Thursday, May 3, 2012

Nicki Minaj Get's Endorsed By Pop

What the hell is this? Has she skinned a Muppet and wore it as a jacket and boots? NICKI, YOU ARE ALMOST 30!!!!!!! This is tired and boring, even Gaga has toned this Shtick down.

I have to commend her for hustle, I mean first convincing people that she was a rapper, that was the biggest con job that she played on everyone. Then the endorsements: OPI, MAC, and now Pepsi. Let me just say, I am sick and tired of seeing Nicki Minaj at the nail salon and at the hair salon with her idiotic pose and her equally idiotic names for her nail polish names. The colors are just as stupid as the infantile hypercolor b.s. she wears and I would rather wear the Kardashian slut colors over any of these teletubby colors that she has  somehow convinced people would be cute to piss in a bottle and call them nail colors. Then to add insult to injury, she has the bright pink lip color that an old decrepit white drag queen from the 70's would run from displayed at the MAC counter, and it just assault's all the senses just like the crap that comes out of her mouth. Now, I have to completely turn down Pepsi in it's entirety because Nicki is on the payroll. Battery acid would be more appetizing right now.

Nicki is a so called hardcore underground rapper from queens, but she is the biggest sell out in history. Yeah, she has made a lot of money, but her newest abortion is hemorrhaging money big time and she is basically going on tour at the chitterling circuit. Her North American Tour dates are literally Auditoriums, Fair grounds, and theatres, not major arenas. Really?! Someone that has been on Ellen, the Zenith of White America can't fill an arena? Maybe that little girl that out rapped her on her own song can fill that arena. This is the female Weezy, who is the sole woman alone in the rap game. Well, she was...Now I can't distinguish her from Katy Perry, Ke$ha, Rihanna or Lady Gaga on the radio. They all sound the same now.


Now the new pop artist is being endorsed by soda pop. How ironic...Minaj defended her choices of releasing songs that some feel are too radio-friendly for her core fans. “I would hope that people know at this point that I’m smart enough to know what I’m doing all the time. But I guess they still kind of waver,” she said. “I always intended on putting out something urban after ‘Starships,’ because I knew ‘Starships’ was a monster. I didn’t feel the pressure. To be honest, I feel really, really good. I feel that hip-hop cares enough that they have something to say. I remember when I was hoping that someone had something to say about me on the radio, or cared enough.” Yeah, your core fans had something to say, "GARBAGE". "SELLOUT, FAKE GAGA". " Lil KIM WINS." 

She arrogantly goes on to say, “Maybe it would be a problem if I couldn’t deliver records like ‘Roman Reloaded,’ but I can, I write my own lyrics. Once again, I write my own lyrics. So it’s never a problem. Whatever I feel, I can write, I can create it. So I’m good. I think people sometimes get blown away by the magnitude of the pop stuff, because the pop stuff, it reaches everywhere and then I feel like my hip-hop fans or hip-hop culture starts getting a little bit afraid that I’m going to leave.”
She then adds, “But this is who I am. I’m not going to change — I’m just adding on to my brand. And if you don’t understand that, then it’s probably why you don’t travel and you don’t see the world and I probably can’t even have a conversation with you anymore.” 

Good for you, you write your own shiteous lyrics...Here is some of her wonderful lyrical content:

Press rewind
P-p-press rewind
It's automatic
I-I'm einstein
I'm lookin for that Einstein
Wales, London, Ireland
Scotland I can idle in
South africa and brazil
Shut the club down
Bring the bill
Ri-ri-ri-ri-ring the bill
Br-bri-bri-bri-bring the bill
Bri-bri-bring the bill
Shut the club down
Bring the bill

Yeah...that's why you aren't selling and the only people that are going to see you are the animals at the circus  and the people who love singalong rap/ pop and auto tune. Not even good auto tune at that. You can't come out and release a piece of  b.m. that is Roman Reloaded full of corporate name dropping and how many millions you have and how much ice you have and expect for people to say, "this is fantastic, this is real hip hop." Jay-Z took about 6 albums to sell out this badly, and he actually has the right to bore us to death with "I got a billion dollars, my bitch is the baddest bitch, I'm a mogul, and New York uh- uh- uh." You on the other hand, Onika, can't sell out after one album, and the first album was terrible. You were pretty much propped up by curious hip hop fans who were tricked, gays who wanted a black Gaga, and kids who have no musical reference who actually thought SuperBass was a good song. Here we have this tourette moron literally telling people to suck her figurative dick if they don't like her stupidity. Well, Onikka, whip it out, and I will try to not bite you because I am not and will never be a fan of this moronic hip/ pop. I would rather have a root canal while at the gynecologist while having Mitt Romney attempt a stand up comedy routine while George Bush lectures on quantum physics than listen to an entire Roman Reloaded album. There is nothing pleasurable even while drunk or high. There isn't enough cocaine or marijuana in the entire Bolivian rain forest or Rihanna's dressing room to make more than 3 tracks sound good. 

It Came From the Sea

Right about now, J.Lo has more street cred than Nicki Minaj and better sound engineers. Since Nicki has so much money, and can tell us how much she spends on jets, cars and clothes, she could find someone that can make her sound halfway decent when she "sings". If I wanted to see Nicki roll around the beach in a wig, that looks like seaweed dyed in green boronic acid and her flopping along the beach looking like a constipated walrus with a candy ravers cum shot, then I would just watch Heidi Montags video that was shot with Spencer's camcorder. That was a masterpiece in comparison to Starships.  Her videos, songs, and album is just a bunch of random nonsense thrown in a kaleidoscope and then vomited up on the screen with flashing lights and a big ass. I don't know if she is trying to portray the lochness monster, she does mention Ireland and Dublin allot in her so called songs, so maybe that is the inner Diva she is channeling. Maybe that's the "Monster" she is always talking about, The Lochness Monster. 

Nicki Minaj
My Album Sales Are Dropping, I'm The Future!

Hopefully Nicki will go the way of Michael Jackson and get burned by some pyro, but knowing her, we won't know who will get burned. Harajuku Barbie, Roman, Nicki Minaj, Martha, Rosa and possibly more...but they are all, sell out, hoes and won't be missed. Bye boo bye. 

I smell generic pop coming to a fairground near you.

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