Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Ray J's "I Hit It First" Aint a Hit...Has He Had Any?

Yeah, Ray we know you hit it first! Actually playa, I sincerely doubt you were anywhere near being first.
Bonafide Stalker

Oh No...the "song" isn't about Kim at all...it's art...Right...you don't even know what art means.

We all know.
Living in the Past

On first listen the song was bad, horrifically, Greek tragedy bad. The video has to be the most pathetic, immature piece of crap I have ever seen. Ray decides to bring up the ghost of porno's past at an attempt for vainglorious relevance but he has blown out my ear drum and assaulted each eye ball while testing the depths of my gag reflex. Something Kim and I have in common...

The video has Brandy's boring little brother smirking with a Kim clown clone in ghost form, riding in a car, boarding a plane or laying around on a TV screen. He has another stupid looking guy rapping, hopping up and down pretending that the song is actually good with some of the most laughable lyrics that I have ever heard. And without even paying attention to the lyrics, I knew they were terrible. However, one could say it is catchy, if for no other reason than the sheer number of times he repeats “I Hit It First." Let's examine the stupidity in it's full glory and see if this is about Kim:

She might move on to rappers and ballplayers (If this isn't a Kim reference, then I'm Beyonce' and Michelle Obama combined) 
But we all know I hit it first. (Somehow I doubt that)
I hit it, I hit it, I hit it, I hit it, I hit it, I hit it first

I had her head going North and her ass going South
But now baby chose to go West
 (How clever, we are referencing a loud mouth rapper named Kanye WEST, how long did that line take to come up with? 5, 10 minutes?)

No matter where she goes or who she knows
She still belongs in my bed.
(I think she belongs in Kanye's bed...she is very pregnant with HIS child which will doom the world with endless privileged idiocy that will make Suri Cruise, Blue Ivy and all the Beckham's look like Sasha and Mahlia Obama by comparison. And didn't she just get legally divorced from her husband a week ago...so technically she belonged in Kris Humphries bed until a week ago).
Ghost with Bad Fashion
We deep in the building she know that I kill 'em (Kill what?, Not record sales)
I know that I hit it the best (Obviously not...b/c a notorious whore isn't with you or even talking about you)
Candles lit with that wine, money still on my mind
And I gave her that really bomb sex
No matter where she goes or who she knows
She still belongs in my bed
Going hard in the streets, mobbin with my homies
Sippin' on good, blowin' on OG
Me and ghost sittin' clean with the matching rollie (that's about right, you hanging on to delusions of grandeur, and it's you and your hand).
I did that first so everybody know me (we know you, but no one cares about you, or likes you)
Member of the Stalker-rati
And if you were to come back to me (right...leave Kanye, someone with an actual career, for you...someone best known for being Brandy's little brother...nigga please...)
Girl I know just how you'd do me
And if you were to come back to me (stop begging like Keith Sweat, it doesn't become you)
Girl I know just why you'd choose me (I don't and no one else knows)
And if you were to come back to me
Girl, I'll get it wet jacuzzi (You hit it so well that she moved on, not a good sign)
And if you were to come back to me girl
We'll make another movie (Hoping you will get the relevance and the fame, huh?)
Do I Look Kim? Ummmm...No.
I could forgive the sophomoric lyrics, the bad auto tune,  the insinuation that Kim is sloppy seconds, thirds, fourths or fifths, depending on which stories you believe or care about, but the song is terrible in it's own right. It proves that you are a thirsty bastard who misses the spotlight and probably that chlamydia filled VH1 show that made Flavor of Love look Emmy worthy. If Kanye responds in a song, he will exterminate whatever is left of your "career" and we will have a "remember when" montage of the irrelevant singers dusty little brother. This takes "hater" to a whole new level. Your only good song was "Shorty can I" and that was how many years ago? How many awards do you have? Even robotic, goat tuned Rihanna who has never penned one word of her albums has 6 Grammy's, most are latch on Grammy's associated with other artists, but still, she has no discernible talent, and she has done better than this dissing Ciara on twitter. I would have an easier time reading a zombie's pulse than expecting quality material from the likes of Ray J.

This song is beyond stupid, vapid, and an insult to the intelligence which couldn't have been tested by any handler, manager or focus group before this piece of feces was released. I have been to funerals a lot less pathetic and a lot less sad than this video which was an un-amusing attempt at parody that was tedious and not fun. Looking directly at this video can turn a person into a pillar of salt or make them spontaneously combust.

Super Lame
 Ray Gay, you owe not only Kim an apology, but the world at large for being a crap artist and continuing to try with jokes that were much funnier on twitter or facebook two years ago or whenever you hit. So please go take a bath, stop pretending you are cool, get an STD test and stop trying to convince us that we should care about where you stick your penis. Please stop subjecting us to this unbearable punishment of your ashy lips, trying to hit high notes while you pose like a sissy and hop around like a Bobby Brown reject on a sound stage. Yeah, you put her on, but why the cheap fake Chris Brown vocals (not that that's something to brag about). Why don't you work on your craft instead of banking your career on sexual intercourse you had back in 2007. Aren't you a bit late to cash in on this? You can't, because the whore of Babylon did it first. Can you get any lower or are there in lower depths of bitch assness to be explored? 

These Boots are Made For Walking
If your performance in "the tape" was so great, maybe you would have the show on E, the clothing line, be on the blogs every day, get $10 Million from People Magazine for pimping out a fake wedding, a make up line, a shoe line, a perfume line, etc...so looks like she put you on. Dumbass. Stop embarrassing yourself and sit down with your SNL skit cry for help video. Stop being proud of being a limp member of the D-list, otherwise she would've stuck around. She won't take you back and it burns you like herpes, which you may have.

Best Sex I Ever Had...For the Moment

Maybe you should try hitting a pinata, the blow up dolls that you named Kim in your closet or the skanks from your cancelled shows, but Kim has been put on some A list D and you shawty are disqualified. 

No comments: