|It's My Pity Party and I will Lie if I Want To|
This has to be an April Fools Joke. The talentless model, who has never written a song, can't dance, can't sing and is a fake singer at best and an agent of evil at worst has joined the ranks of a prestigious list of 100 artists, activists, reformers, researchers, and heads of state including President Obama, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, Adele, Chelsea Handler, and Jeremy Lin. This ass clown can do nothing but undress and relax, prance on stage, smoke weed, snort coke and tweet is now on the same level as Hillary Clinton?! More like Wharf from Star Trek with that enormous bulbous head. Is there no forehead reduction surgery that she can get? Rihanna has the forehead game on lock. That thing can pick up satellite signals. You could land the space shuttle on her forehead. She could use her forehead like a drum, coaster or even as a weapon during a crisis (or her concert which is a category 5 disaster).
When she provoked the fight with Chris Brown, you know that she head butted him with that triceratops head. Maybe she didn't, one head butt with that chrome dome would've been fatal and she would be in prison for murder and we would be spared her goat essence and then the world would be a happier place.
|Paging Rita Ora|
Rihanna has influenced people to do what? Prove that mediocrity and doing the bare minimum can make you a multi millionare as long as you sacrifice your pride, dignity, and originality? Seek attention when your album sales slide by taking your clothes off? Bedazzling bikinis? Obtaining degree's in victimology? Pimping the media and making them feel sorry for you when you have an auto tuned single to be released? Sleeping your way to a record deal? Swagger jacking Grace Jones, Madonna, Kelis, Gaga, Rita Ora and now Cassie? Oh yeah, that's Rihanna herself...sorry...She's influenced people to get idiotic tattoos talking about thug life but nothing about them or their lives are thuggish. Yeah...that's Rihanna again...Well, she's has inspired people to flip off the camera in an inane attempt to be edgy or deep while tweeting "bitch" or "cunt". Rihanna again?
Ok...She has inspired people to sing songs that have no meaning off key, sounding like an impaled goat, while repeating a line and a chorus or just one word over and over. How about prancing around in underwear as outerwear and showing off her saggy pierced breasts at any given opportunity in a vainglorious attempt at relevance. She knows how to be a twitter thug and a complete moron who has brought the downfall of music with generic banal garbage that pollutes the airwaves.
|Cassie? Aliyah? Janet? Fraud!|
Stella McCartney, a fashion designer stated, "She’s one of the coolest, hottest, most talented, most liked, most listened to, most followed, most impressive artists at work today, but she does it in her own stride…. This is the beginning for Rihanna…. She is just getting going, so watch out. " I respectfully disagree Stella.
She is loved in the UK, here not so much, why else can't she fill up a stadium, why can't she get a no.1 Album? She has 500 million followers on twitter but her latest album is only gold. She's most listened to, because Def Jam pays the radio stations to play her b.s. it's torture, mental torture. Her own stride? Yeah, when Madonna did it 20 years ago, Janet did it 10 years ago, Kelis did it 3 years ago or Beyonce did it 5 years ago. Everything Rihanna does is generic and a copy of what someone else did only they did it better. She's just getting started 6 years later? That's a late start, pretty remedial if you ask me. Her star is falling why else is she resorting to blatant gimmickry and non stop touring? Because the curtain is falling, we know it, she knows it, it appears that you people in Hollywood are in denial. It's like you people are trying to force us into loving Rihanna. Sorry babe...maybe if she were an actual artist with some artistic integrity, but since she isn't one, there is nothing to love, nothing but the sound of her songs going off.
This is America, and if this is what we count as a "celebrity", then this is what we deserve. A fake drug addict who can't sing her way out of a crack pipe, who changes her hair color because it helps her sing better? Rihanna is a Gorgon, but unlike Medusa, instead of her face turning people into stone, her voice turns people into stone.
|I Turn People To Stone When I Sing|
|ET Phone Home|
Every song puts us closer and closer and closer to the apocalypse. Hopefully her people will invade and take her back to her home planet.