An Honest Review of Rihanna's Diamond's

Generic

Let me start by saying that I am not a Rihanna fan, but most readers of mine know that. I don't think she can sing, dance and I find the length of her career baffling. It's all show and no substance. That said, she has extended her 15 minutes of fame to 45, while her Milli Vanilli track got stuck on "ella" back in 2005. This new single, she claims is different from what the world would expect, or more like what was recycled from the black bag from a different era. Nothing Rihanna does is interesting, original, shocking, or new. I can pinpoint which celebrity she borrowed from, the time period she is "drawing inspiration from", when she is about to release an album or single based on what she is doing in the media, time of year and her hair colors. She says , "It's laid-back but it's hopeful," she added, "It's a record that... gives me such a great feeling when I listen to it. The lyrics are very hopeful and positive, but it's about love and... a little different to what people would expect, I think." 

This "song" is what I expected, auto tune, and repetition, so you failed in your task, but I am not a member of the Navy... Did you write the lyrics to this song? No. Do you write the lyrics to any of your other songs? No. So you just cash the check after doing 15 minutes of work while the world suffers. It's more of the same from Mayor McCheese, It's nothing. But I am relieved that she can in fact think. 

Let's examine the single artwork. Typically, she is half naked, in some provocative pose, attempting to be sexy in a "hey look at me", but don't look at me, way of being sexy. This time she has rolling papers with diamonds in them. It appears to be an attempt, in the Rihanna twitter thug world to be edgy or interesting, but it just seemed like a rip off of something Prince or Rick James did back in the 80's. I mean whose idea was this? Was this a product of a smoke out session, because that's what it looks like. You can solve the worlds problems with the right amount of weed, and apparently Rihanna thinks that this album is necessary and we will blame it on the weed. In actuality, she ripped off David LaChappele yet again. He had an ad where models were snorting guess what? DIAMONDS. No originality, as I said.

Secondly, the song had nothing to do with drug paraphernalia, much to my amazement, even though the cover art clearly showed drugs paraphernalia, but hey, whatever...again, this was a lame attempt to be cool. Probably since we have seen every inch of her body and every hair color, what else is left? We have seen her toking up and getting down with strippers, so ripping off Rick James is OK now.


Let's look at the song itself. The song is a generic love song, actually as generic as it comes. When I say generic, think of no name brand corn flakes. It's a welcome change from garbage like "suck my cockiness/ lick my persuasion", but again it's tragically generic. It's really time to take a break if this is the best we can come up with, or this is what a Million dollar song writer poops out. I think this song gave me the mud butt from the random boredom of this song. The song is insanely repetitive, what Rihanna song isn't, but don't take my word for it:

Undeserved Sense of Entitlement

Intro

Shine Bright like a diamond

Shine Bright like a diamond

Verse 1

Find light in the the beautiful sea

i choose to be happy

you and i, you and i

we’re like diamonds in the sky

you’re a shooting star i see

A vision of ecstasy

when you hold me, i’m alive

we’re like diamonds in the sky

PRE

I knew that we’d become one right away

a right away

at first site i felt the energy of sun rays

i saw the life inside your-eyes

Hook

so shine bright, tonight, you and i

we’re beautiful like diamonds in the sky

eye to eye, so alive

Hook

so shine bright, tonight, you and i

we’re beautiful like diamonds in the sky

eye to eye, so alive

we’re beautiful like diamonds in the sky

POST

Shine Bright like a diamond

Shine Bright like a diamond

Shining Bright like a diamond

we’re beautiful like diamonds in the sky

Shine Bright like a diamond

Shine Bright like a diamond

Shining Bright like a diamond

we’re beautiful like diamonds in the sky

Bridge

Shine Bright like a diamond

Shine Bright like a diamond

Shine Bright like a diamond

Hook

so shine bright, tonight, you and i

we’re beautiful like diamonds in the sky

we’re beautiful like diamonds in the sky

POST

Shine Bright like a diamond

Shine Bright like a diamond

Shining Bright like a diamond

we’re beautiful like diamonds in the sky

Shine Bright like a diamond

Shine Bright like a diamond

Shining Bright like a diamond

we’re beautiful like diamonds in the sky

Verse 2

Palms rise to the universe

as we, moonshine and molly (might be a drug reference, since that's the cool thing now)

Feel the warmth we’ll never die

we’re like diamonds in the sky

you’re a shooting star i see

A vision of ecstasy

when you hold me, i’m alive

we’re like diamonds in the sky

PRE 2

at first site i felt the energy of sun rays

i saw the life inside your eyes

eye to eye, so alive

we’re beautiful like diamonds in the sky

Ad Lib outro

Shining Bright like a diamond

Shining Bright like a diamond

Shine Bright like a diamond

we’re beautiful like diamonds in the sky

Shine Bright like a diamond

Shine Bright like a diamond

Shine Bright like a diamond

AHHHHHHHHHHH

Shine Bright like a diamond

Shine Bright like a diamond

Shine Bright like a diamond

I swear this literally had to take 5 minutes...it's the same hook, and verse repeated, so, as you see, the lyrics are basically her saying "shine bright like a diamond" over and over with an accent that sounds eerily similar to Zap Mama. It's auto-tuned of course, and intended to be introspective, but it's still shallow and pointless just like all Rihanna songs. How can an artist churn out an album a year and her fans expect there to be any there, there? Let's not mention that once again she didn't write one note, or one lyric, or should I say, "shine bright like a diamond". She couldn't even write that, but I have to forever see on instagram the never ending string of tattoo's, tit shots, hair color changes, bikini booty shots, sunglasses while she stares straight ahead with black nail polish, or calls someone the c-word. But, she is too busy to actually write a song as idiotic as Diamonds or We Found Love, that's a task that she has to phone in. 

Just like everything she does she copies, chases trends, and pretends, the definition of a model. Is this a good song? It's the least annoying song out of the songs she has released in the last 2 years, so that probably means that it won't be a commerical success. People want terrible tweaker music to dance to, and this isn't that. Rihanna isn't an R&B singer no matter how they try to wedge her into the genre, so I don't see her songs in demand at weddings or ethnic events for real. 

It's time for the goat to really give it a rest now, and have her studio wizards write her a real introspective album, not a shallow piece of fluff that's generic and boring. The Navy is too brain dead to defect, they are the cult of Rihanna and will defend any bad performance, off key song, idiotic song with profanity, heated anger, the worst twitter and facebook bullying a 15 year old can stand.

This song should be called Diamonds and Rust.