Friday, June 10, 2011

Curtain Call on Eminem

Sometimes a rapper needs to know when to put the mic down. When they first come out they are hungry, they have great beats, they rip off Scarface, Tupac and Biggie but they have a distinctive perspective. Then they make money and decide to crossover and they release commercial b.s. Jay-Z is one of those rappers who has absolutely nothing to say other than how much money he has, how he is the best in the game, how is the greatest of all time and how he is a mogul yet he has the worst beats blah blah blah...Oh and if they release double and triple discs, then you know that you can take a dump and plug headphones in the pile and that's how good it will sound. Throw in a "nigga" here, a New York there, and you get a "Blue Prints" album. Snoop is another so called rapper who wants to be a pimp and smoke weed all day and rhyme everything with "shizzle" and all he does is show up to Comedy Central Celebrity Roasts and act in horrible straight to DVD pimp movies and make horrible albums. That album with "drop it like it's hot", was so bad that I actually returned it to a bootlegger and asked for a refund. Who takes a pirated CD back? How bad can a CD be? If I had gotten that album for free, I would've felt that I paid too much. There you go...I haven't fooled with Snoop since.

I have been sort of the same way with Eminem. When he first came out I loved him. He was comical, witty and clever with his rhymes. No song related to me better than "I am whatever you say I am". Who hasn't felt that way? Plus, he took on Britney and Backstreet and the other Boy Bands and expressed the extreme hatred I felt for those clowns. Who wanted to see a bunch of closet cases dancing in tight pants on stage singing badly about nothing winning grammy's. It was so many boy bands, Backstreet, 98 degrees, and so on...then the blond bimbo's....Britney, Christina, Jessica, Mandy Moore, they were like cockroaches. One fell off and another blond heifer cat took her place. Add to the mix the Latin invasion, Marc Antony, J.Lo ( she was a complete joke), Shakira, Ricky Martin, and those Macarena guys. Eminem while on drugs was a beast and wasn't a fraud like Vanilla Ice pretending to be black with a white version of a fade with lines in his hair, saying "yo let's kick it", but he talked about white folks stuff, like putting his wife in a trunk or popping purple pills. He picked a fight with Elton John, Christina Aguilera, and even Moby. How do you pick a fight with a techno DJ who doesn't even sing or do anything but wear sweatsuits? That's like beefing with Sade or Etta James.

Eminem decides to release a new song "Kiss" where he disses Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, and Katy Perry. He goes for the pop culture jugular by dredging up the nonsensical rumor that Lady Gaga is a hermaphrodite with this witty lyric:

"Tell Lady Gaga she can quit her job at the post office she's still a male lady. Wouldn't fuck her with her dickYou heard it, the verdict's in."

I have a verdict for you Eminem, guilty of being a cock sucking loser who isn't worth a crap anymore. Gaga is a male lady? That's the best he could come up with? Is he on Thorazine? How lazy. Like he said in one song he was jealous of Wayne and Kanye and was thinking of making a dis album, now he makes ball sucking, " I love you man, you're the greatest" songs. Apologize to your fans! Relapse was pure garbage, how he won a Grammy for an album that even die hard fans listened to only once and threw away proves that the Grammy nominating committee are either being bribed or in bed literally with the head of the record company. He even said that album didn't count. Gaga has outsold you and she sells fluff and if you want to talk about sexual conquests, Mariah continues to deny you and her chew toy Nick is bold enough to beef with you on twitter. Come on...Mariah Carey is gangster enough to make fun of Eminem and we should take him seriously?

On Bieber, he says that ,"evil seeps through him". Well I guess he isn't too off base, Bieber is a little girl posing as a boy and he's corrupting the tweens and the twihards. Justin Bieber is the anti-christ. He was nicer to Katy Perry, but she isn't worth mentioning. My thing is, how can you slam these three muppets when you do a song with red headed muppet in chief Rihanna, singing in 11 different keys and expect to have any credibility. Is this from the Idiot's Guide to Fixing My Sliding Popularity Book? If standard promotions don't work, and a domestic violence beatdown doesn't work (Rihanna), then denigrate popular artists for attention. If that doesn't work, make a sex tape, but don't leak it, have your agent leak it, but pretend you don't know about it a week before your album drops and pretend to be outraged by it's release. (Rihanna)

Eminem is becoming B-Rad from Malibu's most wanted.

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