self-guided tour, he said “I showed her the Sphinx and I gave her a book on King Tutankhamen,” but then his anger and frustration made its way to the forefront.

“Then he stopped being diplomatic and said in anger, ‘she’s a stupid person and she doesn’t understand a thing and she doesn’t want to understand,’” wrote Gamal. Sounds about right...we learned about the Sphinx and King Tut in our 5th or 6th grade world history class and she still doesn't know?

Beyonce, I guess Michelle put your remedial, basic letter on the fridge with a magnet and gave you 3 gold stars. Yeah you got millions thanks to your dad and plagiarism, but for the love of God, this is the best we can do? The excuse that this letter was cute and informal is bull, because if that's the case it shouldn't have been put online where your gross stupidity wouldn't be on full display. I find it endlessly insulting that the richest people, especially women, are typically idiots, mesmerizing idiots, and Beyonce is the QUEEN B. 

I don't know what grade she needs to repeat, but I think she should start at Elementary School and work her way up. If she knew her alphabet or multiplication table, I would be shocked. "I don't understand" should be the name of her next song, while she stares blankly at the screen, so long as she gyrates in a corset, it will be a hit.
I'm Lost