Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Jesse James and Kat Von D Split, My Heart Aches...

Jesse James and Kat Von D have called it quits.
What?!!!!!! I am shocked! This is an outrage! I just got my "Jesse loves Kat 4-eva" tattoo on my thigh---wh­at will I DO? T­hat's OK guys, there are plenty of sewers in the country...­.you'll find a new love soon or you can become a profession­al dumpster diver while you're at it..LOL..Y­ou know I'm just so crushed.  Let me grab my surprised face and put it on. How did Sandra Bullock get sucked into this vortex of mediocrity?

The pair, who began dating shortly after James' divorce from Sandra Bullock was final, have called off their engagement and gone their separate ways. Anyone out there who is surprised by this break up, raise your hand. (sound of no hands going up). WHY WHY OH MY GOD WHY... The humanity of it all!!! With the class these two exhibit I was looking forward to the tatooed spawn of satan they would generate in the future .... How can the antichrist be born without parents???­??

Von D announced via her Twitter account that the two are no longer together, saying, "I am no longer w Jesse, and out of respect for him, his family and myself, thats all the info I'd like to share. Thanks for respecting that." Oh, ok Kat...WHO CARES? An overindulg­ed Non-celebr­ity and a circus freak aren't going to have sex any more; What am I supposed to do, lose sleep over them?

James, the second part of the hepatitis coctail, however, was willing to share a bit more.  spoke to PEOPLE and said, 
"I'm so sad because I really love her," and revealed that distance was the reason it was not working out. Yeah right. He said the same thing when he cheated on Sandra with the Nazi whore. This dude has a lot of love to give, way too much. So, since they live in different cities they can't be together? She's a tattoo artist and he runs a bike shop and apparently the only place in the world that those professions can be performed is where they live? Every person that has ever gotten a tatt has received it from Kat at her shop in LA and every person that had their bike fixed went to Jesse's shop in Texas? In the history of bikes and tattoos? EVER?! Ummmm...ok. KAT, HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.

James and Von D had all eyes on them as they first came out as a couple in September of last year. We scratched our heads in confusion for cheating on an Oscar winner at the height of her fame for someone that looks like she was drawn on by a 5 yr. old. He was stepping back into the spotlight after his marriage to Bullock unraveled in the public eye, following the news that he cheated on Bullock with Michelle "Bombshell" McGee. There was nothing bombshell about this person except that terrible haircut which looked like someone with a learning disability cut and colored it.

But if Jesse James and Kat Von D couldn't make it work, no one can. *sarcasm*. Two more quality, top-drawer­, gifted celebritie­s who had a promising future together in a relationsh­ip based on mutual respect and commitment whose love mysterious­ly evaporated­. Now I've lost my belief in love. What's next - Kim Kardashian splitting with that basketball guy? (which will happen). Maybe the tattoo's weren't compatible, who knows why these two gems are now single and why two more people will have to suffer. I think Jesse is looking ahead to what Kat will look like in about 30 years with those tatoo's, a comic book left out in the rain. No one want's to hit that.

Well, Jesse is probably going after Casey Anthony since she is probably single and now childless...it's a win win.

So much for soulmates Jesse being such a stellar guy. Priestly, that one, with all the qualities every woman is looking for...

Kat, what were you thinking, letting that prize catch get away??? RUN! DON'T WALK!

Look, they're all lining up outside his door now...

*sniff* *sniff* *sniff*

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