Sunday, June 12, 2011

Open Letter to Tracy Morgan- Gaydar 101

Dear Tracy,

I want to know who thinks you are funny? Let's take a poll right now and see who in their right mind thinks that you are funny? The last time I laughed at anything you said was when you played "Hustleman" on Martin and even then Martin had sense enough to only have you on screen for no more than 5 min. On SNL, you were funny on a non funny show on about 15% of the time. Astronaut Jones? Really dude? Who does the writing? Samuel Adams and Jack Daniels? Is Pat Robertson your biological father? The foolishness that comes out of those ashy lips could be beamed from Pat's brain (if he in fact has one), through your mouth, like a little black muppet. You know what you have in common with a muppet? You both are not funny and are in the closet.

I saw you live at the Star Dome and it was sex, sex, sex and no laughs. I was glad that I didn't have to pay for the ticket and hoped that the guy I was with didn't expect me to put out because it was a two drink minimum and I ordered nachos. Plus, there were NO LAUGHS. You love making gay asking all the gay men to cheer, then stating that you harbour no ill will to gays, but "hate it when they try to suck your dick". Yeah...I can assure you if people are trying to suck your dick, it's because they are trying to get at your wallet. You also stated that being gay is a choice and that if your son were gay you would pull out a knife and stab him to death. Listening to your set list is like a slow death with one long punchline less joke at a time. With each joke, I understand what "enhanced interrogation techniques" are. My life flashes before my eyes, and I prayed that I was addicted to a controlled substance so that what I was hearing was funny. You belong on "celebrity poker" with Andrew Dice Clay, but to play poker, you have to know how to count higher than 3.

Maybe you didn't know, but when you make continual homophobic statements, it means you are probably gay. That's called irony. Ask Bishop Eddie Long, not only is he a hypocrite, a liar, a thief, but he is a homosexual pedophile that is Creflo Dollar's butt boy. Who is yours? Another non funny comedian that dresses in drag like Tyler Perry perhaps? Homosexuality is a choice, maybe, maybe not. However, considering these kids that keep committing suicide for being gay and relentless bullying, this type of stupid hate speech comes from your non funny ashy lips. Any apology from you is worthless and insincere because we have heard it all before, last year in fact when you made a similar un funny joke about homosexuality. How about you stick to scripts written by little guys with degrees from actual schools that specialize in the arts and you just bumble about and play black stereotypes that still can't deliver a decent line or set up a joke.

Everything that comes out of your mouth is boorish, unintelligent, sophomoric and now we can add fat gay basher to the list. Wow, didn't we set the world on fire. I don't know who you slept with to keep getting movie roles and comedy specials, but they clearly have never seen a show of yours, otherwise they wouldn't let you clean the stage, much less attempt to do a so called routine. 1 laugh free hour of profanity, sex, potty humor and gay bashing. Middle schoolers can do better than that. If gays bother you that much, come out of the closet, Tracy and admit who and what you are. It's ok. Just bend over and take it like a man and smell the astroglide when Ann Coulter straps it on and gives it to you. If not Ann, then Usher, he's been on my gaydar since "My Way". The only cogent thing you have ever said was that Sarah Palin is only fit for a masturbatory aid, but I'm not so sure you meant her. You probably meant Todd Palin or Levi Johnston, since you apparently like hitting the pipe.

It's time for you to shut the hell up, seriously. You admitted your gay jokes weren't funny, but NONE of your jokes are funny. It's floods of nonsense delivered at a certain pace (a morons), relying on the shock value of profanity and the colorful expansive persona  (coonery), to keep the listener engaged. You have no comedic value and you are a closet case attempting to throw people off the trail. Don't get mad because you would look like Holiday Heart in drag so you want to gay bash.

Your comedy routines commit the ultimate sin over being homophobic rants that put your own desires on blast. The ultimate sin is THEY AREN'T FUNNY!

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