Nicki Minaj Majors in Victimology

Stupid Hoe

Nicki Minaj, or whatever voice that possess the massive ass who so famously made the most godawful song in existence mocking Lil Kim for being on the outs musically, is now blaming Walmart and Target for low album sales. (Eyes staring blankly into space)

In an interview with Power 105.1 the Harajuku retard was asked if it was hard to purchase "Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded - The Re-Up," Minaj responded, "It is hard to get the album because the stores basically said that the last few re-releases they had put out did not do well and they didn't want to take a chance. So, Target and Walmart is not selling the album. Target is actually my biggest retailer -- they've always been my biggest retailer. They've sold the most Nicki Minaj albums ever, so, thank you, Target. But I wish you could've sold this one."

Minaj continued, "Best Buy only took limited because they're like 'Oh no, we want to play it safe,' so it's very difficult and it kind of sets you up to fail." (Double take).

The "stupid hoe's" second album, "Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded," debuted at number one on Billboard with 253,000 copies sold in the album's first week, then it landed harder than bird turd on a windshield which may be a cautionary tale to all the Rihanna jubilation.

The re-release, "Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded - The Re-Up" hit stores on Nov. 19.

Bar Queen

"At the end of the day, I was happy I was able to put the music out," Minaj said. Apparently Nicki, you and your 253,00 fans or maybe your label were the only one's on the edge of your seat in anticipation for this album.

Right Nicki, it's Walmart and Target's fault,  like people still get in their cars and physically drive to Walmart and Target and buy the album or cassette tape they want in 2012. They have this thing called Itunes or Amazon and maybe, just maybe, you are on minute 20 of your 15 and people have grown tired of your tourette syndrome flow. Let's be real, she can't sing, rap or dance and the notion that she is on a show judging the talent and taste level of others is nothing short of laughable. The idea that her lack of talent has never entered into her simple little mind is shocking. There just isn't enough dead or deaf people around to make your music listenable these days, no matter how much auto tune it's rinsed through. Just slapping on a wig, inflating your ass with silicone and raiding Jim Henson's Muppet shop is what we do these days to consider ourselves ready for prime time.

Fake Ass Barbie Is My New Voice

Steven Tyler recently read her for filth for her childish behavior on the show and she accuses him of racism. No...he said that she has no business judging people with talent and I and millions of others agree. How is that a racist statement? Maybe because he is a white male critiquing a black woman, but the comment is just as accurate no matter the race of the speaker. To think they made that movie about that deadbeat Ghandi and MLK when there is a story like this that is yet to be told. Maybe if she gave up the gimmicks and tried being real for once, she might have those albums fly off the shelves. Instead she rips off Gaga, comes off funky at a clown college and seems like she has bad breath along with a order of rotten fish. It's cold hard math. poor sales are equally related to a poor product.

I Don't Know Why They Accuse Me of Stealing from Gaga

No Nicki, you have been a wonderful entertainer. You have made people think that you are the black Lady Gaga. You have captured the eyes of many because of how colorful and interesting your Avatar-esque videos are. Sexiness does indeed sell.Yet.... you're trying to sell music, specifically CDs. Your songs aren't good in isolation.

Me Look Like Gaga?!

We need to see a gyrating booty and flashy colors if you want to capture our attention spans while you babble on every track, keep up with the Internet and advertise online. Let rock bands, country bands, and metal bands and R&B groups take care of the CD business, where quality sound, voice, and lyrical meanings are REQUIRED... and no, rhyming and witty lyrics that make you think of sex doesn't qualify. How dare you repackage the same album in less than a year? If only there was some other way to get your album out there without a brick and stone store...

Itunes you say? Amazon? Ebay? Your tour? Interesting approach. If only someone in your camp had gone to business school  or knew something about advertising or marketing. I mean you brag about being a brand and how much stuff you are selling in every song. This clearly shouldn't be a stumbling block, so stop playing victim or damsel in distress. Rihanna beat that victim trump card to death, snd it may not be that effective for you.

Whoops, The Shade of It All

Next time don't re-release the re-release that was released a few years ago and think we wont notice.

Madonna's Decrepit Nipple Slip

The Milks Gone Bad

At her Istanbul concert, Madonna flashed some skin, way too much. While performing her song, "Human Nature", she began stripping away her white shirt, down to her bra, before she flashed the audience a shot of her right nipple. If the majority of her audience weren't already gay, seeing an old breast that looked like a baked chicken might get the job done and erase all sexuality, if not humanity from the crowd.

Look, I'm On a Cross, Shocked Yet?

Here is the thing with Madonna...back in her day, she was THE provocateur. Now, not so much. She has had few equals when it came to self promotion and marketing, which is, let's face it, her greatest talent. What she is saying and what she has said pre-marriage and kids is, my music cannot stand on it's own merit, therefore I must invoke the ghost of Marilyn Monroe, straddle a bed post and blow off the cobwebs on the cone bras and hump either the stage, the mic stand or a drag queen in stiletto's. This publicity stunt, just like her attempt at calling a French leader a Nazi is a vainglorious attempt at attention without the finesse of her 80 & 90's era publicity stunts. This is a desperate attempt to hold the public attention against the new school of performers that have copied her style and marketing techniques. Flashing a flat boob would've been provocative 20 years ago, but now you have Rihanna instagraming 1,000 topless photos of herself walking down the street or Miley Cyrus running around town flashing side boob without pants. The shock and awe, slut competition is just too fierce and Madonna's reign has been toppled over a decade ago.

Guess who was blamed for Madonna's tanking album sales? Chris Brown. Ignoring the fact that MDNA is a pile of auto tuned nonsense that even her staunchest supporters can't get behind, she blames Breezy for getting the best songs. What Madge needs to do to maintain relevance is mentor the up and coming artists and offer advice and inspiration instead of pandering to her audience of queens and fag hags. I know everyone says Gaga is a copy of Madonna, but she is the copy that got the sense of humor and talent. We have all seen better nipples on baby bottles.

Do You Find me Sexy?!

Madonna, please stop trying to strip for album sales...

Nicki Minaj Get's Endorsed By Pop

What the hell is this? Has she skinned a Muppet and wore it as a jacket and boots? NICKI, YOU ARE ALMOST 30!!!!!!! This is tired and boring, even Gaga has toned this Shtick down.

I have to commend her for hustle, I mean first convincing people that she was a rapper, that was the biggest con job that she played on everyone. Then the endorsements: OPI, MAC, and now Pepsi. Let me just say, I am sick and tired of seeing Nicki Minaj at the nail salon and at the hair salon with her idiotic pose and her equally idiotic names for her nail polish names. The colors are just as stupid as the infantile hypercolor b.s. she wears and I would rather wear the Kardashian slut colors over any of these teletubby colors that she has  somehow convinced people would be cute to piss in a bottle and call them nail colors. Then to add insult to injury, she has the bright pink lip color that an old decrepit white drag queen from the 70's would run from displayed at the MAC counter, and it just assault's all the senses just like the crap that comes out of her mouth. Now, I have to completely turn down Pepsi in it's entirety because Nicki is on the payroll. Battery acid would be more appetizing right now.

Nicki is a so called hardcore underground rapper from queens, but she is the biggest sell out in history. Yeah, she has made a lot of money, but her newest abortion is hemorrhaging money big time and she is basically going on tour at the chitterling circuit. Her North American Tour dates are literally Auditoriums, Fair grounds, and theatres, not major arenas. Really?! Someone that has been on Ellen, the Zenith of White America can't fill an arena? Maybe that little girl that out rapped her on her own song can fill that arena. This is the female Weezy, who is the sole woman alone in the rap game. Well, she was...Now I can't distinguish her from Katy Perry, Ke$ha, Rihanna or Lady Gaga on the radio. They all sound the same now.

 

Now the new pop artist is being endorsed by soda pop. How ironic...Minaj defended her choices of releasing songs that some feel are too radio-friendly for her core fans. “I would hope that people know at this point that I’m smart enough to know what I’m doing all the time. But I guess they still kind of waver,” she said. “I always intended on putting out something urban after ‘Starships,’ because I knew ‘Starships’ was a monster. I didn’t feel the pressure. To be honest, I feel really, really good. I feel that hip-hop cares enough that they have something to say. I remember when I was hoping that someone had something to say about me on the radio, or cared enough.” Yeah, your core fans had something to say, "GARBAGE". "SELLOUT, FAKE GAGA". " Lil KIM WINS." 


She arrogantly goes on to say, “Maybe it would be a problem if I couldn’t deliver records like ‘Roman Reloaded,’ but I can, I write my own lyrics. Once again, I write my own lyrics. So it’s never a problem. Whatever I feel, I can write, I can create it. So I’m good. I think people sometimes get blown away by the magnitude of the pop stuff, because the pop stuff, it reaches everywhere and then I feel like my hip-hop fans or hip-hop culture starts getting a little bit afraid that I’m going to leave.”
She then adds, “But this is who I am. I’m not going to change — I’m just adding on to my brand. And if you don’t understand that, then it’s probably why you don’t travel and you don’t see the world and I probably can’t even have a conversation with you anymore.” 

Good for you, you write your own shiteous lyrics...Here is some of her wonderful lyrical content:

Press rewind
P-p-press rewind
It's automatic
I-I'm einstein
I'm lookin for that Einstein
Wales, London, Ireland
Scotland I can idle in
South africa and brazil
Shut the club down
Bring the bill
Ri-ri-ri-ri-ring the bill
Br-bri-bri-bri-bring the bill
Bri-bri-bring the bill
Shut the club down
Bring the bill

Yeah...that's why you aren't selling and the only people that are going to see you are the animals at the circus  and the people who love singalong rap/ pop and auto tune. Not even good auto tune at that. You can't come out and release a piece of  b.m. that is Roman Reloaded full of corporate name dropping and how many millions you have and how much ice you have and expect for people to say, "this is fantastic, this is real hip hop." Jay-Z took about 6 albums to sell out this badly, and he actually has the right to bore us to death with "I got a billion dollars, my bitch is the baddest bitch, I'm a mogul, and New York uh- uh- uh." You on the other hand, Onika, can't sell out after one album, and the first album was terrible. You were pretty much propped up by curious hip hop fans who were tricked, gays who wanted a black Gaga, and kids who have no musical reference who actually thought SuperBass was a good song. Here we have this tourette moron literally telling people to suck her figurative dick if they don't like her stupidity. Well, Onikka, whip it out, and I will try to not bite you because I am not and will never be a fan of this moronic hip/ pop. I would rather have a root canal while at the gynecologist while having Mitt Romney attempt a stand up comedy routine while George Bush lectures on quantum physics than listen to an entire Roman Reloaded album. There is nothing pleasurable even while drunk or high. There isn't enough cocaine or marijuana in the entire Bolivian rain forest or Rihanna's dressing room to make more than 3 tracks sound good. 

It Came From the Sea

Right about now, J.Lo has more street cred than Nicki Minaj and better sound engineers. Since Nicki has so much money, and can tell us how much she spends on jets, cars and clothes, she could find someone that can make her sound halfway decent when she "sings". If I wanted to see Nicki roll around the beach in a wig, that looks like seaweed dyed in green boronic acid and her flopping along the beach looking like a constipated walrus with a candy ravers cum shot, then I would just watch Heidi Montags video that was shot with Spencer's camcorder. That was a masterpiece in comparison to Starships.  Her videos, songs, and album is just a bunch of random nonsense thrown in a kaleidoscope and then vomited up on the screen with flashing lights and a big ass. I don't know if she is trying to portray the lochness monster, she does mention Ireland and Dublin allot in her so called songs, so maybe that is the inner Diva she is channeling. Maybe that's the "Monster" she is always talking about, The Lochness Monster. 

My Album Sales Are Dropping, I'm The Future!

Hopefully Nicki will go the way of Michael Jackson and get burned by some pyro, but knowing her, we won't know who will get burned. Harajuku Barbie, Roman, Nicki Minaj, Martha, Rosa and possibly more...but they are all, sell out, hoes and won't be missed. Bye boo bye. 

I smell generic pop coming to a fairground near you.

Why I Support Pirated Products

Celebrities waste our money and they spend more of our money more stupidly while we struggle. To add insult to injury, they will release garbage songs that insult our intelligence, just turn on the radio, or they will reboot some 70's, 80's cartoon with an 4th rate actor/model call it a blockbuster, run it through CGI, 3D and IMAX and charge an extra $10. The result is The Last Airbender, Transformers, or worse, the Smurfs. Who in the blue hell green lit the Smurfs and set that crap in a metropolitan city? Hollywood hasn't understood that us 80's babies are the only one's that are going to relate to these movies based on 80's cartoons, other generations won't. Therefore, just like with Miami Vice, Yogi Bear, Alvin and the Chipmunks, Garfield, the Smurfs are going to piss us off. I went off on a tangent...

Here are 9 stupid celebrities justifying why we should keep money in our pockets and pay the bootleg guy instead:

9. Kim Kardashian

Our Armenian Princess of mindlessness and doing nothing is getting married on August 20th. *insert snicker* Apparently she is hiring a fleet of Maybach's (hip hop's luxury latch on car), and Roll's Royce's- two of the worlds most expensive cars to her wedding. It does help that People Magazine has paid $1million for the rights to the photos of this circus. I mean she is only going to get married once. Right?????? Not... Let's start a poll to see how long it will take for her to get back on the black pole.

8. Floyd Mayweather

Everyone knows I think athletes are stupid and are the lowest species of male...but apparently this clown has taken one too many blows to the head because he set a $100 bill on fire in a club in Atlanta. What? He can't make it rain anymore to impress the ignorant money hungry groupies so now setting money on fire is the way to go? If you want to burn money, call me, take me to Saks, let me give you the address to my finance company for my car. Floyd: here's some advice, MIKE TYSON.

9.  Victoria Beckham

I love Posh Spice and I love her style. She buys Hermes' Birkins and they cost between $9,000 to $150,000 a piece. These bags are beautiful...her collection is rumored to cost around $2 million. Her purse collection is worth more than our cars, homes, wardrobes, computer, salaries combined. You would think she would smile more...I don't think she can, a walking corpse with boobs can't smile.

6.  Nicholas Cage

He has had some problems with role choices lately. I think the last good role he was in was Face Off, everything else was booty. Remember when he married Lisa Marie Presley because he was an Elvis Fan? Nick owns a castle, an Island and he spent $276,000 for a dinosaur skull. I mean...here you have financial problems, and you buy an artifact of an extinct creature why? To remind you of your career?

5.  Beyonce
Lion King Beyowulf has a penchant for leggings, but not just any leggings. Hers are from Balenciaga and they cost $100,000. Tights...Really?! Can't she spend that money for a better weave or a better manager so she can stop stealing other people's entire performance's? Oh Well, back to Pop Eye's...

4.  Prince Azim of Brunei
This guy may be one of the guys that the GOP would be afraid of until they read his account balance then would open the so called "big tent". This young man gave Mariah Carey $6 million in jewelry, for what reason who knows. I'm sure Mimoo was all too glad to have it and she and the Prince are besties, otherwise there would be a lame song about the fall out.

3.  Bono
Patron Saint Bono with his shades of many colors, forgot his hat one day. He remembered while he was helping poor brown people in London but his hat was in Italy. Oh Noes...what to do? He spent $1700 on a plane ticket to retrieve his hat. I wouldn't spend that to retrieve my dog much less an inanimate object. How ironic, a conservationist that would waste time, jet fuel, and harm the atmosphere for a hat.

2.  Lady Gaga

The Queen of dress up, the one that calls her delusional fans monsters and herself mother monster, is afraid of ghosts. She spent more than $50,000 on an EMF ghost meter eater to keep ghosts away. I can't make this up if I wanted to. Cocaine is a hell of a drug. It's time to take a break Mother Monster, you clearly are sleep deprived.

                                     

1.  Bryan “Birdman” Williams

This is truly an embarrassment for the entire human race...this individual, I can't think of anything else to call him, owns a Maybach Exelro, price tag $8 million. A person that can't rap has an $8 million dollar car...How is that normal? Look at his photo, this isn't sexy! Reverse natural selection at it's finest. Barack Obama didn't change anything...

Michael Jackson- 2 Years after the Music Died

You And Your Friends Were Laughing At Me In Town, But it's Okay, And It's Okay,You Wont Be Laughing. Girl When I'm Not Around, I'll Be Okay------Give In To Me-------Michael Jackson

Today marks the second anniversary of Michael Jackson's death and the death of music at large. (and Farrah Fawcets, sorry you died on the wrong day).  Remember when Kanye said "I'mma let you finish, Beyonce's video was one of the greatest video's of all time!" ? I can't quite duplicate the aura of sweat, desperation, douchebaggery, drunkenness and venereal disease to describe the picture adequately. However, I thought to myself..."Beyonce, leotard, dancing with 2 other girls in a glove she swagger jacked from Kylie Minogue. How is that different from any other video and how does this qualify as the greatest video of all time?" I swear that song was written by a retarded person. It's funny the male bashing going on in that song by a person paid to take off her clothes while married to a camel, one has to question her morals. Most videos that MJ did were mini movies with story lines that were more than a chick shaking a cellulite thigh, slanging weave in a wind tunnel repeating one line over and over. Single ladies was a glorified strip tease, Michael Jackson created art.

Michael's music touched the lives of every generation that was fortunate to have been born for the last 100 years. (If you don't understand that, think about it and you'll get it.) Older people will remember and cherish him as Little Michael from the Jackson Five, with his cute little Afro, bell bottoms, belting out "I'll be there" and "ABC". He was cute...They will remember how sensitive and shy he was but he was a little dynamo on the stage and he put seasoned adult performers to shame. My generation remembers him at the height of his fame, the 80's. There was no one bigger or cooler to us than Michael Jackson. (we were little) Everything he did or wore, we all wanted to copy from the sequined glove, the leather jackets, even the Jeri curl. We tried in vain to moonwalk, learned the thriller dance and even looked past him carrying around a fully dressed Bubbles to award ceremonies and amusement parks.

The one thing each generation had in common, is that we all took Michael for granted. We always assumed he would be there to make music or for us to use his eccentricities as comedic fodder. He left in the void an absolute wreck called the "music industry".  You may not understand what I mean when I say music is dead, because you can hear music everywhere you go, or hear musicians perform for large audiences. But what you are hearing coming out of your ear-buds and amplifiers is not music, it is the badly reanimated corpse of a once thriving and evolving monster, now extinct as the dodo, cloned and recycled into a consumer commodity. There are no new genres, no new instruments, no new sounds to sample, and the new pop stars are not producing new or groundbreaking music. It's all been done and said before and the only way these so called musicians can be "innovative" is to wear crazy clothes, be more provocative, take off more clothes, be more controversial, or perform some publicity stunt unrelated to the music. (Rihanna, Gaga, Chris Brown, J.Lo, P. Diddy, every rapper). They have told every story, told every emotion, whatever lesson you want, any philosophy rational or irrational, there's an app for that.

Even though music is dead, musicians will insist on dragging the dead corpse around for who knows what reason. They will continue to market sh*t and call it sugar and expect us to pay $.99 per song for it. Many people will attempt to use the term "star", "icon", "superstar", but none truly know the dedication showmanship and dedication inherent in those words. These so called "celebrities" and "pop stars" effect on the music industry can only be compared to the US atom bomb on Hiroshima. Yes...that destructive to music. It's a primordial soup of non-talent. There are no signs of life, not one.

We miss you Michael and I would trade any of these whores, street trash, goats, non rappers, and fraudsters that can't write, sing, dance, or compose one line without auto-tune for 1 original song.

Curtain Call on Eminem

Sometimes a rapper needs to know when to put the mic down. When they first come out they are hungry, they have great beats, they rip off Scarface, Tupac and Biggie but they have a distinctive perspective. Then they make money and decide to crossover and they release commercial b.s. Jay-Z is one of those rappers who has absolutely nothing to say other than how much money he has, how he is the best in the game, how is the greatest of all time and how he is a mogul yet he has the worst beats blah blah blah...Oh and if they release double and triple discs, then you know that you can take a dump and plug headphones in the pile and that's how good it will sound. Throw in a "nigga" here, a New York there, and you get a "Blue Prints" album. Snoop is another so called rapper who wants to be a pimp and smoke weed all day and rhyme everything with "shizzle" and all he does is show up to Comedy Central Celebrity Roasts and act in horrible straight to DVD pimp movies and make horrible albums. That album with "drop it like it's hot", was so bad that I actually returned it to a bootlegger and asked for a refund. Who takes a pirated CD back? How bad can a CD be? If I had gotten that album for free, I would've felt that I paid too much. There you go...I haven't fooled with Snoop since.

I have been sort of the same way with Eminem. When he first came out I loved him. He was comical, witty and clever with his rhymes. No song related to me better than "I am whatever you say I am". Who hasn't felt that way? Plus, he took on Britney and Backstreet and the other Boy Bands and expressed the extreme hatred I felt for those clowns. Who wanted to see a bunch of closet cases dancing in tight pants on stage singing badly about nothing winning grammy's. It was so many boy bands, Backstreet, 98 degrees, and so on...then the blond bimbo's....Britney, Christina, Jessica, Mandy Moore, they were like cockroaches. One fell off and another blond heifer cat took her place. Add to the mix the Latin invasion, Marc Antony, J.Lo ( she was a complete joke), Shakira, Ricky Martin, and those Macarena guys. Eminem while on drugs was a beast and wasn't a fraud like Vanilla Ice pretending to be black with a white version of a fade with lines in his hair, saying "yo let's kick it", but he talked about white folks stuff, like putting his wife in a trunk or popping purple pills. He picked a fight with Elton John, Christina Aguilera, and even Moby. How do you pick a fight with a techno DJ who doesn't even sing or do anything but wear sweatsuits? That's like beefing with Sade or Etta James.

Eminem decides to release a new song "Kiss" where he disses Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, and Katy Perry. He goes for the pop culture jugular by dredging up the nonsensical rumor that Lady Gaga is a hermaphrodite with this witty lyric:

"Tell Lady Gaga she can quit her job at the post office she's still a male lady. Wouldn't fuck her with her dickYou heard it, the verdict's in."

I have a verdict for you Eminem, guilty of being a cock sucking loser who isn't worth a crap anymore. Gaga is a male lady? That's the best he could come up with? Is he on Thorazine? How lazy. Like he said in one song he was jealous of Wayne and Kanye and was thinking of making a dis album, now he makes ball sucking, " I love you man, you're the greatest" songs. Apologize to your fans! Relapse was pure garbage, how he won a Grammy for an album that even die hard fans listened to only once and threw away proves that the Grammy nominating committee are either being bribed or in bed literally with the head of the record company. He even said that album didn't count. Gaga has outsold you and she sells fluff and if you want to talk about sexual conquests, Mariah continues to deny you and her chew toy Nick is bold enough to beef with you on twitter. Come on...Mariah Carey is gangster enough to make fun of Eminem and we should take him seriously?

On Bieber, he says that ,"evil seeps through him". Well I guess he isn't too off base, Bieber is a little girl posing as a boy and he's corrupting the tweens and the twihards. Justin Bieber is the anti-christ. He was nicer to Katy Perry, but she isn't worth mentioning. My thing is, how can you slam these three muppets when you do a song with red headed muppet in chief Rihanna, singing in 11 different keys and expect to have any credibility. Is this from the Idiot's Guide to Fixing My Sliding Popularity Book? If standard promotions don't work, and a domestic violence beatdown doesn't work (Rihanna), then denigrate popular artists for attention. If that doesn't work, make a sex tape, but don't leak it, have your agent leak it, but pretend you don't know about it a week before your album drops and pretend to be outraged by it's release. (Rihanna)

Eminem is becoming B-Rad from Malibu's most wanted.